@homerdog Right now, the one girl is resistant to counseling - apparently grew up in a family where is was dismissed as nonsense. But he is still trying to get her to see someone. And he is taking her out for a very nice dinner tonight.
And the drunk date? He is talking to her today. She was planning to attend another pre-function before the main event, he is going to tell her he doesn’t want to attend that (its sole purpose is to drink), and if she is, perhaps they should attend main event separately.
@sammoj (and anyone else interested), I just read Know My Name written by the woman who was sexually assaulted by the Stanford swimmer a few years back. It was riveting and D21 is reading it now. I don’t think any woman can just sweep her assault under the table and not talk to someone. I hope your S’s friend will seek help.
just piping in. For the girl who hired someone else to clean their room, I look at it differently. My D17 is needing to make extra money and has thought about cleaning rooms for freshman . So if there is someone that has that money to spare, there is someone that needs to earn that money to help pay for things.
Just a suggestion for those thinking of study abroad. I know it is early, but try to find out the recruiting timelines for the summer internships your kids may wish to pursue as juniors. I know several kids who had to rearrange their travel plans when they learned that the recruiting would occur while they were gone, or who took less desired jobs just so they could keep their plans. Depending on the field, recruiting can occur from January of sophomore year to April of junior year, all for junior summer jobs.
@SammoJ - so sorry, that sounds like a lot of hard things for you S to deal with, but it seems like he’s handling them as well as he can. The positive part is that he’s willing to talk with you, which is often not the case with teenage boys. It seems like a good idea that he’s planning to talk to the date about doing something differently the next time.
I guess all he can do with the friend who was raped is provide support and keep encouraging her to seek additional help. Maybe he could suggest that if she didn’t feel good about her parents’ response to her being raped, maybe they aren’t to be trusted about the value of therapy. She needs to be on the lookout for ptsd symptoms and also consider how safe or unsafe she feels in the dorm.
I hope he finds another organization that he loves even more. Sounds like a great kid!
@SammoJ I’m so sorry that your son has had to deal with so much. It really is great that he is reaching out to you, even though if it were me, I know I’d be hurting for him and having trouble sleeping.
Rejection of any kind is so painful, and making it through multiple cuts gets your hopes up. Ugh. I am sure there is a group that needs your S and his talents, and I hope he finds it soon.
One of my D’s has gotten in over her head trying to help a friend with depression. Luckily, she did eventually tell me. What helped her was to realize that he needed skilled professional help. She could be his friend and listen, but she couldn’t take on the role of a therapist or psychiatrist. My heart goes out to the girl who was raped, and your son trying to help. I don’t understand parents who wouldn’t need to be with her asap. I hope she will go for counseling. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with the school counselors, there are multiple 24 hour rape hotlines like https://www.rainn.org .
1-800-HOPE . Or maybe they could find out where the closest rape crisis center is.
My D17 (returning to college in the fall after a leave of absence, now that her health has stabilized) is considering applying to be an RA the year after next, but is also aware that doing so will pretty much guarantee she’ll have to deal with such over-her-head issues at some point during the semester.
I think a lot of the “Times have changed!” rhetoric is overblown, but the responsibilities we place on people like RAs, as well as simply peers in general, to seriously help other students rather than, say, just telling them to not openly carry a beer around at ten in the morning (rather than refer them to counseling for possible emerging alcoholism) or simply suggesting they get themselves tested for STDs (rather than call sexual assault what it is, and help someone through the resulting issues), yeah, that has changed.
@dfbdfb , agree. I asked my D19 if she had any interest in becoming an RA and she immediately said no, that she didn’t want that kind of responsibility. She would - and has - responsibly helped out friends in sticky situations, but the idea of having however many kids she doesn’t know under her aegis is not attractive to her.
@yucca10 My D16 (or is it D17, I forget, anyhow a college senior) is a math/physics double-major. Double majoring has significantly impacted the number of upper level math classes she has been able to take and that has put her in a worse position for grad school in math. However she is planning to do grad school in physics. She’s not sure yet if double-majoring has hurt her in physics but probably. So that’s something to think about. It didn’t become really apparent until senior year when all the other math majors were just doing upper level classes and she couldn’t since she also had physics classes to do.
@SammoJ That is really tough. I hope your S can convince her to call the rape line and start talking to someone (besides your S). But the good news is that you can recover from bad experiences in your life.
@SammoJ Your S sounds like an amazing young man and friend! Hugs to you. You are a great parent and should be very proud that your S confides in you and asks for your assistance and advice with challenges that life throws at him.
On a different subject, I totally get and appreciate how some college kids make extra cash by doing laundry. In fact both of my kids have work study jobs on campus that they use as income for their pocket money. However, I honestly never thought someone would pay someone else to clean their 1/2 of the dorm room though. I felt my D’s frustration because earlier that day she sent me a video of how messy her roommates side was. Most notably (to me) was an overflowing trash can with trash littered everywhere (floor, her desk, etc). Just gross. I find it unfathomable that someone would hire someone to pick up their trash while they were far la la - ing down the hall socializing with others. That was what shocked me. It just seemed so lazy to me. Yes, princess-like.
Son19 is considering a double major of MechE with something like computer science, but is concerned a bit about the workload. He likes both engineering and CS, and that would be a strong degree coming out of school. He has a couple friends on his team that are going through it now as upperclassmen, so he knows it can be done.
He’s just not going to have a lot of free time to explore other things and relax once in a while, so it’s a trade off.
A bunch of kids got sick last week, including my son, but it was like a 1 day flu thing, no long drawn out illness so that was good. But he felt cruddy during his track meet and then basically puked and slept the rest of the weekend. He said he’s fine now, so not overly concerned.
We’re going to go over to see him and watch a track meet for a bit and then grab lunch in Davis square.
He’s got 3-4 weeks left in winter season, and then they fly out to San Diego for a week of training, competing and exploring. That will be a good break from school and the yucky winter weather.
He’s working with the career center to try to find an internship for the summer and he’s networked with a few local parents to see if their employers were looking for any help.
He seems to be having a fun time and enjoying himself when he gets a chance. He likes his classes, coaches, teammates and roomie so no complaints.
@RightCoaster S19 sick too. Has to miss tomorrow’s meet and he is big time bummed. I talked to him today and his cough sounds awful. No fever or nausea. I think it’s some sort of chest cold. I just preached rest and fluids and that’s what he’s doing for now. Glad your S is feeling better!
And big news - my D and I are going to Bowdoin next weekend! She has Presidents Day off and flights were cheap. She wasn’t there for move in or family weekend so she’ll get to see his digs and meet his friends. There’s a meet at BU on that Sat but he’s not sure if he will run yet. If he does, we will go to that too. So excited for D to see S19 on his campus.
I love taking the siblings to see the college kid, especially for the first time. It’s so nice that everyone can picture their home away from home, and maybe meet a couple of college friends too. Of course it’s a great side benefit for any high school sibs to see college life/the campus, even if it is just to provide some reference for what they may like or not like.
@TS0104 believe me, I would be crazy happy if D loved Bowdoin and if she could get in. I don’t think it’s exactly what she’s looking for though and I think S19 would agree it’s not the right place for her. But she really wants to see his life there and meet the friends she sometimes “sees” when she and S facetime. That will be fun for her. I’m sure the two of them will also end up in one of S’s favorite study spots over the weekend since they will both have work to do!
The visit also gives her the chance to see what she likes and doesn’t like about Bowdoin and she can use that info going forward. We are also visiting some of her friends at BC next weekend and that will be a good juxtaposition. I think BC is more of a fit for her…
Sounds like all the track kids have colds this week. Our S19 as well, although he thinks he’ll be OK for the meet tomorrow, which Denison is hosting. We’re excited it will be live-streamed, although our best guess is his first event will happen at about 4:30 a.m. our time.
Thanks @homerdog , I hope your S19 recovers quickly. This is our first experience with an indoor track season, and it really flies by. You’ve inspired me now to get up in the middle of the night and watch!
