So I am understanding there may be a solution to this with a respirator that handles fumes, but the facility may say I am scaring residents (they did that when I first wore a surgical mask!). I’ll look into Grainer. Thanks all!
ps continual emails about COVID among residents and staff- 4 in all today. And bivalent boosters were last week.
My sister and BIL are currently at parent’s place to help get it ready to sell as they are 
moving into an independent living facility. Going from SoCal to near my sister’s place in Portland. This is an overdue move and we are so thankful that they have agreed to move, but this is so stressful for my mother. My dad’s dementia is progressing and for the first time in 88 years she has to make the decisions.
ETA - I wrote this days ago and it evidently didn’t post until I logged in again. Sorry to be off topic. Sending hugs @compmom
Yay! Mom came home from SNF today. The SNF recommended a 24-hour home health aide to start, so that’s where we are. She’s made good progress in the last week or so and seems more like herself, just weak, more out of breath than usual, and overwhelmed.
WOW. The whole 24 hour caregiver thing is so……awkward! Hopefully they will settle into a rhythm, but I just can’t imagine having a complete stranger show up and kind of “take over” (and I mean that in a nice way). Fingers crossed that everything goes well since H and I had planned to escape to our beach house in a week or so…selfish I know but boy I could use a time out!
Experiences with home health aides?
My mother’s facility promised the next spot in memory care to her. An aide told me there is an opening but noone is telling me about it. To protect the aide, I will wait a bit and casually ask if there are any openings. If they say no, trust will be gone.
Re home health aides- sorry but remove all valuables and cash. My mil’s aides were wonderful and no theft occurred but I’ve heard of many stories and sister in law removed all jewelry anyway.
Compmom- wow, after all you’ve done to cooperate with this facility! Please give me their number so I can call and raise a stink on your behalf!
JustaMom5465, I am in the exact same situation. Mom (age 92) has lived in independent living in a continuing care community for almost 8 years. We’ve noticed some slipping over the past 6 months. Last week, I got a phone call from the facility that she’d fallen. I live 2 hours away and rushed up there. Then she fell 2 more times. Got her to the on-premise medical facility where they discovered her heart rate was very high (did I mention that I found out she hadn’t taken her meds regularly?). They moved her to the skilled nursing section. The heart rate is better but her blood pressure is high. At my request, they gave her a cognitive assessment which she flunked with flying colors. It is very clear she can no longer live on her own. Her facility helped us find a live-in aide which will start as soon as she’s discharged from skilled nursing. We’re still waiting for the results of the urine test, in case she also has a UTI.
Anyhow, I’ve met the new aide for about 30 minutes. She seems capable. This whole thing sounds like it could be the senior version of a bad blind date. I feel like I’ve been drinking from a fire hose the past 5 days. So many decisions need to be made quickly.
It’s hard when they’ve been independent and then it becomes clear they need much more help. Good luck in navigating this tricky path forward.
@Mansfield let’s have a virtual toast to ourselves, I have a fire hydrant here, too, lol. 
This is not easy. Not sure if my mom’s aide is working out. It just feels like they are not communicating on the same wavelength. Who knows, maybe it just needs time but right now they are not clicking at all. Having someone there round the clock seems to be more stressful for her than it’s worth. I’m wondering now if a full day aide would be better.
Gotta admit, there were some tears on my part this morning (h got to witness that, not mom…he’s so patient with me)
ETA: mom wants the aide OUT. Looks like I have some calls to make in the morning. 
I have a new problem with my mom. She recently had hip surgery and so her mobility is limited right now (I hope physical therapy can help with mobility) and the problem is that she needs her toe nails clipped. Who do I call to have this done? Should she call her doctor’s office? She doesn’t want a pedicure - she just needs her toe nails clipped so I don’t think she needs a nail salon. I"m at a loss for how to advise her.
Thanks in advance.
Medicare paid for a podiatrist to come to my parents home once/month because my dad had diabetes. It’s also possible a home health aid could do that. I’d start with a call to the doctor’s office and see what they recommend.
Yes, podiatrist, definitely.
Hello all, and hugs to those dealing with parents at a more needy stage. My dad’s first doctor’s appt and cancer infusion session went off without a hitch and so far, so good on insurance and change of address and all that. We even celebrated his 90th birthday last week with a cake!
He’s a bit forgetful, and omg, I’d forgotten how entitled he is - waves things at me to put away, orders me to get him a drink or whatever. I’m biting my tongue at this point, but I drew the line when he wanted me to do his laundry - I took him in and showed him how the machine works. (It’s on the main living level, so no stairs.)
When he’s incapacitated, obviously we’ll take care of those needs. But as long as he’s sitting at his desk and taking walks and managing his post-retirement business dealings, I’m pushing back. I’m not his wife or his servant (the latter has been an apt description of all the women in his life, I’ve come to learn).
BUT then he fell a few days ago. We had no idea - he told us about it the next morning. He has to get up frequently at night for the bathroom, and he said he closed the door, turned around and fell. He had bad bruising along his forearm and a couple of small lacerations, I guess you’d call them.
There was quite a bit of blood alongside the toilet base, which we didn’t even discover for two days.
He blamed the small bathroom rug for the fall, so we took that out.
Now I’m wondering whether we should get a life alert bracelet thingie.
Or just an Alexa in every room (we’re already invested in that world, with two Echos in two rooms).
Any thoughts? I’m not sure the life alert bracelet would work; don’t they ping some outside company/first responder and not, like, us down the hall?
My father used a plastic urinal at night for years to avoid the possibility of falling. He just emptied it and rinsed the next morning and would reuse for a while before changing it out completely. That way he could sit on the bed and /or stand up right next to the bed when he woke at night. Trick was to keep it handy so he could find it right away and to make sure he got the top on securely so it didn’t spill. But he used it for years (later in combination with an adult diaper but continued to also use the urinal until literally days before he died as well). Otherwise the chances of falling in the night are way too high.
Would a baby monitor work if your father called out?
In my experience, the aides who help with personal care (showers etc) help with that. But my parents’ ALF had a podiatrist come once a month for things like that too.
Home from a week with my folks; Preferred Sibling’s wife has just started chemo, Local Sibling was away to meet a new grandchild. I took unpaid time off.
They sent dad home from the ER, Mom drove them home in the dark. Oy. Six hours later, she calls the ambulance again and this time the ER admits him. Profoundly anemic, probable return of the GI bleed. They decide he needs to be at the Big Hospital 40 miles away, but there is no bed. I arrive to help.
Another day , still no bed. And another.
Another day, the attending announces Dad is “stable” , they will discharge him and we should follow up by calling his GI doctor (who has seen him twice in all of 2022). I push back, incredulous. Well, the attending says, they can’t do anything and there are no beds so he has to go home.
Mom is confused. Dad is confused. I call many, many doctor offices. Why do specialists never coordinate care? I get nowhere. We ask for him to be considered for a bridge ward (basically inpatient pt) and the attending resentfully agrees; Dad qualifies (denies ever falling, fainting, or wobbling but flunks the eval spectacularly) . He is there now, but thinks he gets out tomorrow and so does Mom.
So a week later! His hematologist (who I called) says for god’s sake, somebody check his iron . We pass this on. Attending says that doctor has to call it in. That doctor says well he hasn’t seen dad so he can’t. I cry in the shower. Mom rages at me for many dumb reasons. Preferred sibling returns and talks to Mom at length about plans, her driving, etc.
And today, rather than have Local sibling take her to the hospital, she deliberately leaves early and drives herself. I can’t even with these two.
Hugs to everyone out here in the wilderness that is caregiving.
I was thinking about a baby monitor too.
Thanks for the baby monitor idea.
So, like, one in the bathroom, one in the bedroom where he sleeps?
I’m so sorry. It’s sounds so frustrating. I hope you get some relief as the other siblings deal with this.
Although the doctors are complicating this so much! Seems to be easy to order a stupid iron test. Geez.
And sorry that your role seems to be the target of your mother’s ire
Yes! And then you could move one of them to where he spends his time during the day.