It was also hard to see ours off to the 10 hour away school this weekend. He hasn’t really made friends yet (introverted and has unique interests). He had such a wonderful time with his friends at home this week – and all but 1 stayed in-state. Our house was bursting at the seams with their laughter. He loves his campus, etc and didn’t seem bummed out to head back, but I do think he’s starting to get lonely there. It will probably take until next semester for him to start putting himself out there enough to make friends. We’re in exactly your situation – trying to be supportive but letting him do things his way. They’ll get there, even though it’s kind of hard for us to observe.
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I totally agree with you. My son is such an introvert it’s been a difficult transition. High school sports used to provide the social circle and camaraderie he needed, so that does seem like a big void. My son has been going to a Christian fellowship group and that’s been the one social bright spot. He’s planning to rush the Christian fraternity next semester and I think that will help his sense of belonging a lot, especially if he lives in the frat house next year.
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Well, my kid, after talking earlier in the semester about how much he loved Bama, stunned me by saying that if it weren’t for his GF, he’d be seriously considering transferring. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather.
But we think it’s a combination of homesickness, and – still – the longing for a city. He talked some trash about the stuff he doesn’t like so much - frat culture, the venerable “nothing to do” etc.
He isn’t really happy with Blount these days, but tbh, I think that boils down to one bad essay grade that he’s been letting fester, and not meshing with a professor.
He’s also burning the candle at both ends, working 25 hours a week, which I was a bit stunned by. Didn’t know it was that much! We urged him to quit the job, but he’s dead-set on paying for his rent/upkeep after the first year, so he’s not willing to do that. He is really flat out with all his commitments.
Anyway, part of it also was that two of his three close friends from HS are transferring. Already. And that made his mental cogs start grinding, I’m sure.
We don’t think he will. We think the start of college is always rough for many kids, and we think it’ll settle down. (And he is loving Bama football and the whole SEC vibe - can’t argue with that!)
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Reading your posts made me feel like the elder I am, so passing along this wisdom…
My D (HS '23) is my third child and the most adaptable. My older ones, both sons, are HS '18 and '19 and while both ultimately LOVED their colleges (two different schools), first year was by far the toughest for each, especially socially. Both met their best buddies and found their “groove” sophomore year. Passing this along in case it helps. Hang in there!!!
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Kids today - and jobs and other things - seem to find everything replaceable.
Hopefully he and his friends find their footing.
Both mine struggled first semester. Missing the dog etc.
Hope it works out.
It does sound like he’s taking on way too much. But that drive will serve him well at intern and job time.
Interesting my son never felt intimidated by Greek life. He’s like there is some but most aren’t so it didn’t bug him. Like everywhere people form their groups.
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Totally agree. You can’t tell them that, though!
My older kid - D19 - is not a good touchstone, though, because of Covid. She was just getting into college when it all went kablooey.
Totally agree with you! My '19 attended a college that returned in person sooner than most. But still, even when I think about their transition from a small public elementary/ middle school to a much larger, regional high school… sophomore year was the one.
But you’re right. They don’t like hearing it from the “learned” 
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My kid does not like being in a big city at all! He still feels like he made the best choice for his career path in choosing Berkeley, but he hates being in the city.
I remember as freshman watching a Pitt football game by myself in a student lounge on a Saturday afternoon, missing my girl friend back in western PA and wondering why was in Easton Pa. About 8 weeks later it was all good and I never looked back.
It will either pass or your son will find his way back to an urban school if thats what he wants. I’m sure it’s difficult when you think all is going well and suddenly you learn differently.
But your son sounds like a kid who knows what he wants and will figure it all out. Making a change is not the worst thing. However, I expect this doubts may pass especially when he has the girlfriend at Bama.
Good luck to him in figuring it out.
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Thanks for all the supportive words, guys - it means a great deal.
I’m sure it’ll all work out, regardless.
It’s another one of those parent moments: I want to just wave my mom wand and fix it. Which is absolutely not something I can do, nor should I.
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Another visit where I rarely saw s23. He spent the weekend at friends and helping his dad move. He worked Monday to Wednesday. He spent his first full holiday with his dad and his side of the family in over 10 years (dads new wife got him to separate from family but now they are divorcing.)
S23 is loving school choice but did laugh a bit at himself why he chose a cold weather location. He switched up his major a bit and because of it hes frozen out of registering which is leading him to freak out about having all early classes. Hes barely making the 1030am classes as is. Oh well, he will survive.
He has a bad attitude about 1 class and its super disappointing to me but Im hoping it pulls through. It shows his immaturity but I need to remind myself he is only 18.
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We had a quiet but lovely Thanksgiving. We are in waiting mode for S24’s application results and D23 was able to come home (and brought a friend from school to visit).
We have a tradition of going around the table at Thanksgiving dinner and each person sharing what they are grateful for during the year. D23 simply said, “I’m grateful for my college.”
We’ve all been through this college admission and send off process at least once. It is such a leap of faith at every stage; choosing what colleges to apply, choosing the finalist from your accepted schools and then actually going off to college and having the experience.
I’m so grateful that right now D23 is happy with her choice. It hasn’t been perfect, there have already been ups and downs…and some teary phone calls home where all I’ve wanted to be able to do is give her a hug but all I could do was listen and tell her I had faith in her. She is growing and learning and doing all the things we hoped she’d be able to - exactly what a college education should be.
Watching your children grow up isn’t for the faint of heart. 
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love your description of him being “frozen out” - hope he’s bracing himself for those 'Cuse winters!!!
Also had a great visit with S23. He seems happy and still loving VT. He is spinning a bit trying to choose a major - his GPA will be high enough that he can choose whatever he wants, but can’t decide between 3 choices. The main issue is his current top choice has a required class that he didn’t take his first semester and might not be able to this semester either, which would mean a summer class to not fall behind.
It was an interesting discussion with him b/c I think he just wants someone to tell him what to do, which my wife and I are adamant about not doing. He’ll be fine… all his major choices are pretty good and he’s in a good place for them.
He did mention that while he has friends at VT, they aren’t as close as his HS friends. But I think that’s pretty normal right now…
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I think this is so great. I can completely see my younger child struggling to pick a major too. D23 is set on what she wants but S25 seems to just float along. Really want him to start trying to guide his own life.
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Yeah… he has a couple of general interests, but no real burning passion. The main thing I keep pushing him on is to make an active choice vs just waiting until the choice is made for him. It’s just a better way to go through life.
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Yep - and that whatever he decides won’t pigeon hole him into an industry or even role.
How’s the food - is it as worthy as all the food raters rate it?
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He loves the food… he finally has a good eating schedule. They are constantly understaffed at the beginning of the year and he had to shift his schedule around to avoid lines, but he’s got a good system now. It was a bragging point he had over his high school friends when they got together over Thanksgiving break.
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Mine had a similar issue but was able to add the class she needed - but was previously shut out of - when add/drop opened up a few days ago. Hopefully your student can get into his class for spring semester!
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If your kids haven’t heard of Coursicle yet, and they go to a school where classes fill up fast - maybe not applicable for SLACs - I would suggest that they check it out.
I believe it costs $$ to download, but it’s a very useful app. You plug in what course you want and it notifies you the instant somebody drops it, and you can lunge for the opening.
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