<p>Congrats on the artists among us. Sounds exciting. </p>
<p>It still can’t over the volume of work #TM’s son seems to have. Our son has done virtually nothing this entire year that I can tell. They had some sort of picnic/field day today. I put it down to the fact that he wasn’t in honors classes and the teachers didn’t appear to expect much more than attendance, if that, of the non-honors seniors. He has loved every minute of his senior year with the most discussion around his Advanced PE class (see, he does have an AP class!). </p>
<p>He did waive some sort of Physics award at me that he got today and said the teacher must have been forced to give an award to everybody. He has an A+ in the class because of all the extra credit given for a well-designed catapult, so I think it is a real award but he just isn’t used to being on the receiving end for awards. I think he generally gives teachers a hard time.</p>
<p>I was so worried about Son’s senior year - his best friends at school from choir graduated last year; his girl friend graduated last year; his one good friend at church graduated last year. But the year has gone fine. He buddied up with a few different kids in choir and in the musical; he was friendly with the younger kids in jazz choir, who I think were appreciative. He definitely does not have the insane social life of many HS kids, but he’s fine with it as it is…he has a limited tolerance for being around people, so he wouldn’t want to be out nonstop.</p>
<p>He’s at least acquainted with kids in his classes - he’s been in G/T and AP classes with the same kids for 4-6 years and even if they’re not all buddies, they’ve come to terms with each other.</p>
<p>The funny thing is the jocks. There are athletes that he’s been in school with for 13 years - we chat with their parents when we see them - and these guys don’t acknowledge my son’s existence. You could show them their yearbooks and say, “Look, Missypie’s son was in your kindergarten class and in your second grade class and in your fifth grade class and you had 3 classes with him every grade in middle school” and they would not have a clue who he was. I don’t mean to put down athletic kids - but these boys (and they are all boys - football players - not female athletes) really do only acknowledge the existence of certain kids. Of course, Son doesn’t care AT ALL. But I find it interesting.</p>
<p>My inlaws brand anyone who is quiet as a “dud.” As in, “Cousin Martha is a dud.” What do you mean by that? “Oh she’s not outgoing, doesn’t talk much. She’s a dud.”</p>
<p>They probably call me a dud behind my back. I’m just not a big talker and to be frank, I get really tired of listening to them talk all the time. I am exhausted after they visit - their D talks non-stop, too.</p>
<p>missypie, we’ve seen it go the other way, too. S2 (who plays football and is a full IB diploma student) is one of the few at his school who has feet in both worlds. It has opened his eyes in many ways.</p>
<p>High school is a whole 'nuther world. I can see where kids, once in HS, would not cross group lines to befriend one another. But how can you just “not know” someone who came to your birthday party in second grade?</p>
<p>Agreed, TOS, that wanting to be quiet is not inherently a problem or an issue. </p>
<p>However, quiet and shy are different and quiet and painfully shy are different still. Here are the relevant definitions of shy from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary:</p>
<p>1: easily frightened : timid
2: disposed to avoid a person or thing <publicity shy=“”>
3: hesitant in committing oneself : circumspect
4: sensitively diffident or retiring : reserved (and diffident is defined as " hesitant in acting or speaking through lack of self-confidence.")</publicity></p>
<p>Definitions 1,2, 4 and maybe 3 reflect not a decision to be quiet but a fear of some kind. It is that which I was addressing. And, some but not all kids who say they want to be quiet do so because they want to be quiet and others do so out of shyness (“It’s easier to say I want to sit alone at the party than it is to try to talk to someone (who might reject me) or better yet, maybe it would be safer if I just stay home and not go to the party.”)</p>
<p>While I don’t think that there is an optimal personality, some people do not know how to get the rewards they actually want. Here’s where we may not agree. If someone is shy in the sense that he/she doesn’t talk or ask or enter groups because he/she is fearful of rejection or shame of some kind will be happier, I don’t consider that a personality style that is as good as any other. I think that person will be happier, more productive, more satisified in his/her life if he/shlearns not to be bound by those fears and ultimately to correct what are often woefully incorrect assumptions about how the world is going to treat him/her. So, in that sense, I don’t think everything is relative. </p>
<p>Here’s where we probably agree. If someone is quiet because they really don’t care about social interaction (generally or in a specific setting), such a person is not being held back or ending up unsatisfied or inhibiting their growth or potential as a result of their choice. More power to them.</p>
<p>Sr. year took an interesting turn for my d. Most of the kids she hung with outside school jr. year were from band and graduated ( a few remain including bf). So, she turned to another group who she was friendly with in school, but not so much out of school. These are kids from her smaller magnet campus and it has turned out great for her. She started the school a little down and has managed to have a great time. Did grad nite at Disneyland with this group last night; will be doing prom with the magnet group, etc. Nice to see some resiliency and gives me lots of optomism for her ability to seize and make opportunities for herself which is what you need to do in college.</p>
<p>missypie, some people are just boring or annoying and I don’t want to talk to them. I’m definitely not stunting my growth or holding myself back by avoiding them or keeping the conversations as brief as possible. If that means being perceived as a dud by your in-laws, so be it.</p>
<p>And from the other side, missypie (the one where families move around a lot), some kids who’ve been together since second grade (football players or not) see no reason to include the “new” kids - even after they’ve been in the school for several years!</p>
<p>My son played football until his senior year (injury), and really missed the “team” experience this year. I think football is usually the most attended sport, and so the players get lots of attention. Our coach also bought black blazers for the boys (with the school symbol on the pocket) to wear on game days, so they did stand out.</p>
<p>It’s kind of like the mispelled/mispronounced name at the awards ceremonies we were discussing earlier. The kid’s been there for four years! Show some respect and get it right!</p>
<p>shawbridge, here’s where I take issue with your interpretation: “quiet because they really don’t care about social interaction”. That’s derogatory in my opinion. One can be quiet and still function fine in social situations.</p>
<p>When my parents had lived in their house for nine years, an elderly neighbor passed away. Some other neighbors came to their door, collecting for flowers. The neighbors said, “We didn’t know whether to come to your door or not since you’re new in the neighborhood.”</p>
<p>We move around a lot for my H’s job, and in most places we’ve been there’s a fairly large contingent of transitory families, but it can still be difficult to break in to the long-established groups. People seek their comfort levels, I guess, and it’s much easier to sit in the stands at a game or at a PTA meeting (whatever) and talk to the people you know than to reach out to someone you don’t recognize. But I treasure the times when people did!</p>
<p>Guess that’s another reason not to be quiet, eh, shawbridge?? The whole reaching out thing! </p>
<p>I do appreciate your take on all of this, shawbridge, because I have always learned something from your posts here. It has given me lots to think about on a day when I’m waiting around for an appliance repair guy!</p>
<p>What is important is that our kids choose careers that fit their personality types. A shy/quiet commercial real estate broker would probably starve.</p>
<p>I also appreciate all the posts. D is the type where there are times she just has no interest in social interaction. Very comfortable with who she is and has a take it or leave it attitude – kind of nice in that peer pressure is never an issue with her. At our house we say she walks to the beat of a drum that only she can hear.</p>
<p>Everyone always says what a nice girl she is and the teachers like her. She’s just quiet and really wants to feel people out before you are “admitted” to the “inner circle”.</p>
<p>You parents of twins should appreciate this story. Husband was at school for something else, so he dropped by the underclass awards ceremony for a few minutes. A set of twins was sharing an award because they had the identical high average. When each award is announced, the announcer reads a little something prepared by the teacher of the class. Twin #1 walks across the stage and a nice little paragraph is read. Twin #2 walks across the stage and the identical nice little paragraph is read. C’mon - they ARE different people…one is even a boy and one is even a girl…couldn’t the teacher have come up with a different thing to say about each?!</p>
<p>In 8th grade gym class a boy pointed to my daughter and called her “that girl”. She’s normally pretty quiet & well behaved in school, but she snapped and yelled “That girl? My name’s chintzygirl and you know it because we’ve been in the same class for 3 years!” Everyone, including the teacher, cracked up.</p>
<p>S’s school is so small everyone knows everyone else - whether they hang with any of them or not is another story.</p>
<p>But for the most part, HS was ok in that regard - unlike middle school which was torture - so much so that we homeschooled those years (that is when he got so far ahead in math)</p>
<p>I don’t think S regrets his Sr year but he thought it would be different than it was.</p>
<p>TOS believe it or not my kid was excluded for YEARS becuase he was a “new kid” in the SECOND grade. Man, it was tough for him to “break in” and he didin’t until he was in 10th grade. He went back to school in 9th after schooling at home through EPGY for grades 6, 7 and 8. And as he says, in 9th grade he concentrated on flying under the radar. He was in one play and got some kudos, but mostly he was seen and not heard. Then in 10th he started gaining a bit more confidence, but it was Jr year after his voice changed that he blossomed and that was all because of choir and the musicals. He gained the respect of his fellow students. It is hard as a parent to witness the angst but a pleasure to see some of the rewards.</p>
<p>S says he got 95% on his Sr Presentation. He feels good about that. Especially since it did not have a “community” component, so he was marked down for that.</p>
<p>So I am hoping getting all these thingsin and doing well on them will leave him with a better feel for his Sr year - for now, soon it will be just a blip.</p>
<p>theorymom, I’m so glad to hear that your S is making progress. And you’re right, soon it will be a blip on the screen in the story of his life. I know I speak for many of us when I say I’m pulling for him (and you!). Hang in there.</p>
<p>You pointed out something that a very wise friend once told me as my oldest (D) approached high school - it’s so important for them to find a group to belong to. Which group it is is secondary - whether it’s choir (as it was for my D), or sports, or debate, or band, or theater, or art, or whatever - for them to find a group of people with at least one common interest. And I found that to be true with both of my children.</p>
<p>I discuss this with my extended family, introvert vs extrovert. My H says I am antisocial. Actually I am not interested in superficial conversation. Don’t need Heavy deep and real, but I also don’t like to talk about nothing. This proves a challange for me. Being on the reserved side lends people to thinking I am snobby and I am far fromthat. I really don’t know how to talk about nothing. the fact that I drink rarely doesn’t help. try being sober when everyone else is drinking. Once I know you I am actuall considered pretty funny and nice, I like to look before I leap. My D2 is like that as well. takes her longer to warm up. Adjustments take longer for her and finding her comfort zone. Looking back on preschool, D1 was like"don’t let the door hit you in the …" on the way out" My D2 cried for the first two months. Eventually she adjusts and feels stronger for it. I wish I was more outgoing, i do well in my job, but find alot of chatter exhausting after that.</p>