<p>Very good points on all counts. Personally, I still kind of cling to the notion that there ought to be a campus newspaper that is a bit more “mainstream” while these kinds of columns are more appropriate for an “alternative” publication. But I am probably being hopelessly outdated. I just wonder where the line is. What sexual act or fetish or whatever does it take to be considered too graphic or distasteful for a publication that is available to the general public and that is so closely associated with Tulane, independence not withstanding? Tough questions with no easy answers, since different people have different thresholds for what is “appropriate”.</p>
<p>I completely agree with mavitale that men (boys) need to be far more educated and aware that they are not entitled to treat women in this manner at all. It doesn’t surprise me that these cases are so often about athletes, such as the Ohio case and there are some Notre Dame cases that are equally shocking, who have grown up being pampered and made to feel entitled. To be clear, this is probably like 0.01% of all male athletes, most are fine young men that understand their responsibilities. But when things go wrong, they seem to go spectacularly wrong.</p>
<p>Come on Mavitale, really think that through. Just because something is consensual doesn’t make it right, subjectively or objectively. The type of stuff in question in the post I mention is debasing to that woman (not to mention physically dangerous in many ways), as is the hook up culture debasing to all women, and the sugar daddy situation mentioned by calmmomofthree debasing to men AND women. For heavens sake, let’s as parents help our students maintain some standards of appropriate conduct and not convey the notion that if it’s consensual, it’s ok to do, discuss, or read about over a bagel in Bruffs (18 or not). Further, to your point about the non-consensual activity that you reference, the guys who become desensitized to the fact that it’s unacceptable to place women in debasing situations are more likely to commit those violent crimes. How about if as parents, we don’t condone a blurring of the lines and stand up to the garbage being printed. That’s not old fashioned - that’s called parenting with some common sense.</p>
<p>Our kids are becoming adults and the college experience is a huge part of that. They are exposed to many influences that we have no idea about and I can only hope that I have done a good enough job of parenting that my daughter will know how to make good choices. I hope that Tulane provides her with enough social options so that she can find where she is most comfortable, socially as well as sexually, and that the mistakes she makes along the way just don’t cause too much damage! Part of going through “this senior in high school thing” is learning how to let go as a parent! Entering college is both exciting and scary!</p>
<p>One thing I have learned from having a D at Tulane 3 of the last 4 years is that even a few decades later, Tulane (as do most schools I imagine) still offers plenty of social options that do not include getting drunk and random hook-ups. The scale slides from the more traditional (old-fashioned if you must) to the wild parties and sex, and much in-between. At this point our kids are who they are, and most will change after college some more, just as we all did.</p>
<p>I lean more towards DKJAMEI’s opinion, at least in the point that some things don’t have to be discussed in a public forum. I am all for open discussion between consensual adults, but when it is in a newspaper how can one say all that are reading it are consenting to that discussion? When the topic is non-controversial, then if you don’t want to read it or be part of that “discussion” you just move on. But for some topics, it just seems inappropriate to put it in a newspaper that any visiting 8 year old could pick up and read. That just seems wrong. If they want to have a newspaper like that for the college freshmen and up, then it ought to be in a forum that is clearly of an alternative (maybe that’s the wrong word. Edgier?) bent.</p>
<p>Agreed Socamom, this is an exciting time and also a time for letting go. I have a junior in college right now, and I agree that is important to encourage independent thinking and learning. I do believe that any parents concerned enough to be posting here, however, are probably interested in providing some guidance along the way, and in educating themselves in terms of what various campus environments hold in store for their sons and daughters. At least, this is very important to me at this critical stage and why I posted my initial question. I am very thankful for the responses, as each have helped to create a clearer picture in my mind of the Tulane experience, and this is valuable knowledge that I can share with my daughter during her decision making process.</p>
<p>I don’t think the Tulane experience varies that much from 90% of American colleges and universities. And although the column gave me pause when I read it, after a moment, I realized that this is the real world. I thought the writer did a good job relating to the girl on her level and offering her options. Do I wish the writer had buried the lead a bit–probably. Did I rush to show it to my 17 year-old sitting nearby? No. But I think it’s the job of an independent campus publication to reflect the student readership–not a readership of 8 year olds. As families tour campuses, they might see posters/club ads/political banners that they wouldn’t allow in their own home. I think my 17 year old could tune into HBO on a Sunday night and see some pretty heavy stuff. Tulane is an internationally recognized university in a big city. It’s in New Orleans–which ain’t Topeka. I think similar columns are printed on campuses from Amherst to Kalamazoo. I don’t know about anyone else, but I was a young adult in the 70’s & 80’s, and not much shocks me anymore. I guess I was more concerned about the frat house drug bust covered on the front page.</p>
<p>Well, the frat drug bust was certainly not great to hear about.</p>
<p>I see both sides of the debate about such a frank column in a college newspaper. As I said, I think it is a close call. Although nyermom makes a good point about posters you might see on most campuses, my counter would be that if one thought an article like this was inappropriate, then you would say the same about those posters and disallow them also. Of course that won’t happen these days, although obviously not all that long ago that is exactly what would have happened. And yes, the paper should be targeted at the Tulane students and not 8 year olds, but at the least maybe there should be a disclaimer on the front saying it contains material unsuitable for younger children. After all, they do just leave it out for free and lots of families come through Tulane.</p>
<p>But this is all a debate that, while interesting, isn’t going to change anything. But I think it brought out some great and thoughtful points.</p>
<p>nyermom: I could have written that post. Glad I’m not the only one who appears to ‘lack common sense here’. ;)</p>
<p>DKJAMEI: Would be nice if we could have a civil discourse without insulting one another, no? I’m a person who is VERY sensitive to feminist issues (for both men and women, because I think both benefit from feminism) and I’m not a proponent of sugar daddies or dangerous and degrading sexual activity. </p>
<p>But I’m also a realist and know that I’ve laid a good foundation for my kids. By the time they are in college, my job is done in that regard. And if your kid is going to school in NOLA, chances are pretty darned good that they will be exposed to a lot of questionable behavior on and off campus.</p>
<p>Sure, it’s probably better not to have something that explicit in the headline for all to see, but we also saw plenty of sexually suggestive posters at other schools. I just didn’t find it that shocking. I grew up in NYC. Pretty hard to shock me.</p>
<p>The college sex column is a standard feature in today’s college newspapers. So standard that they’ve even been the subject of scholarly research.</p>
<p>If you want your kid to go to a school that doesn’t have a sex column in the newspaper, your choices are going to be very limited. Liberty University might work… </p>
<p>Yeah, I think we already established that they are fairly ubiquitous, although I think there are a few more schools than Liberty that don’t have a column quite as graphic as the one we were discussing here. I don’t even think it is a matter of common sense or lack thereof. To me, it is a matter of how material of this nature is being distributed.</p>
<p>Just because it is also common to go out in public with kids that are young, say younger than 12, and people feel no compunction about using the f-word so everyone can hear it doesn’t mean it is appropriate. They may have the free speech right to even scream it out at ball games, but that certainly doesn’t make them right in doing so. Similarly, I would continue to argue that there should be at the least fairly prominent warnings on any publication that contains that kind of graphic discussion and is freely left out for anyone to read. That is what social standards are supposed to be about.</p>
<p>I respect others right to have the discussion, but they should respect my right to be warned, either for my own sake or for any children I might be responsible for, that the material might be unsuitable. To anticipate the argument that it is a college publication and so everyone should know this is likely just doesn’t cut it for that purpose. This isn’t Playboy or Penthouse. There are a very large number of people that would expect an innocuous looking college newspaper left out for anyone to see to be free of explicit sexual discussions. That is not at all the same thing as being naive about what goes on at colleges today.</p>
<p>My husband and I were also taken aback when we picked up a copy of The Hullabaloo at our campus visit in November. Dad nearly put the breaks on DD even pursuing admission but so many students we met both through panels and informally did not convey the same sentiment as the paper. Also in discussing the paper we were able help DD realize different view points she will face. She is so confident and feels ready to take on the world but college will be an eye opener. I’m glad fallenchemist cleared up that it is student run and funded, but the prominent availability certainly makes it seem like it is University affiliated. One thing I was glad to notice at Honors Weekend was info in public restrooms about how to get help if you are being pressured sexually.</p>
<p>And honestly, as had been pointed out here already to some degree, it wouldn’t have been very different at most other schools, and much more “in your face” at some others. Glad you were able to turn his immediate reaction around.</p>
<p>RDMomma - that was our situation entirely! DH laughed, coughed and spit a little lunch out in one full swoop, then looked over at our daughter and enthusiasm began to drain out of him a little (me too). However, now that we’ve been home for awhile, it gave him a chance to talk to a few guys at his office whom he respects tremendously and who also happen to be Tulane alums. They truly loved everything about their experience at Tulane, and it prepared them extremely well professionally. The responses were funny: “Really? How bad could the column be? The Tulane kids are not that creative…” and “It couldn’t be as bad as my wife’s Cosmo…” and “I thought you were going to say that your wife didn’t like the coed dorms…had no idea this was out there”. At the end of the day, the message was that the Tulane students are serious, focused young adults who like to have fun but are not raging perverts. That column presents a rather different life view, but is in no way reflective of the culture in any sense that the author would like to believe - ie., it’s not “The Eyes and Ears of the Tulane Community”. She’s an aspiring sex therapist, “aspiring” being the operative word, and I think we’ve probably given it too much attention already. Except to say, that if the administration has gotten wind of the fact that it is not, shall we say, a very helpful “recruiting tool” on campus and should not be left out openly with Tulane’s name plastered everywhere, then that’s a good thing in in the end.</p>
<p>College newspapers cover all sorts of topics that we would not see in mainstream newspapers. I remember sitting in on a class when visiting older s for parents weekend, reading the polic blotter of the school paper. Burst out loud laughing in the class. It was a little embarassing :o</p>