Pleae grade my essay. It is important for me.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Topic: Is there any value for people to belong only to a group or groups with which they have some thing in common?</p>

<p>Belonging to groups with which we share interests, problems, etc. is absolutely beneficial for us because in these groups, inspired by others, we can better develop our interests and, with helps of others, we can cope with the problems more easily. These advantages are most evident in fields of business and politics.</p>

<p>The miraculous achievement of Fairchild Semiconductor in the middle of last century was based on a group of people who shared interests in computer science. First founded by eight geniuses, the Fairchild Semiconductor was a small company remaining unknown to most consumers. However, these geniuses exchanged their ideas with each other and soon co-invented the products that enabled the company to rise to fame and make profits. Then the golden age of Fairchild Semiconductor came. A variety of ambitious young people joined in the company for its prestige and its accumulation of people who shared interests in computer science. In this process , in a larger scale, the company benefited from the group with which people shared interests that it succeeded in conquering the market and in a smaller scale, the individuals in this group also benefited a lot that their attainments were greatly enlarged. And the most remarkable evidence of the advantages people attained is that when the founders of the company left, they opened other prestigious company including the Inter and AMD. From this example, we can find that only belonging to groups with which people have something in common is profitable.</p>

<p>In the field of politics, the advantage of it is even more telling. Only when people joined in the party with which they share their belief and ideals will they be able to accomplish them. For instance, in the Civil War, people who wanted to abolish the system of slavery were of no possibility to joined in the party in the South that advocated slavery because in this way they would never be able to achieve goal. As a result, they would only joined in the party that denounced the system of slavery. And history evidenced that their participation did contribute to the victory of the North and the abolition of slavery. From this case, we can directly perceive the benefits of joining in the groups where we share something.</p>

<p>Being in a group where we have common interests or problems can really do us a lot of good since we can acquired help from others and proceed to our goals together with them. </p>

<p>Grade it please!!</p>

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<p>grade it please. I need your help</p>

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<p>Your first example – that of the founding of Fairchild – is an excellent choice. Perhaps because of the time limit you did not recall specific examples – such as the names of one or two of the founding engineers (e.g. Robert Noyce – who later founded Intel) or the product (the precursor to the modern day microprocessor). Adding these specifics would strengthen your example. As written it is wordy and yet vague.</p>

<p>Your second example is hard to understand. I have difficultly connecting it to the thesis despite my reasonably good knowledge of US history. I encourage you to rethink it, and perhaps replace it with a more direct example.</p>

<p>Your grammar, word choices, and sentence flow is unfortunately weak. I encourage you to work with someone to identify and address the major language errors.</p>

<p>My sense is that the essay will receive a grade in the 5-7 range.</p>

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<p>Thanks a lot for your advice, I’d try to make it better.</p>