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<p>Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh …</p>
<p>some of you can totally relate though, right?
LOL It is so freakin ridiculous it is hysterically funny and I needed a laugh.
He truly is the absent-minded professor type.</p>
<p>Shawbridge - you were so wise to get your S tested and to give him that ability to know it is OK and he will need to advocate for himself. Perhaps if we had done that S might feel his “difference” was OK with us (it is!) and have not tried so hard to fake his way through the things that stymied him and never asked for help.</p>
<p>Ah well, IIWII (it is what it is) Whoever said this is a mere blip, is right (and thank you) They say timing is everything, but I might counter that by saying <em>perspective</em> is everything.</p>
<p>On another note, my work was prominently displayed in the local college’s student art exhibit (yes I have gone back to college - non-matriculating - just for the painting professor who is a wonderful artist) so H and I went to the “opening”. It was well attended and the show looked great (because he is a great teacher as well as artist) and H and others were duly impressed by my work PLUS it was nice to do something that was about ME for a few minutes, then we had to rush back because my horse is sick and I need to keep an eye on him - ah the rural life.</p>
<p>Oh I absolutely can relate. A month ago I noticed a student of the month certificate lying around. “When did you get that?” “In February, but I forgot to go to the reception and forgot to pick up the certificate. They sent it to me today”.</p>
<p>You can bet that if that certificate were in a computer game and his character was supposed to pick up treasure along the way in his adventure, he would have noticed it.</p>
<p>It worries me that he pays more attention in a virtual world than in the real world, but maybe I should have hope that at least I know he can pay attention somewhere, and that it could carry over to the real world.</p>
<p>lindz126 and modadunn not sure that this always works out. My D is a smart kid and does very well in school but she will rarely ask questions in class. She is soft spoken and would never want the teacher to ask her to repeat the question assuming that she asked in the first place. She is also painfully shy. Takes her a very long time to warm up to people and hates asking someone new anything. She once spent an entire week at camp and never said a word to anyone. She’s very comfortable with herself. Doesn’t care what others think about her and a top student - just shy.</p>
<p>We are scurrying around this week as next week is my sophomore daughter’s final exams, my wife is in NY working with the gallery at which her show opens next weekend, and I am single parent (not hard with 15 and 19 year-olds). This is such a high-end affair that the gallery, which is in the fanciest mid-town neighborhood in Manhattan, also owns its own loft (where we’ll stay). The gallery’s chef called my wife because, to prepare a post-opening dinner, he needed to interview her to design a menu in which the meal matches the artist’s personality. She said, “I guess that means we’ll be having lots of nuts” and the extremely earnest chef asked her what kinds of nuts she’d like. In Boston, they provide white and red wine with plastic cups and some cut-up cheese. I’ll be leaving tomorrow to meet my wife in NY and then attend the wedding of our friend’s son in Pennsylvania. I was asked to be in Malaysia next week during the week but had the good fortune to get someone else to go.</p>
<p>The only college things we’ve done this week were a) my son sending an email from my son to the Dean of Freshman suggesting who he’d like for an advisor (following up from our visit with him in April); and b) getting part-way through filling out some online surveys for schools. It is a bit hard to answer some of the questions as he never visited some of the schools.</p>
<p>I wish you all well with graduations (stay out of the sun if you can) and proms if any remain.</p>
<p>shawbridge–congrats to your wife–this former ny’er is duly impressed…</p>
<p>rochester–you make a good point, just as small classes can impact students asking for help, so does said individual student’s personality. (interestingly both my rising freshman and rising sophomore are naturally shy as well) I wonder though, if your d needed help in understanding a new concept would she seek out the teacher/professor one on one? </p>
<p>hope all of you enjoy the prom preparations and photo ops…may all of your kids have fun and make memories</p>
<p>modadunn: I have three kids and two different styles. While ALL are intelligent, the two with more confidence to speak out are the better students. The one who is a bit shakey on confidence doesn’t ask for help and his grades suffer for it. In our case, there is a lot of truth to your soapbox analysis.</p>
<h1>TM: Here’s a toast to your art exhibit! Here’s a cup of hot chocolate as you sit in the barn and check on your horse!</h1>
<h1>tm - I’m so happy that you and H had a chance to celebrate YOU!</h1>
<p>My D has been uncharacteristically cuddly lately. The other day she mentioned that she had been offered a ride to her summer job out of state but declined, saying “No, my mom is taking me. I think she wants to spend the time with me.” :)</p>
<p>She leaves in (gasp) 12 days for that job and will return in August, less than 3 weeks before she leaves again for college. </p>
<p>Has anyone come up with that smilie with tears yet?</p>
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<p>My oldest wasn’t what I would call “comfortable” with herself and shy wouldn’t even fit in the equation. It was in the classroom that made life embarrassing for her. As part of her college essay, in which she wrote WHY she had wanted to become a teacher, she said, “Sometimes it feels like everyone is on the same page while I am still looking for the book!” Younger D is similar in SOME ways, but because she goes to a small private schools where the classes are smaller and the teachers LOVE when kids come in for help and raise their hand (They have tutorial during the day which is a 45 minute block of time that’s not a study hall but a time when all teachers are available to get help). However, and here is my similarity to LIndz… my older son is the type that thinks if he doesn’t know the answer or is confused EVERYONE must be. Yes, there is a little bit of hubris here, but not so much that there aren’t a lot of kids who don’t appreciate his raising his hand when he does. He has really helped to improved younger D’s confidence in the classroom, with the teachers, and it doesn’t hurt that she has him for an older brother. While such a relationship can be for better or worse, this seems to have worked out in her favor. Teachers expect something form her. And his example played a huge role in her self advocacy. She has no problem telling a teacher that she cant take the test in the room with all the squirming and getting up and down of other students. But I think that it’s the teacher’s expectations that help most. If you expect little, I think that’s exactly what you get. I dont know. All I know is that when my kids have teachers who raise the bar, my kid rises to meet the challenge. </p>
<p>And it is not lost on me one bit that I am paying for these teachers to essentially care about my kid. But for the most part, I think they were hired because they care about all the kids. My sister taught at the school for 12 years. The expectations are huge! And I suppose the same is true for them… if you raise the bar they will meet the challenge. I just think sometimes the public system accepts mediocrity because they have little choice.</p>
<p>My S would talk to a brick and not mind it. Very outgoing and a great student. D will approach the teachers after she knows them (several months I might add) 1x1 but still rarely will ask a question in class – even of one of the teachers that this is her second year with!!! Just doesn’t like to talk in class. Has her “set” of friends and is content. </p>
<p>She will be attending a small LAC school (smaller than her high school) and with the small class sizes I’m hoping it all works out where she will ask questions in class – if not that’s what the office hours are for I guess. Even then they had better listen the first time the question is asked because she refuses to repeat herself and speaks so softly that even H and I sometimes don’t get it. Oh well. It’s not like she won’t fight for herself but would rather do it via email or 1x1 - not in a classroom setting.</p>
<p>Anybody have trouble getting kids to take a job? My two boys are turning up their noses as certain jobs because they believe it isn’t worth their time…huh? They have no job, no money, and lots of time this summer. </p>
<p>I informed both boys I expect them to work this summer. They have plenty of time, they can drive, they have cars at their disposal, etc. Last year it was different…they were too young to get a real job and they also didn’t have their own transportation. I am aghast (sp?) at the response to certain jobs I mentioned to them.</p>
<p>They know what is expected, and I have no doubt they’ll get some kind of job, but what the heck??? I’m so disappointed in the attitude…embarrased too.</p>
<p>Son works at a local grocery story, but I fear he will get very few hours. They’ve cut back the hours of the full time folks from 40 to 32 - why would they care about giving a kid a bunch of hours?</p>
<p>here is a virtual toast to Shawbridge’s W for her exhibit.
Back in the old days - when I was a full time artist (not a painter-that is new for me)- the solo openings were the culmination of all the hard work - both exhilirating and terrifying at the same time.</p>
<p>But a solo exhibit in NY is awesome. I lift my virtual champagne glass to her!</p>
<p>My horse is doing much better this morning. I gave him a strong sedative/pain killer last night and it made it so he did not go down and writhe and potentially twist something - he made it through the night unscathed. He is eating this morning - always a good sign.</p>
<p>As we speak, S should be giving his oral presentation to finalize his Sr project - this uncludes a power point, a demonstration of the artificial intelligence game he designed, and a written paper/overview of his HS career and plans for the future. </p>
<p>Once this is checked off his graduation requirements, he will have to write his reflective paper and attend 2 more community meetings. All this is on top of the research project, the game design and the research paper. Does anyone else think these requirements seems excessive on top of the full load of courses they are required to take? (these are state requirements)</p>
<p>Meanwhile he is plugging away on his English work - luckily 2 of those assignments are duplicates of the Sr Project outline and paper. HA!</p>
<p>Looks like he has brought his F up to a C in SS (phew) and I hope he will be working hard to get his missing Bio lab and test done and get that grade up to a B for the “record”</p>
<p>It feels like he will never be done with school. After he gets all his required stuff in he has another 3 weeks of the online school and will need to catch up on all the Spanish he has let slide (not needed to graduate) </p>
<p>so we are not finished around here for a good long while. So S will not be jobbing it this summer. Once he is finished school, he goes to a week long vocal program, then we are taking a family trip (I hope) back east to visit family and drop S off at college - at least that is the plan - it may change if we all have a pow wow and decide he should defer for a year</p>
<p>Our school wisely has no big final requirements for seniors. After AP exams they are pretty well done (I guess the kids in non-APs that younger kids take are still plugging away.) Today is field day. I’m thrilled that Son is on a team, because in elem and middle school he hated field day, picnics, etc…what a way to show the non-social kid that he has no friends. Now he’s on a team with choir kids and that makes me happy.</p>
<p>Rochestermom, feel free to ignore my intrusiveness here. Some people aren’t social because they just don’t care about people (maybe at the autistic end of the world). But, we don’t usually describe them as painfully shy. The pain there is a giveaway. Such people (the painfully shy) tend to be afraid that something bad is going to happen when they interact with people. It is not rational, but deep in their heads, some variant of that idea is lodged. There are ways that are very effective for helping shy people, other than just getting them Powdermilk biscuits, which if I remember correctly give shy people the strength to go out and do what needs to be done. Some variant on cognitive behavioral therapy really does work for that kind of stuff ([Shyness.com</a> - Encyclopedia](<a href=“http://www.shyness.com/encyclopedia.html#V]Shyness.com”>http://www.shyness.com/encyclopedia.html#V))… And being less shy will probably make life more fun and open up opportunities. Phil Zimbardo, who is a brilliant social psychologist, opened up a shyness clinic and I have every reason to believe that the approach they take really works. ([Shyness.com</a> - Shyness Clinic](<a href=“http://www.shyness.com/shyness-clinic.html]Shyness.com”>http://www.shyness.com/shyness-clinic.html)). I’m sure many others do this as well. I probably know people who could give you referrals where you are or where your daughter will be in college. But, it could change her life for the better.</p>
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<p>oh missypie, that brings back some painful memories for me for my S. </p>
<p>Choir has been a wonderful team-building thing here as well and one he will continue even into college becuse he understands it will help him build good relationships there.</p>
<p>S was just talking about how his Sr year turned out to be a bust after he felt it had so much promise at the end of Jr year. He was really looking forward to being a Sr, but as it turns out this was based on how his Sr friends who graduated last year spent their Sr year. S hung with them and thought they had “the life”. He could see himself in it, but then they all went off to college or wherever and it was really just him - he has few real friends in his own class. His fellow choir members are his only real connection to the student body. His Knowledge Bowl and Science Bowl friends all graduated last year. He had looked forward to being the “star” on those teams this year, but then found that was not near as much fun as being part of a team of compadres.
So life building experiences, even if not what he had hoped for.</p>
<p>Painfully shy is more my assessment of the situation. Probably because the rest of the family is so out going. Makes her shyness seem even more so. She is actually very open and friendly with her friends and she has a very cross sectional representative here with her jock friends and her brainiac friends. Just seems to me that she typically would rather hang back. Never wants to be the center of attention. She has so much to offer but many times would rather let someone else lead the way. Not that she will necessarily follow – almost like she likes to observe. </p>
<p>I am hoping that college will open things up for her. Class sizes alone will be much smaller. Freshmen class is about 400 – her high school class is over 650. I think she will do fine in classes that are 10-15 in size but her typical 25-30 IB Bio class is just too much for her.</p>
<p>She also hates noise. Very sensitive to it. Even out to dinner at a crowded restaurant will make her uncomfortable. She can sit and eat through it but doesn’t enjoy it. Hates to in her mind scream to be heard.</p>
<p>She has been through behavioral therapy for vocal cord disfunction. Seems to affect people who play a wind iinstrument and run. Very wierd but it really did help her so if we see problems once at school I’m sure she would be open to something like this if needed.</p>
<p>Thanks!!</p>
<p>RM, my son is quiet, too, and hates to be the center of attention. </p>
<p>I think that’s okay. We all have different personalities and we all can’t be the ones screaming “Ooh, ooh!!” and waving our hands around every time the teacher asks a question in class. </p>
<p>There are “stars” and there are people who prefer not to be “stars”. And if it works, it’s okay. If it doesn’t work for that particular person, then a new game plan is in order.</p>
<p>RM & TOS, my concern is with the kids who would like to engage more but don’t know how to or are afraid (at some underlying, often not conscious level) to do so. The world is not just the Ooh Ooh kids and the kids who really want to be quiet. And, even some of the kids who say they’d like to be quiet really do feel isolated or left out and wish they had friends or could make them at the party or field day or whatever. I am no expert when it comes to kids with Asperber’s but I suspect it is tougher for them to learn how to break through. But with other kids, those that would like to can learn how to do it better and will be happier.</p>
<p>Point taken, shawbridge, I just don’t think it’s fair to brand all quiet kids as having “issues” that need to be investigated. That implies something needs to be fixed and I don’t think that’s the case with all quiet/shy kids.</p>
<p>Some of us are on the quiet side but still make friends and do fine in school. There is no one personality that is “better” than another, and unfortunately I think the “ooh ooh” kids get a lot more reinforcement than the quiet ones.</p>