@surfcity Thanks! I had a vague memory there was a thread, but couldn’t find it in feeble search attempt…thought ideas were buried in the Parents Caring thread…
My mom is back at her facility. She did great. Thinks she went on a nice trip. This will make it less stressful for all of us for the next time.
@momofsenior1
Good to hear. Hope it was a nice trip for her… Lol… ?
My 90 year old mom is making progress in rehab after her hip replacement that was not planned… She is very with it and corrects the nurses when they don’t give her meds at the right time…?
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@surfcity thank you for that thread! very helpful!!
@surfcity, thanks for posting the link to my thread. I couldn’t find it, ha.
Thanks @surfcity! Also they can sometimes talk extensively and lucidly about things of interest to them (long term memory), convincing MDs and others they still have the ability to make sound decisions and reason, when they have a memory of perhaps 3-5 minutes.
Well, my MIL fell yesterday at home and my H called an ambulance to take her to the hospital because she couldn’t stand up. Her home has 4 steps to get out so he couldn’t take her without a stretcher. X-rays and CT scan show no break, but they discovered that she has a 2/1 cardiac block and her HR is 34-36. She was admitted and now they’re talking pacemaker. He has 4 siblings but he has the medical POA and she really only listens to him (though she does nothing but disparage him to others). I know he doesn’t want to advise her so I’m hoping the medical professionals speak directly to her. Though we question her competence (given some of her behavior) she is not legally incompetent in any way, just a PIA. She lives alone in a multi-story townhouse (though her living areas are on the first floor) with a companion 8 hours.day. I think she needs 24/7 care, especially because she can’t ambulate at the moment. I will support him unconditionally but I really can’t deal with her. And, she’s 86 with many co-morbidities. Oy.
@runnersmom, good for you for setting limits, if you don’t the seniors will take every bit of energy and time they can get until they hit your wall, wherever you put your limits, it’s likely not enough for them, yet too much giving for you, so yah, protect your sanity.
@runnersmom , sorry to hear that your MIL fell. It is hard enough to manage care for a parent that you love being with, doing the job for someone that constantly tests your love and patience is a heavy burden.
My mom fell Tuesday. She’s in the hospital, no particular diagnosis. The good news is that she is getting up and walking as much as they will allow. Darn.
@lookingforward close to 50% hernia rate for colostomies, within two years. My mother was very ill when she had the surgery: her intestines were very swollen. So the hole they had to cut in the muscles in the area, to allow the intestine to be looped out, was larger than usual, so her hernia is larger as well. I mean, she could be having twins.
We don’t have a choice to do surgery. If an emergency rises, we will again involve hospice.
The problem isn’t the hernia so much as the combo of demential and hernia, and the fact that she is in assisted living and not living with me (sometimes I feel like I am living with her!).
I bought her some Spanx type garments yesterday to hold the hernia in more, and ordered a belt. Without some way to hold the hernia in, there are big problems with the wafer. If I cut it to fit the stoma when she is lying down, it is too small, and if I cut it when she stands, it is too large.
I spent hours shopping for the garments, and when I returned to her apartment with them she was angry and belittling and kept telling me I was crazy, why did she need to wear them. Then called 4 times asking what we could do about “this great big thing” (no doubt patting it). I doubt that I can get the aides to follow through on putting it on or taking it off and the other things is my mother is going to pitch forward and fall while trying to do either.
I am preparing for weeks of her resisting putting them on, problems with the wafer (lots of leakage), and frustration in trying to get the AL to do the tasks needed.
I am hoping to take my first trip in a few years to visit my daughter on the other coast in October and want to get this organized and down! I had to cancel last spring. I am looking into hiring a couple of people to fill in for me so I can go away for 6 days,
My MIL had a pacemaker implanted yesterday and the hospital case manager is recommending in-patient rehab. The hip is not broken but sufficient contused (with internal bleeding) that she can’t bear weight and therefore can’t walk. Her home is not wheelchair accessible so they can’t release her to home. Hoping it’s not today so my H can get a little break while the planning takes place. Given that it’s Saturday and they need to see if there’s a bed in her preferred rehab and her pain still isn’t under control, I’m optimistic her transfer will be delayed. if it’s not the one closest to our home (which she wants), the next couple of weeks are going to be a real pain for us.
@somemom, I hear you about setting limits. I can do it, but my H can’t. It’s complicated, since he has siblings with varying degrees of mental illness, one sister recently diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, sale of the family business (for which he was solely responsible), sibling issues over money, and a deeply ingrained sense of obligation, usually to his own detriment. Hard for me to watch, but nothing I can do. His mother is lucky to have him, which she doesn’t seem to understand.
@runnersmom. You can dictate which rehab facility she goes to. Do NOT leave it up to the case manager. They might suggest one over another due to the rehabilitation department being better. That would be my only concern. Some rehabilitation departments at these places are not very good. You just need to press the issue. We have just been through this like this whole year. Also see if the hospital has inpatient rehabilitation. This would most likely be the best place but rehab does go faster and that might not be good for your mom. But… The loudest voice usually wins. Just giving you some advise from the last like 2 years. Good Luck.
Thanks @Knowsstuff, I’ll pass that on. We’re at the hospital now and she won’t be released before Monday.
@somemom thank you for bringing up the end of life conversations as well as pre planning documents. I had such conversations with my parents years ago and it was very helpful in making decisions for my mom. My dad is also 2 years past where he wanted to be, but we don’t always have a choice. I also had discussions about whether they wanted to live with me if they needed help. This was a firm “no” and fortunately, the had the financial resources to make the decision.
Wow @compmom. So much to deal with. I wish you had more help. You are handling this with courage and grace.
Our visit to the stoma nurse at a teaching hospital was disappointing. In fact, the wafer she cut and put on (which was intended to give me a template) caused a huge problem with redness, inflammation and pain around the stoma. It is discouraging when the help offered is so flawed. I feel like i am back on my own. The hole she cut was way too big and feces got on the skin. It also seeped under the barrier ring so once again the whole thing needed to be changed.
I had my mother lie down without any colostomy appliance, exposing it to fresh air for awhile. I probed where the pain was. Called the AL nurse who said she could not do anything (legal limit on the scope of her license). Treated with nystatin and zinc. Cut a band aid into little pieces and put along the line of redness. Then put wafer back on after cutting a SMALLER hole. . All I can do is improvise. I have no training, only Dr. Google. Yesterday it looked okay and the pain was gone but it will take a week to heal if all goes well. It’s scary to be solely responsible, honestly.
The garments I bought to hold the hernia in are impossible for my mother. I pulled them all the way up over the stoma applicance, but of course when she peed and I was not there, she didn’t pull them up high enough, which pushed the intestines way out and made the pain worse. She does not have the cognitive ability to understand the purpose of the garments. I observed her go to the toilet and almost fall pulling them up. So I got rid of them!!
I would say the stoma nurse also did NOT understand dementia despite my efforts to explain via text prior to the appointment. She was really big on the garments vs belt. I ordered a belt anyway so we will see what happens. At this moment, Depends are the only “garment” holding the hernia in- not!
More phone calls to me- and calls to the nurse at the AL- from her to “take this big thing off.” She just cannot absorb what the colostomy is, what the hernia is, what the purpose of any efforts to address problems mean etc. etc.
I know most of you don’t know what a colostomy looks like so sorry for the specificity of all this. The main thing is, I really think this hernia is going to get her kicked out of AL into a nursing home. It is now requiring a lot more from me, that’s for sure. And the aides (or nurses) cannot do what is required. I don’t want it to cause the nursing director to call me in and tell me it is too much for AL.
I would seriously consider surgery. Apparently some surgeons put a mesh in to prevent a hernia, before the original surgery. I guess I am going to ask about surgery for the hernia and maybe even to reconnect the colon. My mother is suffering. Surgery is the very opposite of hospice- or is it? What is truly palliative here?
Talk with the doctors on your options. Hernia with mesh is a surgical technique. The mesh is part of the hernia repair. Some use mesh some don’t. Question is she healthy enough for either surgery.
My 90 year old mother who has fallen like this whole year after breaking her pelvis and having lung clots out of no where just had her hip implant done due to uncontrolled pain in her leg /hip. The hip was like gone and her last fall could of been from it giving away. She is doing great in rehab without leg /hip pain now. Her quality of life is much better. Her surgeon said (and I looked up also), surgery on 90 year Olds is much more common place with actually as good as results as someone in their 50’s. It just makes their quality of life that much better. She got lucky since she can do the rehabilitation in the hospital vs the rehabilitation out patient places which do go much slower. I voiced my opinion since she does have to work harder in the hospital but the rehab is that much better and they can work on her balance and proprioception that much better there. So make sure she is healthy enough for the surgery and recovery. Also they might be able to do them at the same time or stage them. There are hernia straps to wear externally so maybe talk about which procedure makes sense doing first.
@somemom, have you looked at hernia belts and braces? They are not pull up garments and have velcro closures. Don’t know if your mom would try to take it off or if it would be appropriate for her.
@compmom, you’ve certainly been through (and are continuing to go through) quite an ordeal. It’s incredibly frustrating to deal with medical professionals, especially when they don’t seem to listen or understand the special needs of those with dementia.
No advice on the colostomy, but take care of yourself as best you can.
Yes, as I mentioned, I ordered a belt last week with the info the stoma nurse gave me. The stoma nurse thought the shaping garment would be better but, wrong!
My mother made it through the colostomy amazingly well. It made me think about surgery a little differently. She is on Coumadin for afib but they bridged her with Luvinox after surgery and she did okay with that too. (In the past she had a stroke when they took her off Coumadin for 5 days for an endoscopy and failed to bridge her.)
I am going to try the belt first but don’t have much confidence it will work.
The site looks better!
Thanks so much everyone and good luck with what you are dealing with!!
@compmom you said your mother is suffering. In such a case, I think surgery can be palliative. She may not be healthy enough for the surgery, but the option of doing nothing seems to be worse. I think it’s a worthwhile option to consider. But getting the consult for surgery also seems like an overwhelming prospect.