YES on the limitations to AIL and UIL with the cat! My mother was in the hospital, and sister/family were going to visit her and then stay in her home (which was in perfect condition, just cleaned, managed by other sister) - and mother and other sister said ‘no’ – my mom ended up paying for their hotel. Yes, on how some people will just casually say stuff – not asking!!! And who knows with a cat in a strange house, what they might do…
Do not need another situation!
DH just called. Was there at MIL’s current facility/board & care home w/paralegal to get estate paperwork signed. MIL is too doped up to understand anything right now, so no way is anything going to be transferred into a trust right now. Nor can MIL sign a simple will right now.
Lawyer calmed DH down, though, and told him that it’ll be ok…MIL’s estate will go to probate and everything will be split 50/50 between DH & SIL. And DH & SIL pretty much get along, so there’ll be no bickering or protests over the probate proceedings.
DH said that the board & care home is REALLY REALLY clean. DH very relieved over this. MIL has a urinary catheter in. There’s blood in her urine. After they inserted the catheter apparently a BUNCH of urine came out, so the hospice nurse suspects that MIL fidgeting around and acting uncomfortable was partially due to her pain levels and also because she had a full bladder but didn’t recognize that she had to use the bathroom.
MIL’s in a regular hospital bed. DH said that MIL is in the worst shape of all of the residents there. He said the rest of the residents are in wheelchairs, use walkers, are up and moving around and stuff. MIL is the only one who’s in bed 24x7.
MIL is also on Haldol now. VERY out of it due to that.
Yesterday, UIL asked DH to ask the board & care home if it would be ok for AIL & UIL to visit MIL in the middle of the night. Why? “AIL can’t handle the heat.”
then they changed their mind and asked if they could visit at 5 am.
There are 9 other senior citizens also living in that facility. It’s rude and disrespectful to all of them to barge in there in the middle of the night. Oh, also, AIL & UIL are very loud people. It’s not uncommon for them to shout at each other in the grocery store…1 of them in 1 aisle and the other a couple of aisles over…instead of seeking out the person you’re trying to ask a question of, they’ll just shout at each other really loud from 1 aisle to another in the grocery store. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I’d never believe me if somebody had told me they did this sort of thing.
That’s the kind of in-laws I’m dealing with here.
I now am at the point where I kind of hope that they don’t come at all. If they’d come here a few days ago, they could have had an actual conversation w/MIL. But now? Too late. You snooze, you lose.
Glad the attorney has things situated – just have to go through probate, which attorney can guide your family through when the time comes. They also have the documentation about the inability of mother to sign documents.
Sorry this time has been what it is due to the way MIL’s personality is and her physical and mental decline.
It’s been a rough couple of days.
Saturday:
Sunday (yesterday):
Today (Monday):
Side note:
We live in AZ. Dia de los Muertos is a really big thing here, especially in the Tucson area (where we lived for a long time before moving to the Phoenix area…Tucson has a huge Dia de los Muertos celebration every year with a nighttime processional and everything). I told my kids that whenever the 1st Dia de los Muertos is after MIL passes away, I think that we should put up a little ofrenda in our house in the family room with some pictures of MIL & some mementos she liked so we can remember her and honor her. They really like this idea, so we’re going to do that.
Sorry to hear all this. Please be gentle with your husband (I’m sure you are). This is his mother and he is processing her upcoming death.
I’m so sorry. But make a concerted effort to get important papers signed (and witnessed) if that’s a priority. And insulin is totally necessary to make a person “in the moment”. Don’t blame everything on other drugs. I totally understand where your husband is coming from.
I have a kid with type 1 so am used to issues in hospitals and rehabs and other environments. The family doc or endocrinologist can vouch for your husband to manage blood sugars. Hospice actually is allowed to do it by Medicare since diabetes is not her hospice diagnosis. It is hard to know if there is any point or if your husband is grasping at small bits of hope
I am still haunted by my experience with hospice as my mother died. I also tried to “save” her by calling docs about her blood thinners. Hospice said “noone here does blood thinners.” It was hard to discern what was medications and what was the dying process.
Your MIL may have a last minute rally, especially if meds have been decreased. I have heard from several people that their parent did this relatively close to dying. .
It sounds like document signing is not going to happen. When she does die, your husband may be shocked. It seems we all are at that point, and this has been really quick.
You don’t know that. Get witnesses.
I’m sorry this is so rough on y’all. With my dad, hospice was able to say to the day when they thought he would pass, and they were correct. Has hospice given any indication of her transition?
Hope for a peaceful outcome for all.
Estate document signing will not be happening.
And you know what? It’s ok.
This is the hardest time, for your wonderful, caring husband and for you too. As I posted before, it took a long, long time for me to gain some perspective on my dad’s last years.
Love and hugs to you, your husband, your kids, sister-in-law, and everyone else you care about. 
DH has been trying to convince his mom to get such paperwork lined up for 10 years. And has almost obsessively been trying for the last 3 weeks. There’s really nothing further that can be done.
This is such a trying time for the family. Has your husband and his sister discussed funeral home/cremation/burial? Upon death the facility will want to know who to call. I’m sorry the documents weren’t done timely. I hope your MIL has a peaceful transition.
Sorry for the grief and tensions. Hopefully, the fact that the decision re: paperwork has been made allows for a focus on what matters most to the family.
We talk a lot on this thread about how to optimize loved ones’ experiences of aging and facing terminal illness. It’s hard when everyone is doing their best, yet a critical player can’t or won’t participate, though it happens a lot. I remember speaking to our estate attorney about an aspect of my father’s paperwork that wasn’t spot-on for the state he died in. The attorney reiterated how rarely things were perfectly tied up. Caring families can’t always move a mountain. Wishing your family comfort and peace.
Boy, my mom is having a rough night, so much so that my SIL asked me to call and try to talk her down. My brother and SIL have been staying with her for weeks, and some nights she thinks my brother is my dad, who has been gone for 3.5 years. Tonight, she and my brother, apparently, are yelling at each other. Sometimes she thinks my brother is my dad sleeping with my SIL. So I called a second time to talk my mom down. Man, she was saying all kinds of things – that my SIL said that she was going to burn down the house, that she’s not cooking for her anymore. My brother gets upset and yells at mom. It’s such a not-optimal situation.
I know that she has dementia, but is it possible that she has a complicating factor like a UTI? You had mentioned that you thought she was about a 5.5, and this seems to be an escalation. My mom had delusions and unusual behavior when her sodium levels dropped too low. Maybe talk to her doctor to see if perhaps there is something physical making it worse.
Good thought. I’ll mention it. I am going up there Thursday, and we already have a 9 a.m. Friday appointment for a minor maintenance thing. I’ll ask me sister whether we can add a UTI test. Though my SIL said that she had a great day otherwise.
Ah, that is a possibility. I’ve heard UTI causing issues and agitation for multiple elderly friends / parents of friends.