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I hope things turn around. Are there friends at home she can vent to who will be loving and supportive and make her remember that sheâs cherished as a peer? I mention this because the other day my kid called a friend who is still a senior in high school, and after chatting for a while her friend said âIâm so lucky you havenât made friends at college yet, because that means youâre calling me!â Which sounds like almost an insult but my kid took in the best way possible because she knows that girl means it as a high compliment. (This is a friend who cried almost every time she saw my kid in the summer because of impending separationâŠ)
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That is so cute! I love that she has a friend who misses her so much. Mine had one friend who hadnât left yet and she was talking to her which helped. Her other friends that have gone off to college too have been helpful in many ways because they share the same worries and sadness but then my D compares herself to them and thinks that they are starting to make more friends now while she is still having a slower start. I will encourage her to reach out to a few of her younger friends and even some older friends to give her some perspective. Thank you!
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I donât know if this would work â kind of depends on how your kid is, probably would not work with mine â but since she likes to talk to you a lot, could you be kind of a social exercise buddy with her and keep her on track in reaching out socially? Yâknow like an exercise buddy keeps you going to the gym or walking or whatever. If the two of you could come up with a plan for getting her more engaged socially maybe when she calls you she could report, âI sat with someone at lunch todayâ or âI said hi to the person that sits next to me in Englishâ. I do still like the idea of sending her a big thing of cookies to share with her hall. How is she getting along with her roommate?
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We moved S22 into his dorm at NYU on Sunday. Much easier process for us than for many of you, both logistically and emotionally, because his dorm is 20 blocks from our apartment building. D19 (who just started her last semester at Parsons, as sheâs graduating early) came over from Brooklyn to help. The biggest hiccup wasnât very big: We had to bring his stuff down the block for the UberXL to pick us up, because our street was closed for a nearby parade.
S22âs dorm is nice but not air conditioned; fans seem to suffice for making it tolerable in the rooms. Heâs in a triple, with one outgoing guy from Malaysia whoâs never been to the U.S. before (went to an international school, so he speaks flawless English with an American accent) and one quiet guy whoâs also from Manhattan. Classes start today. Hope heâs enjoying his roommates and dorm life â weâll check in with him soon and maybe see him over the long weekend at some point.
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Seeing all of the Facebook posts from various friends of their freshmen kids smiling at their new colleges. Itâs nice to see kids happy at all kinds of colleges in different parts of the US and Europe - big, small,city, remote, music or arts-focused, etc. Sometimes posters on CC seem very fixated on a few colleges and these posts remind me how important fit is.
Iâm not sure why some CC posters are so intent on explaining multiple times why a college did not appeal to them or their child. There are thousands of colleges out there and many ways to have a wonderful college experience.
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That ended up happening kind of naturally actually! She would tell us what she was trying and we would suggest something new. We would have to back off every once in a while because it sometimes stressed her out to be fixated on the social stuff (but we kept reminding her that she was struggling because of it so the sooner we fixed it the better she would feel). 
It was a tough first two weeks but Iâm happy to report that on day 13 suddenly she was smiling a little on FaceTime and she didnât cry! Then suddenly we noted that it was three days in a row without tears (still some complaints and sadness and just generally not herself yet). But early this week - things were so much better. She was smiling and acting excited about events. She had to get off the phone quickly a few times because a friend was meeting her somewhere, etc.
So apparently the magic lucky number for her was 13. It doesnât sound like a long time but it was a horrible 13 days and felt like an eternity.
Thank you to everyone who reached out and linked me to other posts. One post in particular was so helpful because it sounded exactly like her and then had a positive update!
So thank you CC community!!!
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This makes me so happy to hear. And I totally know what you mean about it being the longest 13 days. When you have a sad, unhappy kid, it feels like an eternity and as a mom you just want them to be ok.
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Iâm still not sad. Iâm sure it will comeâŠ
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Hehe. My D22 has two more weeks at home so I am not there yet. In our case, she wonât be far but, still, she will no longer live at home so our place will feel emptier.
I noticed the Guardian article yesterday and made a mental note to read it - hope it contains helpful coping advice!
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I guess it helps by telling you why you feel the way you do, but I read it more because the writer can be amusing.
Here is another article from the Boston Globe. The columnist posts it every year and is a very good writer:
I was the sun and the kids were my planets
By Beverly BeckhamUpdated August 31, 2022, 2:21 p.m.
Saying goodbye to a child is hard, even when itâs not your child, even when youâve been down this road before. I wrote this column 16 summers ago and every year when it runs, parents write and say the same thing: I didnât think I would feel this way.
I wasnât wrong about their leaving. My husband kept telling me I was. That it wasnât the end of the world when first one child, then another, and then the last packed their bags and left for college.
But it was the end of something. âCan you pick me up, Mom?â âWhatâs for dinner?â âWhat do you think?â
I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, non-stop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.
And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow.
And then they were gone, one after the other.
âTheyâll be back,â my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals â not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars.
Always is what you miss. Always knowing where they are. At school. At play practice. At a ballgame. At a friendâs. Always looking at the clock midday and anticipating the door opening, the sigh, the smile, the laugh, the shrug. âHow was school?â answered for years in too much detail. âAnd then he said . . . and then I said to him. . . .â
Then hardly answered at all.
Always, knowing his friends.
Her favorite show.
What he had for breakfast.
What she wore to school.
What he thinks.
How she feels.
My friendâs twin girls left for Roger Williams yesterday. They are her fourth and fifth children. Sheâs been down this road three times before. Youâd think it would get easier. âI donât know what Iâm going to do without them,â she has said every day for months.
And I have said nothing, because, really, what is there to say?
A chapter ends. Another chapter begins. One door closes and another door opens. The best thing a parent can give their child is wings. I read all these things when my children left home and thought then what I think now: What do these words mean?
Eighteen years isnât a chapter in anyoneâs life. Itâs a whole book, and that book is ending and what comes next is connected to, but different from, everything that has gone before.
Before was an infant, a toddler, a child, a teenager. Before was feeding and changing and teaching and comforting and guiding and disciplining, everything hands-on.
Now?
Now the kids are young adults and on their own and the parents are on the periphery, and itâs not just a chapter change. Itâs a sea change.
As for a door closing? Would that you could close a door and forget for even a minute your children and your love for them and your fear for them, too. And would that they occupied just a single room in your head. But theyâre in every room in your head and in your heart.
As for the wings analogy? Itâs sweet. But children are not birds. Parents donât let them go and build another nest and have all new offspring next year.
Saying goodbye to your children and their childhood is much harder than all the pithy sayings make it seem. Because thatâs what going to college is. Itâs goodbye.
Itâs not a death. And itâs not a tragedy.
But itâs not nothing, either.
To grow a child, a body changes. It needs more sleep. It rejects food it used to like. It expands and it adapts.
To let go of a child, a body changes, too. It sighs and it cries and it feels weightless and heavy at the same time.
The drive home alone without them is the worst. And the first few days.
But then it gets better. The kids call, come home, bring their friends, fill the house with their energy again.
Life does go on.
âCan you give me a ride to the mall?â âMom, make him stop!â I donât miss this part of parenting, playing chauffeur and referee.
But I miss them, still, all these years later, the children they were, at the dinner table, beside me on the couch, talking on the phone, sleeping in their rooms.
Safe.
Home.
Mine.
Beverly Beckhamâs column appears every two weeks. She can be reached at bev@beverlybeckham.com.
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I think Iâve killed this thread. After people read the above, I imagine that they go off crying and forget to post what they meant to.
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Thank you for posting this. Truly.
I am not someone who gets emotional easily but reading this brought a lump to my throat.
I miss my baby girl 
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I donât think you killed the thread outright. But, those of us with younger kids are swept up in the cycle of school and all, so weâre a bit less chatty. 
Also, my S22 college hasnât actually started yet (9-28 first day of class), so I donât have a lot to chat about yet. Itâs an odd time, to be sure.
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We just came back on Thursday from dropping our youngest off. She is 500 miles from home. I am not sure what I am feeling at the moment. Missing her, and also anxious about my next stage in life. Trying to figure out what I want to do and how to get into a better paying position in my late 50s.
She is happy for now, busy with orientation, making friends and enjoying her independence. The difficult part will be when clases start. She had a rough couple of years and have some concerns. Fingers crossed.
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Dropped off our '22 who is a million miles from home (feels like it) but doing great and already has met great friends. My '24 said last night that only now are things really starting to feel back to normal. She said she feels like she can finally relax post Covid and get on with normal stuff like being friends and focusing on school. I donât think weâll ever know how difficult itâs been for kids of all ages. Hoping every '22 gets a new start and the rest can start to get back to being normal kids just enjoying life.
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Iâve read this article a few times before and it has always brought a lump to my throat - even more so now. Iâve never liked endings and sending our kids to college is definitely the end to one big chapter of our lives. Fortunately, my son has adapted well to college (so far) and seems happy. I can deal with missing him if I know he is thriving.
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Parents, I am a parent of a daughter who is Class of 2023 kid. Any pointers/pitffalls to watch out for during the application season? appreciate you contributing to your top most advice. Thanks on advance.
As much as possible, itâs a good idea to visit the colleges, talk to the reps that come to your high school or area, sign up for all optional interviews and write any optional supplemental essays. Itâs helpful for showing interest but also to help your child figure out which college is the best fit for them.
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If you do not have a big car, how did you get your kid to school with all their stuff? I drive a Honda Pilot and am seriously considering downsizing/moving to electric. Wondering how people with smaller cars get everything to college?