Parents don't approve of my college choice

Parent Cafe
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<p>Dayton is very, very generous. My sister had a 3.9 GPA. After scholarship money was factored in, it was a little cheaper to send her to Dayton than to UK, so it was a no-brainer. UK seems to be trying to make themselves into some “selective” and “elite” university they clearly aren’t. We also saw this first hand with my brother’s classes at UL and my sister’s classes at Dayton. For basic gen-ed classes, my brother took tests on a computer at home, while my sister had to actually go into class and take her tests. They both have around 3.8 GPA’s in college. I also have a cousin who is attending UK, and I can assure you my sister is definitely receiving a better education at Dayton. </p>

<p>On another note, Fordham does seem like an excellent school, and was ranked at the 6th best Catholic university in the US by Yahoo. They are also located in the Bronx instead of Queens. How is their campus? I think I am going to apply to both Fordham and St. John’s, and if I get accepted I will then take a campus visit to them during my fall break.</p>

<p>My parents just don’t think me going to college in New York is realistic. They think I will get home sick, will hate the city life, and will essentially go through terrible culture shock. They just don’t take my desire to go far away for college seriously, finances really aren’t an issue. I’m just hoping to get a lot of aid so that they really have no reason to say no other than them thinking New York is, and I quote, “too much” for me. I have been to big cities. I have visited Chicago, Paris, and London. I love the lifestyle of the big city. Being able to walk out your apartment and go anywhere in a matter of minutes is what I want to live like. I want to live somewhere that has excellent public transportation, and what city offers better public transportation than New York. I want to live in a city that is full of diversity, livelihood, action, and tons of people. Louisville is the biggest “city” in Kentucky with a metro population of 1.3 million. It is much too small and spread out over a huge area. It is all suburban life, small communities spread out over many areas. I am the youngest of three children. I’ve watched my older brother and sister grow up first hand. I am the most independent and resourceful. I started staying home alone while my mom went grocery shopping when I was 6. I put my first computer together when I was 7. I started paying bills for my mom when I was 9. I started working at a real job when I was 15. I started working on my own car when I was 15. I was just left home alone for a week and a half while my parents were out of town for work trips. They came home and kept asking me why I didn’t call or text them. Why didn’t I call or text you? Because I didn’t need you! I am 17 and responsible. I’m grown and can take care of myself. I’l be a legal adult in less than 4 months. I have my own job. I pay for everything, except my education, on my own. I just don’t understand why they won’t take me seriously when I say I want to go away for college. It genuinely hurts me and makes me feel like I am not good enough.</p>

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<p>Fordham’s campus is very nice.</p>

<p>St. John’s also has a Staten Island campus which is beautiful.</p>

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<p>Fordham also has a Manhattan campus. </p>

<p>What about Hendrix?</p>

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<p>I’m wondering if someone needs to tell OP just how big NYC is, how the flavor and appeal of the surroundings can vary. Cobrat mentioned some transpo realities. </p>

<p>Now for an anecdote: one of the smartest guys I know went to Dayton. Fwiw, which, I know, isn’t much.</p>

<p>You want to look at class offerings, research opps, how they foster internships and career-related things, what’s going on on-campus, the backgrounds and activities of profs. Not just the zip code or accept rates, etc.</p>

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<p>However, St. John’s University does not seem to be any more “elite” than University of Kentucky. Indeed, with a frosh class with significantly weaker high school credentials, the opposite may be true.</p>

<p>[St</a>. John’s University Admissions Information - CollegeData College Profile](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=29]St”>http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=29)
[University</a> of Kentucky Admissions Information - CollegeData College Profile](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=1532]University”>University of Kentucky Acceptance Rate | CollegeData)</p>

<p>Actually, the frosh profile of University of Dayton looks very similar to that of University of Kentucky in terms of high school credentials:</p>

<p>[University</a> of Dayton Admissions Information - CollegeData College Profile](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=347]University”>http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=347)</p>

<p>Fordham University appears to have a frosh class with better high school credentials than University of Dayton, University of Kentucky, or St. John’s University.</p>

<p>[Fordham</a> University Admissions Information - CollegeData College Profile](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=1148]Fordham”>http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=1148)</p>

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<p>Step back and remember that the purpose of going to college is to learn in an academic environment, without putting yourself into deep debt. It is not (supposed to be) just a four or five year party or “experience”. Really, it seems that both you and your parents are losing sight of the actual purpose by focusing on the location of the college, rather than the academics and cost.</p>

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<p>I sympathize with your desire for an urban school, diceman, but I just do not think that St John’s is even close to the school you think it is. </p>

<p>Are you only interested in Catholic schools? Is this for religious reasons, or because you think your parents will look more kindly on such a school? Or is there some other characteristic you are looking for?</p>

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<p>Maybe your parents just don’t think it is worth spending lots of extra $ to go to a school that isn’t substantially better academically than public options closer to home. Even if we were all to agree that Fordham, for instance, was a measurably better school than Kentucky, I really don’t think it is worth 40K a year more plus travel expenses. Financial aid might help, but if money isn’t the issue here and your parents have been able to pay for expensive private high school out of pocket, I doubt you’d get much. No matter how you cut it, you’ll still wind up with a big cost differential. If we were talking Northwestern vs. UK, I might have a different opinion, assuming your parents could afford it, but that isn’t the case.</p>

<p>Keep in mind when you compare public to private universities that private universities are always going to have somewhat higher test scores than public ones of comparable stature simply because they draw from a wealthier population, and one of the many things money can buy is higher SATs scores. You should also consider that any flagship state university is going to have some really outstanding students just because it is the best option for smart kids who want to or have to stay in state. </p>

<p>Frankly, you’re coming off as pretty entitled to me. Unless you went to one of a handful of elite boarding schools for high school, no college is going to seem just like high school. You’re living on your own, you have more choice in what you study, and the courses are taught on a different schedule and a different level. Maybe UK isn’t everything you want in a school, but it can be a great four year experience if you choose to take advantage of opportunities. As a graduate student, I can tell you that even if UK doesn’t have world-renowned faculty, the competition for academic jobs is so stiff that there are bound to be a lot of pretty bright and accomplished people teaching there.</p>

<p>When it is all over, you can look for a job away from Kentucky and move elsewhere on your own dime.</p>

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<p>Maybe your parents just don’t like NY. Why not find some other Catholic univs in cities that they’ll like better (they probably won’t like St Louis either). Maybe Villanova, Loyola Maryland, Seton Hall, Xavier, Duquesne, UDayton, and so forth.</p>

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<p>The OP is not acting “entitled” if he says he would like to go to school in NY. He has something he is excited about doing, and is trying to do it. That is not the definition of entitlement. I 100% understand where he is coming from. When I was in high school all I wanted was to go to school as far away from home as I could, to experience a new world. Those who criticize him for wanting that just don’t understand the mindset. That’s not “entitled.” That’s looking for fresh horizons. Now, I am a New Yorker, and I think the OP should reconsider St. John’s. He probably just doesn’t know enough about it. He might not convince his parents to pay for a school in NY, but that does not mean his desire to go is foolish.</p>

<p>That being said, I wouldn’t recommend someone without much money to come to NY. You won’t believe what it costs. I wouldn’t recommend CUNY, as someone did, just because the cost of living is so high. I don’t even think CUNYs have dorms, but I could be wrong.</p>

<p>I wish you luck, OP. I can relate!</p>

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<p>You’re joking right? My parents have put two kids through college, they just don’t think New York is the right fit for me. They always say “Once they leave, they never come back”. They say it isn’t the right fit for me, but I really think they are scared I won’t come back to Louisville. I want to live in New York, or another big city. I don’t want to live in a suburban setting. Why can’t anyone respect that? I know what the purpose of college is: to get prepared to live on your own, become an adult, and be able to fully stand on your own two feet without mom and dad holding your hand. I can assure you from personal experience with comparing people who have attended those two colleges, and not just high school credentials, that University of Dayton is a better institution than University of Kentucky. Class difficulty, teachers, etc. High school credentials don’t mean a thing if you don’t consider what type of school the applicants attended and the type of classes taken. Dayton is a huge choice for many private high school students in Louisville, while UK is a very common choice for many public high school students. Public schools in Kentucky are a complete and utter joke.</p>

<p>Location of college is extremely important! If you stick an A+ high school student in a college that is in a living environment they hate, their grades will strongly reflect that. I can assure you from personal experience with my brother. He attended Morehead his freshman year, which is out in the middle of no where, and hated it. He finished with a 3.0, sophomore year he transferred to University of Louisville and finished with a 3.65 and just graduated with honors. I can also assure you that University of Louisville is a much better institution than Morehead State University, and University of Dayton is a better institution than University of Louisville.</p>

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<p>Thank you redpoint! Someone that finally agrees with me! I am not from New York, so of course I didn’t know what the local reputation of it was. Online, it seemed like one of the best Catholic universities to go to, with great employment connections for graduates. After hearing from many locals, I have determined that maybe St. John’s isn’t the school I thought it was. I don’t know why people got so flustered with me asking about it. It seems as though they hate the school. I am keeping my eyes open, but Saint Louis University and Fordham University both seem like very attractive options. Travel to and from New York really isn’t an issue, we get free Southwest flights through my uncle who works for them. I also already have a pretty penny saved up since working my sophomore year in high school, by next year I will have PLENTY, and I really do mean plenty, of my own spending money saved up. Gas in Louisville is more expensive than in NYC for goodness sakes!</p>

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<p>You may not want to read this, but the real purpose of college is to continue your education in an academic environment to work toward your academic and career goals. Most college students commute to a local community college or university, rather than “going away” to college. And many people leave their parents’ place without going to college (or after attending a local community college or university).</p>

<p>If the academic attributes of a college are as unimportant to you compared to the location in NYC as it appears from your posts, why not just move there and try to find a job there, rather than pay tuition at a college there?</p>

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<p>I’d also look into Manhattan College as it’s another NYC area Catholic College with a better academic reputation among NYC Catholic families and locals. </p>

<p>While it’s located in the Bronx, the 1 train station is nearby and is a much shorter ride to Manhattan. </p>

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<p>Only if that HS student isn’t able to put that hatred aside to properly focus on doing well enough so he/she could attain transfer admission to a more desirable college. </p>

<p>Knew plenty of HS students for whom the above quote didn’t apply and thus, were able to transfer successfully and more importantly, continued to excel at the second more desirable school…including elite colleges like Reed, Columbia, CMU(engineering/CS), etc.</p>

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<p>I might have been a little harsh, I’ll admit, and if the sole reason your parents don’t want you to go to school in another area is because they hope that you’ll stay in Kentucky forever, you are right to be upset. On the other hand, based on what you’ve said here, you may be mixing some pretty good arguments with some pretty bad ones and muddying the issue. </p>

<p>The good argument is that college is a time to explore both academically and socially, you’re interested in the big city culture in another part of the country, and want to see what living a different kind of life is like before figuring out where you want to wind up after graduation. For the next four years, you’ll have plenty of time to spend at home, and after that, if New York winds up being the place that makes you happier, and you find a job there, that’s where you will and should stay.</p>

<p>If, however, you mix this with a lot of statements that sound - whether they are or not - frivolous or ill-informed, you are giving your parents an opening to dismiss the whole argument. For instance, I think using an argument like “If I don’t like the college I attend, I’ll probably lose motivation and interest and do worse in school” is likely to get a response like “Not if you’re a mature adult” or “I don’t like my job, but I work darn hard at it, and there isn’t any reason you couldn’t do the same.” Same with saying something like “UK would be just like high school,” or giving the impression that not only would you greatly prefer going to school in New York, but there is no option close to home that wouldn’t be miserable. Your parents can then base their response on rebutting the weakest part of your argument and never really address the major point.</p>

<p>Once you separate the good parts of your argument from the bad, beyond being more convincing, you’ll have a better basis for figuring out what precisely your parents are objecting to, especially you can give good, specific reasons for some of the schools on your list. There is a big difference to the response you may get from what seems to your parents like a whim - which can easily be dismissed with “Oh, but then you’ll leave for good and I want my baby close to home!” - and to a serious, well reasoned plan. Maybe they’ll come around, maybe you’ll find that there are other valid objections (like cost), and maybe they’ll be unreasonable and you’ll just have to make the best of it, but in any case, you’ll know what you are up against.</p>

<p>On practical terms, is there any possibility of a compromise? For instance, would your parents be hugely upset if you went to school in Chicago, which is much closer to home but would still give you the opportunity to live in a major city?</p>

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<p>OP - Your current choices are a bit odd - Dayton is a much smaller city than Louisville, while Cincinnati and St. Louis are both roughly the same size. </p>

<p>Chicago might be a great compromise since it is roughly the same distance as St. Louis for you. Also, as a Kentucky parent, Chicago has the reputation of being a less intimidating, more welcoming city than New York. Perhaps you could consider DePaul and Loyola, or even Marquette in Milwaukee (hour train ride to Chicago).</p>

<p>Another possiblity is using the Academic Common Market of southern states:</p>

<p>[Southern</a> Regional Education Board](<a href=“http://home.sreb.org/acm/participating/institutionstates.aspx]Southern”>Southern Regional Education Board)</p>

<p>Depending on which major you select, you could get in-state tuition (and use KEES money) at schools in cities such as Atlanta, Dallas, Miami and more.</p>