<p>Any student who is a contender for a “pricey elite” school would certainly be assured of significant merit aid at many, many other schools. Certainly there would be full ride options. So a parent of such a student, who feels that a good education is to be had at any school and that therefore the primary aim is to spend as little as possible, would go for the most generous scholarship offers, no?</p>
<p>It’s possible that the student in that situation might feel that Truman State is a better fit than, say, Rhodes or Pitt. Or there might be a family situation requiring them to stay close to home. The issue certanly wouldn’t be money.</p>
<p>Ucbalumnus: yes. My strategy will be to psyche the kids up for Binghamton or Geneseo, but research merit aid opportunities at good private LACs and let the kids know they are long shots.</p>
I pretty much agree … in this case I’d say rank order all the school ignoring rankings and cost but only include schools who net cost are in budget. Basically the same scenario will unfold … there will be schools of differing costs on the list and more than likely not ordered by cost … and then there is a family discussion about the incremental value of the experience for the incremental cost if higher cost schools are ranked higher.</p>
<p>I don’t disagree with this; however, I have wondered whether a female with a tippy-top prestige degree may be negatively affected by it in the relationship “department.” Are her marital prospects diminished by it because men might be intimidated or feel they don’t measure up? Some may think this is silly; not me. Relationships are more important to me than careers in the big picture of life.</p>
<p>I would never dumb down my daughter’s education for fear that she might intimidate a future mate. Plus, I would hope her mate would be psyched to have such an accomplished partner. My daughter doesn’t like dumb boys, anyway (smiley, if I knew how).</p>
<p>What makes you think that, Bay? Its been a long time since I dated (thank heavens) but I dont recall the issue of where we went to college/grad/professional school being the first line of conversation. These days, if I were fresh out of school and in the dating world, I might be more concerned about my/my potential partner’s professional goals and aspirations, and how much debt they have from their degree (to get back to the topic of this thread). There were some great threads seveal years ago about whether you would marry someone with significant loans (school or credit card debt). That I feel is very poignant.</p>
<p>*<em>edit</em> a smiley is a : plus a ) = :)</p>
<p>I’m such a moron that I could find no better uses for my money. None. Had kids young. Good health insurance. No debt- the day I paid off my own school loans I took the money and started putting into the kids college funds. House- not as nice as I could have “afforded” but I didn’t care. Crappy cars. Activities for the kids growing up- only what was free (e.g. public library) or could be paid for with my child care cafeteria benefit from work. No traveling soccer or karate lessons. Unexpected medical expenses for aging parents- but that’s what emergency funds are for.</p>
<p>I absolutely respect people who make different choices. I respect my neighbors who buy their kids brand new cars for their 17th birthdays or HS graduations and then claim not to be able to “afford” to have their kids live in the dorms of the local, non-flagship State college so the kids live at home. And I respect people who could afford to be full pay and choose not to either via merit, ROTC or other means. I even respect friends of mine who refused to pay for their kids first choice college-- even when it meant trading drastically down in quality (I don’t mean prestige- I mean quality) so that they wouldn’t need to take out a HELOC on their vacation home.</p>
<p>But those folks don’t respect my choices. And are vocal about it. I was a bad mother for going back to work immediately and putting my kids in day care. I was selfish for traveling for work when my kids were young. (It didn’t take a rocket scientist to look around my company and realize that the men made more money than the women-- mostly because they were willing to sleep in a hotel occasionally). And I’m crazy for being full pay at the so called “elite” universities when the kids could have gone to the flagship public, or commuted to a bunch of other, cheaper options. And as folks like Anna’s dad are happy to point out- there is abundant research indicating that a smart, motivated kid can get the same education virtually anywhere.</p>
<p>So I’m happy to proclaim that stupidity is obviously genetic. I don’t look at my kids now that they are graduated and out there in the world and think, “gosh, imagine what a fool I was to value their education over a stainless steel refrigerator.” I am happy and ever so grateful to have had the option of paying for colleges that were terrific fits for them and their interests. I am beyond grateful that I made choices that maximized my income in the early days when so many women put themselves into a pink collar ghetto which means their incomes will lag for decades. I am beyond grateful to have been lucky in my health, marriage, circumstances of birth, etc.</p>
<p>I hope Anna’sdad gets to feel as lucky as I do some day. Most of the folks I know in real life who grind their axes with as much intensity as he does usually don’t end up feeling happy and lucky about their choices, but perhaps he takes on a hostile tone among strangers and saves his “Perhaps you have a point” voice for the people he knows IRL.</p>
<p>But I suspect the gentleman doth protest too much.</p>
<p>D1 does say when she is at a bar, if she says where she went to school, her major, it would scare away 80% of guys, but then if she throws in what she does, there would be very few left standing. Good thing she is dating someone now.</p>
<p>jym - according to D1, working and living in NYC, they do ask each other where they went to school, where they are working, when they first meet.</p>
<p>Once again blossom wins the “post of the day” award.</p>
<p>We are of the same ilk. We will scrimp and save in lots of ways, but value education and will not scrimp there. That said, younger s chose the school with significant merit aid so the funds we had earmarked for education would be available for professional school. We were almost full pay for older s because (1) if he was going to go to grad shcool it would likely be funded and we were ok with his finding the best “fit” and (2) we know more now about the college apps process than we did with him. That said, I would not have paid full pay for the school younger s attends. But thats another story.</p>
<p>And while many here are very aware of the differences between top tier and third tier schools, there are many posters, including internationals, who read cc and dont really know much about schools beyond the top elites. They coudl be misled by some of the doctrine espoused by one particular poster here.</p>
<p>When I moved after grad school to start my career, if someone asked what I did I said I was in healthcare. If they asked where I went to school, I would say I did my undergrad up north and grad school in the south (a big rival school in the area I live). That usually turned the conversation (the rival school ) These days, with all the on line dating, facebook, etc most people know a boatload about each other right out of the gate. My s’s havent said that they have been intimidated by where a girl went to school or what she did. But thats just my small sampling.</p>
<p>Blossom: I think many of us who struggle with this topic, as I do, do value education over a refrigerator, cars, or a fancy home, but still have a problem with the price tag. In part, it’s also coming from my parents (although it’s not genetic) who were children of the depression, and even though they became financially fine, were always pinching pennies. My h’s parents even more so. </p>
<p>The OP pushed this snowball over the cliff and hasn’t been back since. Over 300 posts from primarily the same people who debate this every single time. Including a few old favorites from MiamiDap with the obligatory response from MOWC.</p>
<p>
Maybe they were regular posters on CC and just weren’t interested in anyone from a “lesser” Ivy. </p>
<p>Edit:That was a joke BTW. This whole debate is about that ridiculous.</p>
<p>My straight son told me, as a college freshman, he was looking for a woman who was “intellectually intimidating” and for him that pretty much meant she had more gold stars than he did. You should see my DIL.</p>
<p>In the rural area in which I live there are many college educated young women in health care and education who are married to farmers and contractors who never attended college. Because the husbands have fairly flexible work schedules they do a whole lot of the primary child care. It seems a really good arrangement to me.</p>
<p>Sorry bovertine, you might be bored of this, but I’ve only just gotten into cc. My oldest child is a hs sophomore, and to me this is the most important issue I have to resolve. I’m finding it helpful.</p>
<p>Bovertine, that´s why we sent D1 to a lesser Ivy, so she could go out with higher ranking Ivy graduates (with a wink, I know smile, but not a wink). D1 has no problem in hanging out with anyone. H is more of a “stay home parent”, so our girls have no issues with more non-traditional male/female role.</p>
LOL, bovertine!!!
And yes, its because many of us old timers have seen this topic over and over that we disagreed with the comment that posters “always” say a student should go to the most prestigious school. Yes, many bow to the ivy/elite gods, but many, if not most, look at colleges in a more nuanced way. That said, its still laughable/ridiculous/whatever socially appropriate/inappropriate (insert word of choice) to suggest that all schools are created equal.</p>
) These days, with all the on line dating, facebook, etc most people know a boatload about each other right out of the gate. My s’s havent said that they have been intimidated by where a girl went to school or what she did. But thats just my small sampling.</p>