<p>Suburban Parents Breathe a Stateside Sigh of Relief </p>
<p>Lombard couple happy to have kids home but brace for their possible return to Iraq</p>
<p>By Kathryn Grondin
Daily Herald Staff Writer
Posted Wednesday, July 05, 2006 </p>
<p>Even when both of her children were in harms way in Iraq, Danette Grider couldnt stop watching military programs on TV be they news shows or dramas.</p>
<p>You have to, she says. You want to know whats going on.</p>
<p>Some days were easier than others for Grider and her husband, Terry, when the Lombard couples 26-year-old son, TJ, and 29-year-old daughter, Melissa Ringhisen, both captains in the Army, were stationed in different hostile areas of Iraq at the same time.</p>
<p>TJ Grider, based on the West Coast, has done two stints in the Middle Eastern country. He served in Baqouba, north of Baghdad, from March 2004 to March 2005 as a platoon leader of the Armys 1st Infantry Division. He returned to the country more recently with an elite team of Rangers but didnt give specifics for security reasons.</p>
<p>Based out of Georgia, daughter Melissa arrived in Iraq in January 2005 and worked military intelligence in Baghdad until last January.</p>
<p>They were both in pretty hostile areas, Terry Grider said. That was a very difficult time.</p>
<p>Danette Grider recalled several tense moments.</p>
<p>When TJ first went over there we heard a helicopter had gone down, and we didnt know where, and I panicked, she said. It turned out he was still in Kuwait. He hadnt gone up yet.</p>
<p>TJ Griders platoon fought in close to 30 firefights, he said. The platoon would be out on combat patrols and insurgents would ambush the American troops with a hit and run style attack. Then the American troops and their allies would try to pursue the aggressors, who sometimes were difficult to trail, he said.</p>
<p>Theyre not wearing uniforms. They can easily attack you and then merge back into the general society, the general population, Grider said. It definitely was pretty crazy.</p>
<p>His more recent stint was a little more unnerving for family because everything was top-secret. </p>
<p>All he could do was say, Im OK. He cant even tell us what the weather is. Anybody listening in on the phone call can know where he is, his mom said. Wed tell him whats going on at home.</p>
<p>Even for Ringhisen, who had access to some information while she was there, times could be unsettling.</p>
<p>I would see reports on things going on in TJs area, she said. Wed try to find out what unit was involved and if it was his. Im sure my parents were going nuts. He was probably worrying more about me than himself. I was more worried about him.</p>
<p>Working in military intelligence, Ringhisens time was mostly spent in a relatively safe area rather than the frontlines. An assistant intelligence officer for the brigade of 4,000 soldiers, she compiled tips and other information and recommended what actions the American troops should take like where to dig for weapons caches or conduct raids in the eastern half of Baghdad.</p>
<p>She also helped plot Operation Squeeze Play, a roughly six-week effort to stop car bombs from entering Baghdad.</p>
<p>Military reports indicated 285 suspects were detained just the first day. Ringhisen said fewer car bombs exploded for a while afterward, and some equipment was seized.</p>
<p>Tense phone calls</p>
<p>Danette Grider could tell the fighting wasnt far off as she could hear it blast through the phone.</p>
<p>One time, we were on the phone with her and we heard this loud bomb go off, Grider recalled. She said to hold on and put the phone down. I was screaming into the phone. </p>
<p>It turned out enemies had set off an explosive outside the compound, but no one was hurt that day.</p>
<p>It was scary to be over there, said Ringhisen, who finished her tour there commanding a brigade troop battalion of 140 people. But the reality is something could happen to you anywhere. Some days wed think the odds werent much greater in Baghdad than they were at home.</p>
<p>During those rough periods, the Griders said they trusted that their children were trained well and knew what they were doing. They also relied on other military families who could understand their situation.</p>
<p>We have it easier than they had it years ago, when they didnt have e-mail and it could take a while before you hear anything, Danette Grider said. Were not the only ones. We know a lot of people whose kids have gone through West Point. We feel for everyone. You worry about everybodys kids.</p>
<p>Not all interactions were hostile for either of the Lombard natives.</p>
<p>TJ Grider counts himself lucky to have witnessed Iraqs first elections in January 2005.</p>
<p>I was pretty impressed with how successful they were, he said. There werent any huge attacks. A lot of Iraqis turned out, and they were excited to vote.</p>
<p>He added, Its like anywhere else you go. Theres going to be good people and bad people, corrupt people and people with good intentions.</p>
<p>Ringhisen participated in a few humanitarian aid deliveries, including one where she and a group dropped off 10 boxes of school supplies at a girls school. The students appreciated the items and were awed at seeing a female officer, she said. And working alongside some of the Iraqi military, she was impressed by their attitude.</p>
<p>They were proud to be part of improving the country and were saying, I hope you come back when its a tourist attraction. You can see the real Baghdad. This is not the real Baghdad, she recalled. To meet someone so optimistic when they are living in a war zone is just amazing.</p>
<p>Stateside for now</p>
<p>The siblings, who both attended Willowbrook High School in Villa Park and the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, are stateside now. But they both realize they might be deployed to Iraq again.</p>
<p>Anyone in the military, theres always a chance they could go back, TJ Grider said.</p>
<p>For now, the siblings are enjoying their time with their families.</p>
<p>Grider is married, and he and wife Amanda have a 2½-year-old son, Jack. Ringhisen and husband John have a 3-year-old son, Patrick.</p>
<p>Grider knew early on, at just 7, he says, that he wanted to go to West Point and pursue a military career. </p>
<p>As a kid, like many young boys, Grider found the prospect of blowing things up and shooting stuff appealing. His dad always expressed a healthy respect for the military, and watching the Army-Navy football game was an annual Grider family tradition. A good academic program and a chance to wrestle at the collegiate level also played into his decision, he said.</p>
<p>He now appreciates the camaraderie and the sense that youre having an impact on world events.</p>
<p>Ringhisens interest didnt pique until later.</p>
<p>A zealous and persistent college recruiter is responsible for her decision to attend West Point and ultimately join the military long term. In part on a whim, shed attended a summer program at the elite school while still in high school. </p>
<p>Id heard about West Point so much, I thought Id check it out, she said. Its worth a shot to check it out.</p>
<p>She said the experience was interesting but she didnt think it was for her. She reconsidered only after a recruiter wouldnt stop hounding her.</p>
<p>I filled out all the applications just to get him to leave me alone, she said. </p>
<p>She then reconsidered after hearing West Point was so interested in her that it would allow her to retake a physical test shed failed.</p>
<p>I was a straight-A student applying to multiple major universities, all of which seemed indifferent as to whether I would attend, she said, and here was a school with a strong academic program that thought I was exactly what they wanted.</p>
<p>Though she hadnt gone camping much while growing up, she discovered she liked going into the field, as well as shooting weapons. She also found that she had some leadership skills, in addition to an ability to break down an M60 machine gun in less than two minutes.</p>
<p>She likes her journey so much that her next assignment is grad school, after which shes heading to West Point to teach the next generation for a few years.</p>
<p>Were really proud of them, said Terry Grider, a retired teacher and football coach at York High School in Elmhurst.</p>
<p>With both their children stateside for now, Terry and Danette Grider are sleeping a bit easier in their Tudor-style home in Lombard.</p>
<p>I think our happiest day was when we took our star out of our window, Danette said.</p>
<p>While that sign of having a relative serving in a hostile area came down, another symbol, one recognizing soldiers still serving in the Middle East, remains.</p>
<p>We have a flag outside and we have a spotlight on it every night, Danette Grider said. It will stay out there until they bring all of the soldiers home. And Im hoping thats very, very soon.</p>
<p><a href="mailto:kgrondin@dailyherald.com">kgrondin@dailyherald.com</a></p>