Loving vacation. Really having time to think and realizing that I just no longer have a real passion for what I do. It’s now just a paycheck which is probably the root of my issues. It used to be fun even. Now not so much. I either need to get that back or find something else that will pay me to do something I enjoy.
RM, it took me years to give up my work as my identity. But I did stop thinking “I am a therapist”
to “I work as a therapist” and now am nearly to " I used to be a therapist".
You have spent many years with your own identity and change is tough but I have faith in you!
You too MP!
cq–what fun for your D!
Visiting the G’son who is now 6 years old (so now so much fun) and seeing a concert in Seattle.
Perla Ballani (SP?) and I believe this is a thank you to Shaw who mentioned her here–?
Can’t wait as I love Lenard Cohn’s everything–have his first album.
D is becoming super anxious about finding a place to live here starting mid June.
It is interesting to watch her move from her ideal to reality. I just send her information and smile
and nod. I know it is tough but also know it is their decision. I just quietly remind her that
if they want frequent involvement with the baby from us it cannot be over a 30 minute drive between us.
D’s MIL and FIL have offered to be here for the baby’s 4th month entirely to delay his daycare entrance.
I applaud them. H and I want to be the ones who take over when he is ill and to make meals and to be there as needed. We cannot imagine a 15 hour day even for our new G’son but so happy others are up to it.
Oregon, you are wise (and still making a lot of sense as a therapist.) I just can’t figure out another way to finish the “I am a ____” sentence.
I had a couple of slow hours yesterday, so I actually booked a hotel for a short post-wedding trip for H and me, in Palm Springs. H doesn’t understand the concept, and also, his idea of vacation is non-stop activity. It’s over 11 months away, but I just thought that I will only get busier; we can always change our minds, but it sounds like a great idea to me right now…cool mid-century hotel someplace warm but not too far away.
I am taking this advice to heart and am already happier. I am proud of what I do, but that’s not all I am .
Looks like we will be planning wedding. D2 is getting engaged very soon.
MP we are having fun taking mini trips. fun.
missy…we love the Palm Springs area. We usually stay in Palm Desert but we did an very fun architectural walking tour in downtown Palm Springs last November. We also did a nice hike in the Coachella Valley…Thousand Palms Oasis. Not difficult at all. Couldn’t believe it is a real oasis in the desert!
Today’s the day! My D is on her way to London! She’ll arrive Sunday morning, and starts work Monday.
She managed to get her “stuff” down to two suitcases and a carry-on, and is shipping a couple of boxes. She also shipped us a couple of boxes of things she wants to keep but doesn’t need to live on (childhood stuff, her violin, etc.)
Good luck to your daughter! What an exciting adventure for her although she is far away for you. That can be very bittersweet. When my youngest moved to Denver from DC, he gave his childhood violin to a co-worker that had a band. I wish he had kept it but , oh well, you have to make choices when you move, particularly far away!
Hope she has a great time CQ. Best of luck to her and her new adventures.
D is hoping that her old house closes this week. Was only on the market 2 days but taking a bit to close. They of course are in the new house and getting things the way that they want. They put up a fence and will have to do the room but she really wanted the fence so that she could manage to not have to walk the dogs all the time.
In new job - still with the same company but less stress. Overall I’m glad about it. Just think that it was handled poorly. My old boss with that project is looking for another job outside the company. He has also “had it”. We’ll see how this all plays out,
^ Glad the new position is working out RM.
Hope you enjoy your new, less stressful position, RM.
I’m expecting to get a really bad review this year and no raise or bonus. That is just typical if you step up to do something and it doesn’t work out. Basically the company doesn’t do well with people who need guidance or fail to get the job done regardless. Oh well. Still employed I guess that is a good thing.
I’m also leaving the door open to leaving. Not sure that I really like the assumption here that you will just work long days every day if needed. I mean I will do it for a short period of time - that is the nature of what I do but to have to do it for months on end is not realistic. We are just burning people out - me included.
Congrats on making a change, RM. Sometimes any change is better than sinking in the muck.
cq, how great for you D also making a life change. And you will bet to visit.
D and SIL will be here at the end of June. They have been trying to find an apartment long distance.
The first one was in a wonderful cool neighborhood that has no on-site parking. This is one of the
most difficult places to park in the city. Fortunately, it had lead paint and got knocked out of the game.
D was not pleased with me for not giving 100% support. I asked her if she wanted me to be “nice mom”
or “real mom”…she wanted nice
In the end H and I and SIL via texts spent a few days looking in an area 3 blocks from the
daycare which is across the street from her medical building. Sit and H and I were a great team and
with videos and floor plans were able to choose a unit that has good light is is large at 1200 sq ft.
Parking, dog, gym, roof communal patio.
It was quite the apartment hunt frenzy. I love doing things like this so it was great fun for me.
Our very close friend had a stroke yesterday. He is 55. Recovering but too soon to know the
damages. We have been close for 23 years spending Thanksgiving and Easter together.
They are the closest thing we have to relatives in OR. Very upsetting. Two kids ages 23 and 19.
Wife only 52
Oregon - so sorry about your friend! That is why I don’t want to live at work. I want to enjoy life. I know that some people are the type that living at work IS what excites them but that is not me. I work to make money to do the things that DO excite me which no one would pay me to do. 
Well maybe some day they will but it will be less than I make here. I could see myself working in a fabric store teaching sewing classes or a yarn shop teaching knitting but yes that will not pay me what I currently make sadly. Some day though it would make for great retirement income! Now if I can just find the right place to do be able to work at that.
cq, so exciting that your daughter was brave and went for it!
Exactly - ten months of that with no upside - all stick, no carrot, giving up your life to make others wealthier. Well, I started talk therapy over this. I don’t really know what that says about me. With all I have gone through in my life - y’all know a lot of it - none of that drove me to talk therapy. But this job has. I’ve been to two sessions so far. Talking about myself for an hour seems totally self-indulgent. Which of course it is…I’m paying someone to listen to me.
Oregon, that is so sad about your friend. We’ve all been around enough to know that sometimes there are remarkable recoveries and sometimes there aren’t. Sending out good karma for the former!
Just back from a trip to see my mom. I’ve decided that grandchildren need to care for their grandparents…they are young and just know that being old and fragile will never happen to them. I, on the other hand, keep thinking that Mom is only 24 years older than I am.
I have to share that younger D is graduating from college with a 3.788 and is so excited to get to wear an honors stole. Younger D had such a rocky junior and senior year in HS that I wondered if she would even pass her first semester of classes. I know that many of your kids had higher GPAs at more challenging schools, but D’s college performance was a very pleasant surprise.
missypie, tell your D I am proud of her! That GPA is nothing to sneeze at,and she has clearly matured a great deal from her struggles in HS.
P.S. Glad you are going to therapy. I suspect you may find that the “giving up your life to make others wealthier (happier/less stressed)” has other parallels in your life. I’ve certainly found that to be the case in my life, and my counselor is SO good at helping me realize how much I contribute to that feedback loop.
@missypie - congrats to your D! Does she have post-graduation plans?
MIssypie, if you are finished paying tuition for your kids now, is it possible to find something else that is less demanding of your time and energies and that would give you more satisfaction? I know you’ve had the pedal to the metal for so many years, and you surely deserve to enjoy your work and the environment in which it happens!
CountingDown, no post-graduation “raise” for us…all the college money came out of the kids’ 529s - we even have money left.
As for what D wants to do…what she’s sure of is that she doesn’t want to do anything in her major. That’s fine. She would really like to get into concert production. She’s working at a venue now and is trying to get on at a much larger venue. She claims to have developed good connections. I’ve just told her make a budget and figure out how much she needs to live on. She’ll still be on our health insurance and we’ll pay her car insurance. If she wants to try for a few years to “make it” in some way, I’m fine with it as long as she can keep a roof over her head and put food on the table.