<p>I have this same issue with my mother’s old good clothes. She was outraged when I suggested she donate some of the generic things to the local back-to-work program that supplies interview clothing. Like driving, it represents another, previous stage in their lives to them. </p>
<p>Would she notice if you secretly removed some now? </p>
<p>It was a major struggle to get them to allow me to discard very ancient and nonfunctional socks when they had many packs of unopened and unused socks because everyone was embarrassed by the socks they were wearing!</p>
<p>It may be best to ask to borrow some outfits (since you are the same size) and just never return them. Just a thought. That could work with my mom, as she has offered to lend garments in the past. It’s rather daunting since there is SO much! </p>
<p>I did force her to give up a moth-eaten wool coat she’s never worn tho said she could roll up the sleeves. </p>
<p>GT- I was at my in laws home for a visit this year on my birthday (we live over 1000 miles away); we were sitting around the breakfast table and FIL was discussing the date so he knew what day it was, that same day I saw their desk calendar open to that week and my birthday noted. They still never said a word, nor did I. No big deal, except they get huge hurt feelings if one does not recognize their special day!</p>
<p>My MIL passed away peacefully yesterday. We were able to get there in time to say goodbye and my son even drove 3 hours from school to pick up his girlfriend and then another 2 hours to the hospice. I must say that this process made me realize that he is becoming his own adult and I need to step back and trust that he can negotiate life with less help from me :)</p>
<p>Today we are starting the paperwork. My MIL decided a couple of years ago to change her will to make all 3 kids co-executors. I have read online that that is a terrible thing to do and I am sure she told her attorney she didn’t care, she didn’t want to look like she was playing favorites. However all 3 sibs live in 3 different states so I am not sure how they are all going to get together to sign every check and so forth. I suggested to DH that he ask the attorney if there is a work around. They all get along fine and there is no worry that one of them will try to scam anything.</p>
<p>We ended up putting the funeral home costs on our credit card and there are some regular house costs (utility bills etc) that need to be paid. Should we just pay them out of our personal funds and keep good records and then we can get reimbursed by the estate once it’s settled? Fortunately we can afford to float that I guess. </p>
<p>Surfcity – I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad her passing was peaceful. What a good son you have. </p>
<p>For now, just keep good records of what you’ve spent – but you might not get reimbursed for a bit depending on the probate rules in her state. It is likely that two of the three executors can resign, leaving the third as the executor, but that is probably something to discuss with an attorney another day.</p>
<p>May her memory be a blessing.</p>
<p>My condolences surfcity. With co-executors do you know that they all have to sign off on each check or is it that any of the three can do it? </p>
<p>I can’t imagine you’d have to personally fund this. What if you couldn’t, then what would happen? </p>
<p>Sorry for your loss, surf city. It may take some creative fedexing of documents that all will need to sign in order to get things done. </p>
<p>Sorry for your family’s loss, surf city . How good that your son traveled to be there and that the end was peaceful, </p>
<p>Best as logistics get sorted out, also. Good that all sibs are cooperative. </p>
<p>@surfcity sorry for your loss and some of the estate complications. Perhaps it will all work out fairly easily as all are cooperative.</p>
<p>Our WI small town funeral home insisted on delaying any payment for a number of months. Not sure if they do this with everyone, but it certainly was comforting to put some distance on the business side of the funeral. Funeral Director was very kind and helpful - genuine. That is always a help too.</p>
<p>surfcity, my condolences in the loss of your MIL. Great job by son for stepping up. It is great to see, you must have raised him right.
Of course you will get an attorney to give you “real” advice, but off the top of my head I thought:
<p>separated reply about clothes. Mom had SO many many clothes… plus grandma’s formals and nice suits. It was hard on her, we just moved her into the AL “temporarily” and she never went home again. I’ve felt somewhat bad about that but over time still think it was the right choice for where she was then and where she is now, mentally. My one regret is that I did not give my aunt a bunch of the clothes; she both needed and would have been happy to have them. I thought at the time it was creepy, but she didn’t think so. When Mom is done with the clothes she has in AL now, I’ll given them to Aunt (If she is still around, she has had a LOT of health challenges this year, too.) </p>
<p>surfcity, so sorry for your loss, but glad it was peaceful and that you, dh and son were able to get there to say goodbye. Always wonderful when our kids step up to the plate. especially at a time like this.</p>
<p>Everything is so much easier in this time of electronic communication, as long as the co-executors are amenable. A good estate lawyer will know what to do.</p>
<p>surfcity, I’m sorry for your family’s loss. What a blessing that you were able to say goodbye in person. And you should be proud of your son.</p>
<p>Sorry for your loss surfcity. My parents wanted to first make each other as executors. I quickly convinced them this was a terrible idea. They then wanted to make my brother and I co’s. I put my foot down and insisted this be changed to one of us as primary and the other as secondary.</p>
<p>Thank you for your condolences and info. The funeral home wanted $4k up front. This is apparently a family friend, and the same place we used with FIL even though DH didn’t really get a warm and fuzzy feeling from the director. Still it’s a small town and this is the home the family “always uses,” so I am not going to rock the boat.</p>
<p>I am sure the attorney will have good advice for us. This morning I guess I was in such mood to get things done in an effort to get some control back in our lives after all the upheaval and uncontrollable-ness of the last two weeks. (There’s your pop psychology lesson for the day).</p>
<p>We also need to be paying the heating and phone etc bills for awhile because we want to keep the house open for a few months when we come in to town etc. I will see what the attorney says about those bills. I remember the nightmare after FIL died and MIL wanted to put the Comcast bill in her name, from his. The Comcast reps were do heavy handed they refused to do so unless we sent them an official death certificate! So we never did and they ended up continuing to bill a deceased customer rather than change the name on the bill.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry, surfcity. Condolences and peace to you and your family.</p>
<p>Surfcity, may your memories be a comfort in your grief.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry for your loss surfcity. I’m glad you were all able to visit and say goodbye. Regarding bills, one thing our funeral home did for us when my Father died was to provide us with 10 copies of the death certificate. We had to use one of them for Comcast. At the same time we changed the name on the account, we added me as an authorized user on the account so I can talk to them if there are any problems and log to the account with my e-mail. </p>
<p>So sorry, surfcity. Agree it’s good to get 10-15 certified copies of death certificate. This key in dealing with closing accts and changing titles, etc. </p>
<p>So sorry for your family’s loss, surfcity. What a blessing that you were all able to be there.</p>