This morning was my last EAP session with the therapist surrounding my issues with my siblings. I have gotten so much out of it that I’m going to try to get an EAP referral from dh’s other employer so I can keep seeing her.
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My dad was very together to the end. But he did see people. One was a very old indian man who was chanting sometimes. Indian would sometimes speak but in another language. When my sister and I were trying to sit my dad up in bed with some pillows (and having a terrible time) my dad started laughing. “What is it?!” we said. Dad replied, 'the old indian is in the corner laughing so hard at watching you all try to sit me up. He’s cracking me up." We had to laugh too.
When the family were in his room about a week or two before he died he was up and we were all chatting away and having a nice time. Then he looks at the door and says “your mom was just peeking in the room but then she left.” A week or so later he said mom was now at the foot of the bed. I knew it was very close. I know she came to get him.
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I find great comfort in these stories. When my mom was dying she started talking to her parents and staring off into an empty corner of the room and would smile. I hope they were there to bring her to the next place.
I’m hoping when it’s my time, that my son will come for me, along with my parents.
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My dad was completely lucid until the last couple days but had hallucinations periodically for several months before his death. He knew - mostly - they were hallucinations and they mostly weren’t people and fortunately they weren’t frightening at all (the ones he mentioned were things like birds).
Can somebody please refer me to a site or forum (or experience) to help me get an idea of ballpark cost of stair-assist systems?
Ideally Dad and his wife would be looking for an easier living arrangement, fewer stair challenges than their split level house (4 levels, stairs between… no bathroom on the kitchen / living / deck level where they hang out). But they have lovely neighbors, lots of stuff and a desire to stay put. Thought maybe this is an idea I should pre-research.
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Here is one that shows up on Amazon. I would check around with medical supply companies in your area, or home rehab outfit that works with seniors - maybe senior agency in your area has some information.
You typically see the chair used with one flight of stairs versus the split level situation.
AmeriGlide Rave 2 Stair Lift | Self Installable | 350 lb Capacity
[4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars ](javascript:void(0)) 27 ratings
$2,049.00$2,049.00 ($2,049.00$2,049.00 / Count)
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Thanks. I did find this link too. Looks like maybe a few thousand if used and easy situation. Could go over $10k for more complicated configurations.
We installed one at my parents’ split level for $4k about 3 years. It was mainly for dad who used it daily for a year. Mom decided she still wants to stay in the house after dad’s passing. She doesn’t use it but it’s there if she needs it.We did inquire about a used option, but it was not available at the time.
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This could be a long shot but recently I saw two of these systems - one at an older home that was for sale and one that was being sold at an estate sale for an older home. If you have some sort of home supply resale shops (like Habitat for Humanity Restore) or restoration warehouses that sell items taken out of renovated homes (sinks, mantels, doors, etc.) you might find a used system or maybe they could point you in the direction of someplace that would have something.
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A friend of ours was able to buy and install a second hand stair lift for his MIL. He is an engineer and is very handy and he was able to do all of the work himself.
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We had an outdoor lift installed in my inlaw’s home several decades ago. It was very expensive but allowed them to live in their house with a lot of stairs until MIL died, about a month or two after they installed the lift.
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It’s been rough the past couple of days. Biopsy #2 happened 2 days ago for my MIL. She now understands that she’s got uterine cancer that has spread elsewhere, understands that the hospital staff have proposed transferring her to a different hospital for inpatient chemo infusions. She’s decided that she doesn’t want any cancer treatments, doesn’t want any extreme measures taken to extend her life, doesn’t want CPR, etc. And has gone downhill since making that decision yesterday morning.
My DH is primary on the healthcare directive on file at the hospital and 1 of MIL’s friends is secondary (DH’s sister is upset about this, understandable…I’d be upset, too).
MIL’s friend & DH discussed hospice options, then DH called me to fill me in. MIL’s friend said that there’s a hospice facility in “town where MIL lives” that’s near their church & near other friends…thinks MIL should be placed there. While on phone w/DH, I did a quick search. There’s nothing in that part of town to speak of. No…MIL’s friend was insistent. Well, MIL’s friend is wrong. Big debate between DH & I about where MIL should be placed for hospice. DH originally wanted her close to us in our part of the state. In fact, there’s an excellent hospice facility a 10 min drive from our house.
But what MIL’s friend and other church friends want is going to trump that, it appears. I’m feeling very angry about this…this should be a family decision, not her church to decide. The end result is that because of the hospice location, we won’t be able to visit her as often in the time she has left. I’m frustrated and angry about this. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
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Can you say that to your MIL? “If you are in hospice at X, your church friends MAY be by to see you more often, but we definitely will not be able to see you as often as we would like. We feel it’s important to be near your family for your remaining time. Are you sure that being at X is what you want?”
Is there a prognosis in terms of time now that she’s rejecting treatment? My dad was gone within two weeks of going into hospice; my bff’s mom is still here years later.
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Took mom to doctor Friday. I asked him how what stage of Alzheimer’s he thinks she is in. He surprised me when he said “late, late stage.” She does all the ADLs and rakes her front yard. When I think of “late, late stage” I think of it affecting her physically. He said she probably has another couple of years left.
Anyone have any experience with this or thoughts? I agree with the couple of years, because she has no other chronic diagnosis, but I wouldn’t have called her late, late stage. I suppose what we call it doesn’t matter at all.
@Youdon_tsay was this a PCP? I am not sure I would trust a PCP on this. And they get a snapshot when the patient is out of the home and maybe more stressed than usual. I hope the doc is wrong!
@sbinaz in our experience with two hospices, care was at home, not in a facility- until the last couple of days and even then, needing pain relief was the criterion. So is your family looking for a hospice service or facility?
Your MIL is not that old. Full disclosure I am not far behind in age and have a longer list of health issues than she does. I can understand her turning down treatment (depending on how much it can or cannot do) but is depression a part of the picture? Has the oncologist explained chemo and how manageable it would be? Other treatments?
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It is her PCP. I’m not questioning his timing. I think the same, maybe a little longer. I was just surprised by his characterization of where she’s at.
@Youdon_tsay sorry to be unclear…I was referring to the diagnosis, not the timing, though I suppose they are related. The people I know with advanced Alzheimer’s are in wheelchairs and non-verbal. I found my mother’s evaluations varied widely depending on the context and the time of day!
We agree. I mean, if you look at the seven stage of Alzheimer’s lists I’d put her at 5.5. He made her seem to be a seven.
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@sbinaz That sounds awful. I am glad her friends cared for her before; however, it is not their place to decide her end of life care location! I have strong feelings about this, which I will not burden you with. Suffice it to say; you are NOT WRONG in feeling mad/sad/used and abused. ugh and for your sister… I can’t even. On the other hand, I blocked my mom from seeing my sister when my sister died. That was what sister wanted and Mom never ever understood. I did though and I did what I had to do. Maybe your MIL has reasons or maybe the friend had undue influence. Can’t tell from here. But does it hurt to just flat out ask MIL WHY did you do this to SIL? Just ask, don’t assume. And it could still change if she stops to think.
My mom stayed on hospice 18 or so months with dementia. So she was stage 7 but lived quite a long time. My dad was on hospice 2 days. He was smart and healthy-ish until the end. It is like every other illness diagnosis, so much depends on the person and “little things”. Thus no one can say if hospice hurries or helps.
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Although I fully intend to live longer, my mom was gone before she was @sbinaz’s MIL’s age. Chronological age doesn’t mean as much when there are other health issues in play. I understand the decision her MIL made.
I am so sorry about your situation, @sbinaz. I hope that your H has an honest conversation with her about how he feels.
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