<p>I treasure the e-mail I got from DS on Tuesday saying he was doing laundry and finishing his homework. Now I know two things are getting done LOL.</p>
<p>My brother is a lucky guy, I guess. My niece always had something to share with us. When she came back, it’s like she was never gone. </p>
<p>conmama, is this the essay you referred to in your post? She really gets to the heart of it, I think. </p>
<p><a href=“http://grownandflown.com/knowing-sons-little-less/”>http://grownandflown.com/knowing-sons-little-less/</a></p>
<p>I treasure the occasional texts, too, that are little slice of life moments. S will see something he knows I would like and take a picture and send it to me. </p>
<p>I shall happily cling to my mother if that means keeping in touch with her. I can’t imagine not talking to her for one day. I make sure to talk to her throughout the day. Sometimes there are moments where it’s nothing for days, but I try to stay mindful. </p>
<p>Wow.
As a teenager about to start college with a year abroad 5500 miles from home, I’m glad that it seems like popular opinion agrees that my parents will probably notice I’ve gone :).
Then again, as complete Sandwich Generation people, I’m sure they’ll be kept busy enough to possibly not notice TOO much… maybe spare me a thought every now and then.
Just a word from a kid’s perspective- I’m terrified to leave. It sometimes feels like when we start these kinds of huge separations and commitments there’s a kind of unwritten pact with God or something that things won’t change at home. Yes, it’s just teenagers being immature, but knowing that home is waiting the way we left it keeps us going. (I know that when I was in camp for a month, I was in shock to find out that my parents had bought new living room furniture. Don’t mess with MY house, dudes.) But now I know that it’s not going to happen. My grandfather has dementia; it’s possible I’ll come home and he won’t remember me. My grandmother has terminal non-smoker’s lung cancer; it’s possible that I’ll come home and she won’t even be there. And who knows even about the little things at home, what kind of crazy things might happen.
I know that for my parents, the best parenting they can give me is just to keep that connection to home open so that I don’t even feel like I’m gone, so that I don’t feel like I’m coming home to a strange place in January and again in June. Because even if I know that things are going to change, having that thread of connection makes it much easier to assimilate. </p>
<p>Hannah, one thing that you will realize once you leave is that life will never be the same when you come back. Not your room. Not your house. None of the places you frequented. </p>
<p>That was one odd feeling when I came back for the weekends or last summer. It just wasn’t the same and never will be. </p>
<p>To prepare my D going to college, I upgraded our cell phones and data/calling plan as well as our home internet service so that we can effectively communicate whenever needed. My wife had been very reluctant to use tablet and insisted not to use a touch screen phone for last couple years. She suddenly changed her mind and learned to do everything on her iPad and android phone. Now she Whatsapp or video chat with our D everyday. The funny thing is that our D is only living in a dorm 15min away from home. :)</p>
<p>Something to look forward to: :)</p>
<p><a href=“A peek at the winter habits of homo studentus universitatus”>A peek at the winter habits of homo studentus universitatus;
<p>I was separated from my family for 4 months and we almost got divorced. By time I got back ALL of my possessions were in plastic garbage bags in the basement. Pretty unsettling. That was 4 years ago and I still haven’t gotten through all the bags.</p>
<p>I have known these kids since they were five. We have been FB friends since we allowed them to have accounts at 12 (yes 12, all the moms got on to monitor them). All of the girls and us moms are friends, just so we can share pics. They don’t post anything of importance on their account anyway. They use Instagram, Snapchat or whatever else they use to stay away from adult prying eyes. I don’t have or want access to any of those accounts.</p>
<p>My mom was driving me nuts, so I stopped calling her. The problem was likely that her relationship with her older children, two of whom were back in the house after college, were stressing her out. </p>
<p>My parents weren’t ones for talking at all, so not much was lost there. My dad now (many many years later) seems to try to compensate by being very chatty. It’s not welcome because he really was not there when I was in HS and the years before and after.</p>
<p>So I don’t know what I will end up with, as my eldest is going off to college next year (probably). I have two more, and they talk A LOT so I don’t know how much I’ll miss the oldest one. He has already spent time away from homes at residential camps up to a week or more, so I think the first time that happened (age 12), I was more upset than I would be next year.</p>
<p>I haven’t figured out yet exactly how parenting will be different, but it already feels so different without our D at home. I keep setting three places at the table and finding her things around the house, and yet the house just feels so empty without her.</p>
<p>Since D deferred college a few years for her athletic career and lived at home during that time, we had her with us much longer than if she had started college “on time.” For us, it was a gift. It also allowed us an easy way to merge parenting with relating to our D as an adult. That hasn’t made the transition any less emotional, though.</p>
<p>Right now, D is calling every day. There is so much that is new and exciting, and she seems to want to share it with us. (It’s hard to underestimate how different being in school is from training at least eight hours a day in a sport.) Besides that, she is so thrilled to find out that she hasn’t missed a beat academically that she wants to share her classroom experience with us, too. We assume the calls and texts will taper off in time, but right now we are relishing it.</p>
<p>I am thinking back thirty years to when H and I decided we would call our parents every week without fail, and how much it meant to H’s parents and still means to my parents now. We also made the decision that D would speak to them weekly from the time she could use a phone. When she called my parents from college that first weekend, and said she still planned to call every week, they were beside themselves. My dad called to thank us. He said he hadn’t had that kind of relationship with his own grandparents and hadn’t done anything to facilitate that kind of relationship between my grandparents and me. He said it meant everything to him. I think it has meant everything to our D as well.</p>
<p>It amazes me when I think that when my parents were young, a long distance call was a luxury. They didn’t even call family or friends when I was born–they sent telegrams! (I actually have all the telegrams and responses now.) It makes me so grateful for cell phones, texting, email, and Skype, and I thought I was a modern day Luddite!</p>
<p>I remember getting snail mail letters from my mom when I was in college! Wow!</p>
<p>The first time I ever heard the word “Skype” was at a parent session at D’s freshman orientation (this was back in 2009). It’s been wonderful, although by far our most frequent mode of communication has always been text, often with pictures. </p>
<p>She always wants to see the critters when we Skype. Once when she was a sophomore, after we had displayed one of the cats, the cat jumped up on the desk and carefully examined the back of the laptop screen, as if looking for D. We managed to get a picture which I love, showing D’s face on the screen and the cat standing behind the computer looking VERY puzzled!</p>
<p>LasMa, I imagine those letters would be a treasure to you, now. I do bemoan the loss of written communication, and try to treat email somewhat the same way–I keep an email folder for every regular correspondent. Somehow, it’s not quite the same, though!</p>
<p>I ended up adding texting when my older D was in college (after the first month I had to pay an additional $70 for her texts). The thing that got me was she wasn’t texting us, she was texting her friends down the hall at college. :-? </p>
<p>I know this will sound really dumb, but the hardest part for me has been that my daughter has seemingly slid right into college life with no hiccups whatsoever. I guess I was kind of hoping she’d have a little homesickness and need me to help her through, but nope. She loves her dorm, loves her roommate, has made dozens of friends, joined archery, and is even loving her classes and her first ever job. She did let me know that it was “ok” if I wanted to come visit now that she’s all settled in, though, so maybe she does miss me and just doesn’t want to say so.</p>
<p>These posts break my heart and comfort me at the same time. My only daughter is a HS senior this year. I feel like she is already gone based on how much I get to see her. I’m cherishing this last year and trying to let her grow as she needs to in order to be ready for truly being on her own. </p>
<p>I lost my mom a few weeks ago and I wish I still had her to talk to about this stuff! I wish I could tell her I now know how she must have felt with me. </p>
<p>Oh WWmama, so sorry about your mama. My Mom is turning 80 this year, and I am trying to savor our time together, and plan special time to be together. </p>
<p>Anyone find “Find iPhone” app helpful? We have that feature turn-on on his iPhone & Macs, not only it’s handy if those devices lost but we also know where he’s about and how late he stays up using the Macs.</p>