15 years is a very long time to live for early onset. 
There were things that happened along the way that did not feel like major signs, but in retrospect, yah, it was the beginning. She was nervous about going to Bingo at the senior center, now I know she was afraid of making mistakes.
We took her on a big trip, and she had a weekend bag packed for a side jaunt, she unpacked and repacked that bag obsessively once we were on the trip, looking back, the stress of travel brought out early signs of losing her faculties.
She used the wine frig for her little puddings and treats, all of a sudden she forget everything in the frig and it all went bad. She also had a habit of a preparing herself a particular salad for lunch & she forgot to eat that, the salad supplies went bad. It was weird at the time, but in hindsight, we could see she was forgetting her routine.
She also got more and more anxious, too.
So interesting. My mother is worried she will write a check incorrectly and anxiety seems to be higher.
Wow @greenbutton, that must have been heartbreaking for her kids and loved ones. Sounds like a huge burden for her H. 
My uncle visited her nearly every single day at the care home she lived at ā the staff there were incredibly kind and compassionate as she faded away, but she always enjoyed music and came to recognize her husband as that nice man who was always around. And yes, she lived much longer than the original prognosis ā which is both a blessing and a curse.
This is really good information. I am going to print this out. I mentioned to my mom today that Iād really like to take over all her financial stuff at some point. She laughed and said that it might be sooner, rather than later. Now that I have that bug in her head, Iād really like to start this fairly soon, while she still has some marbles left to tell me where everything is. However, I think itās very hard for her to let go, Iām afraid she would forget what is done, what is not, that sheās not in charge, and start paying bills and doing things on her own. And screwing them up. All the financial items Iām doing for her were be so much easier if I could do them without her repetitively asking me to explain it. Thinking about writing the explanation on a flashcard, and every time she asks, just hand her the flashcard!
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Ugh, I think weāre going to have to open up probate for my dad. We had hoped to avoid it, because my mom was the beneficiary of everything. However, the memory care place he was staying at just cut a refund check addressed to him (of course, the dead guy who canāt cash it). They say theyāll change it to āthe estate ofā my dad, but he didnāt have a will. The bank wonāt cash the check unless my mom has an estate account. This is annoying and complicated, and I feel like this memory care place is counting on people not being able to cash refund checks. 
When my in laws died we did not have to do a full probate to get the banks to open estate of accounts. They did it with me providing them with a death certificate - it was easy.
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That would be nice. Maybe I should talk to the bank again. The issue is that my dad didnāt leave a will, so I wonder if they have to go through a process of sorts. Iām emailing a lawyer and she had mentioned a small estates probate.
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When my dad passed away and got checks written out to him, I wrote for deposit only on the back and deposited them in their joint account at an ATM. not kosher Iām sure.
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I wish we had done that, but my mom is ridiculously nervous about doing anything that might be incorrect. I really wished we hadnāt even asked the guy at the bank and just deposited it.
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I did both of my in-laws stuff without a lawyer - there was a will for one of them (my father in law who died first) - for my mother in law my husband did have to do something with the city (it was NYC) but again no lawyer.
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I thought it was fine for anyone to make a deposit. If it is a joint account, then it would not be closed if your mom is still on the account, right? I am curious because I have a joint account with my mother.
I got power of attorney (with my brother) for our mother, when she was still able to appear to understand, and sign. Then I got my primary proxy invoked by MD, due to dementia, which I was told also invoked the P of A. My mother can no longer sign anything or give consent and I speak for her.
I manage everything for her, including financial and tax stuff. Once a week or so she demands her bank statement and I sometimes print it out and bring it, and sometimes she just forgets her demand. She tries to balance a checkbook on her desk that has three entries for 2020 and nothing else, based on the current bank statement, and does not understand why it is not possible! She stresses about having enough money for a grandchildās birthday. She still has checks (but no stamps!!!) and sometimes writes gift checks with no date, no signature and even extra zeroes! I have to tell her I will mail them.
She offers me money constantly. This is her pride, restoring her position as a sort of employer when I do things for her. I wish I could accept but I cannot in my position!
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The bank explained that accounts with my dadās name on it were supposed to be closed within 60 days of death. They removed his name from all accounts they shared jointly, but said they had to close the ones he was the primary on. My mom had to get a new checking account. But I really wish we would have deposited those checks to him into his account, I doubt they would have questioned it. Now things are going to be a pain in the butt unless I can find a bank that will accept a small estates affidavit in lieu of Letters of Testamentory to get an estate account. It would cost as much to open probate as the outstanding checks are worth.
It sounds like you have totally figured out how to deal with your momās financial situation! She is lucky to have you. I guess we have to meet them where they are.
Thank you for this information on joint accounts after a death. I had thought I would be able to handle the account after my mother passes, since my name is on it, but she is primary so it looks like things will be more complicated. My brother is the named executor.
I would also like to add the need to be absolutely transparent and report any important transaction to my siblings. I keep them well-informed!
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Yes, there are different types of joint accounts. If there is a will, itās pretty straight forward to open an estate account. The attorney just needed to send some paperwork to the bank.
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My fatherās joint checking account still has my dead motherās name on it (several years later) - I think it is truly joint (not one or the other primary). Joint accounts can be titled in many different ways (with survivorship expressly listed etc.) I was joint on my mother in laws account at the time of her death (I paid all her bills for her). Bank Of America, when presented with her death certificate - closed it and moved it without any charge to an estate account (this was NJ/NY), it did require a special SS# for the estate - I donāt remember that being a big deal to get (I think the bank handled it with me).
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I think we needed that estate SS# to do her taxes also.
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We had a will but even without one a majority of states pass things directly from one spouse to another. I believe parents though can list a beneficiary for their accounts so it would pass directly to you on their death.
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Joint accounts (plain joint accounts) become the property of the other person if two people are listed. If the other person is an authorized signer, rather than a joint, the account is closed as of the death & the signer has no powers. (I have been looking into this for personal reasons.)
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