My daughter can play a D3 sport at a small school up North or attend a state flagship down South and not play. She played this sport her entire life and totally committed and after a visit to the school in the sunny south , she is all in. I don’t want her to go to that school and give up on her sport for all the wrong reasons, re: party school. Any insight would greatly be appreciated
I think the decision to give up a sport, or not, 100% is the athlete’s.
Now, as to whether attending a party school is a good idea is another story. Perhaps have her visit other schools that are more acceptable to you? Perhaps she’ll love one of them.
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Naming schools, major, cost considerations, etc. might give us better context.
Parties happen on just about every campus.
Sounds like she doesn’t want to play competitive sports anymore. Maybe her liking the southern party school is her way of telling you.
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It’s her choice. Let her go to the school she wants. If she wants to play still, she can play club. Depending on the sport and school, club is often better competition than D3.
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I would presume that she will eventually do other things in life than play her sport, and that playing her sport won’t be the basis of her livelihood. Let it go. Even at a D3 school, playing a sport takes up a lot of time. I could understand if SHE wanted to go to a school because she could play her sport there. But not if only YOU want her to continue playing the sport.
Unless you are so wealthy that she is covered by ironclad trust funds for the rest of her life, the major reason for going to college is that she should come out equipped to support herself. Other considerations are social, educational, fulfillment with the overall experience. Playing D3 sports is only a consideration if she makes it so.
Now, I could understand if she were choosing a party school with no educational value for her, over a school where she would get a degree that would enable her to support herself. But it doesn’t sound as if that’s the case. You say it’s a flagship state U. Sounds like a pretty good choice for her.
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I was a little skeptical but my S21 chose a southern party school (FSU). I’m sure he’s having “fun” but he also found his crew, has a high GPA, has worked on a documentary and movie sets and got into his limited access major a year early. Not too bad so far.
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My D22 faced the same choice. She had an offer to play D3 and another opportunity to play on an athletic scholarship at a small public university. But she is also opting for a large state research university.
She is not going to play professionally, so the question became: does her competitive sports career end in high school or, at MOST, in 4 more years?
It was important to us that she not attend a school primarily for her sport. She could have a career-ending injury the first month. She could get cut or be mostly a bench player. The coach could leave and be replaced with someone she can’t stand. She could need to quit to keep up in her classes. Etc.
It was not an easy decision, but ultimately she wanted to go somewhere larger than her high school, which she thought had too few of her people. She wanted the majors, resources, and opportunities of a large university (including the opportunity to maybe learn a new sport). After months of pandemic, during which she lived a quiet life of pretty much just school and, when it was allowed, her sport — she wanted new experiences. And more time to explore new things.
She loves her sport, but it is very time-consuming (especially in these days of year-round play, a trend I don’t like). She is a bit burned out on it and wants to fill her days with less practice and traveling to games and more fill-in-the-blank.
We respect her decision.
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Without knowing the two schools in question, I’d let your D make the choice. Some kids are ready to give up their team sport completely after HS, some are happy playing on a lower key club team in college, and others want to continue playing on a varsity level. Let your D lead the way.
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My daughter’s club coach was very clear, pick a college you would be happy to be at if you blew out your ACL of day one on campus and could never play again. Her coach played high level college sport but suffered through several overuse injuries and a coach being fired, she speaks most highly of her study abroad experience and her relationship with several professors when talking about her highlights of college.
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Pretty much every serious athlete gives up their sport at some point. It might be public and after a long NFL career or after winning a record number of Olympic medals, or it might be after or during high school of college.
It doesn’t mean an end to a physical lifestyle or discipline. And for many, it creates a lot of space in their lives for things that matter more.
You may define your D more by her sport than she does, and if you have been funding and supporting it, that isn’tsurprising. Let her make her college choice with her priorities. My guess, and it’s only that, is that her decision involved a number of factors rather than play sport vs party school.
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My daughter had the same choices. When we were looking at schools, she wanted a smaller school but really didn’t like the D3 LACs we looked at. Even she thought they were too small (and she’s a STEM kid, didn’t (doesn’t) like humanities at all). She could have played D1 but those schools were small too (she was not being invited to play at UMd or Northwestern), and she liked them even less than the D3 LACs. She hit the sweet spot at a 3500 student D2 school and continued to love playing. She visited friends at a FSU during her freshman year and admitted she could have loved that school too, but she couldn’t have played lacrosse - no team - (and she couldn’t have played at UF because at the time UF was ranked 4th in D1 women’s lax, and she wouldn’t have made the team or even the bench).
She continues to like lacrosse and coaches younger kids now, but is still playing too. She’s playing in the Women’s World Championship this summer (big brag from Mom)!
I think she really benefited playing a sport in college. It made her be organized, it made her accountable for grades (her coach knew her grades before she did), it gave her a lifetime group of friends (she’s been to about 6 weddings so far!). She had to attend study tables her first semester and that was a great introduction to college. She had a schedule of out of town games she knew she had to plan for. She had fun. She was in great shape (and learned to count those beer calories in her diet) and she was in bed most nights by 10 (5:30 lifting comes awful early). She was involved in more campus activities than she otherwise would have been without the team (volunteering with the team and alone, attending other sporting events).
If her only choices are big school/no play or playing at a smaller school, she should go with the school she likes best. I like big schools so I know I’d pick the flagship (for me) but playing has a lot of benefits too. If she goes to the big school, she might find a club team (at the school or in the community) or even another sport club team. Lots to do at a big school.
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Thank you all, she still has not figured it out, I will keep you updated.
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My son went the D3 route and still gave up his sport - don’t underestimate the commitment for varsity sports and a rigorous curriculum - especially if they’re doing engineering or other intense major - it’s very hard to balance
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Two answers to counter the “maybe she’s done” vibe:
Every school has intramurals, and you can usually find something anywhere from very intense to quite slack. If she wants to sweat and run around and stay involved she can probably find a game. (Unless her sport is ringette or rodeo or something, at which point she’s got to make some choices…)
And many schools have club teams that play other schools. There are uniforms, refs, leagues, travel, playoffs, etc, and the level of play can be pretty high. For example check out the ACHA for men’s and women’s hockey (https://www.achahockey.org/ ) or the NIRSA for men’s and women’s soccer, basketball, tennis, etc ( https://play.nirsa.net/ )
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Club teams can be expensive. My daughter plays club hockey and it isn’t bad, about $400/sem, but I know men’s club lacrosse can be $5000. They have to pay for their own travel, refs, field time, uniforms, tournaments. My daughter wouldn’t be playing if her club team was $5000!