@MaineLonghorn that’s not uncommon, in my experience, that some places are great for IL but not for AL or good for nursing level care but not for personal care. Which is kind of a pain, if you are choosing a place for your parent to “age in place” and not have to move them.
My parents were in a fabulous place for IL but then when mom was hospitalized they were horrible at being able to manage dad’s diabetes and ended up putting him in Skilled Nursing, which was way more care than he needed and the other residents were practically bed bound but he was very independent. So I ended up moving them to a PC place near me.
Had a conversation with a geriatrician physician friend today (how lucky am I to have one of those!) who told me my folks (and probably many of yours) are classic dilemmas with dementia. The Memory Care units are designed and obligated to care for a resident who is declining cognitively but that often involves needing more assistants and people who are trained in dementia. So they often send them out to ERs or other places to try to “fix” things.
My mom was sent to a hospital with an inpatient psych unit last night because she was very aggressive and yelling etc. At the ER, the mental health person and doc said, she is not nearly a candidate for inpatient psych. That unit is for actively suicidal people or those on psychotic breaks etc. In their opinion, mom had dementia and sundowning and that can make people act out, especially if it is not headed off at the pass with redirection and reorientation.
So the MC place feels like mom is a burden and sends to ER. The ER thinks mom is way below the threshold of needing ER care and sends her home.
In this case, I don’t think the ER was appropriate. I am hoping we can try some new Rx. My doc friend said a lot of those meds will have the black box warning, that there’s s increased risk of cardiac problems or sudden death.
I am absolutely willing to take that risk. She is 84, how much more time does she have? Would I rather her live longer in an agitated, anxious state, or try a med that might make her calm and able to enjoy dad’s company, with a risk that she could have a heart attack? Friend said that is the exact right mindset but he is so used to families saying, No do everything you can regardless of QOL.
@compmom I really feel for you. I was glad to see my mom for the first time in 4 months, even if it was is the ER but it was so sad seeing her in that state. That is not my “real mom” I kept thinking. It must be awful to see her cry like that. Try to remember that you can’t fix everything.
I would say the trait that has amplified with age is pride!