Each person can have up to 5 accounts at the same bank with full coverage ($1.25M). Yes, you have to be creative in how the money is held (Mom and Dad, just Dad, Dad and son, etc.) Honestly, if you have more than $1.25M in regular bank accounts on a daily basis, you need better financial advice.
Where people got tripped up when banks were failing was holding money for what they thought was short term, like the proceeds from the sale of a house when they were planning to buy another house. When the banks failing in 2008, the FDIC limit was $100k per account. The FDIC was able to raise it a little and cover some of the would-be losses, but couldnāt help people who had $300K in an account. The limit then went to $150k and then to $250k,
You canāt believe how many people still keep $500k in a single named holder bank account, even after they are warned not to.
My friendās mother hung on through Christmas and passed away at 4 am today.
Iām glad Dadās facility put on two wonderful meals for Christmas Eve and Christmas, because as of today the dining room is closed to visitors ( COVID precaution). We can still go down and bring food back to Dadās apartment.
We havenāt been allowed into the dining room for a couple of years, even at times when other common areas are open, because residents have masks off while eating.
My mother was so sad on both Thanksgiving and Christmas that I helped her to her seat and lingered, while rubbing her back. She cried a little because she really doesnāt understand the situation.
There is some COVID among staff and family members and I am nervous going in. There are now many days when my mother cannot get out of bed and I am sometimes the only one who can do it. Once up she puts on lipstick and does go downstairs.
With dementia and hearing loss, she cannot understand me with a mask on and we can barely communicate. I gave her hat, scarf, mittens and hope to be able to see her outside, but someone has to get her up for that to happen! $9k/month and it still has to be me!
@compmom for 9K per month, they ought to be rubbing her back 24 hours a day! Iām sorry this is such a sad time for her. So hard when they just canāt understand!
My dad called me last night at 3am (and kept calling). He told me he was lost and didnāt know where he was. To our relief, we figured out he was in his bed.
I feel like heās gotten a lot worse in the last few weeks. He has no strength, canāt get out of his bed, off the toilet or out of his chair without help. He stayed in his bed for three days and refused to let my mom change his diaper for 2 1/2 days a week ago. I think he had some sort of illness, maybe Covid, that plunged him downhill.
Visiting Angels will be coming in soon, but I donāt think thatās going to be enough, and am seriously going to look into nursing homes. My mom can take care of herself, and nobody is going to want to be a live in aide at that house, I donāt think thatās an option. But getting him out of the house that heās lived in (and built) for 62 years will be pure hell. He will be upset and so confused. Right now we donāt even know how we can physically get him into the car because of the mobility issues.
Thereās a veterans home in Orting, WA (have to check that out), but itās 90 min away. Maybe we can find a nursing home thatās closer. But I donāt see that thereās any other options. Thereās so much crazy and toileting mess going on there, this may be the only way to save my mother.
@busdriver11 It was amazing how much my FIL failed after we took him out of his home of 50 years, there was so much rote info his body used to function, once he had to think about everythng he was much less capable and immediately had to be moved from IL to AL.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is a very, very hard road. We are a few months ahead of where you are. We had to call an ambulance to take a family member to the hospital. They ended up being admitted for a few weeks and then released to rehabilitation/nursing home.
Editing to add, we called their doctor to see if they could be seen and their doctor just said call an ambulance to bring to them to the hospital. We were also worried about mobility at this point. Since they are refusing care this may be something you could do.
My dad went into a veterans home and I was so impressed by it. He did not have dementia though but the people there were great.
But the thing to think about is the burden this is becoming on your mom. Itās very, very hard to decide on a care facility but you have to do what is best for everyone
Is it possible he could have an undiagnosed urinary tract infection? They can cause a lot of confusion in older adults. Sorry you and he are going through this.
Real big hugs to everybody. Itās a hard road.
My dad passed right before Thanksgiving at the age of 99. So hardly unexpected but at any age itās hard to lose a loved one.
You can look up āa death time lineā on the internet and Iām just here to say that it can be very helpful. Most are on hospice sites
My dad did not have dementia and was pretty ā'with itā up until just a few days before his
death. We were able to keep him at his home (a 24/7 labor of love) but it was worth it.
I noticed a couple of your stories that stood out to me.
My dad in the last week or two of his life would wake up (he was sleeping a good bit) very disoriented. He felt like he was āfloatingā or sliding out of bed and wondering where he was. We were able to grab his hand as an anchor and assure him he was safe in bed which was very reassuring to him. I learned that spatial awareness is something that wanes as someone is dying and this was fairly common. Itās scary for both parties though.
My dad went down REAL fast. Went from getting around the house on a walker to barely being able to get from bed to a chair to bedridden within just a few short days. His spirit was willing but the body gave up.
Is Visiting Angels a hospice? I would get a hospice assessment at home. IF your Dad is dying, it may not be worth it to move him. Alternatively, as others have said, you could call an ambulance to take him to the hospital, where you could meet with social workers. I donāt know the financial situation but hospice usually provides an aide five mornings/week, and offers nurse as needed, social worker, chaplain and volunteer. If affordable and aide could be added.
If your Dad is not declining rapidly and this is a more long term situation, I think the sugggestion of ambulance is a good one. That starts him in the road toward rehab or assisted living or memory care or nursing home. Again depending on finances.
This is all a lot tougher during COVID.
My mother is also declining lately and canāt get out of bed many days. We found that her issue is severe anemia of unknown cause, and infusions only help temporarily. She is already in assisted living and we donāt want hospital- no point- so I am calling hospice in.(She also had a COVID test yesterday.)
My, then 95 y/o, MIL had severe anemia in early/mid 2020, causing fatigue and shortness of breathā¦ PMD sent her for GI and Hematology consults. They couldnāt find a cause, but she also had critical Aortic Stenosis. She had a transfusion one day before a TransArterial catheter Valve Replacement (TAVR) as she was too anemic for the procedure. That was the ticket. The tight valve was chewing up her RBCs. Anemia resolved.
MIL was, and still is, cognitively on the ball.
I donāt think Visiting Angels is a hospice, and I donāt think we would go the hospice route for my father now. The two experiences I have had with hospice (over which I had zero control), the first person was never diagnosed by a doctor, and the second person was diagnosed by a doctor over the phone. Hospice was sent in, morphine was given and they were starved to death. Maybe less traumatic than going to a hospital, but it was very traumatic for the loved ones. I donāt know that this had to happen, as they werenāt even evaluated by a doctor.
Iām definitely going to ask for him to be tested for anemia. He is anemic because of a medication he takes, but the doctor didnāt think he needed transfusions yet. Maybe he has declined significantly. Thatās a good idea. Of course, now we need to try to figure out how to take him to the doctors office!
That truly is amazing that he lived until age 99 without dementia. Thank you for posting about this, it is very helpful, as he isnāt able to communicate so clearly. I donāt know whether my father is dying or just going downhill, but I will pass this information on to my mother.
Thank you to everyone here who gave me information. It really helps to read other peopleās stories and get advice.
Hospice requires a physicianās certification. If someone was admitted with out a diagnosis and an attending MD, there was something truly unscrupulous with that particular program.
Hospice also doesnāt hasten death. They would never āstarveā a patient. That said, if someone isnāt able to swallow, they also donāt advocated artificial nutrition. Plenty of studies to support that artificial feeding of a patient who is dying is painful and harmful.
Our hospice experiences have been very positive.
That said, it doesnāt sound like your parent is ready for hospice yet. Hopefully the homecare agency will be able to give your mom a break.
Anemia can often be treated with iron infusions on an outpatient basis, if it is iron deficient anemia. Blood transfusions are quicker but usually done in hospital and a bigger deal. Good luck!
Maybe there was something unusual going on, but they did not feed my grandmother, though they did give her some fluids. And perhaps it wasnāt officially hospice, but there was a nurse who would come by, and she was taken care of by the adult family home. She began showing some distress, so over the phone, the doctor prescribed her morphine, to the levels of which she could only lay on the bed, not speaking. Sure, maybe one could say she wasnāt purposefully starved to death, because if they tried to put something in her mouth, she wasnāt going to eat it. Once someone is prescribed high levels of morphine, they are helpless. They donāt even know what she died of, but I would imagine your organs shut down without nutrients and with too much morphine. I know they thought they were being humane.
Same thing with my FIL, never physically seen by a doctor, and he was in hospice. Maybe having a family member who was a nurse was good enough, but we donāt know what he died of, either.
It makes me wonder if it is common that when an elderly person appears very sick and in pain, instead of getting medical treatment, someone decides itās more humane to give them morphine until they die.
Many people do have advanced directives that dictate their wishes at the end of life. Before my momās Alzheimerās advanced to the point where she didnāt have capacity, she updated her health care power of attorney documents to indicate that she didnāt want artificial nutrition or hydration at the end of life, and wanted to be a DNR. Much easier for family to honor those wishes when itās been discussed ahead of time . And yes, for many, it is a more peaceful way to pass.
