Dude… I have strict Asian parents and they’ve never laid a hand on me except for maybe one spanking when I was tantrum throwing 4 year old. Your situation is NOT normal. Please reach out to someone; some posters in this thread seem to have given some good suggestions. If you don’t reach out, at the very least recognize this parenting behavior as abnormal and not one you should emulate, and then get out of there.
Apparently it’s legal to spank kids in every state, and most parents support that. Oklahoma permits parents to hit their kids with a switch as long as they don’t use more than “ordinary force”. You know, the force everyone uses when they hit their kids with switches. Do you all think that if everyone in this country thought it was not ok to hit kids that lawmakers would be sitting around saying, well, how hard can they use a switch? And what about a fist, is that ok? (Yes, in some places).
Op, if you are getting significant bruising, that probably does constitute abuse and you might be able to get yourself out of that house if you report it but no guarantees you would like the alternative arrangement better. That said, and please don’t think I am suggesting that beating you like that is ok, you do seem to admit that you are provoking it with your behavior. Perhaps you should make a big effort to stop forgetting your homework and stop doing whatever “much bigger stuff” tends to bring on these attacks. I am not blaming you. They are the ones with the problem. But unless you want to leave home before you graduate from high school it seems worth trying to meet all reasonable expectations they have to make the situation as tolerable as it can be.
anxiousenior1, yes that is abuse. There are many parents who abuse their kids. They hit and slap them in the privacy of their own home. Slapping a child daily is abuse and it is illegal. Just because someone survives something does not mean it is ok. I would not be surprised that a child slapped daily would have high levels of anxiety. It is an unhealthy way to grow up. Many young people get used to aberrant conduct on the part of their parent. They often don’t realize how aberrant it is until they are older.
@lostaccount I see. At any rate, my parents haven’t laid a hand on me for years.
I don’t really have anything to contribute to the main discussion that hasn’t already been brought up, but I want to defend OP’s credibility here. In my experience, it’s very common for people to try to minimize bad situations by setting really high standards for what counts a problem. Sometimes things that objectively seem ridiculous can make you doubt yourself, and I don’t mean to criticize OP by saying this because I definitely tend to minimize my problems by thinking that if it’s not 100% horrible then it’s not a real problem. This isn’t true, of course, but it’s really easy to think that way.
My point is, I see no reason to assume that OP isn’t serious. Just my two cents.
What you are describing is the status-quo for many of us in my generation. My mother used better quality wooden spoons. The only one that ever broke was wielded by my sister, she missed me and hit the dryer. She got one of the few whoopings she ever received after that. Dad used a belt.
Me and my siblings are still very close to our parents and we have all achieved much more than our parents. I think we all use physical discipline to some degree or another, but considerably less that was used on us. We did not feel abused as our whoopings were measured and deserved for our behavior.
There can be a fine line between physical discipline and abuse. If you are struck on the buttocks in response to bad behavior, you are not likely abused except in the opinion of individuals who believe that any physical discipline is not OK. On the other hand, you could be struck simply due to the whim or mood of your parent or beaten until they tire or in a brutal fashion that is definitely abusive.
I am sure some will be appalled by my response. I think that many people who flatly refuse to spank their children can be every bit as abusive as those who spank.
Brantly, your analogy is simply silly. I cannot walk up to a random stranger and kiss them either. Are you suggesting I should not kiss my kids? I would say that people were much better behaved when more parents delivered measured spankings than today when so many children and young adults have no respect for authority. The trick will always be to spank, not beat. In response to behavior issues, not anger or mood.
Get help contact and adult or any trusted individual and get some help. Because what there doing to you is right like seriously under nor circumstances should they be doing that to you
100% sure this is child abuse.
I agree with @Torveaux .I have received physical discipline growing up and I’m doing just fine. Although my mother never used spoons, she usually just used her hands to spank or a light belt (never fully leather lol) and still, never unless I had done something very bad. Overall, physical discipline can be beneficial when done the right way and my 2 sisters and I (one in the navy w/ her bachelor’s and one in college currently fulltime) are functioning perfectly well. All 3 of us love our parents just the same too.
@marioooooo I would suggest talk to a family person and friend you trust. Let that person help that out, once someone at legal position is involved, there may be more harm to you than you anticipated. It is sad and serious matter at the same time.
Just because you “turned out fine” doesn’t mean what you went through wasn’t harmful in general.
It’s not OK to hit your kids. Or anyone else, for that matter. Even if you call it spanking.
And for those of you who think it’s okay to do it in a “measured” way: How do you know how much is the right amount? Are there videos that show you the right way to hit your kids? Does the pediatrician show you? Do they demonstrate in the hospital after you give birth? I know I am being a little snarky here, but for real, how do you know how much force to use when you hit your kids?
Out of curiosity, I’m sure many of the older members on the forum were paddled when they were young. And I’m sure most of them are living successful lives with successful relationships and are happy with the way they are today. What’s so wrong with corporeal punishment? I don’t think we had a whole generation of messed up children.
I am an “older” member of the forum. I was never hit. And you are mistaken to think that being paddled will not cause problems later in life. It depends on your definition of success. Someone can have a good job and own a house, but struggle with anxiety and depression. Or beat his/her spouse behind closed doors. Or struggle with substance abuse. I can’t even believe that in 2015 we are still talking about whether it is OK to inflict physical pain on children on purpose.
Anxioussenior1, you seem a bit uninformed about children, adjustment and, well, a lot. I hope you are not considering law school as your logic is very flawed. I’d worry about anyone you represented. Let’s start at the beginning. When parents hit their children they are hurting their children physically. A punch from an adult hurts. Being hit with a strap hurts. When adults do things that are wrong, they are not hit. They are not punished physically. We no longer tar and feather people. We don’t strap them to a pole in the center of town. We don’t put them in stockades. Adults who violate minor rules are not hit with a belt. Why would you think it is ok for parents to hurt their children physically when no adult would allow it? When is it ok for a 200 lbs person to hit a 25 lbs person? These physical assaults hurt whether they leave a mark or not. The fact that someone can still function does not negate the fact that physical assaults hurt the people being assaulted. It is not ok to assault a young person even if that person ends up not suffering from depression or anxiety. It is simply not ok. It is assault. Assault is not ok. Hopefully immigrants from countries where that is ok don’t bring those ideas to the US or don’t come to the US at all! The idea that assaulting a little child is ok is back woods, backwards and ignorant.
Why are people turning this into a “i got beat but im fine so its ok”? Just because you think you turned out completely fine doesnt make it ok or make physical abuse and less harmful to the children going through it. If it were domestic abuse no one would be trying to justify or minimize it, but because it’s done to children it’s ok???
OP, i’m going through the same thing and there’s also little i can do about my situation without making it worse. Just know that’s it’s not normal or typical or right and i hope it gets better or you get out of your situation soon.
I don’t think it’s generally ok to hit kids either, but many posters on this site are astonishingly ignorant of the fact that many US parents do think it’s ok, and do hit their kids. And actually, even though I oppose hitting kids, I recall one discipline situation with one of my kids where I thought we might be heading toward a major health and safety issue and at that time, I did tell her that if she was not willing to cooperate and if the situation escalated, then yes, I would hit her. Fortunately it did not reach that point. Imagine for example the little kid who runs out in front of cars. Well you can apply all the usual discipline but if it doesn’t work do you throw up your hands and say, fine let them learn by getting hit by a car? Or do you try hitting them I would not be so quick to judge parents.
As I pointed out earlier, it’s legal to do so in the US, but not in some other countries so get off the high horse about immigrants bringing this problem here.
Why do you think that hitting the child would work? If a child is constantly running in front of traffic, then the parent has to make sure that the child is restrained in a stroller or the parent has to hold on to the child’s hand. It’s the parent’s responsibility to keep the child out of harm’s way.
Yes, I do realize that a lot of parents still hit their children. A lot of men hit their wives to discipline them. And some wives hit their husbands. it’s all horrifying.