Parents want me to graduate in two years

Parent Cafe
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<p>i don't care to go into too much background detail because i don't want to give away my identity completely, but basically here's the situation, sorry if this gets long:</p>

<p>Until today i was in major 1. Major 1 was one of the longest (hour-wise) majors at my university because it included not only many course requirements but also a minor. But major 1 is new and the people in charge of it are VERY disorganized, and when i was planning my schedule for next fall i decided it just wasn't worth bothering with the poorly-composed list of required courses and that i'd be taking many of the same courses i wanted to take in major 2 anyway, and i would also have quite a bit more freedom. </p>

<p>So i switched. then today, i did the math and it turns out that, with the absolutely mammoth amount of hours i had coming in (dual credit - my HS doesn't do AP) and the foreign language hours i placed out of (30, which at my school would basically be two whole semesters of purely language classes) i could literally graduate at the end of next school year if I took nothing but the remainder of my degree requirements. i told my parents and they said i should absolutely graduate in as little time as possible, and that i would be "silly" to spend any more time than necessary. </p>

<p>a few concerns...</p>

<p>1) i haven't had the best freshman experience and i still haven't really gotten my sea legs here yet. i like my school but am not just in LOVE with it so i fully plan on going to a better graduate school in another state. i'm constantly depressed here and i still feel like an 18 year old... then just being here two years and then being shipped off to another part of the country by myself? </p>

<p>2) i feel like two years isn't enough time to accomplish much of anything. i mean, i barely did anything last semester because of how overwhelmed i was. my grades were good but i wasn't really involved in any ECs because i was still getting used to everything. and this semester is a bit better but i'm still not all that involved on campus. i'm pretty sure i have a campus job lined up for next year, but still... i feel like a student who just came and got decent grades a degree and then took off won't be too attractive to top grad schools (i might study law and i would want to get into a T20 school hopefully, so i feel like this is really important). </p>

<p>3) on a less practical level i want to experience being an undergrad... i mean, at this point i really don't have many friends and i've never been to a party or done anything particularly fun outside of a few things for my honors program. i feel like graduate school, especially if i decide on law, will be a LOT more stressful and i just won't have time to enjoy myself for once, something i've NEVER done... plus, i want to explore, i wanted to study abroad for a semester, i wanted to apply for a semester in DC program my school offers, etc., etc...</p>

<p>4) the summation of all these things. i just think i'd be better off personally, academically and professionally if i took more than two years in undergrad. </p>

<p>now i've expressed all these things to my parents, who have said "if you're still going to be in school, then what's the difference?" i respect them and i'm thankful that they want to partially support me during grad school. it's just i'm not sure how to make them understand how i feel about this. lastly, i'm not sure how to prolong my undergrad experience without taking a bunch of waste of time electives.</p>

<p>sorry i've rambled on for so long, but any advice or consolation is greatly appreciated!</p>

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<p>Depending on your graduate field, not staying in undergrad long enough to do research or get an internship will significantly harm your admissions chances. This may be something that will make your parents rethink their position.</p>

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<p>I fully agree with IMSAgeek about the internships or research experience. Research aside, would you be prepared coursework-wise to apply to graduate school next fall? You may not have any grades from your final year in college when you apply, which might put you at a severe disadvantage if you haven’t progressed very far into your major yet.</p>

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<p>So what you may have realized, is that it might not have been the best idea to tell your parents that you can graduate so early, as now they are pressing you to do it for financial or whatever else reasons they have. Honestly, would they have had a clue about that if you hadn’t told them? Very few parents are actually keeping track of their kids credits.
And I’m sure you regret it.</p>

<p>A tactic you might consider is to tell them that you’ve realized it would be impossible to graduate in 2 years with good grades and useful internships, and there is no way you could amass enough credits in that amount of time. You were mistaken. Because really, perhaps you were mistaken because you figured it out taking way too many classes with far too little time off. Taking extra electives in subjects you are interested in, and a few less credits will stretch it out a bit. Getting into law school requires good grades, and if you spread it out more, you can achieve those. Who knows, you may even change your major again.</p>

<p>College isn’t merely about getting it done as fast as possible (not that I’m advocating the 10 year plan)! If you take it a little easier, perhaps you can actually enjoy your life, pursue interests and internships, have time for friends and truly get the most out of your experience. People really do look upon the college years as the best time in their lives…don’t let it slip you by!</p>

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<p>Perhaps it is time to . . . not share every breath and every thought with parents??? Or at least take time to think things through carefully so your own feelings are fully sorted. </p>

<p>I, of course, don’t know the details, but it sounds like you were quick to tell parents that you could graduate in two years – and they probably thought you wanted support for that concept so they supported it. Then you had further thoughts and shared all of them and they are probably . . . a bit confused and a bit irked at having to support all the emotional bouncing. </p>

<p>So, while it is great to be looking down the road, it is also great to take some time and really see where one is today (Smelling the roses!). Clearly Major 2 has or had some appeal to it. So give the new path a chance to grow on you a bit. Think carefully about what you can learn this semester and don’t obsess about what you will take next term until you get much closer to registration for next term. </p>

<p>It really, really sounds like you could use a larger circle of campus friends. Not only would they be great to bounce off all your thoughts, they also could bring their own campus insights and experiences to the conversation. So, perhaps an important step is figuring out how you connect to people on campus that you will respect and enjoy. </p>

<p>Your parents would likely feel a sense of relief if they knew you were connected to the campus community and had a strong circle to support you as you weigh your options. One reason the P’s may have voted for you to finish quickly is because they know you haven’t been happy. </p>

<p>So. . . get happy or think about would make you happy and do what it takes to get there.</p>

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<p>Are your parents aware of the difficulties you’ve had your first year?</p>

<p>If I had a kid in college who was calling home frequently because s/he was depressed, had a hard time making friends, etc. – and then towards the end of the year the kid told me that s/he had figured a way to graduate at the end of the following year – I’d say, “yes! go for it!” – NOT because I was concerned about my bank account or wanted to push my kid, but because I’ve come to believe that my kid is really unhappy and the 2-year grad option sounds like a win-win solution.</p>

<p>So think about what your parents have been hearing from you before this call – what you feel is pushing might be their idea of giving you support for something that you have given the impression you want to do.</p>

<p>Keep in mind that parents often get a distorted view based on the type of contacts they get from their kid. If you have a habit of calling home to vent whenever you are feeling down or upset, but you rarely think of calling home during the times when you are feeling more energetic and optimistic – your parents will get the impression that you are utterly miserable and just working your heart out to slog through. And if that’s their impression, what would you expect them to say in response to a call when you tell them that you’ve figured out a way that you can change majors, have an easier time overall, and graduate in a single year.</p>

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<p>With college scheduling the way it is (as you’ve discovered with your first major, departments can be disorganized), what’s possible in theory may not be possible in practice. You don’t know if you’d be able to take all the courses, in the right order, offered at convenient non-conflicting times, in order to fulfill all the requirements for a brand new major in one year (two semesters). Frankly I think it’s very unlikely. Have you talked to an advisor in the new major to see if your two-year plan is really feasible, or have you just looked at the catalog and looked at your audit?</p>

<p>Also, keep in mind that many colleges accept dual credit and AP courses for gen ed requirements, but still require you to take 128 credits at their institution in other courses. So even if you “place out” of foreign language, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t have to take other credits in their place to make up the minimum number of credit totals a college requires to bestow a degree with its name upon you. Policies really vary here and you need to speak to an academic advisor to be sure you know the facts about your particular institution.</p>

<p>Good luck to you.</p>

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<p>If your parents are paying $50k/year out of pocket for you to go to school as an undergrad, well, graduating early is a pretty good plan. Are they trying to save money? (If so, can you get some of the experiences you are looking for in some other way?)</p>

<p>Did you live in the honors dorms this year? Where will you be living next year? Is it a place that works well for making friends?</p>

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<p>So, there was a party last night - did you go to it?</p>

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<p>If you are that close to finishing, you probably also have some flexibility to fit in a semester or year abroad and some paid or unpaid internships. Depending on your major, you may be able to finish a one year Master’s program along with your BA or BS.</p>

<p>Go spend some time with your new major advisor, and find out what opportunities there are.</p>

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<p>Or you could look at the Bridging Disciplines programs and see if one of them appeals to you. These are nice additions to a major at your college (UT). They include research and an internship and have a nice structure to them, with nice advisors.
<a href=“Bridging Disciplines Programs | TEXAS Undergraduate Studies”>Bridging Disciplines Programs | TEXAS Undergraduate Studies;

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<p>Thanks for all your replies. in retrospect it probably was kind of silly to tell my parents. but really it came up conversationally (we talk almost every night at my mom’s insistence) - i was just talking about how i had changed my major and casually mentioned that with so many things changed, i now had even fewer credits left to earn my degree … (i.e. i didn’t call them and say “MOM DAD guess what OMG i can graduate in two years!”) </p>

<p>and yes, my adviser did tell me it would most likely be possible for me to graduate in such a short amount of time (it was her who figured this out and later i did the math and it turned out she was being serious). </p>

<p>Midwestmom, thanks for your replies. i do live in the honors dorms. and i will definitely look more into BDP, i had ignored it before because it seemed pointless but i admit that i was kind of making assumptions.</p>

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<p>I need to apologize for my earlier lecturing tone – do know, please, that many in my generation took off for college and our telephone conversations home were limited to a few moments per week (long distance was expensive!). It is foreign and weird to me to even consider the daily and sometimes hourly conversations that are normal for some students and parents. </p>

<p>I am not sure we are always well served by constantly being updated on one another’s lives (and I felt that way before Twitter arrived). We all need processing time. Sometimes what is huge at 3 o’clock is well in the rear view mirror by bedtime. </p>

<p>Do reach out to peers. A dynamite circle makes life anywhere a joy.</p>

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<p>okay, had a frank conversation with my parents tonight and it came to blows which i wasn’t wanting to happen… it seems they actively want me to graduate in 2 years if possible and told me that i was acting like they were made of money by not having thought about my post-grad… and when i mentioned that i’m only a second semester freshman who has only taken mostly intro, survey courses at this point, my dad called me “peter pan” and told me i was just being immature… =/</p>

<p>i feel really bad about this. i mean, my parents are genuinely wanting to support me for part of my graduate education which i recognize as unique. they lecture and lecture me about how they refused to let me go into debt and put myself in a miserable position later in life, which i appreciate and respect. they also told me tonight they most likely wouldn’t be able to support me at all if i went to a school out of state and that they were shocked when i told them i wanted to consider top schools (i go to a pretty good public U but really did want to “aim higher” for grad school). </p>

<p>basically we just had a circular argument in which my parents kept repeating that I needed to make up my mind about where i’m going to grad school and what i want to study and i kept repeating that i don’t know, because, despite being a senior in terms of credits, i’m really only a second-semester freshman. i understand their argument: if i’m going to be graduating ASAP, then obviously, yes, i need to start thinking NOW about my grad school plans and in essence exactly the courses i’m going to take every semester from now on.</p>

<p>I REALIZE that they aren’t made of money. they’re public school teachers, for God’s sake. i just feel like they’re putting a lot of pressure on me by expecting me to have “it” all figured out already. mind you that they already assumed I had planned on staying here for grad school even before i switched majors. </p>

<p>blah… i’m sorry, this is just the most disorganized post ever. at this point i’m honestly just thinking i’ll graduate in 2 or 2.5 years (2.5 years i think is more feasible honestly) then go here for grad school even though i don’t want to and then just do whatever after i get my master’s. i just don’t even care anymore and i feel more depressed than ever because NOW i feel like i’m being a bad daughter. and registration is in two days… if i’m only going to have a couple of semesters left i have to plan accordingly… </p>

<p>edit: oh yeah, and my favorite part of this whole conversation was our discussion about me going into the Peace Corps… my dad’s reaction: “yeah right.” then he told me we weren’t going to talk about it and he kept shushing me when i told him it was something i genuinely wanted to do. gotta love protective parenting haha</p>

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<p>The Peace Corps doesn’t require a parental permission slip. </p>

<p>You know, you could always tell them you were thinking of joining the (army, navy, air force). ;)</p>

<p>But seriously:
There is no harm in registering for next fall in classes you would be taking if you were going to graduate next spring. Don’t feel there is a lot of pressure on you right now. Just register for the classes that move you closer to graduation. If you decide you need to change something, you can do it during drop add.</p>

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<p>What major? Some majors are commonly funded for graduate students, while others are not…</p>

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<p>Change your major back to the old one. LOL</p>

<p>That said, you need to stop sharing everything with your parents…Peace Corp, etc. </p>

<p>As for graduating next year, who knows if you’ll be able to get all the needed classes or fit them all into your schedule? </p>

<p>I would stop talking about this with my family and just proceed as is. If it works out, then fine, if it doesn’t, you’ll need another semester. </p>

<p>What is this major? As mentioned above, some grad schools fund their students.</p>

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<p>HOW can parents who are public school teachers not realize that a second semester freshman is not able to know which grad school to apply to? </p>

<p>None of the other freshmens’ parents are telling them they are Peter Pan for not making up their inds yet about which grad school they should apply to.</p>

<p>Doesn’t your school have a Dean of Freshmen, or of Academic Advising—or your dept have someone who does this kind of advising? That is where you should be going with this issue—the part about What Should I Do academically, and also the part about explaining grad school admissions/applications to your parents.</p>

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<p>And as Mom2 says, quit sharing everything with your parents until you really really know what you are planning to do!</p>

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<p>Re major: first it was international relations (a fledgling major here, in its experimental phase and VERY disorganized, i know many like me who have simply switched majors) and now it’s political science.</p>