@WasIDremin That happened to us in the beginning, too. I fed it to D17 in teeny bits, and if it wasn’t received well at the time…I shut down, and didn’t push. Over. And. Over. She eventually came around, especially after visits started. Some people set aside ‘College Meeting Time’ every week at an assigned time. For instance, every Sunday at 4pm there was a College Search update…maybe there would be things to report, maybe not…but eventually there was quite a lot that needed to be talked about.
@WaslDremin my recommendation is to keep it fun in the beginning. We saw schools as part of other trips rather than making school specific trips. One tour and then something fun for the rest of the day or weekend—finding the best burger, ice cream or local entertainment were often goals as much as finding the admissions office. With my DS16 we made sure he understood that we were just shopping and he had no need to do anything more than see what the options were. Then as he realized how different the schools were he came up with his last of must haves and nice to haves to start putting together a list of schools to apply to. We kept assuring him that no decisions needed to be made until Spring of senior year so he was just test driving until then. He is in to strategy so we talked in terms of what if’s rather in terms of picking one school. He became more engaged with each discussion.
@WasIDremin, for our D, it took the first visit before she could articulate what she wanted to see in a school but she didn’t feel comfortable writing names down until after she met with a college admissions coach. The coach looked at her transcript and her resume and suggested schools. D took that list and used it as a springboard. She said talking to her made it “real”.
I had been telling her the same stuff. :eyeroll:
I agree with the ^ post that its important to keep it fun. Nothing is set in stone.
Thanks All. I think the Fun part is what I am missing. D20 was having a particularly bad morning today and kind of broke down when I asked about her talking to a visiting college councilor just to get things going. She understands this is a big decision, but right now it looks to her like a mountain that she cannot face. My point to her is that unless she starts taking these steps the decision is going to seem enormous, and the only way to get it done is to start taking small steps and gathering information.
Like I mentioned before our first visit is coming up and I hope that it will spark more interest. Its at a school that I definitely do not want her to attend so I am hope that the uncertainty of not knowing what we are looking for will make it stay at the bottom of her list.
I think it’s a daunting process unless you have a child who knows exactly what they want to do or where they want to go. I try to keep in mind that I am approaching it with my own college experience as a backdrop and an adult perspective of what should be important that they simply don’t have.
I think it helps to visit 2-3 in a short time period - maybe over spring break or in the same month. In our experience, it makes it easier for them to remember things that one school offers that the others don’t or things that stand out about one campus compared to another.
If we know anyone enrolled at the school, we try to take them to lunch so the student can share their experience coming from our community and going to that college. If we don’t know anyone, we still eat lunch on campus so we can check out the vibe and personality of the students. We drive around the surrounding community to find where students live and hang out. We often look for ice cream or donuts or some sort of treat in the town around the campus.
It is a little overwhelming when parents research what is important to us and kids feel like they don’t know where to start. After a campus visit, I ask my kids to rate the school on a scale of 1 to 100 which lets them feel as there are lots of options other than love and hate. Using 1 to 10 is a little limiting. On 1 to 100 they can say things like “this is a strong 87” We try not to say anything about OUR thoughts. We ask them what they think/thought and say things like, “That’s a good point” or “I noticed that as well.” Later, when home, we discuss more but we give the kids the time and freedom to come to their own comparisons and conclusions.
@WasIDremin - I think it’s smart to start off at a school you don’t expect her to love. It’s always easier for teenagers to articulate what they DON’T like, more that what they do. That can be valuable info to pay attention to! I always suggest the parents take the tour from the back row - please don’t be the one that hogs the tour guide’s time and attention with YOUR questions. You have to become a spectator.
@Happy4u
I must have missed the etiquette lessons about college tour, :)) as I did ask questions, so did my DS. I am footing a large portion of the college bills so I am definitely not just a “spectator”. My questions often were about room/board type of things that my DS might have taken for granted while he asked about academics/social lives. I also generally enjoyed more Q&A sessions than just listening one person talking.
@WasIDremin
DS20 is my only college-bound kid so I am very new to this experience myself. I am not sure that I understand your rationale of visiting a college that you “don’t want your DD to go”. I trust you have good reasons, for us, time is the main restrains, so we mainly use the tour to eliminate/narrow our college list. DS enjoys going to different places, so we tried to make the tour a mini-vocation of some sort.
S is taking the ACT tomorrow. He is healthy at the moment but the flu is rampant in our town and in our house. I’m hoping S can hold out at least until tomorrow afternoon!
Anyone else taking it tomorrow?
Not planning on ACT at all right now. SAT in March for first (only?) time.
@ShrimpBurrito Good luck to him! I bet if no symptoms now, he can make it at least til tomorrow afternoon! My D ws happy with her score on the ACT from October so not re-taking it now.
@makemesmart Let me restate. It’s UNC and I will probably like it, but without merit aid it won’t be possible. She is very smart with good ECs and wants to believe that big scholarships at the more selective schools are within her reach, and they might be, but I do not want her to fall in love with a school where the Big merit is required and a big stretch.
Yep— my daughter is taking it tomorrow too. Second time… really hoping it can be her last ?
@WasIDremin Yeah, UNC has the Robertson, but beyond that I don’t think they got nuttin’. We toured with D17 before I was smart enough to know it was fruitless (we are OOS).
On a fluke I had D20 take the SAT in October and she did well enough that she could be done, but our HS has takes the SAT in April, which is OK because they do it with the Essay…which she didn’t do in October.
Have you seen anyone who has received the Robertson post their stats?
@bigmacbeth I set up the tour before I realized it’s probably fruitless. That’s why I just have to be real with her about her likelihood of going there before she possibly falls in love with it.
@lkg4answers I don’t remember seeing anyone who received a Robertson post their stats. My D17 applied for it, and to win that sucker you need SO MUCH MORE than stats, so I don’t think seeing them would in anyway indicate anything about the winners.
@bigmacbeth I agree but often kids post EC and awards as well. First, I’ve seen very few people post that they’ve actually won and those that did (can’t even remember how far back I had to look) didn’t have stats posted. I was just curious what type of kid gets it.
Does anyone know why certain people have “TIME OUT” and others have “BANNED”?
@lkg4answers I don’t know about time outs, but I’ve seen some get banned for setting up dummy accounts and posting wild things. Like going into a hot thread where people are waiting anxiously for decisions and saying ‘Results are out! I got in!’, and posting stats well below that school’s average. If you ever see someone with only a few posts saying they got results, when no one else has, then that’s probably what it is. The moderators can tell from their accounts that they are fake and ban them.