<p>Hi Everyone,
Congratulations on your acceptances and hope those of you on the wait list get off and are able to attend the school of your choice!
Our family didn't qualify for financial aid and tonight, we are still struggling with figuring out how to afford our child's dream. We were told by the school that we are among 7 or 8 families they admit each year who make too much and/or have too many assets to qualify for FA, but for whom $50k a year is a real hardship.
Here it is, April 8th, and we still don't know what to do. One key factor is fairness to our other children. If we spend this kind of money on one child's high school education (the other two admittedly don't want to go to BS), is it fair not to give them something of a similar worth years from now--maybe a down payment on a house, etc??
Has anyone else been through this, made a decision and then, been glad they did... or regretted it? I feel as though we may always regret not trying to make it work financially, whereas we will never regret sending our child. Thanks in advance for your insight!</p>
<p>As has been pointed out elsewhere, $200K is a LOT of money to give your child(ren) a variety of unusual and formative opportunities outside the boundaries of private schools. It all depends on your priorities, but if you’ll have to live on ramen and boullion for 4 years (or more), I’m not sure it’s worthwhile. BS is great, but <em>nothing</em> trumps parental influence and involvement.</p>
<p>All I can add is that my parents sacrificed a good bit to send me, their oldest, to Pelican School for my last two years of high school … and it was a life changing experience. I was a day girl in an era of only boys boarding, plus boys and girls day. But absolutely life changing. </p>
<p>Of course, we were talking a total of maybe $3000 for the two years back then, plus commuting and books.</p>
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<p>When our son decided to start the boarding school application process in the 2010/2011 cycle (he was ultimately waitlisted/denied that time around), we talked with his older sister to try and determine if she wanted to consider that kind of opportunity, too. She emphatically declared that she had NO DESIRE to ever attend a boarding school - not ever, no way, love it here, never want to leave my friends, etc.</p>
<p>Fast forward to this past fall - following a summer at Interlochen Arts Camp - and her opinion was changed 180 degrees. She ultimately applied to Interlochen Arts Academy and was accepted, and will be there beginning this fall. And our son was successful this application cycle, and will be starting boarding school this fall, too.</p>
<p>We were able to make the finances work out (thank goodness for scholarships!), but we knew from the start that if both kids wanted to go, we had a plan to make it happen. It would have been heartbreaking if we could have only managed to enroll one of our two kids - how could we have chosen which one got the opportunity?</p>
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<p>We are in that position - spent more on the first child (private school for most of her career) than on the second child (public school for most of it). We did justify the expense of BS for child #2 as a way of leveling the playing field - but it can never truly be equal and shouldn’t be thought of that way. I.e. if one gets boarding school the other gets a down payment for a house. </p>
<p>That is a good way to set up a dangerous sibling rivalry that will last into adulthood. It’s hard to equate tuition (which is not tangible) to a house (which is). What this really is about is giving each child what they need when they need it educationally. The expense is a secondary consideration. It is what it is. Neither child is keeping a spreadsheet - they know that it all works out in the end.</p>
<p>What we’ve told each child is that we gave as much as we could, so they could be independent and self managing when they are adults. Any thought of inheritance is now a fantasy as it’s been “invested” in them (lessons, school, whatever). What remains is for my well deserved, long earned bucket list of activities when they are out of my house :)</p>
<p>I do understand how you feel. I have two very bright, very motivated girls. My youngest is in BS, and my eldest is happily esconced in the local Public HS, (as a Senior now). The eldest had NO desire to go away. However we had some financial concerns when she was applying to private Universities. It would have been a financial strain to pay for both. I thought long and hard about what would happen if she chose to go to a private Liberal Arts College, but allowed her to make her own choices and trusted the outcome.
As luck would have it she chose to go to the Honors College of a public University and they threw in scholarship money to boot ( thank you Lord!) so it worked out fine. But I DID wrestle with the cost differential of the two kids’ educations, and the thought of chosing gave me cold sweats.
The only thing I can say is all children are different, with different hopes, aspirations and needs. You are not bound to spend the same on all as long as you love all equally. Since your other children have no desire to go to BS stop fretting- we have plenty of things we can feel guilty about as Moms, this is not one to add to your list :)</p>
<p>I think if both kids do well or at least are satisfied with what their education has done for them down the road, then it’s a story with a happy ending and parents really shouldn’t worry about the dollar amount they have spent on each. However, if the one you didn’t send to prviate school is having a hard time in college admissions, graduate school admissions, and job/promotion opportunities, AND she attibutes it to her lack of private school education (especially when her sister does so much better), then potentially there could be complaint and resentment. I would make sure I have the ability and genuine intention of giving them equal opportunities. If one chooses voluntarily not to take the option, I’d explain to them what it means. They should have the “full disclosure”.</p>