I want to hug you @3scoutsmom. I am so happy for you and S20!!! And your great family!
I donât know if this topic is the right venue or I should start another topic, but something has been bothering me for almost two weeks and I wanted to solicit some advice. At my daughterâs middle school graduation, I noticed that when she went up to get her diploma, she received significantly fewer claps and cheering from her peers than the other kids. Of course, it may be my perception (though my husband had the same impression). So when her dad brought it up, she just brushed it off, but I wonder if there is a more serious issue at play. Daughter claims sheâs significantly more âsocialâ than me and has a lot of friends, but so far I only met two of those friends. One has been her classmate in elementary school and on the swim team, probably her best friend. The other one my daughter was close to in 6-7 grades, but in 8th grades they parted ways - according to my daughter, her friend started doing drugs (provided by older brother), drinking, and ended up in a psychiatric ward and then rehab for the rest of the school year. Bottom line - my daughter throws around a lot of names, but never seems to go anywhere with anyone but her best friend. For her Birthday (late May) she only invited her best friend, the other kids were what I consider âfamily friendsâ - children of our friends that our daughter grew up with and gets along well, but never reaches out to beyond our family outings/visits, etc.
I am worried that my daughterâs snarky attitude is driving away her peers. When I brought up the subject in 6th grade, my daughter claimed she had a lot of friends but just wasnât popular because she doesnât wear brand-name clothes, doesnât wear any make-up, and just doesnât associate with âpopularâ girls. In 7th grade she was already belligerent and told me to butt out of her life, she is âdoing fine, now get out of my roomâ every time Iâd bring up the subject.
I know going through puberty, sticking out because of her height, and keeping up with kids a year older than she is was very stressful, and I was giving her a pass on her attitude to me, focusing instead on her being nicer to her grandparents and younger brother. But if she uses the same condescending sarcastic attitude with her peers, I can easily see why she has few friends. And I have no idea what high school might bring. Would she feel more relaxed because there will finally be kids her height and she could âfit inâ easier, or would she be miserable because she hasnât learned to get along with others?
I know I may be blowing it all out of proportions, but what do you guys think - should I be concerned, and if yes, what can I do about it? Thanks in advance!
@typiCAmom Could you be seeing this backward. Could she have a snarky attitude because she has fewer friends and this is something that is bothering her. I have boys, so I donât understand what goes on in the world of girls, but one of my boys my, S20 in fact, is a figure skater, so I see what girls can do and what goes on behind the scenes. Nobody ever pays attention to the parent of a boy at a skating rink! LOL. So I can watch without notice. So I have been watching these kids go from children to queen bees, most often egged on by parents, as well as those who are pushed out, most often with kinder parents. But then I see them mature, once they hit around 10th grade. The exception are those with true talent who are simply respected by all.(This is true in skating and academics at all ages.)
Also as parent of two kids with social difficulties (one ASD, the other auditory processing that makes social situations difficult), I watch for social issues all the time. My older child took some time to find people who he really connected with, but this came as he got into more and more classes with kids who shared his interests. Middle school is a hell hole where everyone is forced to learn the same thing, and there are few ways to find those who really share your passions. That does come in high school.
I would keep an eye out and maybe touch base with her counselor when she gets to high school. simply letting the counselor know that you have concerns, could give you an extra pair of eyes and ears.
Well said @LKnomad and I would add one thing for @typiCAmom -
Sometimes the really loud cheers at these things are sort of sarcastic/bullying, and a polite smattering of applause is the desirable event. 
@LKnomad, thanks for your insight. I too hope things will get better in high school
@fretfulmother, I never thought of that
@typiCAmom We just had the graduation ceremony for Sâ20. The cheers and clapping coming from the audience in general are mostly the same. Whistles and screams come from family patches from time to time. Not everyone has load relatives so some kids will feel their moments are a lot quieter. This actually made me and my daughter decided to scream loudly when S is up⊠:)) Not what we would normally do⊠Good thing the two of us are loud enough to represented the quiet dad and grandparents altogether :).
Middle school is such a difficult time @typiCAmom especially if there is something that makes a child stand out. The kids are all trying to categorize each other into neat little boxes. The snarkiness you see may be both cause and effect. Your DD may not fit neatly into just one box which makes the other kids jealous (tall and smart, not fair!) or she just may not join in to how the different groups separate themselves from each other (in this group we wear this or we do that) which makes her âplaceâ in the middle school world hard for others to define. I say encourage your DD to lead not follow. Let her find out who she really is by wearing what she likes, joining ECs that she really cares about, and spending time with those that share those interests. Also encourage her to treat people of all ages with respect and civility. Good manners are always useful in life. Going to high school will give her an opportunity to meet lots of people and find her crowd. My DS16 ended up with many more friends in the class above him than in his own. Those kids seemed much more interested in getting to know him than in needing to compete with him. It will take time but it will work its way out.
Woot! DS20 is officially registered for high school! Everything went smoothly with both the registrar and the interim GC. no problem bringing in credit from three different âaccreditedâ on-line schools (Biology and Health from Texas Tech, Geometry from UTk-16 and Beginning College Algebra from Aleks/ACE for Algebra 1 credit).
He is signed up for FISH CAMP (one day Freshman Orientation) and they will be distributing iPads at orientation instead of waiting until the first day of school so the kids will have a few days to get used to them and set them up before school starts.
I canât believe they had no problem approving his classes! Heâs taking:
Pre AP English 1
Pre AP Algebra 2
AP Human Geography
AP Comp Sci
Pre AP Chemistry
Chinese 1
Art 1: Art and Media Communications (formerly Electronic Media)
Second semester heâll add off campus PE: competitive fencing
It was like pulling teeth to get them to approve a lighter schedule for dd16, easier for ds18, but this was just a breeze, they didnât even bat an eye at two AP courses for a freshman!
I also found out that the registrar got involved in the whole out of district not getting accepted issue and went to bat for us with the principalâs office too! Turnâs out her son will be a freshman this year too and they have their largest freshman class ever at 714! DD16âs class was only 618 so thatâs a huge jump and might even increase before the end of the summer.
3scoutsmom, congrats! Our school district wonât consider any outside crediting before HS (I inquired about taking online classes this summer, too). What is Pre-AP English? Will your son be taking AP English as a sophomore? No PE - or is he on a couple of teams? Our school wonât let kids take any AP classes freshman year. My daughter really wanted to take Art instead of Drama for an elective, but when I suggested it might take some fighting with the department, she asked to let it go - she doesnât want to âstick outâ by having an unusual schedule freshman year - so I didnât even ask her about asking for other exceptions, etc
We learned that âstate approved, accreditedâ classes are allowed prior to 9th grade at our school. In the regular middle school kids can take high school algebra and geometry and some foreign language classes too. Not sure why they have a rule that PE can not be done until the start of 9th grade but it is what it is.
Our school offers three types of classes, regular, Pre AP and AP and then weights the GPA by class type. You multiply the grade by 1.0 for regular (non-weighted), by 1.1 for Pre AP Classes and 1.2 for AP class. Pre AP class are more like honors classes with more work and stricter grading but no AP exam.
DS20 will take Pre AP English 1 in 9th grade, Pre AP English 2 in 10th, AP English Language 3 in 11th and AP English Lit 4 in 12th grade.
Heâs required to do two semesters of PE and will do off campus competitive fencing starting second semester freshman year, he has to fence non-competitive first semester to qualify to fence competitively and earn credit and will hopefully finish his PE credit by continuing to fence competitively first semester of his sophomore year.
Both my DD16 and DS18 took AP Comp Sci as freshman and thought it was an easy course and scored 5 on the AP exam so I donât think DD20 will have a problem, heâs the first of my kids to take AP Human Geography but it has no prerequisites so itâs open to freshman and satisfies the states geography requirements.
My DS is not concerned with sticking out, itâs a big school and heâs likely the only freshman taking Pre AP Chem since BIO is a state requirement and not offered in middle school.
what does Pre AP English mean?
@3scoutsmom your pre-AP sounds like our accelerate courses. We have three levels as well with accelerated feeding into honors and/or AP depending on the course sequence.
AP human geo send to be the common freshman AP course, for those going into an AP track. That way kids are not hit over the head when they get to the work load of AP World.
our HS has Adv English 1, 2 and 3 and then senior year choice of AP Lit or AP Lang&Comp, not sure how the weighing works. Which one of the APâs would you recommend though?
@typiCAmom depends on the kid but I think AP Language helps the most for the SAT/ACT. Do you have any idea which colleges your DC might apply to? If so look up all the AP rules and equivalents. My dd16 will be attending OU and they give credit for both required English classes if you get a 5 on either the AP Lit or AP Language class. Here kids on the AP track take AP Eng Language in 11th grade. DD scored a 5 so even though she took AP Lit in 12th grade we did not waste money on the test since she already has all the college English credits she needs.
Looks like DS18 will go to UTD and they do not give any credit for World History so the money for that exam may have been a waste.
@whataboutcollege Pre AP classes are more like honors classes with more work and stricter grading but no AP exam. They are weighted classes so they help your weighted GPA but are not weighted as heavily as AP class. They are usually taken prior to AP classes they are required before certain AP classes but not all. For example you must take Pre AP Chem before you can take AP Chem.
@3scoutsmom, thanks. Is there any value in taking both? I have a feeling my daughter will end up in a UC - UCLA or UCSD (possibly another UC except Berkeley - too close to home), unless she gets lucky and gets a scholarship at USC. She wants to stay on the West Coast and I donât think there are any other privates besides USC in CA that offer significant merit aid
I think there is value in taking both classes as they cover different material and our school requires 4 years of English to graduate anyway. You need to check with the colleges to see if there is value in taking the exams for both. I encourage my kids to get as many AP/DE credits as they can while in high school because it gives them more options and some advantages in college and the cost per credit hour is much cheaper for college credit earned through AP/DE/CLEP.
I donât know anything about the CA colleges but DD16 will end her first semester of her senior year at OU with senior standing which means she can be one of the first to register for class:-) she still plans to take four years to graduate but this way she can take the classes she is really interested in and have to deal with the core classes that she doesnât care about.
D informed me that she has completed her CA essay. But she doesnât want to show me, yet. Maybe after her summer program she will have a change of heart?
@whataboutcollege your entering 9th grader has already written her Common App essay??? Is what you meant? I am guessing you are also on another class of 20xx board.
@LKnomad oh! Yes. My DDâ17 has just done that :)) . My DSâ20 is playing video games all day long while waiting for his class placements. Posted at the wrong board⊠I think I need a break! 
@LKnomad, yes, I think so, too. And since humanities are her strong side, I think taking both would give her a chance to stand out a little within an application pool (might not be much benefit for transferring units, though, but thatâs ok)