Hi @persimmony Yep, kids will do that! They perceive what we most need to work on and set about to make us work on it! 
Hi @persimmony, I’m also a VA parent, with three kids. The middle one D17 is going to a CTCL. As you know, many VA state schools are competitive to get into, and the top ones like high GPAs. The CTCL are a good option as the 2017 version of this thread shows.
For musicians, George Mason and University of Mary Washington are good choices. Many NOVA kids dislike George Mason because it is so close to home, but their music programs are really very good. I made both my kids apply to the honors program and they unexpectedly liked it but wound up going elsewhere. I would also check out St. Mary’s College of Maryland (they will discount to in-state tuition for a high ACT score), and the University of NC-Greensboro (great music and theater) to have some affordable options besides instate.
If your son is willing to travel, the choices open up. Rhodes, Sewanee, St. Olaf, Ithaca all have appeal for musicians. You will get a lot of good recommendation on this board.
I have an Ivy league background myself, but I’ve enjoyed discovering these smaller LACs. I think many of doing are great job of fostering the intellectually engaged environment that I remember from my undergraduate days.
Welcome @persimmony !
Lack of motivation is a struggle. My D18 is a motivated kid but my next one is definitely not. I get it.
I think the motivation can come later, when they find their passion, and that’s okay.
Being in a state like VA with such wonderful school choices is a blessing for kids who find their passions later or who have passions outside of school.
D20 will probably be in the cc route and then transfer to an instate public. Our local cc is developing new programs all the time and has great agreements with four year colleges. She is bright with limited interests, no motivation, and ADHD. She’s going to have to find her own way, and my job will be supporting her through it…because she won’t listen until she’s ready to listen and I can’t make her do anything. [-O<
S18 had similar struggles as a freshman and sophomore. It seemed to be compounded by being intimidated/dismissive of the kids in his grade who were motivated and unafraid to show it. This year he does seem to have stepped it up, perhaps inspired by better-than-expected standardized test scores.
On the other hand, D20 came out of the womb swinging. I worry that the is too motivated and always stressed out.
Kids have a natural temperament. I used to believe exclusively in nurture but nature seems to have a pretty strong hand in everything.
Thanks @VAOptimist. I should have said, he doesn’t plan to major in music but he does want to continue playing in orchestra at college. At this point he wants to major in chemistry. We looked at Mary Washington and I liked it a lot but D18 didn’t seem to. He said it was too small. We also looked at William and Mary, UVA, JMU, and VaTech. He liked W and M (probably can’t get in) and JMU - but it’s so big! I really think he’d do much better at a smaller school. This was all last summer. I would like to visit Christopher Newport and VCU also. Now I’ve added the CTCL - which one is your D17 going to? I was eyeing Juniata, Goucher, Allegheny and Ursinus.
It seems like he doesn’t want to go too far away. My impression is he wants to stick to Mid-Atlantic, possibly Northeast. I’ve thought of Ithaca too. He hates hot weather, so anything south is out.
I’m sorry you’re having all those worries. I think over time it will become clear what is the right path for your D. You have a lot of options, and that’s good.
I hope your husband can get a good placement. I understand the concerns about school. I have homeschooled my different kids according to what’s been needed, but generally I like to homeschool through eighth grade. I did homeschool through high school for one child and I found it hard, the emotional weight even more than the everyday work of it. I am very fortunate that two of my kids are in private high school now and the next one will also folliw that route. They can attend at no cost, otherwise I’d likely be homeschooling them.
@pantha33m How funny! D18 was also like that as a freshman about a couple of friends who were very into grades from the get-go. She seemed determined not to be like that. Her brief unschooling background (or, rather, my lifelong unschooling indoctrination of her!) seemed to come into play as well: Learning is for learning not grades! Oops! :-))
Thanks @pantha33m! He’s gotten more self-motivating over the years, but it just hasn’t come far enough to get into top colleges at this point. Oh well. I can’t really make him do anything he doesn’t want to either! I’ve tried to interest him in all kinds of ECs but he just…isn’t…interested. It doesn’t take much for him to feel like things are “too much.” Which is probably why a top-rated college isn’t the place for him anyway.
My younger daughter is also much different in temperament. During our college tours, she was already saying “I’m going to apply here!” etc. haha She already has a list of colleges she wants to apply to. She’s 11!
@persimmony , My 11 yo is the same. She’s already gone through lists of colleges, checking the departments of interest and their admission rates to graduate schools, as well as international options. She is scary bright but so stubborn and not inclined to work through things which require effort. ~X(
I’m wondering if anyone else sees motivation and energy drop in hay fever season, when pollen counts are high?
@MACmiracle Wow, it was sounding like you all snuck into my house and were just relating our story… S18 and D25 have allergies that affect them, especially in the morning. S18 has much worse reactions and deals with stuffed sinuses throughout the year, but it gets annoyingly bad in the spring. We’re considering shots because he’s been inconsistent with his nasal spray. If anyone is easily distracted, it must be murder.
D25 scares us too. Our stance is to help her do what she wants (because she provides all the drive and intensity on her own) and not to get in her way. We do guide her in foundational values obviously, but the concern is never motivation but rather being in control of - instead of being controlled by - her strong will and drive. But her story is for another time, since I can chat for days on that one.
Welcome @persimmony, pull up a chair and let’s enjoy the ride together 
Yes. Yes. Yes. Truer words have never been spoken.
Our S18 (as well as my wife and I) are dealing with our S16 flunking out of college. Seeing your older brother, a NMSF with a 1460 SAT not make it through freshman year can make you anxious. S18 has slightly better grades but also has a tendency to either not do assignments or wait until the last minute. Fortunately he has time to process what’s happening with his brother and figure out his own path.
@mstomper HUGS.
@persimmony I’d also recommend checking out St Mary’s College of MD and even Washington College if those aren’t too small for him to at least visit. Also Loyola MD outside of Baltimore is an excellent school.
Does anyone feel like universities are wiling to over look a mediocre GPA if SAT/ACT scores are high, more than the reserve…mediocre SAT/ACT scores coupled with a good GPA?
DD’18 probably just tanked (and that is a strong word because a 77 is not tanking…lol) her semester AP Physics grade… looks like she will be coming out in the all B range this semester (with the exception of that AP Physics grade). Sort of frustrated with her…
@labegg I was just reading that rigor makes up for a lower grade, and I think AP Physics covers rigor.
@persimmony Also want to say “Hi!”, and commiserate. Son is rocking about 3.43 right now, first year with AP classes though so fingers crossed. He’s taking four next year, and I will be praying…A LOT.
I am also instate VA, have three (D15, S18, and D21). D15 is at W&M, and is declaring Chem as major. If you have any questions.
Duquesne is a school in Pittsburgh and gives merit of $10-$20k
In Ohio Youngstown State U, Cleveland State, Kent State might be good merit options.
@mommdc I recently got a better NPC result from Kent State than a lot of other Ohio publics. It was unexpected.
I have not run Youngstown or Cleveland State because they don’t have the major D wants.
Hi @persimmony we have looked at Juniata and Ursinus. From what we’ve heard both are strong in the sciences, and both had friendly students on our tours (although the one tour guide did not help their school). Another possibility could be Muhlenberg or Wooster if open the range to Ohio. As @labegg asks, I think some schools are more forgiving on the GPA if strong tests scores. When you look up the CDS for some schools, the average GPA is lower than others. I think Muhlenberg is one such school.
Also @labegg I know some of my son’s friends had a really hard time with AP Physics the last two quarters. My son had a B last quarter and needs a very high B this quarter to get an A for the year. Don’t know how it will turn out. He said the AP test was awful though. And he’s strong in math…anyway I’m trying not to get too frustrated with him. He’s really stepped it up this year compared to freshman and sophomore year. All our kids will land somewhere…they have good parents who research here on CC for guidance and help with a broad range of affordable schools!! :))