@dfbdfb I’m interested in your opinion and clarification on your last statement.
Good luck on Ivy Day today!!
And remember the great options they already have, since today is such a long shot!
UC Berkeley also comes out today.
We only need 9 8 more pages by April 1. Shouldn’t be a problem, right?
Sorry about the waitlists at Duke and Vandy. There seem to be more waitlists this year, though I only read acceptance threads sporadically last year.
Thanks for the wishes for clarity for DS17 in making a decision.
@mageecrew It’s not so much that he wants a new environment as that he knows he will grow by having to be more independent. We think he’s a great kid, and he’s not angsty and grumpy about doing things with and for the family at all (DS21 typically is…). But, I think being further than 7 minutes from home would be good for him, and he’s mentioned that too.
@youcee I agree that UCLA is a great school. Do you think it’s likely he doesn’t want to be at the same college as his sibling? There are probably family dynamics there, or at least I know there would be in our family. (I tell my kids that worrying is part of my job description as mom, so I agree that it’s more “always” than “sometimes” for me.)
@mominthemiddle Sorry for all you are going through. As a West Coaster, I don’t know about these schools or why UDel wouldn’t be a good fit if that is where she sees herself and if it is a thought-out decision. But, hugs for sure! I went from a religious high school with a graduating class of 55 to a college with 40,000 undergrads. So, it can be done!
I looked at the UDel Honors website, and the FAQ says “Students who did not apply or who were not admitted to Honors as incoming freshmen can apply as full-time matriculated UD students. Students seeking admission to Honors must have a minimum 3.40 cumulative University of Delaware GPA, taken a minimum of 2 Honors courses (6 credits) with grades of B or better, and submit an application along with 2 letters of recommendation from Honors faculty members.” So, does that mean she could register for a couple honors classes and then apply to the honors program?
@mominthemiddle I think my D14 reincarnated herself into your D. We also struggled with a strong-willed, stubborn daughter who seemed to be making a less-than-ideal choice by default because she wouldn’t actively choose anything else. D, H and I all argued, bribed and threatened – she wasn’t sure she wanted to go to college at all but had no clue what else to do with her life as long as it was away from her small HS and hometown; we felt that if she had no other plan, she should at least improve her chances of being able to support herself with a good job by getting a degree.
She ended up choosing an OOS public university as an undeclared major, where she has to maintain high grades to keep her scholarship. We told her she needed to earn her own spending money and if she lost the scholarship, she would need to transfer. She refused to join the honors program because she thought it would be pretentious and stupid. (Not that she knew if that was true.) She struggled finding friends the first semester and chose and discarded two majors before settling on and becoming passionate about the one she’s in now. And then the university discontinued that major.
But she hasn’t looked back. She’s found her people, determined how to continue in her major, excelled in the classroom and is on track to graduate next year with lots of relevant work experience. Even better, every time we speak to her or see her, we see what a great young woman she has become. She’s always been independent for sure; now she has the maturity to complement that. She is thoughtful, appreciative and planning for her future after college, and while we didn’t envision that future, exactly, when she was younger, it’s the perfect future for who she is today. We know now that she’ll find success even if that plan doesn’t immediately work out as she wants.
Of course, I don’t know you or your D, but my advice is to hang in there. If she is unwilling to have an open mind about Pitt, and UDel is affordable, I’d let her find her own way there, possibly with the funding or other conditions others have mentioned. Keep trying to guide her, but if it appears that she’s not willing to listen, back off a bit. See what happens. If she fails or stumbles, support her and help her find the next path.
Hugs and luck to you.
FYI, the WSJ article has also been mentioned on the dedicated “race” thread where such discussions are supposed to occur: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/20487997#Comment_20487997 and there is a related thread in the Princeton area. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/princeton-university/1975432-princeton-is-scrambling-to-block-its-admissions-records-from-being-released.html#latest
@dfbdfb Without honors, I think she is somewhere in the top 80 - 85% of their student base. I believe that having folks around you that challenge you is really important. I am not one of these - you’ve got to be tops people - I feel that having people around you that have a bit more than you is a good way to keep yourself challenged. That’s one thing that would be resolved with honors.
The second concern is the area around the campus, when we were there the first time, I wanted to explore more because it concerned me. She’s a female, she’s a very head strong female - you could tell her don’t do this - she’ll have to do it to prove you wrong. Location and surroundings are a big concern wherever she is as is with most parents I guess. It just seems rough. I wanted to check it out our second visit there, but issues with the BF led to a big fight between her, hubby and I - she didn’t want to explore the area - she wanted to get home. If she is bored, she goes out with what she calls ‘adventuring’ and will travel to do so. I’d prefer a location where she can wander, where there are tons of things to do so she doesn’t wander as far. So those concerns are still there, unresolved.
She is heavy into arts, museums, concerts - and if not local, will feel the need to ‘adventure’.
Prestige is not an issue - I could care less about that.
Her draw? I have no clue. It was the only campus we actually toured, with the tour group, got all the info, so in reality it is the only one she really knows anything about - so that’s it for ‘draw’. She’s battled us at every other stop or as in the case of Indiana, she was too sick.
Good luck to you Ivy Day people, and for many others too! I was just at the grocery store where I bumped into 3 moms losing their minds waiting on decisions and fin aid info.
Son17 finally got some swag from. 2 schools today. Going to be going into the Goodwill bin tomorrow, we won’t be needing it!! No swag or info yet from the school he put his deposit in at, ironically.
Good luck @mominthemiddle with your daughter and her decision. Hopefully you can come to a mutual agreement.
@mominthemiddle Welcome! What state are you in? Sounds like she’s choosing U Del over her b/f, not a bad thing! I’ve spoken with numerous kids who have had great experiences at U Del. Admissions may be unorganized etc now - but I think this is kind of typical for a state school. All of the kids I’ve talked to felt they had great connections with their departments/professors, etc and a friendly atmosphere on campus. Maybe it’s not terrible she knows what she wants! Also they get high ratings on student review sites… maybe you can check them out for why students like it there.
Declining Acceptances: We waited until we confirmed enrollment and made the deposit. And yes, this was mentally harder to do than we thought for these reasons:
- declined an offer with significant (unexpected) merit money - painful for me
- declined (several) offers for direct admit status to her desired (eventual) major - though she got into her first choice for now
- Mom’s fear of daughter changing her mind about going overseas and thinking “should we keep the backup just in case” - but we couldn’t do this due to the ED agreement and also, once May 1st hits, it’s too late to change your mind, so might as well just commit and send in those declines! but tough, yes.
@texasmissy I’m glad “NFW” finally clicked! It started as “no fiscal way” and morphed a little
@mominthemiddle, Welcome and sorry your are so frustrated. Would like to share a story of D2.
We are from Ca. Delaware was first college my daughter visited in junior. Year. The moment she stepped on the campus she declared that if she was lucky enough to get in, she was going. From there we visited Pitt, UMD, James Madison, Miami Ohio, and IU. She never felt the same about any of the schools.
She loved her four years at Del. She got a great job back home after graduation. She loved her friends, enjoyed Main Street, took the mega bus quite a few times to NYC and DC. Visited her friend at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore yearly. She studied abroad, and thrived. She adores her friends, and they will last a lifetime. She also worked in admissions office. They are slow, and it is the weakest part of the school. Don’t let that throw you. Once you enroll, you will not deal with admissions office again.
Kids do know where they fit. We as parents might not always understand or agree, but you don’t want four years of a kid pissed off that you would not let them go to where they felt they belong. Just saying. This is not easy. Good luck
@Fishnlines29 my son has not declined acceptances yet. I told him to wait a few weeks, just in case something happened and he had to change his plan. It’s not going to happen, but’s it’s the safe thing to do. Deposit already paid.
Hardest part will be declining a school with a generous merit offer. It’s a lot of money. It’s not painful for me really, but man, having all of that extra money lying around would be good for us.
@mominthemiddle wrote:
“…Without honors, I think she is somewhere in the top 80 - 85% of their student base. I believe that having folks around you that challenge you is really important. I am not one of these - you’ve got to be tops people - I feel that having people around you that have a bit more than you is a good way to keep yourself challenged. That’s one thing that would be resolved with honors…”
Parent of a D16 & D13 here. Both at big public flagships. I’d try not to get hung up on honors for honors sake. Honors programs vary from school to school, and there’s more than one way to make the most of opportunities that will surely come to motivated students. One can find their “people” outside of Honors.
Ivy Day can be best summed up by a quote from the great Mike Tyson…
**“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” **
Many of our DC will get punched in the mouth today. Let’s just hope it doesn’t sting too much.
Best of luck to everyone getting decisions today!
Or, no plan survives first contact - military 101
@RightCoaster I hear you, and trust me, it will be a little painful when the offers is suddenly gone because you’ve hit decline! I find my happy place though knowing how absolutely thrilled she is with her decision.
@Midwest67 I agree about the honors and a lot will have to do with how proactive (@mominthemiddle)'s daughter is to seek out valuable opportunities.
@STEM2017 Aw man! I’m also excited to see how everyone fairs today/tomorrow!
@mominthemiddle Thanks for the info about Miami. I LOVE the program (University Scholars) and merit $ and totally agree w @Midwest67 that honors programs vary- its all about making use of the opportunities -which i feel like a broken record with how much I’m saying that at my house…
@dfbdfb We’re the same, we will not declining any acceptance until a school has been firmly committed to.
When I feel panic, the best thing is coming on this forum. Today is a big day for all the parents here. Good luck to everyone. Our kids will eventually get a college to stay the next 4 years.
My D got accept by Wellesley, CMU and Washington St. Louis. We haven’t got the package from Wellesley so far. Has anyone here got Wellesley’s package? Thanks
So i finely convinced my D decline a school. It was her super safety and she didn’t even want to apply but I forced her “just in case.” With much angst she hits the decline button and then the next screen comes up and says something like “We see you declined, if you change your mind before May 1st let us know and we will reinstate you.” The next week we get an envelope with swag.
For my D it was like finally getting around to telling a guy you like someone else better and he’s saying “That’s OK I still like you, I will be hanging around just in case”…then he sends her flowers.
NO swag here only a sticker from the school D committed too. She bought her own swag. A tee shirt would have been nice!
@Ynotgo I think the only reason he would consider going where his brother is at is because he’s gotten more comfortable with the school over the last couple of years and warmed up to it. He relates to a different type of people than his brother does, so he’s had a hard time feeling the vibe up there. I still don’t know if he would have chosen it over UCSD, although I would have been pushing hard to do so. He has pretty much stopped all consideration of his other choices since the UCLA acceptance.
Good luck to all today. I expect many will have a full picture in a few short hours. To my Ca. CC’ers, good luck with CBerkeley today too.