parents, please help me deal with mine!

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I'm not a parent so I don't know if I'm "allowed" to post in this forum, but I need some advice.</p>

<p>I'm a senior this year, and I am so overwhelmed/overworked that it's ridiculous. Other kids have schedules a lot more hectic than mine...but this is the hardest I've ever been working. </p>

<p>I'm on Varsity swim team and swim every morning for 2 hours before school. After rushing to school, I take 6 AP/IB classes (I'm an IB Diploma candidate). During lunch I either work on homework or have meetings, because I'm the student body VP. After school I stay to work on things for my Speech & Debate team about 80% of the time and the other 20% I'm at a meeting for student government, Natl. Honor Society, Natl. Spanish Honor Society (where I'm also VP), etc. </p>

<p>So I come home, and my day seems like it should be over. But I have to go to work. After I get home from work, I do some homework, but usually I am so exhausted by this point that I get frustrated way too easily. I go to bed around 12:30 or 1, and then have to wake up at 6:15 to start all over again.</p>

<p>My parents don't seem to think that this is a very tiring schedule. They continuously pressure me to clean my room, fold my laundry, etc., etc. I know I have duties at home, but by the end of the day I am so tired that I am honestly driven to tears by calculus or knowing a really tough workout is coming in the morning. I'm trying to be patient, but it's just hard because they don't understand how exhausting my course schedule by itself is (Bio 2, English Lit, Spanish 5, Calculus BC, to name a few). My job, at a restaurant, is even more exhausting. </p>

<p>Am I right in thinking that my parents aren't giving me enough credit for the work I do? Or am I just another whiny teenager who needs to suck it up??</p>

2

<p>Everyone is "allowed" on this forum. Students post all the time on this forum. No problem.</p>

<p>I understand your dilemma. I have two boys with tough academic and sports schedules. I try to limit their "chores" to a weekend day (usually a non practice early morning or an afternoon after a "recovery" nap). I do have them "fold their laundry" when they do have some "down time" and are watching TV. They can usually fold/hang their laundry in about 10 minutes. My older son used to put up such a fuss about chores until he realized that they really only take a few minutes if you just "do it." (He used to spend MORE TIME whining about doing a few chores then it would've taken to do them!!) He quickly learned (after I timed him) that it only takes him 2-3 minutes to empty the dishwasher! Yet, in his mind, he thought it would take him 30 minutes!!!</p>

<p>Really look at your schedule and find a few minutes where you can "take care of life" one or two days a week -- (again, usually an early weekend morning is usually the time when kids aren't doing homework and aren't going to work yet.). After all, when you go to college, you'll have to find time for your chores because your mom won't be in the dorm room next door to do them for you. </p>

<p>Instead of fighting the inevitable, just do it. You'll find that it all takes much LESS time than you think!!!</p>

<p>BTW... is the job really necessary? Can you cut back on hours? Can you do less ec's?</p>

3

<p>Drop the IB. The program will not get harder but your time to do other important things will get shorter. You are grossly over budgeted in time, mental, and physical.</p>

<p>Where are you going to find time for college selection and their essays?</p>

4

<p>Okay, is it just your room they are annoying you about...I understand you are way overloaded with stuff, but if this is what makes them crazy, I have some suggestions (and you have a right to be whiney)</p>

<p>every sunday, spend 1/2 in your room...gather up all the laundry (get a BIG laundry basket for your room) and when you are doing homework and studying, wash your clothes....then it shouldn't take more than a few minutes to put everything away</p>

<p>this monday is a holiday...and this would be a good time to get organized...not for your parents, but for you....my D is the messiest girl but she reallized that working and trying to function-homework, college aps, getting ready in the morning, etc were much easier done with a room that was semi organized, not that she is fanatic, but she figured out that 15 minutes on a Sunday afternoon of putting away clothes saved time during the week getting ready, etc...</p>

<p>you are doing alot, and your parents shouldn't be so stressed about a messy room and dirty clothes, but for yourself, you will find it can help you</p>

<p>I bet if you said mom, these are some of the things I need in order to take care of my clothes- a new laundry basket, more hangers (which by the way is the fastest way to put away clothes) some boxes that fit under the bed, and that you will make them a deal, you will get your clothes up of the floor, but if they are folded perfectly, that shouldn't matter...but once again hanging tshirts up, etc, sounds lame, but it makes putting things away go much faster</p>

<p>you are really busy, and this fixation your parents have on your clothes is a bit ridiculous, but think about doing it for your self...ps- if you have a laundry hamper, if you don't have time to put everything away, toss it all in their with dirty underwear on the top...</p>

5

<p>No, with a schedule like that somethings got to give, and it will probably be your grades unless you give yourself some breathing room. Teenagers nee more than 6 hrs of sleep . You should drop the restaurant job, at least until your college applications are done, as applying to colleges is a part time job in and of itself. If your parents don't believe me they can come on CC and read for themselves how important first semester SR year grades are to college admissions offices. Can you drop one of the IB classes and still be an IB diploma candidate?</p>

6

<p>I would drop or cut back on the job before I dropped the IB class. She probably needs it for the diploma. She can also drop an EC or two so she can get back home from school earlier. </p>

<p>If her parents want to come on CC and get some feedback... welcome!!</p>

<p>On the other hand, sometimes kids like to over do their schedules as an excuse not to do chores. But, that's not a good prep for real life. A grown up has to do chores (until he can afford to pay someone else to do them for him!)</p>

7

<p>I think you have too many extracurriculars. I'd keep the classes and drop some of the 'society' duties to gain some time. I'd probably keep the swim team unless you're not too crazy about it. With your schedule, a job is too much. For a student with a schedule like yours, I'd drop the job for sure unless your family is desperate for the money.</p>

<p>See if you can make some kind of deal with your parents regarding the chores. Don't try to shirk them but rather, see if you can schedule them or do some 'trading' so you can do most of your chores on the weekend rather than during the work-week.</p>

<p>If you're having some trouble with a class or two, try to get some help from another classmate if you can. If you're really in over your head, maybe you can drop one of the classes. It likely will have no effect on your college admission.</p>

8

<p>It's not just my room...they kind of "hassle" me about a lot of things.</p>

<p>For example, this morning after working very late at the restaurant last night I had to wake up at 7:30. After I had gotten out of the shower I was checking my email and my mom came in and asked me to start on my homework. I had to be at work at 8:30 and just wnated a little bit of time on my Saturday morning NOT to think about school. I was at work from 8:30-2:30 and then came home and crashed for an hour or two before I had to go BACK to work (I work doubles every Saturday and most Sundays). After a total of NINE HOURS of work today, I came home and was just not in the mood to clean up my room at 9:30 at night. Am I entitled to that??</p>

<p>I can't drop any of my courses...they are all required for IB Diploma. In fact, because of the room that IB takes up in my schedule, I'm taking two online classes (health and personal computing) just to graduate from high school (it would be pretty ironic if I got an IB diploma and not a high school one...not really something I'm worried about though).</p>

<p>The other night I got home from our student-government retreat at around 8:30 and after doing an hour of calculus had to start writing a 1000 word essay (it had been assigned 3 days before but I could never find time). So I'm up till about 12:30 on the computer typing my essay and my mom is yelling at me to go to bed over and over and over again. She got really mad that it was taking me so long to do my essay. I know that she just is concerned about me getting enough sleep, but yelling at me isn't helping me finish my essay any faster.</p>

<p>I honestly haven't watched a TV show in 2 weeks. At all. The 30 minutes or so of free time I have every day (which is rare) I spend going through college websites or on CC trying to figure out things.</p>

<p>Thanks for all your advice so far though, I'm sorry I'm being so pessimistic and complaining!</p>

9

<p>Oh, and also, its not so much about chores. More so like they want me to drive my younger sister places, go get take-out orders for them for dinner, help my sister with her homework, go running so I can be in better shape for swimming...etc., etc. A lot of my teachers email my parents (and everyone else's) with our weekly schedules and having my parents constantly ask me if I've started this assignment or finished that assignment is hard to deal with sometimes. I am ranked 14 in my class of 468, have made 2 Bs in my whole high school career, have 2250 SAT scores, and a 4.2 (weighted) GPA, but my parents don't really care. They basically say "that's what expected of you because you're a smart kid, we're proud of you but if you were doing worse we would be disappointed." My parents are kinda clueless about college, my dad thinks that because I'm Hispanic I'll be able to get into every Ivy League in a flash, and he just doesn't understand when I explain to him that that's not the case. </p>

<p>I'm sorry, I'm just very stressed out. I probably should be asleep right now (luckily only working 5 hours tomorrow!!!!), but I just can't sacrifice my few hours of not doing anything like a teenager should be able to.</p>

10

<p>do you HAVE to work? if you do, then DROP some of the ECs...those are a choice, and it won't hurt your college prospects...you don't have to do the retreat...that is a choice, you don't have to be president or vp of clubs, that is a choice...quit speech and debate....seriouslly...they will survive without you, and you will have a bit more time...drop honor society vp, drop any leadership that is not student government, that way, you can skip meetings...you have to remember, lots of your ecs are your choice, and until you drop some things, we can't help you</p>

<p>yuo have to make some choices, it is called growing up and setting priorities...ps is it for your family and college you are working so much, or for yourself....if for family, fine, but if it for a car or something, quit....</p>

11

<p>I'm working to save money for college. So...no, I can't quit.</p>

<p>Also, why would I quit every EC that I am in? I am overworked...but I am not and have never been a quitter. The Speech & Debate team could survive without me, true, but I am interested in a career in International Law and competing in Foreign Extemporaneous Speaking helps keep me up-to-date with what is going on in the world, as well as helping me practice speaking (which I will need to do since I want to get a law degree). </p>

<p>It's not fair to any of the organizations that I am an officer of to quit at this point in the year. </p>

<p>Also, my student government retreat wasn't exactly something that I didn't "have" to do. I am the Vice-President of the student body and every member of student government is required to attend this event to be considered a member of the organization. As the VP, I was leading all of the activities and made a speech. It wasn't something that I chose to do randomly.</p>

<p>I appreciate greatly all of the advice thus far, but my question wasn't really which activities I should quit. I don't plan on quitting anything. I'm looking for admission to a Top 20 school and if I can't survive a hectic high school schedule I certainly won't be able to handle an Ivy workload.</p>

<p>My main question is just how to handle my parents. Sincere thanks for the other help, but that's all I'm really looking for.</p>

12

<p>IB is tough. At IB Parent meetings in the fall of my son's junior year, I had one teacher tell me that it's impossible for these IB kids to hold down a paying job while working toward the diploma. His math teacher told us that we really had to go easy on the kids. He recommended that kids not even be held to household chores during the junion and senior IB years! He taught non-IB math classes, too, and said there was no comparison.</p>

<p>I thought dropping household chores was a bit extreme, but by the time mid-terms came around, my usual easy-going kid was pulling his hair out. And he had nothing like the time commitments the OP has! His room was an organized mess, and he wasn't even talking out the trash the majority of the time. He certainly wasn't slacking in other areas, so we overlooked it.</p>

<p>Junior year was tough, as was fall of his senior -- when the IB extended essay was due at the same time the college application process and SATs were ramping up.</p>

<p>By the spring, my son had a routine and he was much better able to juggle it all.</p>

<p>OP...I'd show your parents the comments on this thread. To the OPs parents, I want to say that the IB diploma requires a lot of work. Parents really need to support their kids in the last two years of HS.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

13

<p>you can step back, and say you are very busy, and can't do the job justice and you want to give someone else a chance, it is the beginning of the year, and you can let go....there are other students who will gladly step, you are replaceable and no one is going to call you a quitter, if you handle it right</p>

<p>your family didn't suddenly change this fall, and you have chosen this schedule for yourself- the swimming, the clubs, you don't have to be leader of everything...being a good leader means stepping back when you can't do it all</p>

<p>your parents, well that is up to you...you can sit them down, with your schedule etc, but yes, you can quit stuff....and still do well in law...many have....</p>

<p>we can't change your parents....but I would bet if you freed up some afternoon time, it wouldn't be so overwhelming...all I can tell you is need to sit down with them, show them your schedule, your work, your sports, your clubs, and be very clear how busy you have chosen to be because it is much of your choice)....</p>

14

<p>This is an overwhelming schedule and the good news is that you probably will never work this hard in college. While it might be "possible" to accomplish everything on your schedule it will be at a cost to other things - rest, relaxation and socialization. If you need to earn some money is it possible to earn it on the weekends and not during the week when you need your energy to complete the school day, school requirements, and get some sleep? For example, could you babysit one night or half day on the weekend, or could you earn enough if you just worked at the restaurant on weekends? I would be careful about your computer time if you want to keep all activities and work, it easily zaps (as we all know here!) your time and a strong will to control time spent. Your parents may view it as counter to completing responsibilities - a timewaster. As a parent, my biggest frustration is having to nag my child. If you go to your parents with a schedule of what you think is doable each day, they may feel less stressed themselves. For example, could you schedule in 30 minutes of "downtime" on the computer - with a start and end, that relieves them of worrying that you are not working on school work. Another thought is to talk with your guidance counselor about your situation. If you are a self-motivated student perhaps the parental reminders are unnecessary. If I received a parental reminder I would feel that it was my job to start asking questions, monitoring progress, etc.</p>

15

<p>Do you think it would help if you made out a schedule of what you really do for a typical week, including chores, homework, ECs, etc, and sit down and formally review it with your parents so they'll understand your viewpoint? Since you don't want to 'quit anything', the only leeway you could have is doing fewer chores. </p>

<p>It still seems to me that you simply have too much on your plate and should drop some of your activities. Don't view it as 'quitting'. View it as prioritizing. We all have to do this all the time in the working world and at home.</p>

16

<p>I appreciate the advice, citygirlsmom, but I can't help but be repulsed by the defeatist attitude that following any of your suggestions would exhibit. I don't like to consider myself "replaceable;" I may be, but if I have been elected to a position then I don't want to let down those who elected me. I know that you keep saying it's my choice to participate the things that I partcipate in, and that's true. I have already quit Spanish Club and stopped working on the hair/makeup crews for our school drama department. Additionally I have been spending less and less time with my Youth Council at church, at which I usually participated 5-10 hrs/week in past years. </p>

<p>I'm not doing anything that I don't want to be doing. It's difficult, but by next April I will (hopefully) have been accepted to a wonderful school and this set of stresses will have ended, for the most part. I don't understand how I will "not be considered a quitter if I do it right" by quitting. I'm not worried about my reputation, but I have more respect for myself than to quit something because it's difficult.</p>

17

<p>Thank you so much for the helpful advice. I think that I'm going to sit down with my parents and try to make them understand my time commitments a little bit better. </p>

<p>The 30 minutes of downtime sounds like a great idea. I definitely need that. Since I spend a lot of lunchtimes doing schoolwork, I don't see my friends very much anymore.</p>

<p>In terms of work, I don't work that many HOURS each school night, but the hours that I do work are exhausting. I work about 2 hours a night, but even those 2 hours, rushing around a restaurant, being on my feet for 2 hours straight, smiling constantly and being super-nice to every customer when I'm not having a good day, carrying heavy trays, dealing with unpleasant customers, etc...all of that is what makes the job tiring. </p>

<p>I just don't know how to convey to my parents how tired and busy I am without being too whiny. They know I'm in Calculus BC, but they don't know how hard it is. They know that all my activities are exhausting, but "if I'm not too tired to use the computer at night I'm not too tired to do anything else."</p>

<p>Being on the computer for half an hour is much less exhausting then Biology 2.
Or, at least in my opinion.</p>

18

<p>J07 - There are only so many hours in a day and week and anybody can overload themselves if they aren't judicious. You're obviously a very smart and hard-working person so I'm sure you can see this point. You'll just have to give this all some serious thought and do what you think is best but so far you haven't given yourself any wiggle room at all.</p>

<p>Most colleges are going to admit you primarily based on your efforts through 11th grade so I doubt any changes you make other than a significant course-load change will affect you. </p>

<p>If you need the money from the job so badly, I agree with the other poster to try to see if you can schedule your hours more to your advantage. Don't overdo it on the working - it may not be helping you as much as it's hurting you.</p>

19

<p>I meant to say that the computer REQUIRES a strong will to control time spent on it. Personally, I did not ask my kids to work or do chores during busy academic/sports times - except for walking the dog daily and doing the lawn on weekends - but I did expect help during off seasons. Could you present a plan to your parents to either work or increase your chores when the swim team stops meeting? My boys did not do swim so I am not sure how much of the academic year requires morning practices. From what I understand, admissions officers recognize that some students have to work and realize that they cannot juggle everything. If you have to work, seriously think about what activities are most important to you - perhaps get some advice from a guidance counselor or teacher. I would seriously think about a different kind of job if working is necessary - working in a restaurant is physically demanding and draining for someone who is swimming competitively and practicing every morning. I think it is understandable that you are near tears trying to do calculus after all you have done during the day.</p>

20

<p>Based on what you said on another thread, which I've posted below, if the only reason that you're working is to save money for college, you can quit the job and concentrate on doing excellent applications to the colleges that offer good need based and/or merit aid.</p>

<p>You're a highly desired URM (Mexicans and Puerto Ricans are the most highly desired Hispanics because they are the majority of Hispanics in this country, and most have low scores, low grades). Your grades, ECs and scores are excellent for anyone, not just URMs.</p>

<p>There are many colleges where you'd have a good chance for excellent merit or need-based aid. For reach schools, Harvard and Princeton are very generous with low income students and, as is the case with all Ivies, guarantee to meet 100% of accepted students' documented financial need (meaning the need that the college's calculations indicate you need). Check their web sites.</p>

<p>Colleges like Emory, Washington U., Vanderbilt, Grinnell, Mount Holyoke have excellent merit scholarships, some of which focus on URMs. State universities such as U Wisconsin, U Minn., U Mich. also have excellent scholarships. I'm not that familiar with Texas colleges, but I'm sure that some offer excellent aid. As long as you checked the Hispanic box on your PSAT, you are likely to become a National Hispanic Scholar because your PSAT scores are high. You may even make National Merit. You certainly will make Commended because that's usually around a 201-202 index score.</p>

<p>Google to find the many schools that give generous aid to Hispanic Scholars. Also check the ones that are generous to National Merit Scholars because many also will be generous to Hispanic ones. </p>

<p>To see how your SAT scores compare with other Mexican Americans, go to the College Board web site and look in the guidance counselor area. You'll find stats listed by race about last year's SATs. You'll see that yours are not only stellar for Mexican Americans, but for everyone.
Quit your job. Stop driving yourself crazy with that extra burden. Concentrate on your college applications, including doing careful ones to colleges that are likely to give you generous financial aid and/or merit aid.</p>

<p>You don't need to bother to retake the SAT. That 650 won't hurt you. Those 2 800s will help you enormously particularly since you're Mexican American and probably one of the highest scoring Mexican Americans in the land. Your AP and IB scores are wonderful and especially are impressive since few Mexican Americans take AP or IB courses.</p>

<p>Here's what you posted on the other thread:
I'm a Hispanic female from a public high school in Texas (I'm half Meixcan and half white, I don't think that matters though.)</p>

<p>TEST SCORES:
PSAT: 214 (I will probably get National Hispanic Merit Scholar and cross-my-fingers Commended??)
SAT Math: 650 (I hope to raise this to above 700 when I take it again, but I couldn't afford to do a prep course like most other kids I know)
SAT Critical Reading: 800
SAT Writing:800
--I haven't taken SAT Subject Tests but I should probably score high on Spanish and Literature. Kind of freaking out about the Math IC or IIC (haven't chosen yet) though!
AP Spanish: 4
AP Psychology: 5 (I don't know if this one matters much though)
AP English Language: 5
IB Psychology: 6 (on a scale of 7)</p>