Enjoying the stories about Santa. I remember when I was 6 and my parents bought me an electronics kit for my birthday that fall. I was determined to prove Santa didn’t exist and on Christmas Eve I built a circuit with an alarm using aluminum foil on my bedroom door that would go off when Santa came in with presents. Parents were not amused!
But to the main point of the thread, I recall being a voracious reader and my parents found that bringing me factual stuff held my attention best (otherwise I would just read a novel straight through in a single day) - I was particularly interested in science so they gave me a high school chemistry textbook at 7. And lots of math puzzles. Computer programming held my attention as a teen. On the other hand I never cared for music or foreign languages.
You can definitely start Sudoku early, our youngest enjoyed it at age 4 or 5. And apples and oranges puzzles (simultaneous equations, 1 apple and 2 oranges cost X, 3 apples and 4 oranges cost Y) at age 5 or 6. Our kids also obsessed about atlases. Quizzing them on flags of the world is still fun.
We had this problem, too! Kiddo wrote a questionnaire for the Tooth Fairy, and then did a handwriting analysis on the response. He used a sample of my writing, and thankfully dad wrote the response. We were both impressed and terrified.
We took my D22 to Disneyland when she was 6. In the middle of the day, she asked me, “Is Mickey Mouse real?” Unsure how to answer, I responded, “What do you think?” She reflected and then exclaimed, “I think he is!” My take from that exchange was that she had her doubts at an intellectual level but, being 6 and dreamy, she wanted to believe in it.
My D22 told me recently that she doubted the existence of the Tooth Fairy early on but didn’t want to spoil it for us! She said she recognized our handwriting and also that we had reused an envelope - yes, we’re cheap!
While these guidelines could be representative of “typical” gifted children, your experience could be very different from the guidelines. Ours certainly was.
For example, our son didn’t question Santa at age 2. Well, he didn’t question anything, because he was completely nonverbal until about 30 months. Our daycare’s nurse was very worried and recommended seeing a speech pathologist.
As @blossom wrote above, a good pediatrician is key. Our son’s wise old pediatrician has seen literally thousands of kids grow up, and he wasn’t the least bit worried about my son’s delayed speech. He had actually identified my son as very bright at the six-month wellness visit based upon how he was observing the room, telling us at that time “you won’t have to save money for his college”, something he had not said about my older daughter. When it came to his delayed speech, he told us that our son is fully understanding everything and that when he is ready to talk, you won’t be able to get him to stop. He was right about that as my son went from nonverbal to complete sentences within a few months. And as for Santa, my son believed in that until almost age 10.
That parallels my son’s later reading, which then exploded. Kids have their own mysterious timetables. I also wonder if some kids retain belief in Santa and other magical things because part of giftedness might sometimes be a vivid imagination. Clearly there are many kinds of giftedness and many ways for it to manifest. Psychologists will attempt to codify but every brain is different!
I also love Howard Gardner’s work on multiple intelligences, and giftedness would be involved in all of them, not just verbal or mathematical.
I was a very early reader and placed into gifted programs later.
But when I was 5 or 6, my younger (far more profoundly gifted) brother figured out the truth about Santa. My mom confessed he was right, told me also, and said, “But you already knew, didn’t you?”
My S never “believed” in Santa. He said it was not logical when he was a preschooler. I knew he really didn’t believe when we were able to get him to stop explaining to his younger sister how Santa couldn’t exist when he was 4 (and she was 2).
We tried to follow our kids’ lead and had all sorts of resources the kids could do what they wanted with. They and we all loved libraries and bookstores and wide open spaces. National parks and park rangers were favorites for them.
The kids were supposed to teach the other kids something for preschool so S wanted to teach them origami, which he had been enjoying for some time. His teacher gently said nope, it was not appropriate for that age to have to follow precise instructions to get it right, so S opted to make all of them origami hats, have the kids decorate them and March around in a ”parade.” They seemed to have fun.
Screentime can be a slippery slope. My child’s brain just craves information. He’s the kind of kid that would have read encyclopedias and scientific journals in the pre screen days. However, he is visually dyspraxic and reading is tedious for him. While he was never a gamer or whatever it is other kids do on the internet, he did endlessly search for things that interested him. Being 2E (Gifted/ADHD) the need to get more and more information, faster and faster became almost like a hit of heroin for him and he started developing a screen addiction in 6th grade. As one doctor put it “information coming from the computer and not filtered through the amygdala (for an ADHD gifted kid) lights up his brain in the same way that sex, drugs or food might for someone with an addiction” It was really hard to get help because since it wasn’t gaming no one saw it as a problem. We actually hit a crisis point and had to go cold turkey. It was like taking drugs away from an addict. After a year of strict guidelines (computer must be used in the kitchen and with a purpose such as setting up an experiment to actually do rather than watch or actually building something rather than just watching it get built), we now have a child with better computer management skills than most of his peers.
The best advice I can give is to NOT focus on adacemic achievement. Focus on challenge rather than “grade” or “standings”. Focus on “soft skills”, social competency and grit. Gifted kids are going to learn and usually pretty easily. But they will face challenges at times and often give up because they don’t know how to push through them. Some become so afraid of failure that they get labeled “gifted underachievers”. Make sure they can work in a group (often difficult when you know the material and other group members are struggling or unmotivated), ask for help, know the difference between completing a project for a grade (following the rubric) and completing it for growth and how their choices will affect them. Teach them how to advocate for themselves and how to develop interests outside of academics. Teach them to form and value relationships with peers that aren’t built on any kind of academic status. Provide lots of extracurricular activities and travel(even within your own geographic area) that explore other cultures, nature, the arts, etc to synthesize ideas and concepts.
All of those things will come way later for you. Also, be okay with the fact that maybe your kid isn’t gifted, but just an awesome, smart, inquisitive kid. I’ll take an inquisitive kid over an unmotivated gifted kid any day if I have to bet on future success. I’ve known many early readers (especially those that are great with word attack skills but not so great with comprehension) that are mistakenly labeled “gifted”. Some of these kids develop their identity around it and are shattered when the rest of the strong readers catch up. Usually, the kids recover. The parents, however…
I’d like nothing more than for him to not be gifted. Truly, it would make my life easier to not have to seek out additional opportunities for him.
I’ll say this once again: I have no interest in having him labeled or him knowing about any labels. I really just want to help the kid I have. Nothing more, nothing less.
I was a gifted kid without a label. I have a PhD now so clearly I did fine. But I grew up poor and didn’t have enrichment opportunities I think I really could’ve benefited from. We’re in a better position financially than my parents were and if I can give Ren more than what I had, awesome. If he doesn’t end up needing or wanting it, that’s awesome too.
I agree with this. My mom friends from our kids’ preschool stil remember the mom who told us that we were “lucky” that we could send out kids to “any elementary school” but the decision was more complicated for her because her son was gifted. We never saw that he had any more gifted signs than some of the other kids - this was a university preschool where most of the kids had pretty good home environments with books, travel, multiple languages. He did end up going to American University so not a slouch. I’m not saying he wasn’t gifted, LOL.
I think its great to have a kid with early interests in reading, clear speech, etc. We had one like that but we always wanted to focus on the social aspect (we signed our kids up for lots of sports but probably should have included more music as well) instead of signing our kid like this for the chess club.
I hope we hear more about romanigypsyeyes child!
Considering we’ve been in a global pandemic for his entire life, I think I have a pretty nice, social kid. He has no problem socializing with strangers (the few he’s encountered) and had no problem being taken to daycare or anywhere else.
I don’t know why there seems to be a thread here that I’m solely or even mostly focused on his “academics.” Here’s a random post I have on another thread about him:
Yes, I’m definitely having a blast with him. He has absolutely no fear of anything which is terrifying. He is constantly trying to find new and innovative ways to hurt himself. He managed to chip most of his front tooth off… and I’m still not entirely sure how.
But he also has an enormous love of meeting new people and taking on new things. When we go to parks and pools, he just straight up tries to join new families . He has befriended all of the lifeguards and goes and “talks” to them at the pool.
I really lucked out with him for the most part. He’s an easy going baby and even when he’s cranky, he’s easy to calm with a song.
I turned here because when I went to places dedicated to gifted kids, the parents were terrifying. They were trying to prove their kid was the next Tesla and that’s just not something I have interest in. So I figured I’d try here because it’s not a place /dedicated/ to giftedness - it just happens to have parents of advanced kids.
This is very true. I have one of each. A profoundly gifted kid may not really find any peers in their school. The gifted program will probably be a bandaid at best. (It was great for my younger son.)
My older son came home every day from elementary school complaining he didn’t learn anything new. (He did actually learn some things he was less interested in learning like writing.) I’d offer to homeschool, but he had friends and there were things he liked like band. Middle school he found a home with the Math Counts Team and in high school he was got involved with Science Olympiad. At six he discovered computer programming and never looked back. There was not a single other kid in a high school of 3000 that he could talk to about programming or some of the weird math books he read.
College was a revelation. He was seriously challenged, but also found people who got him.
People used to think we pushed him, no, he pulled us.
I’m sure your kid will be fine, all I can say, is be sympathetic, find things outside school where he can spread his wings. Enjoy the ride!
I have seen the many comments on this thread that seem to frustrate you because they suggest you are focused on things you aren’t. I don’t get that you are focused on wanting Ren to be gifted, or worried about social skills or anything like that. I read those posts as musings for parents of gifted kids overall, knowing that other parents of gifted kids are out there. It is more generic advice than pointed at you.
The takeaway I hope you are getting is that Ren is awesome and you are doing a great job.
NOT making any judgments about anyone’s personal choices (Romani worked so hard and through so many medical challenges to have Ren, and she and her DH are doing a great job) but this medscape article just happened to pop up in my feed and thought it was timely in light of the recent discussion. Food for thought for our kids/grandkids Screen Time in First Year May Raise Autism Risk at Age 3
Um, no. No, I did not.
. He has befriended all of the lifeguards and goes and “talks” to them at the pool.