<p>unctarheels, there is a difference about wanting to get an education and wanting to go to college. If you think about, my BIL and OP have a lot in common: both do want(ed) to continue living care-free.</p>
<p>P.S. Yes, OP disappeared. Not so passionate after all.</p>
<p>lerkin, She sounds to me like she wants a good education and, like many privileged students, has never been taught that community college is a viable and respectable option. A lot of wealthy kids have it ingrained in their brains that the only option is a prestigious four-year university, and they’re trained to believe anything less is beneath them. </p>
<p>Also, EVERYONE wants to live care-free. If you had an option between living care-free and living with a pile of concerns, you’d choose the carefree lifestyle. </p>
<p>The OP may have disappeared because the issue was resolved, not because she wasn’t passionate…</p>
<p>I can’t believe no one here has yet focused on the fact that it’s the STEPFATHER getting in the way here. The OP said her mother told her before that they would continue paying for her college education. And now suddenly they decide not to? Add to that the fact that her stepfather is the one telling her to get out of the house. O</p>
<p>That was never lost on me and likely not lost on others. </p>
<p>However, the OP says her family is affluent. Since often it’s the husbands that earn more (substantially more) than the wives, then perhaps the mom’s hands are tied in this regard. She can’t make her H pay for HER child’s education if he is now refusing based on the OP’s behavior. And, the mom may not have the earnings to pay for her D’s education herself. WE don’t even know if the mom works at all. The dad may be the sole huge bread-winner, who was graciously paying for his step-child’s education. </p>
<p>Imagine how grateful the MOM would be if her H was willing to pay for HER child’s pricey education, and how upset she’d then be when her D squandered the opportunity with bad behavior???</p>
<p>The OP has likely appealed to her mom in private. She recently asked for info to fill out FAFSA and her mom yelled at her and told her that they “don’t owe her anything”. So, her mom is now on the same page as the dad. We don’t know the situation, but the mom could be “choosing” her H over her D because losing her H could be financial devastation for her. </p>
<p>Choosing a 2nd H over your child can be a bad thing, but could be understandable if the OP really did something awful, wouldn’t accept that she did wrong (instead only was angry at getting “caught”). In such a case, the mom would be wrong to choose her child over her H. </p>
<p>If the mom has her own good income, then another appeal to the mom might work, but not likely if it will jeopardize her marriage. Yes, she won’t want her D on the street and likely would be open to some kind of arrangement where the D lives at home and commutes to the local CC. But, the mom knows that’s not what the D wants. The D wants to be out from under their control, OOS, and on THEIR money. (believe me, they know that she can’t go OOS without their help)</p>
<p>Since this is likely an educated (or at least reasonably intelligent) family to be very affluent, then it’s not likely that they are cutting the student off over some minor thing like a missed curfew or a C on her report card. </p>
<p>If we let our imagination run wild, we could come up with a whole bunch of plausible scenarios that would cause parents to withhold money to a very pricey school. </p>
<p>If the parents are religious, they may be upset if they found out that their D has been sexually active (or worse, promiscuous with a variety of hook-ups). I can think of a whole bunch of parents who’d flip out to learn that their D is the Flavor of the Week on a college campus. </p>
<p>They may have found out that she was skipping class, got bad grades, charging indiscriminately on the “emergency credit card,” charging a group’s entire tab on the credit card and pocketing the cash, got a huge speeding ticket (or a repeat huge speeding ticket), etc, etc.</p>
<p>A few years ago, a friend (stupidly) put his child’s Cal Berkeley school money into the child’s account for the CHILD to pay for tuition, books, apt, food…well, the child decided to skip that semester and blow the tuition money on parties, booze, and girls. </p>
<p>So, yeah, there are some pretty awful things kids can do to cause their parents to shut down the checkbook.</p>
<p>The OP may have disappeared because the issue was resolved, not because she wasn’t passionate…</p>
<p>I doubt that. More likely she disappeared because her scheme to work/pay for her OOS school was shown to be very flawed, and she isn’t open to the idea of going to school locally.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids, I wasn’t trying to suggest that she should appeal to her mother for money to go OOS. I think she should be appealing to her mother to let her stay at home, even if the step father would prefer she lived on her own. If this option has been offered to the OP and SHE has refused because she would like to go OOS for frivolous reasons, then that’s a different situation in which would I feel no remorse for the OP. However, if her stepdad is really intent on kicking her out, then maybe the mother SHOULD take action even if it means jeopardizing her marriage.</p>
<p>Okay so I believe the OP left because she didn’t want to hear the truth; the suggestions didn’t fit into “her” plan. (“There is no money, so work it out with your parents” or “take time off and build tuition savings”) </p>
<p>What she wanted from CC posters was: EMPATHY AND LOANS AnSWER:</p>
<p>How to get an enormous amount of money/loan-for free- in a very fast manner, without any conditions or consequences. Oh and “NOW!” </p>
<p>Poor little rich kid! </p>
<p>Sounds like her parents were right in refusing to pay for her education; she’s not truthful enough to admit how she crossed their trust and she’s using step-father as the culprit. Her postings sound immature and “entitled”. She got “busted” and was concerned because she got caught, not because what she was “doing” was wrong.</p>
<p>At every turn, we’ve always been told, even if your income doesn’t qualify your family for anything, fill out a FAFSA in case your child qualifies for merit-based aid or unexpectedly needs a loan. And, in this economy, it should be automatically done because there might be unexpected family changes-loss of job, loved one, long-term illness, etc. Every kid at our upper middle class high school knew they had to fill one out. I’m sure Ms. Jennifer heard the same thing over and over again but since a FAFSA requires work on her part it wasn’t done. </p>
<p>Jennifer wanted to be rescued by CC posters, and hearing what the public was currently suggesting didn’t correspond with what she wanted now, so she left the building.</p>
<p>I want to add the following to mom2ck post: If mom does not have any means to pay for the education herself, without husband’s help, then siding with the husband is not really equivalent to choosing husband over daughter. Because siding with the daughter is not going to change anything - there will be no money to pay for college anyway. In fact, it might be beneficial to side with the husband and give daughter an opportunity to shape up, so that in the future the door can be re-opened to pay for college again.</p>
<p>If mom indeed has the means to pay for college herself, then … just read mom2ck’s post above.</p>
<p>I don’t really think the mom is siding with the Stepdad, at least not for petty reasons. </p>
<p>The mom’s first reaction upon learning “the bad thing” was likely “ok, that’s bad, but I don’t want you to drop out of school.” Then time went on and the D didn’t seem to “own” the infraction, may have balked when she heard that she’d have to show grades/banking/health records in order for the gravy train to continue. </p>
<p>Since the showing of grades/banking/health records were expected, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to imagine that the infraction has something to do with one or more of these things. After all, if a child dented mom’s new car and denied doing it, would we ask to see health and banking records? Not likely. </p>
<p>UNCTarHeels…yes, the student should appeal to her mom to let her live at home, commute to the local CC while also working a part-time job. She might also have to concede to providing a schedule to her parents of where she is at various times until she’s proved herself. </p>
<p>Jennifer…try this…Today or tomorrow… Go to the CC and sign up for classes. Then using that schedule, find a part-time job that will fit that schedule…the campus may offer jobs or maybe a nearby campus hangout. </p>
<p>Then, create a schedule for your mom/parents detailing when you’d be in class, when you’d be at work, when you’d be studying, etc. This will likely impress them that you’ve done the adult thing and come up with a good solution.</p>
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<p>That’s possible. But it’s equally possible (if not even more likely) that she just misses the friends and social life she had at her four-year college.</p>
<p>If education was the only thing that mattered, she’d have accepted the option of switching to community college without batting an eye.</p>
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<p>Although I agree that she seemed to mainly be missing her friends and social life at school, it’s easy to imagine that she might not feel that she could get as good an education at the local community college. And, that might be true, for all we know. College isn’t just about imparting knowledge, and the in-class experiences vary, even if the content were exactly the same.</p>
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<p>Most schools that offer merit-based aid do NOT require a FAFSA or PROFILE. Families that aren’t applying for need-based aid should, of course, check with the individual schools for their merit aid policies. When D1 was applying, I contacted each school on her list to ask if we needed to complete the FAFSA or PROFILE to be considered for merit aid. There were none. I’ll do the same with D2 in a year. </p>
<p>As for unexpectedly needing a loan–this also depends on family and student circumstances. Quickly being able to get a Stafford loan might mean the difference between being able to enroll for the next semester or not for some students, but others have other resources for short-term emergencies. Anything long-term like being out of work for more than a year or a serious illness shouldn’t require a short-term fix, in which case there’s plenty of time to fill out a FAFSA to qualify for Stafford. </p>
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<p>It’s not just the student’s “responsibility” to fill out the FAFSA. They need information about their parents’ finances. If the parent doesn’t want to provide that information–which was the OP’s situation–then that ends the entire process.</p>
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<p>I got the impression that the OP was a rising college junior. If that’s true, there’s no community college option.</p>
<p>In my belief the OP came here looking for options, because she wasn’t able to see any.</p>
<p>Several years ago my much younger sister was in college. She struggled with many things during her first two years of school. But during her junior year she made a mistake which she saw no way out of.</p>
<p>Even though she came from an upper-middle to upper class family and had a part time job and money available, she made the poor decision to shoplift a small item. She was caught by store secuity and although she had taken a low cost item, they still chose to press charges. She was arressted and never mentioned it to anyone - family or friends, primarily because she was embarrased by her lapse in judgement.</p>
<p>She later went to court, on her own, still deciding not to mention what she was going through to anyone.</p>
<p>Nearly 3 months later when she was struggling with everything she was going through and the consequences and potential consequences she was facing, she decided to call me, her much older sister. There were so many years between us, we’d never been close, but she really didn’t want our parents to learn about what happened and she NEEDED to talk about what she was going through. She kept saying how that one mistake would ruin her whole future that no one would ever give her a job that everyone was going to find out and judge her for what she did…</p>
<p>I tried telling her that everyone makes mistakes, that for 3 months that no one had learned about what happened and that it was likely that no one was going to learn unless she chose to tell them. I told her that she could discuss with her career center how to address the issue during a job search and that if she was able to come up with an explanation about what happened and how she’d grown from the event that she should still be able to find someone willing to give her a chance.</p>
<p>She’d made up her mind. She was confident that she’d destroyed her future and there was no way out. Her guilt was weighing on her. What our parents would think, what her friends would think was weighing on her. 2 days later, my sister took her own life.</p>
<p>The woulda, coulda, shouldas have run through my head for six years now. I did my best not to judge. I did my best to listen to her and understand what she belived, what she wanted. I did my best to try to show her there was a way forward. But was there something else I should have said, something else she wanted to hear. Would anything I said have made a difference?</p>
<p>It’s easy to annonomously provide advice with half a story, but the OP has said that working things out with her parents is not an option. Maybe true, maybe not. But whether it is true or whether just what she believes, it is true to her. She needs other options because when young adults don’t see any options, when they begin feeling that there is no way out of their current situation, when they start feeling trapped, then bad things can happen.</p>
<p>Maybe the message was written during an emotional moment. Perhaps she was angry or upset. Perhaps after the emotions subsided, she was able to talk to her parents. Perhaps they were able to resolve the situation. Or perhaps, this issue is still weighing on her every day as the school year draws nearer and nearer. </p>
<p>Here’s hoping that the OP has someone other than an anonymous message board to talk to about what she’s going through and who can help her find an alternative that she believes is an option for her.</p>
<p>jrcsmom, so sorry to hear your sister’s story. It’s a good reminder that what may seem “minor” to us can seem like the end of the world to a young adult.</p>
<p>aunt bea, if we knew we weren’t eligible for need-based aid, and our child didn’t need to file a FAFSA for any merit aid, I would not fill one out. It’s a pain (minor, but still) and we have other options for a small emergency loan for our child. (Since our S does qualify for some financial aid, we will be filling it out for the next few years at least.)</p>
<p>It’s been at least 9 pages or more since the OP posted on this thread. I hope she has figured out what to do next.</p>
<p>jrcsmom, what an eloquent post. I was shaking my head at the many uninformed presumptuous and even reckless judgments from on high until I read your post. Thank you for sharing what must be an incredibly painful perspective.</p>
<p>JCRSMom- So sorry about your sister. </p>
<p>This thread reminded me of what it is like to be a young person facing a difficult situation with no life experience. </p>
<p>I hope the OP has worked it out and/or found an answer and that she had someone to talk to other than this message board.</p>
<p>So sorry for your loss, jrcsmom.</p>
<p>jrcsmom, your post is one that I’m going to save and refer to…and refer others to read. Thank you so much for writing about such a personal and painful time.</p>
<p>Military.</p>
<p>That’s what is currently your best option in my opinion. Take off two years from your life then you will get enough to fund the rest of your education and you should come out both more mature and debt free. It’s arguably more effective than </p>
<p>And FYI, my tuition is 15k a year and and there’s no way I could work part time to cover that AND my living expenses and I was getting $10/hour at my old part time job. Heck even if I could get the ~$20 from my current internship and set my own hours it’d be rough.</p>
<p>Go to court (see a lawyer)
If your stepfather refuses to pay and your father or mother had promised, you get get the court to force him o pay
And.or get yourself declared emancipated.</p>
<p>Going into debt is not the worst thing to happen</p>
<p>Join the military or ROTC</p>