I am a junior at a very competitive public school in the Chicago suburbs and have been beginning to seriously look at various colleges. I have a 33 ACT score (hope to move it up 1/ 2 more points) and all A’s and B’s in the most challenging courses offered. So far I’m interested in NYU, Barnard, Northeastern, BU, and Reed College.
I have started discussing these schools with my parents and they have said there is no way that I am going to any of them. I thought that it was a financial issue, but the only reason my dad doesn’t want me going to these places is because they are in major cities. I know that I want to be in a large city but he won’t listen to my point of view and the reasons why I want to be there/ why it is the best for my career.
My mom also says that I don’t have high enough scores for any of these places and I need to “lower my standards”. I understand that these are all competitive schools but I feel as though I have worked as hard as I could and my scores/ grades reflect that.
Now they won’t even let me visit any of these schools solely because my dad is worried about me living on my own in NYC. What do you think I should do about this whole situation? I’m getting very frustrated. Thank you!!
A 33 puts you within range for these schools but like anything else, they are still low reaches. Would they be paying for your education? If so, even a little bit, that places some authority of your choice in their hands. Also, are you female or male? If you’re female, I would understand your father’s concern about being in a big city. Although Chicago is kind of a big city too. Try to convince them why you want to be in the city/why it would be best for you. But remember, if they are chipping some money in, they do have some pull.
I know that 33 is low, it was the first time I took it with no prep. I’ve asked them about the financial aspect of college but they are unclear about how much they will pay. Both of my parents have high paying jobs but aren’t going to be paying for all of my education. I am female and I do understand where my dad is coming from but I am from Chicago so I am not unfamiliar with urban life… I guess I’ll just need to have another conversation about why I really do want to be in a big city. He just has something against NYC… Thank you though! @TheDidactic
You’re welcome! Since you got the 33 with no prep, with some prep you could get ~34-35. Maybe even 36! That only increases your impact in these school’s range. What schools do your parents suggest as alternatives? Definitely have safeties (state schools or smaller public/private schools you know you can get into).
I want to be in the city because I feel like the careers I want to go into (International relations or business (general I know)) have the most job prospects in major cities. I have family who lives in NY and the cost of flying out isn’t what is stopping my dad from sending me there. I don’t know what is. I have looked at Chicago schools (Loyola and Uof Chicago) but my mom doesn’t want me going to either of those places. It’s a double edged problem which is why I’m stressing out about this now. And because they just told me all this information yesterday after I’ve been mentioning these schools for months.
I don’t really know where they want me to go… I’ve asked them and my mom has no ideas and then when I mention other smaller schools she just says that she hasn’t heard of them so they must now be good. But yes I definitely will have safeties! I just want to reach for these schools but they won’t let me do even that…
Are they religious to the point that they fear what “happens” at colleges?
Start asking about colleges nearby and see what they say. Ask them about …Northwestern, UIUC, Loyola Chicago, DePaul and some others. It doesn’t matter that you may not have any interest in these schools…this would just be a test to find out what is really going on. And ask about a few schools that aren’t “close” but aren’t in big cities…like Purdue, IU, University of Iowa, Marquette, Creighton, etc.
The above are schools that they have likely “heard of”, so your mom can’t claim: they can’t be very good since I’ve never heard of them."
OP, while you are having these discussion with your parents, you really need to ask for a definite amount that your parents will provide each year for college, and then start building your list from there. If your parents have a high income, then you won’t qualify for much if any need and schools like NYU (stingy with aid) may have to come off the list.
It never hurts to have 1-2 reaches. I had 3 out of 9. Also, yes, NYU is known for being stingy with aid. So keep that in mind. So it seems like your parents are in the weird bridge of “Ugh, don’t go there!” and “Ugh, I’ve never heard of THAT place!” You just need to initiate conversations and get an idea of what they would like and what they are able to do. The financial is important–get an idea of how your parents can or cannot contribute and work from there.
Also keep in mind you can always transfer to NYC later or get internships there for summer or later in your school career.
They are not religious or immigrants, both went to state schools and then went on to get masters/ doctorates. I will start asking about finances. My dad just got a new job so we have a higher income now and I probably won’t get much financial aid. I just don’t think my parents want to have this conversation yet because they aren’t ready for me to leave, but I need to start realistically thinking about where I will go
Your parents are definitely a huge part of the decision and like I said, you honestly need to just have a conversation and say “Where would you like me to go?” Want and would like are two different things, and just remember to differentiate the two in your mind.
EDIT: And yes your parents not wanting you to leave may be a factor. They may believe that not talking about it and shutting you out will help them not think about it. But it doesn’t work that way.
I had a similar struggle when I first brought up those schools to my dad as well. What ended up finally convincing him was having him actually visit the schools with me. Yes these are schools in major cities, but honestly if you are on campus you are extremely safe. I am at Northeastern and we have a campus police force that does an excellent job of taking care of the students. We even have the option to have police escort us anywhere on campus at any time if we feel unsafe and I definitely understand the concern especially coming from the perspective of a girl. Try and really look into the security measures those schools provide and see if that can convince your parents. An additional note: a 33 is an excellent score. I got into Northeastern, BU and NYU with a lower score, and I didn’t apply to any of the others on your list. I also had similar grades to you.
OP, you are not entitled to attend whatever college you might wish. If your parents are going to be paying for your college education, they are not obligated to pay for your “dream” school"; it’s their money, after all. Quite frankly, you should be grateful that they will be paying anything for your college education, even if it’s not what you might dream of.
Additionally, don’t impugn your parents’ motives or think that what they are doing has no rational basis. They have a lot more life experience than you, and I’m sure that goes into the decisions that they are making.
@gandalf78 - The parents haven’t been very communicative about their intentions or their motives. If they just talked to OP and had a sit-down, then a lot of misconceptions and confusions could be cleared up straightforward.
Seems you would be better off having a calm conversation with your parents and finding out their goals and aspiration for you rather than asking a bunch of strangers on a website.
I think the student does need to find out what exactly is going on. If the parents are just throwing Red Herrings out there and really don’t want her going further than her own backyard, then that needs to be known.
Try to convince them why you want to be in the city/why it would be best for you. But remember, if they are chipping some money in, they do have some pull.