Parents: Were Any of You SURPRISED Your Child Got Into EXETER?

<p>Are any of you willing to admit that your child is not the 4.5 GPA having, poster child for perfection and excellence who scores in the 99th percentile that I see "chanced" on this board?</p>

<p>Did any of your children shock you ALL by being accepted at Exeter with unimpressive grades & barely any extra-curricular activities? What of the child who struggled academically until the year before applying to Exeter?</p>

<p>I ask this because I wonder how the desire for diversity plays out at this school. Do you suspect Exeter accepts children who need a great deal of academic support and may have never had the opportunity to take advantage of ECs due to family finances and/or limited school offerings so that they can balance out the bright, sometimes privileged overachievers? Or do you find that the poor and/or minorities who benefit from their FA initiative are just as "perfect" as the stereotypical applicant?</p>

<p>unimpressive grades & barely any extra-curricular activities? Why would they even apply? Being admitted is not the end of the journey but rather the beginning of a much more challenging one. Trust me, you don’t want to be there…</p>

<p>Kasey-I can admit it. My d had a 4.2 gpa at a inner city school that wasnt that strong, had a 90% on SSAT, not an athlete, though a long term dancer and few other EC’s, heavy on the reading for pleasure. She was accepted at Exeter but she chose Deerfield.</p>

<p>I really think that the stats that many students, more than parents, put here are not real. I think that many people dont want to accept the fact that their “perfect” child is not seen that way by everybody. They dont want to accept the fact that the school are not looking for perfection but to build a community of many different types of kids. I am not shocked that my d was accepted at all, once I understood the system. There were other schools that didnt not select my d and I also understand them.</p>

<p>I also believe that if more applicants and their parents would look for fit and match, verses name that many more kids and parents would be happy on March 10th. Trust me, many people as my d “how could you turn down Exeter”, her response is “I just felt at home at Deerfield”. No disrespect to Exeter.</p>

<p>DAndrew, I’d think they might apply because of the type of education they’d receive. As you stated, Exeter could be the beginning for that child. I’d hate to stereotype, but I think of the young males from the innercity and limited resources that they try to reach. I wonder if all of those students enter “on par” with the rest.</p>

<p>Thanks for the reply Alexz825Mom. I wonder about the child who might “fit” perfectly at the Harkness table b/c they are intellectually curious (maybe a bit lazy b/c they’ve been allowed to be) and absolutely thrive off of analytical discourse. This may be exactly what the child needs to ‘put his/her gear in motion’. However, unimpressive stats may prevent him/her from being accepted.</p>

<p>I have a student in my class who is extremely bright and insightful. He’s had an A avg in my class all year long and easily outshines his peers. He’s doing really well in another core subject as well. This teacher and I have gotten together several times to discuss this student and the fact that he needs to be in a more challenging environment than what our public school has to offer. I think he hovers at an A/B avg in that class. However, he’s extremely analytical and his thinking goes over his peer’s heads and connects with ours (the adults).</p>

<p>He’s a great kid with a wonderful personality and smile. However, I found in talking to him that he’s not terribly active in or outside of the school.</p>

<p>During the summer I teach at summer programs in boarding schools. He reminds me of a very intelligent student I met from Exeter last year. He’s on her level of thinking. She told me about the Harkness method. I recently explored this method and the bulb came on: This is exactly the type of environment this child needs! To be around equally intelligent students would be great for him. He’s complained to me that he finds his classmates a bit “dull”. I wonder if he needs to be in a more competitive environment.</p>

<p>Before speaking to his mother about Exeter, however, I reviewed his records and found that he’s struggled academically in the past. I would’ve never known!</p>

<p>As I read this site, I wonder if this school may be a fit for him after all.</p>

<p>@Kasey: Sorry I probably didn’t quite get your point (it was late). You are right that all admitted students don’t have to be on par with each other “stats wise”, but they do need to share some common traits: intelligent, willing to take challenges and enjoy (to a certain degree at least) learning. The student you described seems to fit that requirement. His “unimpressive grades & barely any extra-curricular activities” as you put it, if put in perspectives through his personal reflections and teacher recommendations, can work for him because of his inner city background.</p>

<p>Ummm - no.</p>

<p>I interview for Exeter. This comment gives me pause:</p>

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</p>

<p>and this

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<p>I would say no. Exeter is not the school for this student.</p>

<p>You asked the question:</p>

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<p>no. no. and no.</p>

<p>Students “of color” who get into Exeter are as academically qualified as those who are considered “majority” race and yet - the stereotypes continue to persist that they are not - or that they were the subject of some great largess.</p>

<p>Yes - Exeter is a challenging environment and “might” be just the type of thing to wake your student up. But there are now so many qualified students of all races and genders that Exeter doesn’t have to take on this type of "challenge. Even before the boom in applications they weren’t taking on these kinds of students. The academic work is just too hard. And that’s not who they are looking for. They’re looking for students who are already ahead of the curve. There is some concession for students (off all backgrounds) coming from schools where EC’s are limited, but I have to tell you - even those students find things to do outside of school. I see a lot of rural students where activities can be measured in “hours away” from home who are creative in asserting their leadership or pursuing hobbies and personal goals.</p>

<p>So if your student is not ready to hit the ground running, Exeter is exactly the type of school I would warn you away from. Students, for the most part, are self motivated, close to being ready for college level work and demonstrate leadership ability. He has to prove he is proactive and can keep up - and frankly - part of the equation is that - despite having better grades in his most recent years the question begs whether the academic rigor is sufficient to imply he can keep up with courses that are considerably harder if he didn’t demonstrate the motivation before.</p>

<p>Many other boarding schools around the country are now using the Harkness table system and have systems available to help students who need help to catch up (or clean up).</p>

<p>Look at boarding schools only if the student is ready mentally for being away from home, living under someone else’s set of rules (governing academic and residential life) and has a strong support system at home. Make sure he can adjust to a significantly different campus culture than what he’ll have experienced at home.</p>

<p>Look beyond Harkness Table to find a school that is a good fit in terms of nurturing and academics. I don’t see a fit at Exeter based on the limited information you shared here.</p>

<p>ExieMITAlum is absolutely correct.</p>

<p>Excellent advice from Exie. Exeter is NOT for everyone. However, for someone who’s ready to hit the ground running hard, it’s an absolutely amazing place!</p>

<p>Parents–this advice from Exie pretty much applies to any of the top BSs (you decide yourself which those are). Be honest about your child and if they still need time to just be a high school kid, b/c even if they get in, the experience will be rough unless they fit this bill of goods :</p>

<p>So if your student is not ready to hit the ground running, Exeter is exactly the type of school I would warn you away from. Students, for the most part, are self motivated, close to being ready for college level work and demonstrate leadership ability. He has to prove he is proactive and can keep up . . .</p>

<p>And I did have this question when I read Exie’s post. Which ones are the more “nurturing” schools and how do they nurture? Among the top schools often mentioned here (say, GLADCHEMMS), I don’t see any one is particularly more nurturing than the other (maybe in different ways they are but overall they are comparable). On the other hand, most if not all of them have study centers, peer tutoring, the majority of teachers living on campus, mid term report, term report, communication machanisms with parents, etc. I am curious how other more nurturing schools nurture?</p>

<p>No takers?</p>

<p>DAndrew, we never saw any evidence that one was more nurturing than another. However, we did sense that the top schools are committed to the students they accept and will not give up on a student easily. “Sink or swim” doesn’t really happen at the top schools.</p>

<p>I guess I don’t understand what is meant by a nurturing school. I think parents are nurturing, schools are supportive. As Mainer points out, all of these schools have layers of support for their students–but they are supports for students who are already wired for success. </p>

<p>To D’Andrew’s list of supports, I’d add the support of advisers and dorm faculty. I love knowing that a dorm faculty member or proctor is sitting in the hall on duty every evening while the kids are studying, making sure that everyone’s checked in and okay and available for help as needed.</p>

<p>Yes - supportive is a good word. There are some schools that seem to take their “parent in absence” role to a more proactive level. The ones that see the whole child and are supportive when one stumbles. So it kind of goes beyond facilities and resources - by learning center I mean those with counselors who can work with students who need an extra push or don’t learn in a cookie cutter way.</p>

<p>Aiming lower than HADES doesn’t mean settling for less. A smaller school with more intimate faculty interaction might be better than a school of 1100 kids where it is easier to get “lost” in the crowd. Case in point:</p>

<p>Governor’s seems nurturing. I got that vibe when I was visiting and talking to teachers and Adcoms there. The math teacher had baked cinnamon roles for her class, art teacher coached D about differences in various schools. It was the only school that had several parents on hand to talk to me about the school from their perspective. And their outreach was more personalized once my D applied. A lot of people here kind of “pooh, pooh” Governor’s but it has strong academics, is not cut throat and is not as “in demand” by students on these boards so it’s often overlooked. They’re looking to include more urban students. Dorm sizes are limited to 12 singles each. Plus some faculty have children at Exeter and some Exeter staff have children at Governor’s. </p>

<p>There are others, but I’m not an expert. I’d say start with Boarding School review and look at the school’s attributes (you can sort by test scores, region, etc.) Then call a few. Many schools have alumni around the country who may be open to talking about their experiences with a special school. My husband had a med school applicant who gushed about Stony Brook in NY for instance. </p>

<p>Don’t sell the student short, but don’t set him up to fail by shooting to high for his current stats. Given the flood of applications at HADES and the increase in urban applicants with strong qualifications he’s going to be a hard sell at that level.</p>

<p>It is quite possible that he will do better academically when challenged. Some schools do look at that if they already have a strong relationship with that school’s principal and a good track record with the school’s previous applicants. </p>

<p>This will be tough. Tougher will be trying to convince the student’s parents to consider the options especially if they can’t travel to the school. I repeat - he will have to be able to manage and advocate for himself when there. (do homework with out pushing, seek out resources, explore and experiment with new opportunities).</p>

<p>Have you considered looking at Prep for Prep or A Better Chance to help you narrow your options and perhaps help him with the application process?</p>