My son never has problem in a doctor’s office because he trusts his parents.
<<<because yelling="" at="" a="" feverish="" child="" with="" very="" sore="" throat="" is="" always="" good="" idea="" .="">>>
Who said anything about yelling at a kid?
And like @anaesabc mentioned, my kids never had a problem, either, because they trusted their parents.
That said, I never would have “asked” my child to open his mouth in a way that suggested that it was optional.
My kids have always cooperated with healthcare providers and gave always understood that is expected. Prepping kids with what to expect is an important part of parenting.
The use of caps and exclamation point is often understood as the equivalent of shouting in written text.
It would be helpful if doctors and dentists could charge a difficult patient premium fee. Or perhaps just a discount for those efficient and cooperative patients. Presumably the other waiting patients needed to wait longer while the physician and staff restrained the child. If one requires additional services that take more than the expected time, one should expect to pay for those services.
Seriously? Different rates for cooperative patients?
My kids were terrific, and actually liked their doctor. BUT there were times when they were more difficult than others (like when son needed a series of blood tests that needed to be taken daily for 4 days…and it took two of us to hold him down after the first day).
Luckily, we had an awesome pediatric practice and all of the folks who worked there…were very understanding of young children.
Some dentists do already charge more for patients with behavior issues that makes it more difficult and time consuming to provide care. Seems reasonable. Presumably pediatricians would expect some additional time in handling children compared to adult patients, and there can always be an unusual exception, but if a child regularly takes a disproportionate amount of time compared to other young patients, why wouldn’t a fee be appropriate? Others are inconvenienced more than the expected norm. Or if you prefer, a discount to those who are quick and cooperative. Actions have consequences and if my child needed to forfeit a good patient discount I would understand that.
For general dentists, there is a way to handle kids with behavioral issues, it’s called a referral to a kids dentist.
Doctors I know have commented that it’s seldom the children who annoy them, because children can be excused for being inexperienced and frightened. But the parents of children drive doctors crazy fairly often. Particularly in an urgent care setting, when it’s important that doctors triage their more pressing cases. If you child isn’t cooperating and you make the problem worse by placating, and pleading, and behaving like a child yourself, it won’t be appreciated. It will be felt by the doctor as extremely self absorbed and inconsiderate. Your child isn’t the only person in the universe…though it might feel that way to you…you need to be an adult and keep things moving so others can be seen. If that means telling the doctor, “I need a few minutes to talk to my child and get them ready for the procedure”…that’s fine. The doctor can treat someone else. But expecting the doctor to stand there and twiddle his/her thumbs while you go in circles with a cranky kid is unreasonably self absorbed. Either prepare the kid to cooperate before the doctor comes to the room, or ask for time, and let the doctor do something else for a while. Then the tedious wait for Junior to relent is on you and not someone else in more urgent need to be seen.
My mother in law was a vet who charged people differently depending on their pet’s behavior. Well behaved pets took less time, endangered the staff less, and were less dangerous in the waiting room. They were charged less for doing the work of socializing and training a pet to be a good citizen. They had little stars in the corner of their cards. They got more free samples and multi-pet discounts. They got reminder cards in the mail. Efforts were made to retain them because vets LIKE good pet owners who are considerate.
Another interesting veterinary medicine cross over she observed with some regularity…was that people who had out of control pets typically had out of control kids who tore the office up while visiting. She charged more for badly behaved children being brought along to appointments, too.
Doctors give an amazing amount of their life to the service of others. When they deal with someone who thinks the world revolves around them…they get testy.
Children misbehave and get scared…everyone recognizes that. But there’s a point when…for the sake of others, and for the sake of getting your child treatment s/he needs…you simply have to be firm. And if that blows up in your face because you haven’t done the work and practiced it…you need to be ok with going to the back of the line while you work your problems out.
We asked a lot of good friends for pediatrician recommendations prior to when our first kiddo was born. We choose one based on this comment:
“When you see him or speak to him, even in the middle of the night, he makes you feel like your child is the only child he has ever seen.”
And you know what…this doctor WAS like that. He was awesome…regardless of the situation, time, or the behavior of us or our kids. It was like we were the only patients he had.
We took our kids to him for years…the last thing he did was their college physicals…and even then…he was awesome.
We had two pediatricians. The first was a friend of H’s. He would NEVER speak to me or S, only to H. Also, he would always see lo the sick kids before the well ones, getting all th well kids sick.
It was comical–he’d ask H questions about S while S and I were sitting there, H would ask me and I’d answer them, since I was with S 24/7. We finally switched when he asked if S could speak and say words at age 1 or 1.5. I said,“Yes, he’s tried to talk to you in these visits since he was 9 months old but you always ignore him.”
The next pediatrician was great until our kids developed chronic systemic health problems and he decided they were too complicated about ages 10 and 12. 
Fortunately the allergist graciasly stepped and helped fill the void and help our kids stay as healthy as possible. Eventually, they were old enough to see my internist, from she 18.
THANKS, COBRAT! 
I was not suggesting that the parent had prepared the child at all, in the case in my first post. I understand that delays and parental approaches can be annoying. But perhaps the physician might have suggested that the parent take the child out, explain the situation, and come back, rather than resorting to restraining the child . . . a strep swab often activates the gag reflex, and it can be unpleasant.
We were clients of a practice with two pediatricians. QMP liked one quite well and did not like the other, starting at about 9 months. It was a difference in their personalities, which was not totally obvious, but still detectable.
Flipping to the vet situation, we have had two dogs recently. Both have had cancer surgery. One did not cope well with pain or with treatment. After the surgery and recovery period were over, though, he lived for another 3 years or so and was fine during all but the last month of that time. The other is the best dog ever! (Sorry, whatever you may think about your dog, this is the plain truth.) Our vet refers to him as the “gentle giant.” We had them both overlapping in time, and we were not that different. The dogs were different.
Judge me by my dog, do you? And well you should not! We’re not as great as the current dog might make one think!
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use of caps and exclamation point is often understood as the equivalent of shouting in written text.
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Sure if the whole sentence was written in caps. One word? No, I wrote one word in caps just for EMPHASIS.
Of course, doctors should also aspire to “pet skills” so that they can communicate well with service burros and therapy macaws to the satisfaction of patients who are purchasing chemotherapy for chihuahuas. I am pleased to be on the verge of retirement.
Seriously, I was brought up within a tradition where it was exceptionally rare to give orders to children. It is possible to get along without them and still do a good job with child-rearing. If saying “OPEN your mouth!” is not exactly “yelling,” it is nonetheless an order.
I think we are agreed that the better approach for the parent is to prepare the child ahead of time.
In my view, if the parent or the doctor gets to the point where a command has to be issued to the child, then something has already gone wrong. Is the physician’s time so precious that the doctor cannot say, “Please open your mouth so that I can swab your throat, to see what you have.” Or that a physician cannot say, “Please get up on the table,” rather than just “Get up on the table”?
When my spouse asks questions of college students, or sets an essay on an exam, it quite frequently starts out with “Please.” This tends to startle the students, who are accustomed to just being directed.
Incidentally, I can start directions to our dog (the “gentle giant”) with “Please,” and he does what I am asking just fine.
Sideline comment to mom2collegekids, you can probably find a way to italicize words in your post, rather than capitalizing them for emphasis. I use a pair of asterisks around a word or words, when I want to emphasize them here on CC. People seem to understand that.
In the child’s best interest, the doctor’s job is providing the best possible medical care.
In the child’s best interest, the parent’s job is to make sure that the child cooperates with the doctor without wasting valuable time of the doctor, as well as other patients in the waiting room, and to teach the child that doctors are not strangers. Teaching the child to distrust the doctor is a disservice.
Sideline comment, I have never in my life met a pediatrician issuing orders to children without saying please, or whatnot. This is basic civility, not people’s skills.
italicize → italicize
Oh, brother.
“Is the physician’s time so precious that the doctor cannot say, ‘Please open your mouth so that I can swab your throat, to see what you have.’”
But you said it was the mother who asked, “Would you please open your mouth for the doctor?”
And that, “Predictably enough, the child said, ‘No!’”
How does this raise the question about a child obeying a stranger? Seems to me, the kid was refusing the parent.
As for “restraining,” what’s the rest of the story? You mean he tied him up or simply held him closely?
And what’s this have to do with stereotypes of premed students? You know med schools look for people experiences in health delivery settings, understanding and compassion, and more? And in med school, today, these people related (interactive) skills are included, monitored, tested, along with the science and practices like inquiry and diagnosis, treatment options, etc, right?
It’s not perfect, but it’s a value.