<p>Thank you Apollo6 for the suggestions. I do appreciate it. A few friends mentioned the GED comm college option, and we had looked into Bard at Simon’s Rock. Some feedback was that it was bohemian and in a remote location. Here is the issue. She wants to have the whole high school experience but with the friends she grew up with from 4th grade. Who wouldn’t? It’s so hard to meet friends in junior year. It is impossible for her to have that experience, since her father let her down financially (we could have afforded it had he not done some miserable things; hence the divorce), but she is trying to make the best of the situation - albeit, hating every minute of it. She is also redirecting her anger at me, and I know she doesn’t mean to. Her dad doesn’t give a fig about any of this, so that makes it worse. </p>
<p>I know she won’t make friends in this 1400 kid school especially in jr yr, but I have a feeling that at this school there are no groups of friends (well maybe the skateboarders).Everyone seems to just go into the building like lemmings, come out, solo and go on their merry ways. Perhaps clubs would facilitate friendships, but she can’t find anything of interest to her. So she feels like she doesn’t fit in there nor does she fit in at her old school (as she says “it’s all so surreal, I feel like I’m in a Dali painting or Fellini movie”). </p>
<p>She is just plain “lost” at this point, and I am physically not well, so it is just not a good time for either of us. Plus, until we foreclose, I’m stuck with dealing with repairs, etc. and trying to prepare for this divorce (the paperwork is overwhelming), and planning for psats, sats, college visits - it is putting me on edge. When you have your health, I believe you can overcome almost any obstacle, but we’ve been through the mill these past couple of years. I have no family that I can rely either (just a very ill brother in NY who has his own family issues), and my close friends live very far away. </p>
<p>I think there comes a time in life when we all experience something that brings us back to our childhood, and this is it for me. My father also left us when we were young, and he took no responsibility for supporting or seeing us (and he was an attorney!). So my own college dreams were railroaded. I don’t want that to happen to my d and have her wind up in the same situation I’m in (I have to stop projecting). She has suddenly made a decision to change the laws about some things that are personal to us, and I’m at crossroads about whether or not I want her to go forward. I’ll run it by the therapist, and maybe “ask the dean,” as these kinds of things can be risky right before applying to college. However, it is a wonderful idea, and it could change other people’s lives immensely. She would be very brave to take this on. </p>
<p>Homecoming: Having only experienced it at her old school, I can comment about that. It is always alumni weekend of course, and the big football game is Friday night with a bonfire and bbq before the game, and the performing arts program is on Sunday (got to get those alumni to dig deep into the pockets). They only added performing arts to the mix the past 2 years, because the alumni wanted to see a cabaret/show or band or dance show. The semi-formal homecoming dance is on Saturday night. It is always at the boys school they share classes with. My d has been invited to go, and hopefully, the teachers will not turn her away (if they do she’ll be crushed). They have a list and you show your id. They have the police and medics at all dances/proms (due to the amount of drinking the kids do before they come to the dance - my d has and never would be involved with that group of girls; however, she said at last weekend’s dance, more and more kids are coming drunk sadly). For the dance, they all get ready at someone’s house and go to homecoming (or any dance for that matter) in “packs.” Because we live so far away, we had to get a hotel room at the hotel where the winter prom was and the girls had a sleepover. But for the most part, I drive my d down and they get ready together (do each other’s makeup, chat, etc.). Then the parents take pictures in the house - the boys might come over before hand for pix too. Heaven forbid you should walk into “any” dance alone! And you must be fashionably late. </p>
<p>After the game on Friday night and dance on Sat night, they all go out and eat at the local diner (it’s packed with kids), and that is the fun part. </p>
<p>The homecoming dance at the public school, so we’ve been informed, is on the front lawn of the school, and I’m not sure how it works, but my d doesn’t want to go, since she would be all alone (not even a girl friend she could hang out with). That’s what hurts the most. You feel like an idiot just standing there at something so major. So she is going to pass on it.</p>
<p>Dating: since middle school, these kids think they are “dating” - it’s funny. The boy will ask a girl to a movie, then they “go out” for maybe 3 days. My d never dated. And the majority of the kids do not go steady as we would call it. No one has time. There were a few kids that “hook up” at the dances or special sweet 16 parties. BUT the caveat here is that the boys always TALK. That’s the bad part, and it deters many of the girls from going out with the boys. It’s pretty disgusting actually, and it has brought many a girl to tears. The school health teacher had to call the boys out on it, because they would “clap” when a girl walked by that supposedly “put out.” The big cause celebre (sp) was who lost their virginity over the summer. Not many - just 2 or 3, which almost everyone found in poor taste. The big issue in private is the drinking. That is more prevalent than anything - it’s everywhere. They come to the dances drunk. The school does not allow water bottles in anymore. The kids also smoke pot and hookah pipes (they go into NYC for that). What I do find commendable in our local public school (which the private schools would never allow) is that they now give breathylyzer tests to the kids before and after the prom (since they don’t have a local place in our town where kids can go to dances; it’s town specific). In private, the parents would freak out that it is an infringement of rights. My d would say that the kids would walk right past the teachers into the ballroom drunk. The teachers stay OUTSIDE the dance basically turning a blind eye to it. The big dance in December for about 8 private schools is at the Waldorf Astoria (kids from MA, CT, NH, NYC) are invited to support a cause. However, again, the parent chaperones sit outside the room, and last year, a DJ had to tell the kids to take one of the girls home because she was falling down drunk. </p>
<p>I guess my big fear is that most of these kids in private school who are friends with my d, will most likely go on to either ivies or great schools due to contributions or legacy status, never to be in touch again. I told my d that generally once kids go off to college, they very rarely stay in touch and only see each other when they come home during the holidays. But this group goes away during the holidays. And if she thinks it’s hard to make friends in this big public school, that should tell her she wants to go to a small college (she thought she wanted a big university). Hopefully with a fresh start, somewhere cool and friendly, she’ll make some nice friends. </p>
<p>Life moves on, and we can only hope our kids wind up with good friends and mates who can sustain them through good times as well as tragedy.</p>
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