<p>Oooh, senior partners sounds like an amazing thing, I will have to see if that is available. She did try hearing aids before and did not like them, found them to be uncomfortable. I just convinced her to get a new set before all the summer company began and keep telling her to wear them all the time. Yesterday I laid low as I thought I heard her visiting with my sister in the morning, turns out it was sister and DH talking, my mother never said a word. Later she told sis that she could not hear them, had not put in her hearing aids yet, did not usually do so until after her morning shower, yet for a multi hour morning on the deck talk, she did not get up and go do that. She definitely does not have the motivation to think of doing anything. I am glad I talked her into getting them, if only we can talk her into wearing them all the time, as she misses chances to hear things.</p>
<p>Sis agrees no dementia, but we think she has checked out of life, out of making any effort, but it’s too soon as she is always ready to be involved if you do all the work, but I need her to do just a bit of the work, I cannot carry 100% of the load. I just can’t do it 24/7/365 and be creative and innovative and interesting, too. It’s like parenting a toddler except when you are letting a toddler help in the kitchen, they learn and improve, she never learns, she is not in the mode.</p>
<p>I am going to check into that social worker & senior partner thing, see if there is anything.</p>
<p>Best with all this. Some people with depression are described as “checked out of life” and no longer pursue or initiate any activities that once gave them pleasure. They are"flat", just going along without zest. Ninety year olds can also be slowed way down. The thing is, that if her physcal health is good, and her lack of engagement is in fact depression, trying a medication could turn a lot around. Please understand that I am not diagnosing your mother, just have seen elders re-group after tough times IF this is the issue. </p>
<p>Any type of engagement is likely good for her and you. Good that you can check in with a social worker. So exhausting and she may be doing the best she can right now. Hope you can catch a break and take care of yourself. </p>
<p>Can someone with experience using a Power of Attorney tell me if this situation sounds as dangerous as I think for a close friend of mine? She asked me if I thought she was doing the right thing, and I told her I didn’t.</p>
<p>Friend’s former MIL gave her POA after a bad fall in March. Before that, 90 yo MIL was living on her own in her 4 bedroom house. MIL has 2 sons, but is estranged from both. Friend has been divorced for 20 years from one of the sons, kept in touch with MIL, had her over for holidays, etc., so her kids would know their grandmother. </p>
<p>Friend called her Ex to tell him about the fall. He visited his mom in the hospital, had another fight with her, and hasn’t been heard from since.</p>
<p>MIL has been in rehab since the fall in March, and friend has been paying her bills and such. She has found an AL for MIL, who agrees that it’s time to give up the house. MIL is a WWII veteran, and Friend says the VA told her the VA would pay a large part of AL if MIL had few assets. They also said the VA does not “look back,” but would only consider assets at the time of application.</p>
<p>Here’s what I think is the dangerous part: Friend plans to arrange for the sale of MIL’s house and essentially give the proceeds to her kids so MIL qualifies for VA benefit. Even if MIL agrees, can’t the Ex come back at Friend and accuse her of taking his inheritance? I know he would have no problem with lawyering up, no matter how much Friend helps MIL. </p>
<p>Thanks for reading this long post, and any insight would be appreciated.</p>
<p>ETA: FIL died over 30 years ago, and MIL had been living alone since then.</p>
<p>somemom, as my dad’s hearing deteriorated, he became more socially isolated. One thing I discovered was that the hearing in his left ear was much better than his right ear, so when we went shopping in the car, that was an ideal time to talk. I was never able to get him to wear his hearing aids which definitely improved his hearing. I really tried to get him to do so, but he just wouldn’t. And that was that. But it was helpful to know which ear was better, and to have him sit next to a visitor (like my brother who lives far away but was close enough to visit from time to time) with his good ear on the correct side.</p>
<p>Another thing to consider is that she may no longer have the dexterity to replace the batteries in the hearing aids. I kept asking my dad about that but he said that wasn’t the problem. But who knows.</p>
<p>Attorney. One familiar also with estate issues.
POA can do all sorts of things- and sometimes be held liable. CYA, cover your a**.<br>
There are many considerations before assuming, when it comes to money. Ironic, but one of my first issues when I joined CC was similar. My kids were younger and I worried how that would affect FA. </p>
<p>My husband actually caved and got a hearing aid, and he’s 50. But he’s had hearing loss since he was in his 20’s. He’s not great about always wearing it, but it seems to me the batteries run out awfully quick. I could see how some elderly could have trouble manipulating those tiny batteries. Funny, my husbands right side is the ‘bad’ one so I try and be mindful how we sit, sometimes at a party he’ll want to hear someone that isn’t me. </p>
<p>Someone once said, hearing loss is the one disability that others get mad at you over. </p>
<p>Something to consider - sometimes people who have trouble hearing under certain circumstances have auditory processing problems (my DD1 has this, and I believe I have it too). Three forms, background noise, garbled message, and competing ear. If I am on the phone, I cannot have background noise (others talking near me or other noise at my location). DD1 has competing ear, but has been compensating for it.</p>
<p>My sis has hearing aids - she said she had the same problem as my dad (who died at 63 and did not get hearing aids). Sis got them in her 50’s - she could not hear feminine voice ranges on the phone. She asked others and got good hearing aids that had partial coverage by her insurance. </p>
<p>The finger dexterity can hinder someone (like my MIL).</p>
<p>I know these batteries are costly and do not last long…</p>
<p>I try to face my MIL when talking to her so she gets the message.</p>
<p>Finding a comfortable hearing aid isn’t easy. Getting used to wearing hearing aids is harder than it sounds. (Hah! been waiting to use that one.) Imagine suddenly hearing the cacophony of every little (and big) squeak, whistle, whir, and thrum of every mechanical device in your home, and the overwhelming noises in a supermarket. Your brain eventually decides that these are not important noises, and you mostly ignore them, but when you first begin to wear hearing aids you are literally bombarded with sounds. It is exhausting, and that is even with programmable aids that were set to start at only 50% of the target sound level with a ramp up over the course of weeks to full volume. </p>
<p>While there is a lot of physical therapy to help people get used to using an artificial limb, there isn’t nearly the help (or the understanding by family members and others) for those who’ve just acquired hearing aids. It is no wonder that so many people who really do need them don’t stick with it long enough to get used to them. I don’t know what the answer is, but I suspect that better education for both users and family members might be of some help. </p>
<p>Yea, mom hates her hearing aids and rarely will wear them. Dad is good about it and does wear his. We have tried what we can but mom really prefers the quiet. It’s a challenge talking to mom and mostly she prefers to smile and nod and we have little idea of what she actually hears. <sigh> We’ve all given up the battle, but are sad about it.</sigh></p>
<p>Thanks for your imput on my friend’s POA issues. I do think she feels she is doing a service for MIL and should be rewarded, not challenged, but I can see that this is a case where “no good deed goes unpunished.” I hope she’s willing to talk to a lawyer, but all I can do is warn her.</p>
<p>On a happier note, my 85 yo Mom enjoyed her 3 months with me, and I’ll be taking her back to my sister’s next week. She had no adjustment issues here, and we hope the transition back goes as well. We plan to switch again in November, if all goes well.</p>
<p>scoutsmom - Yes, she should contact attorney. I’m thinking if the money is given to the kids, it will never be used to benefit MIL. My FIL got the VA benefits and they are so helpful, but it took 8 months to process and they needed to pay AL bills. We really needed the proceeds of their house sale to cover during that time. </p>
<p>@arabrab good points - one has to be determined with going back and forth to get the right hearing aid and the right ‘adjustments’. My FIL was so loud during my days there that my ears hurt by my last day (despite trying to it away and also giving him hand signals to lower his volume) - he finally realized that he does need to continue working with the hearing aids (the VA center has helped his older brother with hearing aids, and although FIL ‘gave up’ after three visits, is going to schedule another appt). Uncle had a lot of hearing loss from his years with Air Force (work on the tarmac) but his hearing aids help him quite a bit. FIL did work with the dentures and now has no denture issues; MIL hasn’t worked through the dentures process and may not - she puts them in when they go out to eat or for social functions, otherwise doesn’t wear them. I imagine FIL being loud is part of the reason why MIL returned her hearing aids…</p>
<p>For some people, I’m sure the miniature, invisible hearing aids are great. For my dad, though, who couldn’t care less about the aesthetics, ones that were large, easy to handle, and find when dropped would have been much better. </p>
<p>I really don’t get the aesthetic thing. Comfort, baby, all the way. (I found the fully-in-the-ear aids to be very uncomfortable, where as the mini behind-the-ear is fine other than with certain glasses.) </p>