This is the first chance in a child’s life to think deeply about who they are and to make a really big life decision with little downside. We’re not talking Barnard vs. Fairbanks College of Ice Fishing. We’re talking about two fine schools. If there were huge financial factors involved, of course, the decision is made together. But to use the threat of withholding support to manipulate your child like this, no way is that ok. The helicopter needs to be grounded!
The parents have a right to decide not to send their child to Manhattan if they want. That doesn’t make it helicoptering. It’s unrealistic to think parents are going to just write a 5-figure check and let their 18-year-old fill it out for wherever they want to go. It’s a huge expenditure and families need to come to a decision everyone can live with.
If I told my kid I wasn’t comfortable with her going to NYC and she responded by refusing to apply to Tufts, I’d ask her what her 3rd choice was because that’s where she’d be applying. Turning 18 doesn’t give students the right to tell their parents how to spend their money.
Why would anyone not want their kid to go to NYC? I don’t get it. Are you referring to imagined safety issues?
I respectfully disagree. It is helicoptering.
I did exactly that. Twice.
@ClassicRockerDad I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I was fine with the top few choices of both of my kids and once we talked through pros and cons the final decision was theirs. I have no preference between Barnard and Tufts and would let my child choose her preference. But if my kid WAS choosing between as you say Barnard vs. Fairbanks College of Ice Fishing for $60,000 a year of my money, then I would feel that I had every right to step in. I honestly don’t think that would make me a helicopter parent but everyone has his/her own definition of helicoptering I guess.
In any event I hope the OP is able to convince her parents of the merits and safety of Barnard. If that does not happen by the ED deadline, I would not apply anywhere ED. see how things fall out in the RD round she you will have time to revisit schools as appropriate.
Going to college in NYC is safer than going to any school that puts a kid in a car often. The most likely way a college age person is going to die is in a car accident. I believe the second most would be suicide. Being the victim of a crime leading to death is probably about 70X less likely than dying in a car accident. To me my child going to school in an urban campus and never using a car is much safer than some suburban or rural school.
It may be that the OP’s parents don’t really understand ED either, that it is binding, that it is not just a way to get into one school early and still keep the other schools in play.
It is a family decision on where to go, how much to pay, how far away it is. The family may have relatives near Boston but not near NYC, may have a fear about safety (rational or not, they may have the fear), may just not like NYC. Parents may have followed the mattress girl case or other recent issues. ClassicRockerDad might not have minded being an ATM for his kids, but that’s not how it works in my family and we discuss how to spend $$$$ before we do it. I wouldn’t be comfortable paying for a school I didn’t like, but I wouldn’t force my child to apply ED to a school she didn’t like. I think we’d look for more schools and give up the ED opportunity.
Last year on CC there was a father posting that his daughter wanted something like $50k to go to an art school. CC parents had no trouble advising that that was crazy, that 18 year olds have no idea how much money that is, that he was the parent and needed to put his foot down and play the ‘it’s my money’ card and not let the student go where she wanted to go. Parents do have a little power. There is also a reason why parents have to sign the ED application because they do have a final say in college choice.
It was never easier to get into Columbia than Barnard. That is just incorrect
As someone who lives in NYC, I don’t think crime is the big issue these days. I think what people worry about is an act of terrorism. Maybe that’s what the OP’s parents are afraid of. OP has to ask them what their issues are.
There has been terrorism in Boston too.
I don’t think the parents understand what an excellent college Barnard actually is. It is every bit as good as Tufts. Some folks would say it’s better.
The money issue is moot here. If the parents are willing to pay for Tufts, they would be paying the same amount or so for Barnard/columbia.
Actually, in the late 70’s to about 1980, Columbia was struggling with a diminishing applicant pool and significant financial problems. That was a driving force between the decision to finally go co-ed (it was the last of the Ivies to do so)
The Columbia administrated wanted a merger with Barnard but Barnard’s administration balked.
I can’t locate a source of reliable statistics, but I wouldn’t be surprised if admissions during that time frame was more competitive at Barnard than Columbia, but Denburg’s statement suggests that the Barnard administration perceived themselves to be in a position of strength as compared to Columbia While Columbia’s male-only admissions policy in the 70’s was a considerable and growing liability, Barnard’s continued status as a woman’s college was probably an asset in a diminishing market for what was still probably seen as a very desirable educational setting by a niche market, especially with an emerging feminist movement.
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/columbia-university/1930275-is-nyc-unsafe-overprotective-parents.html indicates that the OP thinks that her parents think that New York is too dangerous or something like that. According to that thread, the OP is from DC, which has a higher crime rate than New York.
The risk from terrorism is much lower than from generic crime, whose risk has fallen greatly since a generation ago. However, most people tend to believe that crime is rising even when it is not, so the OP’s parents may have remembered New York from the very high crime years of a generation ago and applied the assumption that crime is higher now than then.
Medford, where Tufts is, does have a lower crime rate than New York.
I said Columbia SEAS, not Columbia College.
Back in the mid-'90s and earlier, Columbia SEAS was much easier to gain admission to by minimum GPA stats compared with Barnard(More difficult) AND Columbia College(Most difficult).
The OP says she’s from the DC area. That almost certainly means that she lives in the Maryland or Virginia suburbs of DC rather than DC itself. People who actually live in DC don’t say that they live in the “DC area.” They say that they live in DC or the District.
At holistic admission schools like Columbia and Barnard, GPA is just one metric.
We don’t disagree. I wouldn’t pay for the Fairbanks College of Ice Fishing either. But getting involved in your child’s choice between Tufts and Barnard is IMHO helicoptering.
The parents may not feel this way if their concern is with Barnard’s big-city location. They might object to all big-city colleges – it’s just that in this instance, only one is being considered.
If the parents are paying for the school, it is their decision where they spend their money. If the OP’s family is full pay, they will be spending over $250,000 for Barnard. It is up to the OP to convince her parents that Barnard is a good investment when roughly comparable, options are available at half of the price or less (e.g. UVa). They may have other considerations too.
That would be an important consideration for many families, but it doesn’t seem to be the issue in this case. The OP’s parents have no objection to her applying ED to Tufts, which is comparable in cost to Barnard.
There was also a marked difference in range of SAT scores accepted.
Average minimum combined SATs were markedly higher for Columbia College and Barnard admits compared with admits to Columbia SEAS in the mid-'90s and earlier.
This is also illustrated by the College Guidance chapter in my HS handbook issued in the early '90s which placed Columbia SEAS in a lower tier of admission difficulty in terms of minimum GPA and SAT scores* than Barnard which was placed in the next higher tier followed by Columbia College (Second to highest tier).
- Provided one was lopsided in favor of the math section which was the case with the majority of my HS classmates and those at comparable public magnets like BxScience.