<p>I'm sure many here are parents of gifted children. I just need to vent a little. My son is identified gifted and perhaps some of the issues he struggles with are typical of a gifted child. He's sometimes very scatterbrained, forgetting to do work, right things down, etc. Sometimes he's lazy or lacks motivation.And since he was very little, he easily gives up when he isn't successful at something the first time he does something. He's just so bright! He's extremely passionate about Forensics (public speaking) and drama and is a solid A/B student. I just feel like I'm being hard on him when I have to fuss at him about overall passion and staying organized. What have others had to deal with having a gifted teen?</p>
<p>My DS1 has a very high IQ, gifted and ADHD. His ADHD (inattentive) and Gifted traits overlapped quite a bit. When he hit middle school we saw the “forgetful /scatter-brained” trends increase and paid to have private testing. Off the charts ADHD with executive functioning issues.</p>
<p>DS2 is 14 yrs old. He was ultra organized. Very methodical in all aspects of life. Once the growth spurts started, he started forgetting things. I don’t see the same level of scatter-brain and I attribute it to “typical teen male.”</p>
<p>Based on my personal experiences, I suggest you look at inattentive ADHD and executive processing issues. Many high IQ kids learn early coping techniques for learning disabilities thus masking the LD issues.</p>
<p>There are some great website resources if you Google Gifted and LD.</p>
<p>Yes, another vote for at least having him checked out for a learning disability. One of my kids is profoundly gifted with a non-verbal learning disability. The asynchrony of her strong intellect with her lack of organization drives me batty – but it is very helpful to understand that there is a disability underlying her issues. You may find your kid doesn’t have a disability at all, but it is worthwhile to check it out.</p>
<p>Longhaul, did you have to medicate your DS or were there non medication coping mechanisms? ADHD did come to mind, but other than the scatterbrainness, I don’t see other signs. He was screened for ADHD when he was 6 and was not ADHD then. That was 10 years ago. My husband tries to explain the teen boy mind to me, but I don’t get it. He jokes that all boys have a “nothing box” that their minds wander into sometimes.</p>
<p>I will definitely research these suggestions.</p>
<p>I don’t think you have to fuss at him about “passion.” When he finds it, he’ll be fine. You need to fuss at him about doing what’s necessary to get high grades in stuff that doesn’t inspire him, because without that his opportunities will be restricted.</p>
<p>You didn’t mention how old your son is, but I did want to relate my own experience with my own son, who is now a successful sophomore in college. During middle school and through sophomore year of high school, he was also “scatterbrained.” He could master material easily and perform well on tests, both standardized and in school. He was also identified as gifted. High school grades freshman and sophomore year were mostly B’s, siimply because he did not hand in homework (or handed it in late). I had to drive to neighboring schools several times because he left his backpack at tennis matches! We even took him to an organizational specialist to work on those skills (writing down all assignments; keeping his backback neat, etc.).<br>
Through some sort of motivational or developmental change, he began to pull it together junior year and was extremely successful from then on. Frankly, I think he was motivated by seeing his peers showing interest in college, and feeling the need to compete. I realized then that, at least in his case, the change was (1) largely developmental, and (2) was not going to be a result of anything that my husband and I could say as parents. (You’ve probably already discovered that parental pressure and confrontation doesn’t help any of this!). His junior and senior year grades were far better than the first half of high school, and he’s doing extremely well in college (though he’s lost his backpack at least twice to my knowledge!).</p>
<p>My son is a junior in high school, he is 16. He had very similar issues to Blvdmom’s son when he was in 8th and 9th grade - not doing homework, but acing tests, being a bit disengaged. Those issues began to dramatically get better second semester of 9th grade. We chalked it up to puberty. So moving forward he’s been doing well in school, engaged in EC’s, really trying. His frustration (and ours) is his lack of organization and forgetfulness. My husband and I have worked really hard to share ideas and concepts on organization - but if he forgets to write something down - what can we do? I’m going to reach out again to his high school’s gifted resource teacher for some guidance.</p>
<p>For my sons, who after testing fell into the gifted category also tended to be all over the place. Middle son, who would forget to tie shoes, wore flip flops ALL THE TIME. I picked up at the $1 store a packet of 3 mini composition notebooks. Small enough to fit into a shorts or jeans front/back pocket, or for later dress shirt pocket.</p>
<p>The notebook is really tiny, fits easily into the palm of his hand. He wrote everything in it. School stuff, EC stuff, phone numbers, names of people…I now own buckets of written in notebooks (son knows there is “important” stuff in them!!!</p>
<p>It became son’s coping mechanism all throughout high school, college and beyond. And he did become much more organized, enough to graduate valedictorian, graduate with honors from an Ivy, obtain THREE more undergrad degrees, attend med school with a scholie and now a full fellowship for his MBA.</p>
<p>He carries those mini notebooks in his white doctor’s coat and they fit into his scrub pockets. Writes everything in them!!</p>
<p>I stock up on them every time I am in the $1 store, 3 in a package for $1. Worth their weight in gold.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>Of course he should keep working on writing everything down. I assume he has a planner? But if he is forgetting sometimes, many teachers these days also post assignments online, or send emails to their students. Is he taking advantage of any of this? Some high school teachers distribute a detailed syllabus at the beginning of each quarter giving the homework for the entire quarter. Does he have any sheets like this? It would be a good idea to scan it so you have a record in case it gets lost. Now, for each class where he does not have such options, he needs a study buddy, a helpful friend in the class who he can call up on a regular basis to make sure he’s on track with all the assignments. Whenever he looks in his planner and doesn’t see anything written for homework, he makes those calls to make sure he didn’t miss anything.</p>
<p>Kids like technology.</p>
<p>Can your son use his computer (or smartphone) as a reminder notebook? </p>
<p>I’m scatterbrained, and I let my computer do a lot of the nagging for me. I arrange for Google Calendar to send me e-mails a day or two before an event, so I won’t miss it. And I keep a lot of my lists in the computer now, rather than on a piece of paper in my pants pocket.</p>
<p>Of course, in high school, your son may not be allowed to use a smartphone or any other personal device at school. But in college, his access will be much less restricted.</p>
<p>Is it worse when your son has friends over? My husband says about our 14-year-old when his buddies are over: “One boy/One brain. 2 boys/half-a brain. 3 boys/no brain.”</p>
<p>Another with a gifted son with high IQ and ADHD. He uses a program called Evernote that’s free and can be installed on multiple devices - computer, smartphone, etc. That is working decently well for him - at least when he remembers to use it. </p>
<p>It’s getting a little easier for him now that he’s a junior in college but oh my. It’s been quite a journey.</p>
<p>I have two boys and am sympathetic. You have been given a lot of good advice already. I would follow up on the LD idea, continue to offer organization tips, and also be ready to see this as a maturity issue. Don’t lose hope!</p>
<p>My older son was terribly smart and terribly spacey. I didn’t worry about it until he hit middle school and was up until midnight finishing homework. Until then I though it was just the way he was; dreamy, distracted, both present and absent at the same time. After a few late nights, I started greeting him at the front door in the afternoons and having him list for me everything he had to do that evening: homework, sports and music lessons, TV time, friends. Over the course of a few weeks he got a feel for how long tasks would take and remembered all the tasks he had to do and was okay. Sure there were hiccups, like when he started playing more sports and had less free time, but he learned how to adjust his schedule on his own. </p>
<p>Younger son was never as spacey but has taken longer to get organized. I see him as a typical teenaged boy, a guy who would rather hang with friends and watch sports on TV than work. I give him ideas on how to stay on track, but he has to have the desire. He is the kind of kid who has to fail and learn the hard way the importance of being organized.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone. This is all helpful. Many of your suggestions we have tried or are starting. Just last night my DH sat down with DS and they loaded a new calendar/organizer program on sons laptop that has reminders, etc. you can set. Son doesn’t have a smartphone, but it’s being considered, as that would allow him to type in notes and see his calendar on the go when he doesn’t have his laptop. His school does use planners and last year when he started forgetting homework or to take things to school he needed, we had him get teachers to initial everything. His school has alternating A and B days, so even the most organized would find that challenging to keep up with.</p>
<p>Sigh, you must have been listening to our discussion this morning. I have two gifted kids and both have their “complications.” My eldest, when engaged is a thing of beauty. Her passion, focus, drive and ability is astounding. At 16, she has college instructors struggling to keep up with her and yet, they just love her. She can make years of progress in days and bubbles over with enthusiasm. However, if she’s not engaged or doesn’t respect the work there is no motivation and thus I feel like we have to freaking DRAG her through the mud of life. Applying to college has been PAINFUL and way harder than it needed to be. That’s done but she’s totally lost momentum. She got into several schools already with fantastic merit (which is crucial) but she won’t freaking do what it takes to sign-up for the honors programs… even if it’s just returning an email. There are scholarships for which she is a high candidate but she’s not doing the work. She’s holding out for these top schools where she has over-the-top expectations of but overall GPA is likely going to kill her chances at all the top schools she’s looking at (long story but we discovered the hard way what happens to her when she’s not being intellectually challenged.) I’m done. I’ve told her I’m done. I laid out this morning that if she doesn’t do the work, she’ll be at the local state school and living at home because that is what we can afford out-of-pocket. Of course, she won’t even be in their honors program because she hasn’t done the work she was personally invited to do. Again, Sigh. I’m venting and that doesn’t help you but I get it. Such a huge frustration.</p>
<p>My youngest is 13 and I worry about him a lot less. He has major organizational issues. He’ll do all the work and simply forget to turn it in. No amount of folders or planners helps (because, you still have to “think” to look at the planner or put the homework in a special folder.) However, I think it’ll be OK. We had him in a good place until puberty and I hope once his hormones have settled a bit, we’ll be able to get him back there. </p>
<p>Anyway, good luck to you. I know, it’s all sort of a “first world problem” sort of thing. I watch friends with kids with REAL challenges and I feel bad for being so frustrated but it IS hard to watch a smart kid be held back by their own inability to keep track of their stuff… or ability to motivate themselves in the “non-passion” areas.</p>
<p>My older daughter is organizationally challenged. In elementary school, she was the kid who would do a beautiful job on the homework, and then, two weeks later, I’d find it crumpled up in the bottom of her backpack, never handed in. When she reached 5th-6th grade and these habits began to affect her grades she took more notice, and has made great progress. But it’s still very trying at times, and even as a senior, she still has the occasional F for missed homework. We also have A and B days, and one thing she found helpful was to keep all her work in a single large binder. It means hauling around a lot of unnecessary stuff. But it also means that she doesn’t forget which items she needs on which days, or miss handing in assignments which are in the other binder, and that is very helpful for the organizationally challenged.</p>
<p>Lost internet before I could finish.</p>
<p>What makes it harder for me is that I am so not like the boys. At their ages I was the first one up in the morning, made my own breakfast, got myself to school, just attacked each day with vigor and organization. I have had to to learn to put myself in their shoes and think like someone different. </p>
<p>Just hang in there. This is a long term skill he is learning. He may get it and be set, like my older son, who does not need my help at all anymore, or it may be a process, like my younger son, who slips in and out of being capable.</p>
<p>I do not know about gifted or not. I told my D. that she is not goin to her sport practice unless all school work is done. She absolutely loved her pracitces, would not miss it for the world. I told her that ONE time in her life when she was 5 y o. The girl ended up with no “B” ever from kindergarten thru graduating from college, staright A’s. Never thought about gifted or not, we never did any type of testing. She is just extremely hard working person. If something is very challenging, she just would work much harder, even doing something that she absolutely hate with all her heart. I believe that her sport has pushed her to be this way. However, she was always loaded with many comletely un-related after school activities, at 7 y o, she had 5 different activities, lots of dinners in a car, but never ever she went to bed after 10pm, not even in HS during school year, this was the rule in our house. She ended up being very accomplished in both her sport and music, but did not pursue sport at college for the lack of time, graduated with the Music Minor though and currently is at Med. School.
Anyway, I believe gifter or not, all have passions. Well, if we parents., find the way to positively manipulate the kid’s passions, many things could be achieved.</p>
<p>Turtle time - so glad you chimed in. I can totally relate. Our children sound very similar.</p>