Paid for significantly more expensive options because they were the significantly better fit for my daughters. No regrets - at all. As with others, we could afford the schools and had been clear on budget/options at the start of the process. Upthread, someone indicated they had not heard of someone who picked a more expensive school if the money would have been theirs to use as they saw fit (condo, party, wedding, etc). I was that kid and did pick the more expensive school (many moons ago and less money than we’re talking about here). My kids did consider cost in their decision making as well (one chose to graduate early to save money). But they ultimately chose to go to schools that were significantly more expensive than alternative schools to which they were accepted. We have gotten our money’s worth - the growth our Ds experienced exceeded our expectations and went way beyond the grades they got, post graduation plans (although both have had great post grad opportunities) and typical ROI evaluations people on CC love to do. The personal growth was incredible and, while I can’t know for sure, I do believe that the schools they chose contributed significantly to that growth. Only you - on this thread - know your kid and how important the attributes at Baylor mean to your kid and what they may contribute to his development. I agree with others though - I would let him know that you have saved the money so that he can go but if he chooses CU that the leftover money would end up going to him for another purpose and give him some “skin in the game.” Good luck!
This is a tough one for sure and I agree others that have said that it depends on the a family’s circumstances, values, and how much of a stretch it is financially. We are currently in year 3 of paying for our daughter’s “dream school”. We are paying for the fit and for us so far it’s been worth it. She’s taken advantage of opportunities, is doing well, loves it and is having a lot of fun. Whether or not it will make a difference in where she ends up in life remains to be seen, but so far I am feeling good about the decision. However, she IS an only child and we were prepared. I wouldn’t have taken out major loans or anything.
Neither of my kids had a “dream school.” We visited a lot of schools, they knew what we could spend, and they chose the school that they thought was best for them. There were no regrets, they were very happy, and they did not choose the cheapest school.
It never occurred to us that if they chose a less costly option, they could use the money toward a house etc (not judging).
This is not something that usually happens in Boulder. Expensive rent and expensive food options. The family would save on travel costs.
I can’t advise about either school. For the big question, it might depend on how things end up. If your kid is happy and ends up with a great career, you will probably say it was worth it. If your kid doesn’t love it or has trouble finding a job you might think the less expensive school would have been better.
When our kid got a HUGE scholarship to her second choice school…we actually told her we would buy her a condo to live in there…and buy her a car. It would have been very affordable to do this back in 2006.
She declined.
Zero regrets here for sending both kids to their dream schools. They were so much happier and got a far better experience than they would have at a cheaper options. D2 turned down a school that would have been nearly 40% cheaper but it wasn’t a good fit
My kid would have been able to go to our state flagship for free, and I gave her the choice between her preferred school or $280k in the form of whichever she chose of house/approved business opportunity/grad school payment. She chose her preferred school.
We had prepaid and bright futures for both kids. One is instate and the other is out of state. No regrets. My instate student would rather have the money to invest in her future. My younger one had a dream school. Both are happy.
My dd got accepted into baylor too. She got 25k a yr in merit but it’s still very expensive. Financially, i could make it work, but she plans on going to law school too so she is weighing her options right now. She either chooses baylor and then takes loans for law school, or chooses a less expensive school then i will help her with law school. I have twins, so no break between kids. I’m afraid my financial circumstances could change then what? But i’ve been clear about their options since they were in 8th grade. I don’t get the ‘so and so is going to duke and parents are paying, why can’t you?’ I’m fortunate bc my kids are reasonable and they know we aren’t related to rockefellers or grandparents to help with. I’m an immigrant so my kids are first generation americans. As for paying for houses/condos, lavish weddings all that, no, that’s not something I’ve spend much time thiking about. Most kids in USA have it good. My kids have seen how other kids their age thrive in other countries even though they come from humble means.
My S got significant merit at 3 schools. One was full tuition plus more at very low cost OOS Public U, the other two were a bit more than 1/2 tuition at private Us.
S really wanted one of the private Us and we agreed he could attend. 2 years later, his sister wanted to apply to transfer from CC to that U as well (something we hadn’t planned on at all). D was accepted (we were full pay for her) and we tightened our belts and readjusted our budget and figure out how to make it work.
Both kids really thrived at the U and we have no regrets. Both made enduring friendships there. Could they have done so elsewhere? Probably, but we will never know for sure.
None of us have any regrets.
There are such different family cultures!
For us, with three full pay kids to private universities, there are no cars, house down payments, weddings, or graduate school paid for. Gifting them a top college education, with zero debt, is what we do/have done. After college – it’s on them!
Appreciate this post and everyone’s insight, as we are here at the moment. We have a certain amount of money set aside for our kids for education, be it undergrad, grad school, etc.
The conundrum: go to the least expensive school that seems like a minor let down and, more-importantly, may have less direct activities/clubs/ resources/ internships/experiences than a more expensive school, which could impact graduate school acceptance? On the other hand, perhaps her GPA would be better? Or…
Go to the more expensive school, with 0 or little money left over to pay for grad school but possibly have a better undergrad experience (and ideally have the experiential learning component that allows her to get into grad school)?
DD knows she wants additional (expensive) graduate school after her BS, but the lure of the more expensive schools is high. She “knows,” as much as an 18-year-old can grasp, that it would be a bad idea to go into more debt for grad school, but the opportunities at the more expensive school call to her. It’s hard for her to wrap her mind around numbers that large–they all just seem exorbitant, if that makes sense. She has good choices, and we are trying to guide her as best we can.
Our S19 would have chosen Bowdoin over banking some of our education fund. Even though we are paying for his education, he offered to take on some federal loans himself if it meant he could go there. He had been accepted to 11 schools, many with big merit including other LACs that would have given him a similar experience (Kenyon $20k/year, Grinnell $25K/year) but he really felt the pull of Bowdoin. He knew we wanted him to seriously consider the less expensive schools but that discussion quickly turned to him offering to pay some of the difference himself.
It’s been the experience he expected and we are all good with the decision that was made.
We also talked to D21 about choices that involved less expensive college and money left for grad school, car, etc. and she also wasn’t interested. She could have gone to Santa Clara or LMU or Furman for $80-120k less in total cost and chose Colgate. She (and we) believe it’s a much better match and so far, so good!
Sometimes for grad school, it’s better to stand out - and the test score + work experience (for certain majors) will matter more than if she went to - say UVA vs. WVU.
All schools have clubs - you can’t be in 500 - so I’m sure she can find one. And at the info sessions, they all say - if you can’t - create one. I’m goofing on that - but in all honesty, my daughter just did this at her school - a club to help a certain struggling group in the community, etc. It’s gratifying to her and impactful.
She does not go to a top tier school (by her choice - she just fell in love with her school our first visit) - so a student can have strong academics, an impactful extra curricular life and more - regardless of where they attend.
My point here - it really is what you make of it no matter where you go.
I think anyone reading this who is making these decisions needs to really understand that you have no way of understanding someone else’s finances.
Also, I don’t think anyone who sent their kid to the “dream” school is going to say they regret it.
Kids thrive everywhere - I know plenty of students who went to state schools or “average” universities and are doing great things.
I wouldn’t base a decision on a kid being disappointed or whether or not you had this discussion before he applied.
It’s a lot of money - more so for some than others.
Sometimes I think that gets lost here.
One thing I would do is have the discussion with your child
Yes and no on “it’s what you make of it”. Some colleges just have more resources and the experience is different. I know I’ll get push back on that.
Our nephew is at UIUC. Not the same experience as Bowdoin or Colgate. Not close. Big (and some online) classes freshman year. He got good grades even though he’s not the greatest student. Told us about the 40 pages he had to read each night like it was a lot of work. Our kids at Colgate and Bowdoin are in small classes from the beginning. Both (including our freshman) know their professors and meet with them. Their classwork is way more challenging and they are surrounded by kids who all care about school and learn a lot from classmates. For us, this was a big reason to pay a premium.
I agree with this - but I would say, your nephew could also seek out the profs, ask to be involved in projects or otherwise. It’s on the kid to do so.
A lot of this is by major too. My son is in engineering at Alabama. He has a geography elective and laughs at the business majors that think 45 minutes of work a week is a lot. In engineering, he gets his a$$ kicked - and is always studying…always.
There definitely is something to be said for the elite, small schools - and while everyone at Bowdoin can likely get into Illinois (except maybe engineering/CS) not everyone at Illiiois would get into Bowdoin - in fact, likely more than half wouldn’t. On the flipside, would - name your average small school - Kalamazoo give someone that same depth as Bowdoin or Colgate?? Don’t know but guessing not as it’s not the same caliber of student.
But I surmise, maybe incorrectly, one could find that depth at Illinois - if they sought it out or as they get into upper level classes.
Yet I doubt the personal academic experience at a big school freshman year. Many classes are big. Not much to do about that. Not an intimate experience no matter what you do. Some honors colleges may offer that experience though.
Our D recently said “I am going to be so smart when I graduate from here”. lol. We all chuckled but that’s the experience she’s having. Pushed by classmates (in a good, collaborative way) and her professors. She’s grown so much academically in just six months.
I’ll be shocked if anyone posts that they regret spending the extra money for their child’s dream school. Human nature is such that we seek out information that reinforces our decision --so as long as your kiddo ends up loving their “dream” school you will tell yourself it was worth it. Likewise, if you go for the more affordable option (I won’t say “cheap” because no college is really cheap) and your kid is thriving you’ll tell yourself you made the right choice. In either case you will never know how your child would have done elsewhere - maybe it would have been better, maybe very similar and maybe disappointing, but you can’t really know.