<p>I used to have a not all that bright,wealthy client who liked to recite that “the A students work for the C students.” Of course, in his case, it helped that he was a very handsome guy who married a very wealthy woman.</p>
<p>Just a sidenote mini-rant here…these posts have reminded me of how friends and teachers often comment to very high achieving kids, “Oh, I know you’ll get in…of course you’ll get in…you’re definitely in, etc.” Do they think that’s a nice thing to say? A compliment of some sort?</p>
<p>This is kind of a pet-peeve of mine because sb gets comments like these from time to time. Scholarship for only the top 1%? “Oh, you’ll get it for sure.” Audition for a lyric soprano in a classic-style musical? “Oh, you’ll get the part, definitely.” Toughest test in toughest class taught by toughest teacher? Oh, you’ll get an A, you always do."</p>
<p>Well, no, she doesn’t ALWAYS get the part. And she doesn’t ALWAYS get the scholarship. And although she has always gotten the A, it’s because she worked harder, stayed up later, set different priorities, and sacrificed more than kids who got the B. Not because somebody sprinkled the magic “A” fairy-dust on her in her sleep.</p>
<p>Bit of a rant here, but these comments bother her (and me) for two reasons. First, they imply that somehow good things just fall into the laps of super high achieving kids. And as we know, most often they dont.</p>
<p>Second, they take all the fun out of telling good news because what you kinda want to hear is, "You DID??? I can’t believe it!!! What’re the odds??? That’s amazing!!! </p>
<p>Instead, it’s “Ho-hum, yep, I told you so.” Talk about a buzz-kill.</p>
<p>And if you DON’T end up with the good news? Well, then it’s like, “Whoa, you’re kidding!” (Which feels a little too close to, “It was yours to lose…how’d you screw up?”)</p>
<p>Ok, I think I’m done. Sorry…button got pushed.</p>
<p>Sorry to everyone facing rejections this week. </p>
<p>I am in the middle of my usual daily routine of job hunting, when S walks in with a request for Scooby-Do macaroni and cheese. Although I am sure I will be crying at graduation and when DS leaves for college in the fall, I am going pretty crazy. </p>
<p>How do you think this would go over?</p>
<p>Dear Recruiter,</p>
<p>My 17 year old DS is just starting his two week spring break. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be home with a teenager without a car and whose friends have mostly all gone away on wonderful tropical vacations? I will travel anywhere and work crazy hours if only to get out of the house.</p>
<p>If something doesn’t open up by summer vacation I am thinking seriously about joining the Peace Corps.</p>
<p>Please save me.</p>
<p>Aww, OWM, I agree with Keylimepie, it’s MIT’s loss.
My S was stunned last night to find out that a few brilliant ones among his classmates (it’s a huge school in an urban area) didn’t make it either, after having been deferred earlier in December.
These kids had amazing stats, MIT was their first choice and they were still hoping to be accepted in RD.
No wait list, no nothing.
It is brutal and I really feel for you and your son.</p>
<p>OWM, your post was beautifully written. Keep writing… it’s a good way to process your grief. Because it really is grief.</p>
<p>But we all know your son will find a way to let his intellect soar. It can’t help but do that anyway.</p>
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<p>My MiL (DH’s step mom–) likes to say that…because my DHs 1/2 bro (her son) was an avg student at an avg LAC. What has helped him along is his dad’s $ which has only been sprinkled on her son…</p>
<p>She loves to tell me that A students work for C students…
…and she didn’t think our student would get into the reachy school (kiddo did).
She also loved to tell me how she can’t imagine paying so much $…yet my Brother in law went to boarding school before college…so believe me they paid…</p>
<p>I told her that mantra of “A students working for C students” was made up by C students so they could get their parents off their backs…</p>
<p>Alot of her comments sounded like they were coming from a place of competitiveness…
and I have to wonder why she is feeling competitive …
T’was odd.</p>
<p>Long time lurker here… Just wanted to commiserate with other MIT hopeful parents as my daughter was also denied admission. She took it well as we drilled it into her that it’s an accomplishment to even be in contention.</p>
<p>Olderwisermom, I have been following your posts here and on the MIT forum and have been rooting for your son. I was also in tears with your earlier post so I wanted to let you know how you have touched me with your humor, wit, enthusiasm, insight, love of family, devotion…Your son is blessed to have you.</p>
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<p>I may have shared this story here before. A couple of years ago, our paper published an article that was supposed to be about how competitve the top colleges had become. What it really was was a story about how ill-advised one particular girl was. </p>
<p>The girl was a top student at a HS in an economically disadvantaged part of town. She applied to three schools: Harvard, Yale and a local commuter. She only got into the local commuter. She applied to Harvard and Yale because all her life, folks had said, “You’re so smart, you should go to Harvard.” I’m sure the people at her school thought she would get into Harvard. Of course, there were probably lots of other schools that would have been thrilled to have her. But her community thought sure she would get into Harvard.</p>
<p>I heard the A-students-work-for-C-students line at a block-party once, and my neighbor, without missing a beat, said, “Not true. I’m a former C student, my life is full of C students, and trust me, we work for the A students.”</p>
<p>She said it in a way that was so genuine, non-hostile, just-statin’-the-facts, folks, that it was really disarming and everybody laughed, and pretty much agreed that she was right.</p>
<p>I think the A++++ students work for themselves (or alone programming/coming up with exotic financial products/creating Facebook/etc.) and earn $$$ while the A/A-/B kids with great social skills get to be in charge. And, the A/A-/B kids don’t need an HYPSM degree! I am quite certain that my overachieving kid will be less content in life than my just as bright but not as driven younger child.</p>
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<p>Good point. My A/A-/B daughter has interpersonal skills that I think will get her further than 20 more IQ ponts. It’s important in the “real” world to find your niche and not try to be what you aren’t.</p>
<p>Have you read Tina Fey’s article in the New Yorker? This is from an abstract of the article:</p>
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<p>^ My student is like yours MissyPie,
and is happy to be in the A/A-/B range…and there have been times when our student gets that B etc…and when queried says “I am happy with it (grade)” so we know its all good.</p>
<p>Anyone here recall how long it took IDOC to update the status to note your documents were in-play/scanned etc.
I have a mail confirmation that the package has been at processing site since 5 days.</p>
<p>On the Book List:
Have anyone read
The IConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up
</p>
<p>Reading all these posts brought back my own memories of DS rejections with the class of 09. Not only did they sting, but so too did the comments of others - what do you mean he did not get in?!? So too did the second-guessing; should I have encouraged a different path? Should I have - this or that or the other? It still stings now because I know how hard he worked, the mistakes that were made, and that he wanted a different result, and, compared to some who got a different result, deserved in my mother’s eye, a different result. It still stings sometimes now - DS2’s results are the polar opposite, and I just wonder again and again “Why?” - Yes, I can point to a higher SAT score as part of it ---- but it just does not fully explain what is in the end the ‘wings of fate’. No one admitted is any more deserving or talented than anyone denied…</p>
<p>All I can say is - yes, it shall pass.</p>
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<p>Assuming we are in a position IRL where it must be commented on (e.g. a parent shares a rejection with us), what comment wouldn’t sting? What should we say? Is there anything that doesn’t hurt? I just remember that in the days after my own most devistating personal rejection, nothing anyone said helped; talking about it at all made me afraid I would cry.</p>
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<p>Haven’t read the book but I do know from very painful personal experience that in some cases there is no substitute for talking on the phone and even seeing your child in person. Last year, Son let his ADD meds run out and he spent about 2 1/2 months at college without them, with near disasterous results. We texted, emailed, trying to keep our distance. Had I seen him, I would have known what was up immediately.</p>
<p>Hello from a lurker with a 2012 kid-- anticipating the same anxiety you all are going through now. D’s 8th grade teacher kept sign on her bulletin board: “Be nice to nerds. You’re going to be working for them.” Seems truer than A students working for C students (not that I don’t know some people who stepped up to the plate later than others…but in general.) </p>
<p>I hope we 2012 parents can be as loyal a support to each other as all of you!</p>
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<p>Word of advice for 2012 parents and students who are aiming high. In the next month, as painful as it may be, read the MIT and Ivy threads, the ones where the students post their stats and whether they got in or not. It really needs to sink in early on that being briliant and fabulous and accomplished and hard working and pretty near perfect only buys you a lottery ticket to some of the schools. </p>
<p>In last year’s HS class there was a terrific guy who was crushed when he didn’t get into any of his reaches. As terrific as he was as a person, with his “above average” stats, there was no way he was even going to get a lottery ticket. I think that the parents on this thread had very reasonable expectations, but please share now with the '12s just how hard it is.</p>
<p>missypie - ^^ I just copied and pasted your advice over on the 2012 thread. a timely reminder for those of us who’ve been down this path before, and great wisdom for the newbies.</p>
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<p>Fog, what a coincidence! Sat afternoon I was in the library picking up a book for sb when this book caught my eye. I was in a rush, but it looked good so I grabbed it. It’s on my bedside table right now!</p>
<p>phbmom, I’m so sorry to hear your news as well. and OWM, I pmed you before reading your beautifully written post. You captured the pain any of us parents feel when our children suffer a blow. </p>
<p>this is a tough process for everyone involved – the kids, the parents and probably even the adcoms as missypie pointed out. </p>
<p>and I think Missypie’s last post was on the mark. although my S had a good idea that his ED school was a reach despite his great stats, it wasn’t until he was deferred and crushed that he understood the lottery aspect of this process. when he later got into other schools he was humbled because after the deferral his expectations were not the same. he understood that his profile only bought him the “lottery ticket.” he awaits his March 30 decision with hope but not with the expectation of admittance. it took that one deferral to temper his outlook.</p>