PLease Evaluate my essaY! URGENT!!!!

<p>will someone please correct my essay?! I m not so sure how it is. or if its wat the colleges want. Please dont leave out any advice or criticism. and reply as soon as u can. And also, i need a title, and would love a suggestion. Please highlight all my grammatical errors. Its 1057 words.. Is it a little too long?? please tell me which parts i can leave out.</p>