@Mom2aphysicsgeek and 3scoutsmom, thanks for the suggestions! There are so many things going on before we leave in June that I want to get a head start on this.
I am going to second Thinkwell. It is entertaining as well as thorough. My son used math 8 this year for homeschooling, and my current senior used it as a summer supplement. (Before it was Thinkwell, and when the videos were connected to the California state textbooks.)
So our next year schedule is getting more and more complex. We are doing homeschool, but in reality is it independent study. California has public homeschool charters which provide funding for parents to choose curriculum and it looked like things were going to be easy. However, there is always a however. The specific charter we are with is finishing up their accreditation and it looks like each class must now be connected somehow to a āhighly qualified teacherā, just like traditional public school. This would be easy if I wanted to go all online, however, with my sonās learning disabilities he wonāt be able to keep up with an online program and I specifically want to work with him myself with anything that is writing intensive like English and Geography due to his dysgraphia. I must stay with the charter for special education services.
So what do they do? They find a way for it to work for me. Every time I need something for my son, these people figure out a way to make it work. More OT I ask, sure they say! Most speech services, why not, they say! A new special education teacher because the old was was not working, how about starting with the new one next week? Sometimes I want to sit down and cry for all the wasted time in traditional public school.
Somehow they are going to find a highly qualified teacher to āoverseeā but not interfere with my teaching. I will ask for the teacher to grade some of his work, because I need a reality check at times, but, I was told not to worry, they are sending this to the director of the school to figure out and they will find a way to do what is best for my son.
The last time something went to the director, AKA the principal at the local middle school, I was told that my kid had to deal with things are they were or leave. That is how I ended up homeschooling.
Iād like to join this discussion! I have a daughter who is a senior and we are in the final days of college decisions. The process has been so awful and stressful; it makes me wish I had āfoundā college confidential much sooner. So I am resolving to do things differently for my son who is HS class of 2020 and Iām starting by joining this community NOW.
Welcome @aacvj103.
@aacvj103, I have learned so much for CC. What wonderful group of people for sure!
Glad to find this forum. Already learned a bit by reading thru some of the threads.
A newbie to HS->College process - our eldest child DS will be high school class of 2020 (we both parents did high school and undergrad outside US). Felt nice to see so many parents willing to share their experiences/knowledge to help others like us. thanks.
Resolving to educate myself about HS life in-general and college admission process in-particular - will participate here more often.
Welcome to all that are new to the thread! HS here they comeā¦,ā¦
Hi all,
I am more or less your typical CA mom, loving my DD to pieces, but giving her room to breathe (trying to). My DD is also somewhat ātypicalā CA teen - other than her height. She is 6ā2 at 12 y.o. (skipped a grade when she was in 2nd grade, thus class of '20) with potential to grow up to 6ā5 per bone scan - yes, my husband is really tall. Like any mom, I think my DD is beautiful, but she was always uncomfortable with her body - she was always taller than the tallest boy (2-3-years older) around her, and had been āsoft bulliedā or made fun of by girls in her elementary school - and yes, I still blame myself I found out too late. When it came to sports, she only loved swimming, and was really good at it - went up to Junior Olympics when she was 10, but had to leave the team/competitive swimming due to some medical concerns. She never really took to any other sport (plays tennis and swims non-competitively, but nothing to put on college application) and doesnāt want to do anything competitively because she just doesnāt feel comfortable in her ātoo longā body. Am I right not to force her? She cringes every time someone says āyou should play basketball/volleyballā, almost as much as when they suggest she should be a model - and she is actually too tall to be a model (not that I want it for her anyway). I just donāt know how to build her self-confidence.
In all the other ways she is just a typical smart 8th grader - all Aās, but not a savant. She took an SAT through JHU and got 670 m 590 cr - lower than I expected and she was stressed, but if I am being honest with myself, I donāt expect her to get 1600 on her real SAT.
Here is my dilemma and maybe someone can help me. I was lucky to go to a top school, and while it havenāt propelled me to the top of the world, I had an awesome 4 years there and met the love of my life. So ever since she was a baby, my DD heard how much I loved my time in college, how much I still love visiting the campus (we live 20 min away), I indulge DD in college gear, etc. So yes, my DD says she wants to go there, too, but I donāt know how much of that is my influence, or her own desire, or just the prestige, etc. Here comes the question - how do I balance motivating her to study hard and get in with possibility that I am setting her up to reach the unreachable? The school is one of the most selective in the country and while my DD is of course super special to me, there may not be much special to the adcom. She may maintain her 4.0 through HS, but then she may not - I canāt predict yet since her classes at public MS are indeed very easy, I donāt know how well she might do in tests. EC (especially leadership) might be a problem, too, because of her insecurities - she absolutely refused to run for office in MS because she was sure āthese two other girls running are so much more popularā and āI will be a freak if I runā. What do you think - should I push her harder, or just let her be? I donāt want to break her, either.
I almost regret my decision to let her skip a grade when she was younger - while so mature in some areas, in others she is still my baby girl and is scared to go out there and do all the great things colleges are looking for. Anyway - looking for your advice - what should I do as a mom to motivate her to get out there and seek her passion?
Welcome @typiCAmom!
Iām right there with you about finding your passion! My DS20 is just passionless and shrugs his shoulders when I suggest anything. Very different than dd16 and ds18, they are both totally driven by their unique passions! The only thing he seems passionate about now, other than playing video games, is earning his Eagle Scout Award before his brother! He does play flute but has ZERO interest in band and thatās they only way he could continue to play flute in school and his flute teachers is moving this summer. Heās not into any sports either but will pick up fencing with his brother so he can use that for a PE credit. Iām very concerned that heās just going to do what ever his brother did/does because thatās what he knows.
I really didnāt know what high school will be like for him. Heās applying to the same high school his older sister and brother attend and if he doesnāt get in Iāll continue to homeschool him. If he starts public school heāll be on the older side, heās currently 14 and will turn 15 in October. I just could not imagine him in HS at 12 years old!
Thanks for the welcome and support, glad I am not the only one with the same concerns. I am not sure whether I should worry about my DDās lack of passions or of her overall insecurity and lack of self-confidence that may be the real reason behind her holding on to her shell so tight. And there is also her fear of being worse than āmajorityā - I am not sure I can pinpoint it, but maybe someone out there can help me. She was crazy about swimming, loved her team, and while she wasnāt the best, was really good and she got pure joy out of it (I found her school essay where she compared swimming to flying at age 9 - loved it). And then I took that joy away from her - her doctor said repetitive movement damages her shoulders (again, something to do with weak joints/bones due to accelerated growth). A year later the same doctor gave the green light for her to go back to swimming competitively, but DD surprised me with a firm no. She felt she got so far behind others in one year, sheād be a laughing stock (her words, not mine), and no amount of reasoning could change her mind. And I didnāt push it - again, double-guessing it now, was I wrong? Like your son, my DD plays an instrument - two, actually, guitar and piano (no more lessons, just for her own enjoyment, but completely voluntary) - but wonāt join the school jazz band because āthere are so many kids who are better at itā. IMHO, she is a good artist (all my friends comment on how good her oil paintings are), but DD honestly believes the teacher at group classes does most of the work (the teacher says she helps out everyone minimally and tells me DD is already ready for AP Art). I swear I am not showing off, it just breaks my heart to see her endowed with so many talents by mother nature and doing absolutely nothing with them.
Looking to hear from other parents - especially those who felt their kids came out of their shell at one point - what led to it, how did you help, or is it simply an age thing and self-confidence adn drive will come on their own when it is time? Thanks!
People, your kids are in EIGHTH GRADE. Donāt push them to find a passion yet. It can and will change, and itās different for every kid.
1 Like
@awesomepolyglot - do you have a class of 2020āer? Youāre certainly welcome to share your own kidās triumphs and challenges here, but please donāt criticize other people who are having our on-topic discussion. No, eighth grade is not too early to think about directions for our kids. All of us are caring parents who are in tune with our kidsā feelings and no one is forcing anything.
Iām HS Class of 2019, and I would consider myself to be highly motivated and hard-working. However, my parents havenāt ever once pushed me to do something I didnāt want to (except for taking Latin in seventh grade) and Iām a 4.0 student in 5 honors classes and 1 AP. I also participate in many extracurriculars and am fairly well-adjusted. My parents have never pushed me to join a science-related EC. Despite this, Iāve developed a huge interest in science; Iāve seen kids pushed into Science Olympiad who have stated that they wouldāve probably liked science had they not.
Iām sorry my post appeared overly critical; in retrospect, I regret my wording. I was trying to suggest that parents support their kids in what they choose to do rather than choosing for them.
@typiCAmom , I am mom of D2021, she will be 13 in May. I was just going to add my daughter has not shown a strong interest in really anything. She definitely has things she has no interest in. She has always been introverted and also will not run for any school offices, etc. Only recently has she kinda found some friends that she fits with and now she spends more time on the phone laughing and such. I am hoping she develops more self confidence also. I share your anxieties. My daughter is the opposite height at 4ā10 and will be lucky if she hit 5"0.
Love reading everyone postā¦a special kinship is so nice.
My D is going through the college process now, waiting to hear from her last few schools. If I have learned anything it is that college decisions are so random! Knowing that makes me think Iāll approach the process very differently with my S2020. Even if heās a horrible student, thereās a place for everyone. My D is an awesome student and is still struggling. Rather than feeling like the success she is, the process has made her feel like a failure. My goal with S2020 will to be avoid that feeling!
@typiCAmom I have two very different kids. One is a 16er and we are waiting on out last two results. One is a '20. The 16 has high functioning autism making ECs extremely difficult. He couldnāt put himself out there because he just was not ready. He applied to 4 very top schools, but only 2 which he really truly cared about. (The other two were ājust to see what would happenā) He was rejected by the two that were dream schools, and I can almost guarantee the lack of ECs was the reason. The rejections were devastating, but the pain lasted only few days, because the other schools, those that did not consider ECs as important as grades, started showing him love. He has 7 acceptances with 6 being affordable. He is also from CA and was just accepted to Berkeley, UCLA, and UCI (with Regents) as well as several SLACs were he would be very happy. He is about to drag me to a bunch of admitted student activities. I am exhausted just thinking about it!
Let you daughter, be herself. If she is not comfortable doing a lot of ECs, she may not be comfortable at a school that places such a high value on them. When she hits the end if 10th or early 11th start touring so she can see what kind of schools she feels comfortable at. But wait on the tours until later. Let her be a kid. There is plenty of time for worry later
I am going to echo a few of the other posts. Our current 8th grader is our 6th (out of 8) child. All of our older kids have forged their own paths and those paths are all very different.
Some of our kids have passions which have clearly defined their paths to adulthood. Our chemE was an engineer at heart from early childhood. Our math and physics geek fell in love with physics in 8th grade. (Math had always been a strength and was extremely advanced from a young age.) Our current 11th grader has been fascinated by languages since she was little. They found their interests on their own and pursued them themselves.
Our other kids have been far more ambivalent. They might find one thing interesting one month or even yr and then lose interest and move on to something else. I am glad!! All the more power to them to explore and reject things now while they are young than feel obligated to spend their life pursing something that they may not actually enjoy.
Our 8th grader is completely non-directed. She loves fashion, writing, and meteorology. I tease her that she can write novels about a well-dressed character caught up in some unusual meteorological events. 
Her creative side definitely dominates her personality, but the fascination with meteorology has been there for a while. Whatever. She is a long way from having to have any clear objectives for her future. I am having her take physics next yr b/c meteorology is a heavy physics field. Weāll see what she thinks.
And truly,when it comes to college admissions, budget is often the driving force. Unless you qualify for need-based aid at the really competitive schools, all the ECs, top grades, competitive courses, leadership roles are not going to lead to āscholarshipsā along with admission b/c those schools do not offer scholarships. And when it comes down to it, admissions know when a student accomplishes things b/c it is a true love and a part of who they are vs. trying to build a portfolio. I have a couple of kids who have pretty astounding accomplishments. Doesnāt matter when it comes down to college selection b/c our budget doesnāt include tippy top schools. We make too much for need-based aid, but we donāt make enough to pay our expected family contribution x8 kids x4 yrs.
I would much rather have my child be the child that has had the opportunity to find himself/herself vs one who has been groomed āto be.ā When they apply to college, we work with who they have become in 11th grade to sort through realistic options.
Well said @Mom2aphysicsgeek, I think already knowing that Auto Merit is the track, makes it so much easier for planning. I am hoping to see some social development in the next year or two with my introvert.
My DDā20 is ONLY passionate about basketball right now and only willing to study so she has chance to play college basketball. She is 13 and 5ā6", she is worried that she wonāt grow any taller, she really need to be above 5ā10" or taller just to be considered for point guard position. Her height is ok for high school basketball team now, she stays in her current high school because coach likes her and most likely she will be varsity player in Freshman. Our home high schools has more competitive sports programs so she doesnāt have confidence that she can make to the varsity team.