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<p>That is a good question, and I don’t know the answer. But…I do not wear rosy glasses when it comes to the reality of who will likely bear the biggest burden of child rearing (been there, done that)…and that is where reality sets in re: the importance of either the husband or both supporting the family; not just the wife.</p>
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<p>You have the luxury of thinking this because you are a man.</p>
<p>We have spent so much money on our kids’ education- starting from preschool. It kept mounting. We were fortunate to have good jobs for most of those years and some “grandparent” funds. However, I don’t even want to add up the total expense because for reasons which are, in part, unique to our situation, we kept escalating the expenses. Private schools, boarding schools and even a year stint for one kid in a place that was way beyond the cost of a regular boarding school. College was no big shocker. </p>
<p>I committed early on to fund the best choice college for each kid. There were a few for which I was not willing to pay (mostly involving choices for WildChild). One of these was NYU, which I regard as a wonderful school, but not one that I felt would work for my kid. I feel like our sacrifices are coming now, since I still have to work and I would rather be retired (never thought I would say that). But I don’t regret our choices. State schools were never really an option- at least not in our state- due to a choice of major with my D and a sport with WildChild. I feel like, even without the benefit of CC at the time, D’s choice of Rice was just perfect. She agrees. WildChild claims that much of what he got out of Penn came outside the classroom and through contacts he made. He says it was the right choice, despite an unhappy freshman year. </p>
<p>It’s just money, right? :)</p>
<p>jym626,
“Which is exactly why annasdads constant blathering that a podunk school is as good as a top tier school is ridiculous, miami”</p>
<p>-Sorry, but you did not get what I was saying and above is a proof of it. I was syaing that nobody should be bothered how others are making their decision. And, yes, each person will constantly repeat the same to be honest about his/her stand. If we will start saying different/opposite from what we were saying before, that reflects dishonesty and desire to sound “correct” all the time. Then discussion becomes useless. You can continue bashing, though if that is how you want to be entertained, however, keep in mind that bashing of others will not make your own points more valid.</p>
<p>Sorry you deleted your post, bovertine. It was well said.</p>
<p>^^^
I boxed myself into a corner. I can’t really deride people for participating in a thread, then fling myself into the fray. I’m sure what I wrote was basically common sense, the gist of it being, that even if someone might learn something of value from this thread, there are certainly more reliable methods of acquiring the same information. Even in other sections of this website. But that ignores the entertainment value, particularly for a fairly new reader. ;)</p>
<p>Okay, so I missed a lot here (don’t you people sleep? 
)! I will agree with the recent post from redpoint that this is all new to me here - been on CC for many years but only on the Service Academy parts of it. I just found the parents forums a month or so ago so I do enjoy reading the different viewpoints/perspectives. Is it going to make the decision for me on where my son goes? No, of course not, but it gives me something to think about and discuss with him as we begin serious visits and decisions!</p>
<p>I don’t want to drag this back into the Purdue vs. MIT question that’s so far from the OP’s first post anyway, but did want ask about this quote:</p>
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<p>I guess I was almost thinking the opposite. If he goes to Purdue (a state flagship which offers everything) and suddently decides he wants to major in Poly Sci (no, I can’t see this ever happening) he has every department to choose from. If he goes to MIT, he’s kind of locked into the STEM majors (which again I can’t see him veering from). So assuming at most he’d switch from engineering to say math or physics, what would your thoughts be? Is Purdue only ranked highly in engineering, but not in the sciences? </p>
<p>Thanks again everyone for all the help - any of you MIT or Caltech (especially since I’ve never “met” one, nor do I have FB groups to help me out like for the other two) or Purdue parents who would like to PM me and talk more about this I’d really appreciate it - I don’t want to bother anyone who doesn’t want to be bothered but would love more firsthand insight!</p>
<p>You totally misunderstand, miami. Your post (or the part I parsed from it) exemplified what we have both, perhaps all been saying. That there are “tracks”, if you will, that , if I can extrapolate, can be seen in college. The top schools tend to get more of the top track kids, so classes, as others have said, can move faster and cover more. </p>
<p>The only “bashing”, if you wish to call it that, is of posts which, as blossom so eloquently said, seem to have an agenda, an axe to grind and are hostile in their tone. I will challenge them, for they give many people the wrong impression about colleges. Again, JMO.</p>
<p>I also still dont see where anyone (but you) said people were “correct” or “incorrect”. These are opinions.</p>
<p>Redpoint, I am first generation American so have the dual advantage/curse of having parents who were thrifty to the point of insanity, PLUS being obsessed with higher education as the ticket into American society! My husband is the child of depression era parents-- so I know the issues you are struggling with very well.</p>
<p>Yes, 250K is a lot of money. No, not every pricey private college is “worth” its price tag for every single kid. A colleague of mine has a teenager at a therapeutic program in Utah (severe psychological issues with substance abuse) whose price tag makes paying full freight at Harvard look like a bargain! At least after Harvard you have a degree… after this program you have a GED (but of course, your child’s health is more important. Not being flip about that.)</p>
<p>I think you are worrying prematurely. A HS sophomore may yet reveal surprises which change the dialogue. Many of us have kids who by nature could bloom wherever they are planted. (I have one of those). Then there are those kids who have needs- social, medical, intellectual, psychological-- that are more complex, and those kids are the ones for whom fit and size and location can be the difference between getting a degree and a rigorous education in 4 years or not. (I have one of those as well.) And then kids in between- they sort of need a lot of things to be in place to be successful, but they’re resilient and adaptable after that.</p>
<p>It’s good that you are educating yourself now- but it’s too early to decide where your kids will or should end up. Just my opinion…</p>
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<p>That’s one complaint I’ve often heard from a few female grad students at Columbia. However, from knowing many of them…their real problem is with their excessively snobby/“no one is good enough for me” attitudes…which they probably had before going to their elite LAC/university undergrad and Columbia grad(MBA, JD, MIA/MA, PhD). </p>
<p>I also know of some elite/Ivy male students who WON’T date anyone who didn’t attend peer colleges/universities as they’ve defined them. For instance, I’ve met HYP students who’d refuse to date Wellesley, Columbia, or Cornell students. :roll:</p>
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<p>Sounds like my UMass EE major alum cousin. He ended up marrying a HYP/Top-3 MBA graduate and is currently serving as SAHD while wife earns the bacon. Unfortunately, he does get teased about it from his long-time male friends and even me when I was much younger(13-15 year old high school kid). </p>
<p>Most of the women I’ve dated tended to be grad students/alums at elite universities…including a Columbia MBA graduate. Unfortunately…haven’t found the one yet…but at least we’re all still friends and there’s no negative relationship drama like what some friends experience.</p>
<p>Thanks blossom. Another part of the issue is: Do both parents see eye to eye about paying for college? If my h said, “of course we will pay for the best school possible,” I would be happy to go along with it. As it is, I have to hedge my bets.</p>
<p>Red-- there is no question that this is a family decision. I know families where there is one kid who gets a disproportionate amount of resources (special needs, a talented ballerina, precocious musician) and the entire family seems to take great pride in the care and feeding of that family member. And then there are the families where a great tragic saga is unfolding on a daily basis. Younger kids ignored for the sake of the “genius”. Family vacations disrupted because of rehearsal schedules. Basically one parent has decided where the time and energy and money is going to go, and everyone else has fallen into line with hostility and resentment and anger.</p>
<p>But it’s great you are sensitive to this now, and not waiting until senior year to realize that you and H are not seeing eye to eye.</p>
<p>Sleep, marciemi? Its the afternoon here!</p>
<p>I actually applaud redpoint for starting the research in her dau’s soph year. If she is open to schools that arent on everyone’s radar, I would strongly, STRONGLY encourage redpoint’s dau to prepare for and takes seriously the PSAT that is taken in her junior year, as the National Merit award opens up a lot of doors to a lot of money (not just the $2500 merit award in some cases).</p>
<p>Does anyone besides me think this may be a very different discussion for middle class families looking at college costs in a completely unpredictable economic environment, compared to those of us doing it before 2008? When my kids were undergraduates, I was convinced I had enough equity in my house to handle any unforeseen catastrophes… wrong… luckily I had no catastrophes.</p>
<p>I guess I did have something else to say.</p>
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<p>It’s not really true that if he goes to MIT he’s “locked into” STEM. MIT has absolutely stellar programs in fields like poli sci, econ, linguistics, philosophy, and urban planning, and its undergrad business program is one of the very best. It might not have the same breadth and depth across the humanities and social sciences that some other top universities do, but what it does, it does very well.</p>
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<p>Purdue has very respectable programs in math, physics, and chemistry, slightly less so in bio, but not on a par with MIT (but then, very few are). Ironically, though, if your son were to decide to be a poli sci major, he’d be better off at MIT. Not that he couldn’t do that at Purdue, but MIT’s department is just so much better.</p>
<p>If he starts out in engineering at Purdue and wants to switch to a humanities or social science major, he’d probably be better off transferring to the other state flagship, Indiana U. I’m not sure why they divide it up this way, but Purdue is generally stronger in STEM and IU is general stronger in humanities and social sciences. I’ve always thought these two schools would be better off to combine their strengths into a single comprehensive flagship of excellence, but I guess it’s too late for that.</p>
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I guess I can even disagree with this, to some extent. I think some people make bad decisions, given what their own goals are. Sometimes it may be out of ignorance (i.e., not realizing that a private schools FA can make it cheaper than a public), or out of stubbornness, or even out of stupidity. And this is where I come to express my views about such things, rather than directly to friends and relatives who might resent hearing about it.</p>
<p>Ok I’ll veer off topic a bit to cool things down. Saw the previews of next week’s Parenthood. Addie gets into Cornell early & you see Adam saying “but it’s $60K”. It will be interesting to see what happens. I can’t imagine them going for it with his new job & a special needs kid. </p>
<p>My older 2 went to Ivy’s & I think it made a big difference for them. We scraped & borrowed a bit, but not excessively and they don’t have loans. I think it really contributes to the fact that they are both in high demand in their fields in this terrible economy. Both have new jobs with great packages.</p>
<p>With our youngest we knew he wasn’t going to get into the top 15, so we encouraged him to look for merit. We would have had to borrow a lot for a $60K school now under our current circumstances. If he got into a top 10 it would have been a hard decision, but he didn’t & he received big merit scholarships at a couple of state flagships and some $$ at smaller privates. So the decision was pretty easy.</p>
<p>I have a friend who’s D was #2 in the class, 4.0 etc & didn’t get into any top 15’s. They are paying $60K for maybe a top 30 & they are kicking themselves that she didn’t apply to any financial safeties, they can afford it without loans but would rather not be paying the $250K in this shaky economy.</p>
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<p>Having studied and taught at both top publics and top privates, I just don’t think this is correct, at least not nearly to the extent the quoted remark implies. What happens at the top publics is that there are separate tracks within the school; the “top track kids” take honors classes or honors sections from the outset, move more quickly into advanced classes, and often end up in graduate-level courses (often in some of the very best graduate programs in the country) by their junior and senior years. Sky’s the limit as to how far and how fast you can advance at a place like Michigan or UC Berkeley. </p>
<p>And keep in mind, even at Harvard a quarter of the class has sub-690 SAT CR scores, a quarter has sub-700 SAT M scores, and a quarter of those submitting ACT scores have a composite score below 31. Not to say they’re bad students, but they’re not all bleedin’ geniuses, either.</p>
<p>We do not see eye to eye about paying, but as long as we do not argue about it,it does not matter. So, you do not have to agree, just keep peace in your family…and do what the woman says, she is always right anyway, you cannot win this battle, very smart men know that and just live with that. The last sentance is for those seeking entertainment (most of us, I hope).</p>
<p>"And keep in mind, even at Harvard a quarter of the class has sub-690 SAT CR scores, a quarter has sub-700 SAT M scores, and a quarter of those submitting ACT scores have a composite score below 31. "</p>
<p>-Also, pelase, keep in mind that this will not qualify for entering some Honors colleges at state UG’s, they require higher scores. And while kids are looking for wide range of peers, most of the time they are with those who take the same classes/in the same program.</p>
<p>Bclintonk- That post may have been confusing (my apologies) as I extrapolated from HS to college. Do you teach at the HS or college level? I was also restating was a poster said earlier in this thread, that some classes can move faster and cover more depending on the quality (for lack of a better word) of the students. No one disagreed with them when they said it earlier, LOL. </p>
<p>That said, I am hoping we are not assuming that a relatively lower (sub 690, which isnt really all that low) SAT or 31 ACT equates necessarily to a less academically qualified student. That might raise a few hackles around here.</p>