Parents Who Rat Out "Competitor" Applicants

<p>This is just ridiculous.</p>

<p>It's true that parents and classmates could probably provide colleges with lots of helpful (albeit negative) information about their applicants. But to encourage this practice would be dangerous indeed. It's sort of like banning books. There are a few that I'd love to ban. (e.g., Could anyone possibly like The Day My Butt Went Psycho? Someone gave it to my son when he was 7, and I soon proclaimed it to be the worst book I'd ever read, though, admittedly, we didn't get through all that much of it.). But ultimately that sort of censorship is way too slippery a slope and so is the thought of colleges soliciting "UnReferences" from parents, alums, fellow students, etc. Of course. there are certainly some we'd love to write and some "I told you so's" that we ponder silently when we hear stories like SuNa's about the bully who got booted out.</p>

<p>Just one more reason for kids to keep their target colleges secret</p>

<p>YES!!! haha that's what I do. I act quite dumb and clueless about colleges around other people in my AP classes. They don't know my GPA and I don't really go out and do ECs with other people from my school.</p>

<p>When we visited Haverford we were so weirded out by their honor code. Apparently, students can report other students for violating rules and bring them up to a student-run court that is secret and no one is allowed to speak about what goes on in it. In addition, if two students are taking the same test in a certain class, they are instructed not to mention it to one another, even instructed how to respond if asked about it--"oh, it was a test"--not, "it was hard" or "I feel like I bombed", etc. There was a chilling sense of rigidity and every man for himself that really turned us off.</p>

<p>Colleges can't act on every tip they get. And who is to say that a mistake made by a young person defines his character forever? Nuh-uh. Don't like this discussion!!</p>

<p>
[quote]
I'm absolutely confident that the Psycho Stalker Mom who's attacked my husband and caused hosts of other problems for our family, will do something like this if she ever finds out where mine is applying. We will be guarding that information like a state secret. (She has nothing on my kid, but will absolutely make something up based on past history)

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Ugh! Make sure, please, your child doesn't let it slip...That sounds awful. I must admit to being curious about what the whole story is here...it sounds bad.</p>

<p>To the point of the thread: if you can't put your name to a letter, you shouldn't send it, IMO.</p>

<p>If you are sending a letter to your alma mater about a kid you know, I would for sure only send it if your kid is not applying that year. And beyond that, I would really examine why it is you are sending it. Do you think he/she will pull wool over the eyes of admissions -- and the he/she is a seriously bad person?</p>

<p>I don't know. I would reserve this only for extreme cases. Maybe the person who wrote something about convicted of crimes is the right bar.</p>

<p>I have not heard of this before but maybe I live in la la land (I do live where this kind of competitive college admissions frenzy doesn't really exist). However, upon hearing this story, it rather repulses me big time. I can't imagine ever doing such a thing. I hope colleges do not put stock in such letters knowing that an anonymous person is trying to smear a candidate, may make false accusations, and so forth. And I think it is a very nasty thing to do to someone else. Even worse if the motivation is for personal gain.</p>

<p>Anonymous letters are worthless. I would expect admissions to ignore them, or at most do some investigating. </p>

<p>I can't imagine making up a story to malign another applicant, thinking that it would make my kid's chances better. That is just.... wow.</p>

<p>Agreed...i have heard of this in my area...that is why, like another hs senior posted, I am keeping all my schools as secret as possible</p>

<p>
[quote]
Just one more reason for kids to keep their target colleges secret

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That won't work. If I want to get you I will simply use the common app to send defamatory letters to every college you might even think of applying to.</p>

<p>I'm not trying to be argumentative here, but just for argument's sake (ha ha), what about two of the biggest cases of admissions fraud of the past few years: the plagiarist/ghostwritten girl who got into Harvard and the girl who sued to become valedictorian in the Philadelphia area. In both cases, some whistleblower got a legitimate investigation going that uncovered that these two girls were not at all what they claimed they were, and that their characters' were certainly suspect. </p>

<p>I believe there is a balance to the entire topic. If I were an adcom and I got a tip, anon or named, that brought something into question about an applicant, I would investigate. In many cases, in might indeed turn out to be nothing more than a crank; in others, it might turn out to be a godsend.</p>

<p>I'd think that keeping your list of schools to yourself is a good idea not just for this reason - but also because what business is it of anyone else where you want to go to school? MYOB would be my thought...</p>

<p>do people do this for things like drinking, smoking, etc? If so, how lame.</p>

<p>Again, if I were an adcom and someone sent me a letter saying "Johnny smokes and drinks," I'd throw it away. If, on the other hand, they said that the claims Johnny has made about having published original research are completely fabricated, that I would at least take a look into. Just MHO.</p>

<p>While I can see this happening quite easily, I would never wish it on any of my fellow classmates. Many of them probably do deserve to have an anonymous letter sent about them. I would be ashamed if my parents were the ones doing the sending.</p>

<p>Instead of writing a letter to the college or colleges, why not write to the high school counselor or administration? Whose job is it anyway?</p>

<p>MSUDAD:
[quote]
I can't imagine any parent going after a child for anything short of convicted crimes.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I guess you haven't seen what I have seen, or heard what I have heard. I have witnessed - frequently - parents undermine other children and teenagers in order to put their own ahead. I listen to people do it (I don't confront - I just change the subject). It doesn't even have to be an enemy. This is such a competitive generation of parents. I think people try to do the right thing at least most of the time, but I have seen a shocking number of "weak moments".</p>

<p>I would expect that some of these anonymous letters come from parents who don't even have a child applying to the school. It's sick, but I can easily picture some I have seen in my travels prefer that a peer shine a little less brightly in the admissions game (even if they are not in direct competition with DD or DS).</p>

<p>Metaphors about glass houses and throwing the first stone are clearly lost on parents who are eager to notify colleges about their children's peers. If I actually believed the underlying intentions were honorable, I might take a second look at the situation. As I see it, however, motivations might include feeling superior, taking control over other people's lives, bettering one's own child's chances, causing someone else's star to fall, envy, jealousy, etc. </p>

<p>I am struggling ti picture a person genuinely having any honorable goal whatsoever, whether they sign their name or it is anonymous. Maybe if the issue was something extremely substantial, such as a conviction for a crime which violated the rights or safety of others, action would be warranted. Other than those incredible rare situations, intentions should be seriously scrutinized. Perhaps I am cynical...</p>

<p>SuNa makes a great point with the story she told. There really should be little sense of urgency to "rat out" high school kids unless the situation is potentially dangerous. If the child outgrows the character problem, then good for him or her. Most do, and that is why children get lots of new chances - college is a one of them. It seems unethical to get in the way of a developing human being's opportunity to turn over a new leaf. I'd be worried about karma (if I believed in that). On the other hand, if the character problem is not resolved, then the offender will fall again in the next environment. It will all work out as it should.</p>

<p>If YOU are a parent on collegeconfidential, well, you're one tiny step away from this. To spend your time helicopter-ing your children in the real world and on the web is a little deranged. There's only a fine line to cross before you start your own letter writing campaign.</p>

<p>Can parents stick to the parents section, please?</p>

<p>These sorts of comments are common in phone calls with parents. I have only gotten one email from a student protesting the admission of another student on the grounds that she had broken our honor code (to which she wasn't subject in the first place). The email was passed on to the GC, who I know personally.</p>

<p>In my sons school, there was a kid who had stolen a final exam and copied it and posted it online for everyone to see. He was found out by two classmates and expelled from his private school, he started attending the local public school. His parents however continued to support the private school, as a silent exchange......their keeping quiet about his 10th grade "incident". The school he ended up applying early to was a friend of mines alma mater and a school where she already has 2 kids.....she took it upon herself to "enlighten" the admissions board of who was applying and what the history was and signed her name to it. She felt it was horrendous that the private school was willing to keep it under wraps, an incident which I think we would all agree reveals a serious character flaw and apparently this child has gotten in other troubles. At first I wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing but as she said SOMEONE has to have a moral radar and abide by it, otherwise everything will be corrupt and people will resign themselves to accepting it, and I thought about it and now agree with what she did.
Just another glaring example as to why all of these kids have to think about every single decision they make.</p>