<p>great news #tm. I think there’s something in the male brain that doesn’t like to show any kind of weakness. DS and DH don’t ask. We’re just supposed to guess. Luckily I’ve been married long enough that most times I do know what my husband is thinking. But there was this time very early in our marriage when he told me that “that hot dog looks good” that I was supposed to realize he was hungry and wanted to stop and buy it. Needless to say it has become the quote to use when we realize he’s not communicating.</p>
<p>It doesn’t ever end does it? We will forever have something that we will worry about for our children. As it all starts to hit me now, I am picturing my son getting all the way across campus only to realize he’s forgotten something back at the dorm… his head is filled w/ too much these days and I am constantly reminding him of various tasks… I know he will be on his own and have to stumble to learn but… YIKES. </p>
<p>As I type… he is on his way to buy the prom tickets! FINALLY. </p>
<h1>theory… I have my fingers crossed for your son. My brother didn’t walk w/ his class (due to incomplete gym requirement) and he says it was a good reminder of what can happen if … he’s very successful now so, I guess there was a reason to it all.</h1>
<p>I saw that 21 days thing. That would take up my kid’s entire suitcase. He never changes his jeans until it’s time for shorts, so at least lack of pants would make room for all the underwear. And they don’t list near enough shirts to go with that much underwear. S changes his T-shirt far more often than his underwear LOL</p>
<p>I have decided, thanks to you guys, to look forward, not back. We will “get er done” or if not, keep working toward the goal of college. To keep it in perspective, it is not a death sentence and we have gotten through lots of disappointments in the past. Onward </p>
<p>{{{hugs}}} to you all</p>
<p>Yeah #TM. Great thought process. Thinking positive is so much more rewarding. The “what-ifs” can drain the life out of you.</p>
<p>S1 crashed and burned a class winter quarter. Got back to campus late, didn’t care for the teacher, no textbook, thought he could learn from the notes posted online instead of going to class. Apparently did poorly on the midterm (but he never checked his exact grade), but truly believed he could pull it out on the final. (well, he did, sorta. Barely passed.) S1’s explanation as to why he didn’t get help: he thought he could pull a B “through force of will,” which of course is exactly what DH has used his entire life to get through cr*p and taught S1 to do. S1 KNEW where the resources were. He KNEW this class would be the one that would be the hardest to get through because he was not into the subject. We asked him repeatedly how things were going and were assured they were fine. </p>
<p>S1 was stunned that force of will didn’t work. You should have seen DH’s face. Absolute devastation. I have spent most of the kids’ adolescent years telling them that the hardest part of college for me was NOT the academics, but learning to use resources and ask for help when I had a problem (personal, course-related or otherwise).</p>
<p>We’ll see how this quarter goes.</p>
<h1>thoery, am glad S gets to attend the awards ceremony and that he is making progress. Hope he learns from this and can apply it to college.</h1>
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<p>I’ve tried so hard to teach Son to advocate for himself but I don’t think he’s learned the lesson.<br>
“Why did you get a zero on that quiz?”
“Because I was on a college visit when they took it.”
“Did you tell your teacher that? Did you ask to take it?”
“No and no.”
If they can’t self-advocate on easy issues like that, how will they ever make the difficult arguments?!</p>
<h1>theorymom, so glad your son can be at the awards ceremony. I had thought of an argument for you to make to school administration - It would attract a lot more attention for him to NOT be at the ceremony than to BE at the ceremony - he is a senior and people know he earned certain awards. Having him not there would violate his privacy by tipping others off that he may not graduate, therefore, he needs to participate to insure his privacy. Glad you don’t have to make the argument, however!</h1>
<p>lolol, laughing about the underwear. When we took S1 to college 2 years ago, I unpacked his clothes and put them in he teeny “dresser” in his room. He had 150 t-shirts and, and this is NOT an exaggeration, TWO pairs of boxers…that makes, um, three total pair of underwear. </p>
<p>We went to Walmart and got some more, but nowhere near 21…</p>
<h1>TM, my son is another who doesn’t get the point of asking for help. I’m hoping it’s something he’ll grow into. Quickly.</h1>
<p>And Son is LOVING the WPI physics t-shirt!</p>
<p>SO glad things are looking better #theorymom!!!</p>
<p>Why don’t men stop and ask for directions! Just think it will turn out well. and maybe a learning lesson as well. this all will be good to remember what happens when you you let things pile up and don’t ask for help. So next year when he is on his own, he will know how to proceed. Look forward to laughing about his next year…well maybe give it two…</p>
<h1>theorymom - I am glad to hear good news about you son’s progress.</h1>
<h1>TM, great to hear that things are turning up.</h1>
<p>My son was sick for so much of HS that he is used to asking for help. Never would have survived without asking for an extension, extra time, and explanation for something he missed while out. So, one male does ask. </p>
<p>In one of his college essays, he described how he pretended to be able to read in K-2nd grades by memorizing all of the stories. “Because I wanted my deficiencies to stay hidden, it wasn’t until 3rd grade that I was formally diagnosed and began to receive reading help. As a result, I had to overcome three years of missed learning. So I now make a deliberate point to be open about my dyslexia.” Maybe he learned the hard way, but he learned earlier. But, as you said, he didn’t ask to hide deficiencies.</p>
<p>So, #TM, maybe your son will also learn from this experience.</p>
<p>Oh, you moms don’t understand the typical adolescent male left on his own. 21 pairs of underpants is 3 weeks? You’re awfully optimistic. 21 pairs of underpants and socks is probably a semester’s worth. I apparently came home for breaks with a toxic duffle bag, which went right into the wash – and apparently I expected my mother to do it and she did. Hard to believe now that I would do that, but easy to believe my son would if left to his own devices. </p>
<p>The only thing that might change the most noxious of the behaviors would be the civilizing influence of a live-in girlfriend, who won’t do the wash (or remedy other relative gross stuff) but will let the boy know that such behavior is gross. “I’m not sleeping over if you don’t wash your sheets.” (“Do sheets need to be washed?” Oh, OK). Or “I’m not sleeping over if you don’t use sheets.” (“But sheets are such a pain in the neck. They keep slipping off. I figured it was easier without them.”)</p>
<p>My son’s girlfriend seems to be having a good influence on him. He was telling me today that she is taking all hard classes (one AP in 10the grade and a full load of AP expected next year and her senior year) and he wanted to know why anybody would choose to do that. In the past, he dismissed all such people as “try hards,” but since he likes this girl and doesn’t think she is doing this to impress anybody he actually wanted to understand the behavior. I told him it was like his weight lifting. Some people might think lifting weights is a waste of time and dumb activity, but he obviously enjoys it despite the hard work. Hard classes are like weight lifting for the brain. The exercise makes the brain stronger and some people like that feeling. I think that made sense to him.</p>
<p>Ah, the truth is painful Shawbridge. I suspect my boys will ration their underpants according to a woefully inadequate laundry schedule. But, it’s not just boys who have the laundry problem. My mother likes to remind me that I came home from college the first time with something like three dozen pairs of dirty socks. Quantity is critical. I like clean clothes.</p>
<p>TM… I hadn’t read this thread earlier and all I can say is I rode the roller coaster WITH you until I got to the part where they’ll let him come to awards. I don’t think I like your school much! What amazes me is that they clearly recognize a kid could use a few accommodations, but they refuse to do ANYTHING unless it’s in writing telling them to. It’s heartless and cruel. Do you really need it officially written down to say a kid should get a syllabus and sit in the front row? This is what happened to older D. But! It’s water under a bridge and you can write a doozy of a letter to the school board when it’s over.</p>
<p>Advocating. We actually had this discussion around the dining room table and this is what we came up with. Good students find it easy to ask questions AND believe that if they don’t know, then few others (if anyone) will. They are confident in their intelligence and (and here’s the kicker), the teachers take the time with them because they like that they are good students. Kids who are not confident in their intelligence dont want to risk not looking the part. And they reason they often lack confidence? Teachers roll their eyes or sigh deeply when the kids raise their hands. They learn very early on to try their best to fake it. Of course, … kids strive to be successful at something and if they are made to feel inferior in the classroom, they will try to be superior among friends (ie class clown) or with the sketchy crowd or the girls/boys. Obviously not what we, as parents, hope for. It amazes me that some teachers don’t really see how big a role they play in developing intelligence and how their dismissive acts can crush a kid. <oops… didn’t=“” catch=“” myself=“” step=“” up=“” on=“” that=“” soap=“” box=“”></oops…></p>
<p>gggrrrrr
H went mining in S’s back-pack. This was out of self-defense to see what else is due that might come up and bite him (me) in butt. (GC let another little bomb drop today that his oral presentation, complete with power point, and High School and Beyond paper is due TOMORROW! argghhh) So therefore the terrible breach in privacy and going through his back-pack.
Let me preface this by saying we NEVER do this, as will be evidenced by how old the thing was that we found.
S had the Academic Achievement Award for AP Calculus for FIRST semester (could have used that on his applications or at least his mid year reports.) HE never even opened the envelope and was unaware that he had it.
OK I officially admit I do NOT <em>get</em> my kid.</p>
<p>Hey how come you never showed us this Award?
What award?
The award you got for AP Calc.
Huh?
You got the academic award first semester for AP Clac.
I did? Cool. When did I get that?
sigh</p>
<p>My son didn’t reply to the invitation to join the National Honor Society junior year. But yours is much more meaningful.</p>
<p>modadunn—any room on the soapbox? I agree with your observation about how students who ask for help and those who don’t. my college freshman son is confident in his intelligence and what he’s a natural at, and is also comfortable knowing there are areas that don’t come so naturally, therefore he’s fine with asking questions in class and even seeking help after class. also, as you mentioned, he has had all positive feedback when seeking help. this year he went to his political philosophy professor for help, which proved enormously helpful. I would add having small classes in his hs and his college helps in having the comfort to ask, and the teachers having the patience…</p>
<p>my d (has add) had some insecurities about her learning style, and experienced some frustrations thru the years, (things she’d miss that everyone else “got”) so she was considerably less comfortable asking for help. and teachers would sometimes directly criticize her asking as if she was simply lazy, and didn’t really need the help. negative feedback for seeking help. fortunately she had a truly gifted AP language teacher who taught students that seeking help was a sign of intelligence. also interestingly my d realizing her big bro sought help convinced her that this was true. made a big difference in her seeing herself as a bright and capable student. and its helped her become a more independent student as well…doesn’t need my direct support as she did in the past…</p>