<p>Best piece of wisdom ever passed on to me: When my boys were still toddlers, my priest (Episcopal, so married, with grown kids) told me that a parent’s main job, forever, is just to keep saying over and over again, “It’s going to be okay.”</p>
<p>Which, I’m just realizing, translates nicely to text for a teen: urok. So there you go. :)</p>
<p>True dat…</p>
<p>Great thread. Thanks for all the insightful posts. Thanks 2kids for book recommendations. Just ordered them on Amazon :)</p>
<p>
i’m willing to be a minority of one on that. a very wise good friend once remarked that it’s terribly sad to see our kids falling behind so much of the world, achievement-wise, while remaining #1 in the world for self-esteem. go figure…</p>
<p>Interesting…I don’t see that as a self-esteem statement, but as an expression of hope, when they’re facing the inevitable struggles that will come their way, that things will turn out alright in the end, that they should “keep calm and carry on.” However, my u r ok text message could definitely be read as a mindless affirmation–thus further affirming my dislike of texting!</p>
<p>I see it as equivalent to “don’t sweat the small stuff.”</p>
<p>Periwinkle–better yet…and what I just needed to tell my stressed out kid on the phone. :)</p>
<p>i was not making a blanket condemnation of urok. like others here, we spend a lot of phone time buoying our kid’s spirits too. however, there are also some times when a 15 year old kid really needs a kick in the butt as well. yes, it’s painful for us to have to do that from a distance, but we normally receive notes of sincere gratitude sometime later - and it does have the desired positive effect too.</p>
<p>An advantage of sharing the child rearing with a good boarding school is the minimization of coddling and false self-esteem.</p>
<p>Good point…everyone needs a good kick in the patootie once in a while. The second half of “It’s going to be all right” around our house is pretty often, “So enough already!!”</p>
<p>I LOVE parenting by text, email, and phone. When daughter calls saying room mate dropped her last clean bath towel(accidently) in the toilet, and she has to shower and get ready right NOW for something important, and What on Earth is she supposed to do?? …instead of freaking out, dropping everything to come to her rescue, I can be …“chill”.
Let her figure out solutions.
I could write a book just based on our texts. I feel in so many ways we are more connected, but less immediately dependent on each other.</p>
<p>^^Nice point, Sadie2. Sometimes having the kid at boarding school <em>forces</em> us as parents to take a much-needed step back, and let the natural consequences teach the lesson.</p>
<p>I love “more connected but less immediately dependent on each other.” Exactly. Thank you!</p>
<p>It’s great except when they (for the first time since they were 12) lose their phone and you rush to get to the post office before it closes so you can overnight one of your old phones after transferring the number only to have them call that evening to say, “Guess what! I found my phone. Can you put my number back on it?”</p>
<p><em>screams into the refrigerator</em></p>
<p>Ah, well. There is an extra phone there for the next time it’s lost (and found).</p>
<p>Today my D and I looked at prom dresses together…her on her computer, I on mine…1500 miles apart. We chose one too!</p>
<p>Neato - that’s hilarious. I’m laughing so hard right now (especially since I just spoke with the mechanic at our car dealer who said the same thing just happened to her with her daughter who is in the Marines).</p>
<p>Neatoburrito - your texts always make me smile! Our sons are 2 peas in a pod - you are not alone in your “screaming into the refrigerator” experiences. Been there, done that at the post office, more than once, and he is only a prep!</p>
<p>As much as I miss seeing my son everyday, and as much as I feel like I am being cheated out of experiencing high school with him, I know that our decision to let him go to bs was the right decision for him… and I am starting to think for me. My son is not, shall we say, verbose when it comes to telling me things. He is kind of a need to know basis guy. He gets annoyed at me for trying to get him to talk and tell me things. When he is at school we text every night about his day - he gives me the high and low, and we talk on Sundays…unless something happens during the week he wants to talk about. I have learned that he really does want to share with me…the things that are important to him. I have learned to be ok with not knowing all the details. We get along better now than ever. Breaks have been wonderful - he is grateful he gets to go to bs and understands it is hard on me. I could NOT believe how much he told me when he was home! I think in the long run, even though I will always miss not seeing him everyday, that parenting via text, email, phone calls, and catching up on vacations will be the best way I could have dreamed of parenting this child!</p>
<p>Beach-I am so in agreement with you. I spent a lot of hours (sometimes I wonder if too many–lol) with my d before bs. I home-schooled 6th-8th grade. It was wonderful for both of us during those years. I love her at bs. She is so happy academically and loves her “controlled freedom” . Breaks are great and I find that she appreciates her entire family so much more now that she see it sometimes though the eyes of other teens. She admits that some parents have little to no contact with their kids and she has to skype on sundays. I send care packages that make her laugh, but sometimes she cant share with friends because they cry (they get money in their account but never a card or package). She realizes that even though we are surely not rich, she has gotten spoiled with love, time and attention. </p>
<p>Bs is working great for the both of us. She has even told me that I need to start dating and buy me some new clothes—lol</p>