Parents of the HS Class of 2018 (Part 1)

I was just reflecting on this earlier this morning and decided:
They will get sick
They will feel lonely
They will be homesick
They will experience an increase in workload and expectations
They will have roommate issues
They will have to establish themselves in a new community and have to create a new social network
They will have to navigate their new campus, city and resources
They will have an increase in stress and decide how to address/mitigate that
They will have to remember to sleep well, eat well, exercise and manage this whole new lifestyle
They will be fineā€¦God willing.
And I will just be over here packing on the Freshman 15 with all the stress eating.

@Meddy TRUTH! Pass the chips & queso would you please

I wish we could pin your post, @Meddy!

@SnowflakeDogMom I really like the reminder that they canā€™t give 100% to everything.

I think this is where mine is struggling; she tends to get stuck in the weeds. She likes to color coordinate all of her notes. Literally, will take notes then rewrite them highlighting different points in different colors. Crazy time consuming.

I am also going to email all your fine points @Meddy as well.

@laralei , at the risk of being an armchair, non-accredited therapist, I feel a need to respond to your post about color-coordinated notes.

Many of my close family members, including one of my children, struggle with OCD. Over years of research, treatment, therapy, and medication, a few things have bubbled to the surface. One of them is this: if a person feels compelled to engage in an activity that takes up a significant amount of time but is not really serving them, they should consider being evaluated for OCD.

In contrast, if they actually enjoy and get pleasure from the activity (they love seeing all those color-coded notes and it helps them learn the material better), spending what someone else may see as an inordinate amount of time on something is probably not cause for concern.

I know you werenā€™t asking for advice and apologize for over-stepping, but some of my family members engaged in behavior for years that, in retrospect, seems overtly diagnostic without anyone really realizing or addressing it. There is so much research now and helpful treatment modalities that I feel I compelled to share our experience when possible clues arise.

@pickledginger Interesting on the OCD.

Iā€™ll definitely keep an eye on that, but she feels rewriting the notes helps her to understand the material better and the color coding highlights the most important points.

She is also very artistic and has won some placements in art competitions, mainly in the pencil & ink submissions, so she does enjoy doing it for the most part. I just think this is all well and good when you have the time for it, but she may need to revamp things for college, there just isnā€™t enough time.

We found out yesterday that one of S18ā€™s professors is Carl Saganā€™s son. Heā€™s had a successful career as an author and screenwriter.

Just checking inā€¦have been following but not much time to post as work has been busy.

For all whose kiddos have had an adjustment I can relate. Fully expected there to be an adjustment period and there was but I could tell when I talked to my daughter last week we have rounded the corner.

Think it would have been sooner but coming home for a week during Florence was a few steps back (her words when we picked her up at the airport that night was ā€œthis is the worse time to come home as I was just getting over being homesick.ā€ )

Way before hurricanes were on the forecast we told her that we were not bringing her home for fall break, she was welcome to use her money to go wherever she wanted but since we would be down for parents weekend at the end of September and she would be home for a week at Thanksgiving we thought a four day weekend in October was extensive and expensive. Well she decided to save her money and stay and was very excited for the space she would have with 31 out of 35 kids are on floor heading out for break. She had big plans to clean the common room ( everyone had been hacking all over the place), bake cookies and catch up on her shows. First few hours of break while cleaning her room she got water on the computer and fried it. The next hour brought the backlash of Michael which was worse than Florence. Her dorm only had blinking lights but others were spending days in the gym as they had no power. Trees down, tornado warnings and more kept her trapped in her dorm for the first nightā€¦while trying to revive a dead computer. It was not pretty and I felt like the worse mom ever.

In the end she survived and thrived. She handled getting the computer basically replaced for $300 with AppleCare and arranged rides to and from the Apple store twice ( 30 minutes away). Had a friend that lent her a computer for the week she was without, was grateful everything backed up to goggle and got those cookies baked.

Hang in there folks I think they will get there just takes more time for some than others. Still doesnā€™t have her tribe but I think she is discovering she has herself.

Love this positive post, @MinnieFan! My D seems to have a small group of friends but not quite fully her tribe but I think she will get there. Now if she could just do a better job of protecting her phone from harmā€¦

Has anyoneā€™s child changed their major yet? S18 wants to change from philosophy to sacred music or mathematics. He says that if he is called to a spiritual vocation, he can study philosophy in seminary (itā€™s a requirement).

Of the two choices, I vote sacred music. As he himself said, he can serve the church with it. And with his dual German major, they would be really compatible. He loses himself on the piano, always has.

S is good in mathematics and very intuitive. But I saw how heā€™d triple check problems to the detriment of his health (no sleep!) while taking higher level math in homeschool. And that was only 2 classes! I told him he wouldnā€™t really have the time in college for that type of intensity.

Itā€™s amazing how much heā€™s blossomed since August. He has a group of friends. He has his first girlfriend. Heā€™s juggling classes, work study and writing for the paper.

I told him last night I loved him and was proud of him too.

DD just got her second finite math test backā€¦She failed it with a 52. She had texted immediately after the test to tell me ā€œI definitely failed that test!ā€. She claims nearly the whole class failed, many in her class group chat failed with grades in the 20-30 range (ouch). She is taking it in stride and doesnā€™t seem too distraught! Several classmates have decided to drop the course. I think DD just wants to get it done and over with at this point.

She was really pleased with her second test score in Biological Anthropology, despite some confusion with australopithecus anamesis and ardipithecus kadabba(?); I told her skull/skeletal identification was one of the hardest part of biological anthropology when I took it back in the day! This is a class and professor that Rate My Professor advised should be avoided, so she is pretty pleased with herself. I hope she has learned to recognize that online anonymous opinions should be taken with a grain of salt!

Overall, I think she is handling academics pretty well, mid-term grades posted as all As and a B in that math class. I donā€™t think she is having a whole lot of ā€œfunā€ and from what I can glean has not really made a bunch of friends, which makes me a bit sad. But she seems overall satisfied with her experiences. We spent a inordinate amount of time on the phone with DD last week helping to her sort out a preliminary schedule for next semester. She has made one good friend and they are looking at a house to rent together next year and have started the rental application process, it is weird thinking about year 2 already!

@labegg surely the finite math prof will curve at the end of the semester?

@labegg, that does seem early to move off campus. How do you feel about that? My older D is now off campus and I have been surprised by how expensive it has been. Sheā€™s a senior.

@apraxiamom I think your post about majors is really timely since itā€™s time to sign up for second semester classes at most schools.

Iā€™m a bit bummed that the normal course load is 4 classes a semester, and that her major has so many requirements and co-requisites. Next semester she is going to take an extra class, which has me worried, but she really doesnā€™t have a choice. And sheā€™s bummed that even with taking an extra class she wonā€™t be able to take 2 other classes that she really wanted to take and was thinking of co-majoring in. I canā€™t believe that decisions are already being made that will result in not being able to major in certain topics without spending extra semesters.

Hi All,
We are back from a nice weekend from UCLA parent weekend. The school seems amazing, but my daughter is still not happy there. She has made friends, loves her roommates, but feels that she made the wrong decision with such a large, urban school, that she feels is impersonal. She wants to transfer to the smaller regional college where her sister goes, and she feels has more to offer her, and her personality. At first, my husband and I were really against having her transfer so early, and especially after working so hard to get in to such a good school, but she has really made up her mind as of now, and feels that she made the wrong choice, and based her decision on the ā€œnameā€ of the school, but not necessarily if it was right for her. I guess we have to trust her feelings, and remember that sheā€™s a smart girl and has always been analytic and thinks things through. As of now she has put in a transfer for the winter quarter. Of course, I secretly hope that she will change her mind, but I also donā€™t want her going down the path of anxiety and depression either. Ugh, itā€™s so hard because she was so excited to start college, and I just want her to be happy!

About off campus housing - it really depends on the school and the area, dd16 moved to off campus housing in her second year and itā€™s been great and sooo much cheaper! DS18 will stay on campus all four years because his scholarship partially covers on campus housing but heā€™ll be moving from dorms to on campus apartments which are less costly because they donā€™t require the crazy expensive meal plan.

Maybe Iā€™m in the minority, but I love meal plans. It takes so much time to cook and clean up afterwards!

@momtwin, thanks for the update. I was thinking about you during Family Weekend. Iā€™m sorry about this stressful situation, but it sounds like your daughter is being proactive and doing what she feels will be best. In my experience, this is a good predictor of what does end up being best . . . perhaps in large part because the person is invested in their own decision. There are many paths to a good outcome (and many varieties of good outcomes, as well!). I hope you will continue to keep us posted.

@MinnieFan ā€œHang in there folks I think they will get there just takes more time for some than others. Still doesnā€™t have her tribe but I think she is discovering she has herself.ā€ love this, I think my DD is in the same place. She is sorting herself out, relying on her judgment and while she does not have her friends group like she did in high school, she is making friends. She commented that she and her roomies just chill in their room a lot, she said ā€œwe are losersā€ I commented that they are only losers if they are hanging out in their rooms and are not happy about it. I think DD is too lazy to branch out and seek others to add to her social group, since she and the roomies get along, she has not been motivated to expand her circle. That is on her, she will either remain a hermit or branch out, I canā€™t force either one.

Her grades are great, she is handling her workload well and has her priorities in order.

We just returned from family weekend, we had a great time even tho we attended very few of the official activities as DD had no interest. We did attend the Home Coming Hockey game, that was lots of fun. We took her to eat, winterized her wardrobe, got her a haircut and found an outfit for an upcoming student leadership interview. DH and I explored Huntsville while she was in class, studying or doing things with her social group. It was a nice balance, it was a break for DH and I to get away and also we got in some kid time.

So, I hate generalizations because every child is different. However, I have seen some recurring patterns over the years. I am just going to throw this out there. It is very common for students to be ā€œmiserableā€ during the first semester of college. There are many reasons this occurs. The reality of the college life does not match the anticipated experience; kids miss their families and friends; difficulty finding ā€œtribeā€ right away. I know a lot of kids ( and I mean a lot) that ā€œhated collegeā€ in September and/ or October and wanted to transfer, come home or take time off. Parents experience real anxiety and plead with their child to stick it out for a semester. Parents are on pins and needles when child comes home in mid December. Parent gently prods child about school, only to hear, ā€œI love it! I want to go back early. I really miss my new college friends.ā€ Iā€™m just sayinā€™ . . . it happens a lot. Hang in there.