<p>Grejuni, I understand that, especially living in a city of nearly 5 million, traffic is a pain, but I knew that when I had them and view that as part of parenting. I am not so eager to sign them up for excessive EC's</p>
<p>I was not so eager for EC's either, and I didn't even see it coming since I did about zero myself. (Girls scouts... can't think of anything else... times have changed.)</p>
<p>I realized that the bottleneck between my D and the things she wanted to do was my car. At first, it's choir an hour a week. After a few years, they are doing performances, travelling etc. Same with other EC's - something like "mission creep." Although we had restricted the number of ECs any of our kids could do, some how she outfoxed us.</p>
<p>Part of our parenting style is nightly dinners with cloth napkins, candles, etc. This semester I have noticed my D is at dinner once a week. How did this happen? I can't remember agreeing to it, but it creeped up on us. At BS she will at least be sitting down with people every night, instead of gobbling up leftovers on her own.</p>
<p>BTW, I would be the last person to second guess another parent's decisions or try to persuade anybody to go to BS that didn't really want to. In fact the reason why I am using CC is that we don't know a single soul who has gone through this process. It's all new to me. :)</p>
<p>I agree, I am also in no position to judge what is best for anyone else because everyone's situation and choices are unique. I think we are all just sharing perspectives in hopes of better understanding the choices of others.</p>
<p>This needed to come up to the top again...</p>
<p>Any more cold footers out there? As we lead in to the last 6 weeks or so of school, the pressure from D's current peer group to stay is ratcheting up. Even her GC was trying to persuade her to change her mind. (Note to GC: the contract has been signed. Forget it.) Everyone at school is picking out their HS classes and comparing notes. D is left out. </p>
<p>Is this transition period hard for other people too? What helps?</p>
<p>I was a student that was going through a similair process (not a prep school, but a boarding school all the same). I'd been rejected at first and was appealing the decision, and in the last couple weeks I started having a lot of fun at the high school i was at (the bs is only for juniors and seniors). I was pretty sure i would get the decion overturned, as I increased the one criteria that they said was what kept me from being accepted.
It got to the point where a week before the end of school, I'd decided that I wanted to stay at my high school even if I was accepted.
My friends were trying to get me to stay, and it really made me think.
What got me to decide to go was thinking about why I applied in the first place (for me, it was because the education i was getting wasn't what I wanted). that hadn't changed in the last couple weeks, and so it got me looking forward to leaving again.</p>
<p>besides that, there isn't really anything you can do when your kid's friends are perssuring them to stay. my friends still want me to come back (different situation, where people leaving my bs is somewhat common), and it still kind of hurts. if they want to go, though, there friends won't change their decision.</p>
<p>D has been getting some of that too. What I've done is whenever I see one of her friends and have an opportunity to chat, I ask them directly, in front of D, what they think of D going to BS next year. Not one has said "I don't think she should go." Instead I get a variant of "I will miss her but I am really excited that she has this opportunity." I think that's good for her to hear. Of course they all say they plan to come visit.</p>
<p>My son has been feeling the pressure since he first decided to apply. It has become a daily event, especially from the lax coaches. They were planning on my son to be their star player. He still waffles a little bit because his school is 7-12 and he worries that he will miss his friends. His girlfriend isn't saying much and in some ways that makes it worse. </p>
<p>I'm glad that he did an overnight stay so that he could get more of a feel for what the school is like. It made the decision easier.</p>
<p>Up to now when people have asked where my son is going next year, I have acted as if I didn't know. Now that I have started to say "boarding school". I get the horrified look and the "I could never do that!!" One parent even said to me that since I have 5 kids it doesn't matter if one leaves!!! (As if I have a spare???)</p>
<p>I know it would sound nasty, but if someone said that to me, I would be tempted to answer, "Yes, it is sometimes difficult to make such an extreme sacrifice for a child, but I have to think of him and not myself." I don't think some people realize what a gift you are giving to your child. (And could be they are a tad jealous, as well). </p>
<p>I am sorry that your son's coaches, being adults, would send signals like that to him. They should be supporting and encouraging him, and congratulating him as well! My son was an extremely valued player on his club team and they were sorry to see him have to give up his full-time commitment to the program, but they understood what a wonderful opportunity this was for him. Maybe you could gently ask them to not say things to him that might confuse him or cause him to question his decision.</p>
<p>You have to realize that most people don't think before they open their mouths to speak. These people don't realize how hurtful they can be to our children or to us.</p>
<p>WB648, way back at the beginning of this thread I think we discussed the difficulty of others' unthinking statements. Keylyme nailed it. Back when my kids went to summer camp, and parents would say "I could NEVER send my child away," my spouse would look them in the eye and say "that's because I am only thinking about my child, not about myself." The follow up to that was "We are not sending our child away. We are allowing our child to go experience something that we find we cannot provide for him/her here." </p>
<p>Remember that people take it personally when you choose a path different than the one they choose. When you send your kid to boarding school, those who remain take it as a commentary on their choice to stay at the current school. It's a zero sum game - if you're a good parent for sending your child to BS, they are a bad parent for keeping their child in place. </p>
<p>There are some people out there with brains and tact. Those are the ones that say "Good for you!" even if that's not what they are thinking. As for the rest of them - teachers, coaches, etc - you have to decide if they are having an effect on your child. If so, there's nothing wrong with telling them to please stop (or worse).</p>
<p>The transition for our family was much harder than I imagined it would be, mostly on me (the mom). Having said that, by Christmas I was feeling better. But I cried a lot over the summer and fall and regretted the decision many times. Now, I can see how daughter is thriving at school, and I can see the shape of my life without her in it on a daily basis. And it has been easier. </p>
<p>We also got a lot of blowback from her old school about her leaving - I just ignored it completely. I have never felt the need to explain those kinds of things to other people, and their negative uninformed opinions mean zip to me. So THAT did not bother me. What bothered me was my daughter's absence.</p>
<p>Daughter got a lot of sad sighs from peer group and pressure from teachers but she didn't really seem to be bothered by it. She has missed friends though, and tries to maintain those friendships through facebook and seeing everyone when she comes home. However, high school is a changing time for many, and if she were still here, there are chances she would be moving with a different crowd anyway!</p>
<p>Keylyme - the amazing thing to me is that they haven't given up. I have thought about saying something like - thanks for supporting ... in his decision. The problem is that it's subtle like the admissions director telling him to see her if he changes his mind. The JV coach telling him how good the team will be if they all stay together and no one goes to BS. He is very flattered but there is this little doubt in the back of his mind. </p>
<p>Then to top it all off: his girlfriend wouldn't talk to him today. He told her yesterday about his plans....</p>
<p>I just keep reminding him to focus on the reasons that he wanted to go to BS in the first place.</p>
<p>I have a question about sports team in BS.
Everybody have to try-out for the team every year, right ?<br>
We never met or talked to the coach in BS, should we send an e-mail to say hello and something like what S is doing now in sports ?</p>
<p>Warriorboy
My Ds guidance counselor was telling her "you don't sound very sure of your decision, maybe you would like another chance to rethink things". I was wondering whether the GC would like to cover our contract once she talked her out of going.</p>
<p>They made her fill out a form listing her class choices for all 4 years of HS, even though we didn't re-enroll. She tried to get out of it, but they insisted that she do it and do it seriously.</p>
<p><em>sigh</em></p>
<p>arling, </p>
<p>Yes, I would contact the coach, email may be easiest. Fall sports would be the only concern now as you want to make sure your S attends preseason. Every school is a little different but they will probably want all kids to show up together and the coaches will sort out what team your S will be on (JV vs V)</p>
<p>Morris2 - Thank you !</p>
<p>I wondered how you got "invited" to fall season Varsity practice. It doesn't matter to us, just curious as my son will be playing football for the first time, so no need to invite him, we KNOW he'll be JV.</p>
<p>As long as we are talking about athletics...I have a question for you guys who are way more experienced at this than I am.<br>
My daughter is currently in 6th grade and as you know at a Jr. Prep that goes to 9th (as a day student). It is not know for being an athletic school. But she is very talented. In fact even last year in 5th grade the PE teacher said she was the most talented athlete in the lower school (that went over really well with the boys!). This year she played field hockey and lacrosse (and did a little diving/swimming as we made her stop gymnastics, no time). She's starting lacrosse on a team of 6-9th graders and next year will be starting on field hockey "varsity" (typically 8th and 9th) as a 7th grader).
The club teams around here are fair at best, and I don't know what to do to keep her challenged athletically, and if we should be looking elsewhere for a school now? that will put more of a emphasis on it? She's highly motivated academically, so she might do well in the public school, but she's been in the private school since 2nd grade and that would be a huge culture shock to her I think. </p>
<p>I don't know, just kind of thinking out loud...any ideas?</p>
<p>Linda,</p>
<p>As far as girl athletes go, it is difficult to project how they physically mature. Many young girls like mine stop growing young. I have a photograph of her on her boys Peewee (12U) team as a first year player being the tallest on the team at IIRC about 5' 2". Every one of those boys passed her in height within 18 months.</p>
<p>As far as skill development, if she is playing with girls 1-2 years older, that is fine. Beyond that, social problems can arise, negating any skill parity. As long as she isn't the best player by far on her team, her skill development won't be hurt.</p>
<p>Take it one year at a time and re-evaluate annually.</p>
<p>It is good that she is doing multiple sports at her age. Many burn out as single sport athletes (although not goaliegirl). Plus, repetitive and wear injuries are minimized with a diversified sports regimen - a big thing for young ladies who often have more knee problems than young men as they mature.</p>
<p>Looking at your D's sports, I see 2 running/field sports, 1 strength and 1 non-impact endurance sport. Excellent variety. If she wants to add any other cross training sport to her regimen (thinking summer activity here), she might try rock climbing. Builds great hand strength (great for quick hands in both field hockey and lax) as well as core and balance for gymnastics.</p>