<p>My son, who I must say is very bright but LAZY, has just found out that he has a 75% in Art!!! This is his first C ever!. I know that it’s a quarter grade and he can pull a B for the semester if he gets an A next quarter…but how can I get it through to him that every class coounts? Teenage boys :(</p>
<p>^^Based on my experience with my very bright but unmotivated S, you cannot. The good news is they will end up in the right place for them. My S is enjoying his second year of college now. It was a long hard road, but he got there. He continues to work on himself as we all do.:)</p>
<p>As for my D, one test and one hockey game down. The team remains undefeated as of tonight.
On to play their regional rival tomorrow. They were the only other undefeated team in the region until last week when they suffered their first loss. It will be hard fought on both sides.</p>
<p>mamabear…I am hoping my D starts to realize she cannot do it all. I am exhausted for her. Just wonder how to get that message through. She is on the varsity soccer team so there is daily practice/games until 5:30 every day. Throw in student council (am), chorus (lunch), school newspaper, and an article she committed to writing for our regional newspaper, and there is barely time to study and more importantly just plain having fun. 5 week report came out and she is no longer straight A’s but carrying a few B’s. </p>
<p>We are considering making her choose between the school musical and swim team when we are in next season. It is just too much.</p>
<p>Nellieh- While I do believe that it is our children’s developmental task to learn how to prioritize their commitments, I also think it is our job as parents to help them. As 10th grade students, many of them get over-involved and may need for a parent to step in and say “A or B - your choice but doing both isn’t an option for the following reasons” and then walk them through that decision making process. Trying to do everything is NOT what healthy adults do (I have learned that the hard way!) and understanding this is just as, or more important than, being in one more club/the musical/the swim team/ the debate or ultimate frisbee club!</p>
<p>I watched my '10 S1 went through four years of extremely tightly packed schedule and know from that experience something has to give. In his case, it was his grades, which as many of you know is the most important factor in college admissions.</p>
<p>I was just having a conversation with my DD13 about this yesterday. She is having trouble doing everything, but doesn’t know what to drop. Right now she’s made varsity cross-country and will continue with track. That means she has practice almost every school day till 5:30 and some weekend days. She is in Model UN (first year), forensics club, peer leadership and she wants to do the spring play as well. She’s finding she can’t balance it all and still have time to do her school work. She’s trying to balance what she enjoys with “what will look good on a college resume”. We talked about how just being in a club doesn’t look good to colleges, distinguishing herself in a club is what catches their eye. She could distinguish herself in forensics and definitely in peer leadership. She’s not really good at the “schmoozing” needed to distinguish herself at Model UN, but it’s a skill she wants to try and develop, or at least become minimally proficient. It’s hard. She hasn’t decided what to do or not do. She knows she can’t do it all, even if she wants to. It was a very interesting conversation.</p>
<p>My older D’10 was one of those kids who wanted to “do it all” in HS. She wore me out just watching her. But she was able to juggle and keep her grades up, so I let her go. Now she is in college and is just as busy. </p>
<p>S’13 is busy too, but he is more focused - just music (voice and piano), dance and theatre. But he has been doing these things since he was 4. We never could interest him in sports, scouts, church activities, etc. And his dedication to his grades is, shall we say, less than stellar. Fortunately, he plans on going to a music conservatory - so his grades are not as important.</p>
<p>I was appalled that D13 wanted to play on three teams this Fall with a pretty tough schedule of all honors with 2 APs. I was certain that we would get the mid semester grades and she would have to drop one of the sports. I decided it was better to let her learn balance during sophomore year than later so I let her do it. </p>
<p>Well…actually, as I talk to other moms and dads of sophomores, my D has avoided some of the pitfalls of her peers. Quite a few cut back on sports because of the very heavy academic load and the parents were supportive telling the kid to pick a spring or winter sport (gymnastics, soccer, lacrosse, etc) so that they could focus on academics in the Fall (this would have been my preference too). Well…what happened? Since they don’t have practice after school, most of my daughter’s friends chose to “hang out” after classes end…our school is semi urban so there is a mall and eateries nearby. Most parents work full time so they didn’t realize how much time was being wasted (as well as money) and so, ironically, most of the kids without the sports have not had good grades this term. The school practice, followed by evening practices 3 days a week for travel and club soccer, keeps my daughter physically tired but she also has become one efficient homework machine. She hasn’t watched tv for weeks and has to limit her facebook time because of schoolwork. Weekends see at least two games and now her school fh team is in regionals and she was bumped up to varsity. She gets out to socialize one weekendnight and does something with us, generally, on Friday night. Sometimes I see her as too stressed over schoolwork but it is just for a night or two. Last night she finished in time for us to watch one episode of Lost with me (we are renting from the library and still on season 1). Then she was a little scared after the episode so she asked me to scratch her back as she fell asleep…no matter that she towers over me and wields a mean hockey stick…still a baby.</p>
<p>fineartsmajormom, I find this to be true for my D as well. She was a gymnast for all of her formative years and she learned to use her precious time outside the gym very efficiently. She has replaced gymnastics with field hockey, tennis, and music, but her attitude toward her school work and how she manages it has not changed. She always says she is a much better student during a sports season because she is forced to be ultra focused. My grandmother used to say idle hands bring idle minds and sometimes that is the case.</p>
<p>Can i post a tiny little beef here? I hope I don’t get slammed, but I really don’t get the 3 teams in one season nonsense. I agree wholeheartedly that a sport (or the musical, or supervised training - some type of physical activity) is essential for kids and does keep them out of the mall or prevent them from getting into things they shouldn’t while we are at work. But I see so many kids that are on multiple sports teams - school, then club, then travel. If your child is talented enough to play at the college level AND it will get them into a better school than they might be admitted solely on their academics then go for it! But lets be realistic - 95% of these kids will never pick up a baseball, lacrosse stick, football, soccer ball once they graduate from high school! If they are lucky, they have found a sport that they love and will continue to enjoy as they get older to maintain health and have some fun - but I have yet to meet a 40 year old woman who plays a little field hockey on the weekends or a 50 year old man who dons a singlet and wrestles with his buddies (eww.) We could apply the same conversation to all of the music lessons - if it enhances a kids experience doing what they love while they are in HS, fine. But how did we end up with these kids who don’t have a single free minute to breath? Are we so afraid to allow them to explore and just “be” that we feel like we have to micro-manage every moment of their existence? I know that some of you are saying “but she loves playing on three teams - field hockey is her life and she manages it all so what’s the problem?” the problem is that for lots of kids they are merely doing what they think is expected of them and if they are like most CC kids, over achievers themselves. If you have not had a chance to see the film “Race to Nowhere” do yourself and your kids a favor and get thee to a screening. Beef over.</p>
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<p>This puts me to shame from time to time. Well said.</p>
<p>I’m with ya sister! I am all for kids doing activities that they enjoy. But I don’t understand the “padding the resume” thing or doing activities that “look good on college applications.” Doing things that one enjoys is a life lesson. Play an instrument because you enjoy it. Play a sport because it makes you feel alive. Join a club because you are passionate about the cause/activity. We have a problem in our culture saying no to opportunities. And life is full of opportunities. But if we are so overwhelmed by obligations that we can’t even enjoy them - what kind of a life is that? (Lesson for parents too!)</p>
<p>You’ll get no argument from me. D2 does NOT thrive by doing too much. I sometimes wonder if it will come back to bite her in 2 1/2 years, but since she has told me she has no aspirations for HYP, I doubt it. She loves, loves, loves to play softball but has only played one year on a school team. It wasn’t “fun” and the coaches, who didn’t know what they were doing (they were a former cheer captain & soccer coach, who were recruited to be warm bodies) did nothing to either improve the girls softball skills or their enjoyment of the game. She has played rec league, both fall & summer, since she was 3. She has a number of friends who have gone on to play school & travel softball. They spend an awful lot of time conditioning both on and off season and their families frequently spend all day, both weekend days at tournaments. Um, no. I have always had the 1 sport per season rule (I broke it one year due to misinformation about overlapping seasons; I regretted it the entire 6 weeks that I spent running from soccer to softball field with my kid getting changed in the back of the van.) Really, it’s all about what’s good for me ;)</p>
<p>I’m all about encouraging my kids to do what they enjoy & to follow their interests. And once they get signed up for something they have to finish up the season/whatever I paid for. But I like a nice, calm house & have stressed kids doesn’t work for me. </p>
<p>I have to say that my attitude solidified when I saw D’10s classmates admissions results. A couple of dedicated student athletes who had spent countless hours training, conditioning, playing and traveling didn’t get recruited, or only had offers from D3 schools. And my same reasoning with the IB program; the kids were uber stressed junior & senior year & didn’t get any better admissions results than the “just” AP kids. I’m not saying that there’s nothing to be gained by doing challenging things just to do them. I’m all for stretching ones self & having a full plate does help to learn time management and in many cases keeps the kids out of trouble. I just think a lot of time kids (and their parents) get so focused on a particular path & have so much time, effort & money invested in a particular area that it can be hard to get off the treadmill and reevaluate. </p>
<p>Again not bashing anyone here. And there are of course kids who ARE that talented & thrive on that kind of schedule. Has anyone here read the Overachievers?</p>
<p>Rob: Thanks for your post. Tomorrow night is the IB meeting at our HS for parents. I don’t think I’m going. DS has plenty of interests and activities both inside and outside of school. I know kids here who have had to drop their instrument because of IB. DS isn’t going to be a music major in college, but he loves his saxophone (and his sports and his other activities). He also likes Science Olympiad and agreed to additionally try Robotics this year (I have the same rule as you – once you make the commitment, stick it out). I think he will do well in “just AP.” While he’d like to go to an Ivy League school, the odds are low in any case. I don’t want that to be the goal. Let’s see how his practice PSAT went - scores later this year.</p>
<p>Some kids thrive on the craziness. My S has a very busy schedule and is a high achiever. He will have several APs next year. But extra stress? No thank you.</p>
<p>Off to tennis now…</p>
<p>My D’13 has found a better balance this year with her classes and is keeping her grades up which is a marked improvement from previous years. I think from here she’ll add things back in but I supported her dropping everything and seeing what she missed. I’ll admit it was hard at first when she dropped everything but she seems better for it and is learning valuable lessons that will serve her well in the future.</p>
<p>My is the one that seems to thrive on craziness, but it is driving us all crazy sometimes.
On the other hand, when there is a downtime, it becomes boring pretty fast. Go figure.
End of the quarter is fast approaching, kid is also getting ready for Austin Regatta.
Today during crew they practiced so hard, that each race they managed to beat the varsity boat (he is JV). Yay !!! As a result he was ready to fall asleep at 7 P.M., but had to wait for his younger sibling and myself to be done with IB info night. Which did not happen until about 8:30. Poor guy was sitting in the hallway trying to do his AP Music stuff, his new contacts bothering him, headache from overexertion on the water, hunger and you name it… It is 10:30 P.M. here and he is already in the arms of Morpheus. Does not happen very often. He is going to get 7.5 hours of sleep tonight, which is priceless.
Had to run to a video store (they are becoming scarce around here!) to get him a copy of Pan’s Labyrinth that he needs to watch in Spanish for his cultural event quarter credit in Spanish 4. Chose this over a Spanish restaurant ;)</p>
<p>About the instrument - it becomes really difficult once they hit HS. One top teacher in our area refuses to teach HS kids as she has no desire/energy to stress over lack of practice. My S’s violin teacher is really tough, but there is no way he can practice as much as he used to in middle school. He is not going to be a music major (I think), but I am not going to let him drop instruments (violin and piano), I would rather suffer through times of little (if any 
) practice. I think he will really enjoy having this ability later in life, already it is proving invaluable in AP Music - which is earning him his fine arts credit!</p>
<p>We had a similar sleepy night at my house. D’13 worked at a local Halloween theatre event till 9:30; she’d been there pretty much since right after school (hair & makeup!) and it was a little chilly. Once she got home & got all the hairspray out of her hair, had some hot cocoa & stopped shivering, she realized how tired she was. I convinced her to just get up early this morning to finish homework. She was up at 5, but said she slept like a rock last night. </p>
<p>I absolutely respect your stance on musical instruments Kelowna, but for me I decided a long time ago that was one battle I wasn’t going to fight. My kids like music but neither had a passion for it and I refused to nag about practicing. And since my rule is that if I’m paying for something they have to hold up their end of the bargain, if they didn’t practice then we’re going to have a serious discussion. D1 did flute (and regrettably had an awful beginning school band teacher) and then guitar. She never practiced and dropped flute when we moved; she never went back to guitar after the 1st summer break. D2 did trumpet (and did practice!) but hated the band. She started keyboards late (last year) and seems to enjoy it; I know she practices but she won’t play for DH & I which we’re fine with. She did mention that she wished we’d “made” her take piano when she was younger, but she’d never shown any interest. Oh well! I told her to mark it on the list of things she can talk to the therapist about when she’s older ;)</p>
<p>LINYMOM: I meekly say that D’13’s pendulum is now swinging back to IB. She says she plans on taking 5 years of Spanish anyway, and they’ve added a new IB elective that she could take with an awesome teacher instead of the current class that has been slammed by previous IB students as incredibly lame and a waste of time. Plus the rumor is that if you stay in IB it eliminates the need to take the additional .5 gym class just added starting with the graduating class of 2013. I think if she finds out the gym piece is true, she’ll stay IB. All that extra work and stress might be worth getting out of changing for gym for 18 weeks :)</p>
<p>This morning was the morning of “by the way” as in:
“by the way” I need $12 for a vocal competition
“by the way” my dance company is performing at 11am on Sat (same time as piano lesson)
“by the way” can you bring me dinner after school, I don’t have time to come home?
“by the way” the toilet in my bathroom is still running. Is that bad?
Ah…the joys of parenthood!!!</p>
<p>^^ :)</p>
<p>LOL “by the ways” make my skin crawl because they always involve money or time conflict!</p>