<p>Please Grade It 1-10:
1 is worst as 10 is best
please also leave feedback, too late to edit it already submit most applications.
Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.</p>
<p>I recall my mothers facial expression when she first opened my sixth grade report card. Her tomato red face hinted that my grades were not what she had expected. When I started sixth grade, I struggled with comprehension. It was difficult to understand my teachers because English is my second language. One night I told my father about the struggles I had, and he wanted us to sit down on the family couch as he told me how he came to America. My father, Chanh, grew up during the Vietnam War with four younger siblings. His father Nuoi, a South Vietnamese soldier, fled from the Communist regime. Since Chanhs mother did not make enough to support the family, he took responsibility, leaving school after the sixth grade to work. One day in 1985, the family received a letter from Nuoi, announcing his arrival at a Thai refugee camp. A month later he sent another letter informing them that he was transported to America. When Chanh discovered that his father escaped to another country by foot and then traveled to America, it sparked his desire to find a better life. At nineteen, Chanh escaped Vietnam with 73 passengers on a refugee boat headed to Malaysia. He was onboard for three days until pirates raided and then sunk the ship into the South China Sea. Chanh and an elderly man were the only surviving passengers. He eventually lost sight of the old man. Later, Chanh was spotted by Thai fishermen who sheltered him for the night, but then they threw him back into the sea. Chanh floated for days until he was saved by different fishermen. After two nights they encountered a Vietnamese refugee boat who took Chanh onboard. Next morning, Malaysian National Guards took the passengers to a refugee camp in Pulau Bidong, Malaysia, where Chanh took four months of English class. Eventually after his paperwork was approved, Chanh arrived in America where he reunited with his father and began a new life. Many things have catalyzed my shift from childhood to adulthood, but I feel that the main contribution is the story of my fathers determination for a better life. When encountering setbacks I do not give up, I try harder next time. Last year, I took physics and found the work to be challenging at first. The formulas and problems were difficult for me; I ended up failing the first semester. Initially I felt defeated, but I realized from my fathers story that I should never give up. Since then, I have worked hard studying physics and eventually passed. From that experience I learned if I try hard I can overcome struggles. My mother works in her convenience store in the dangerous part of Boston, fearing for her safety, I offered to help her from three to eight after school every day. Just as my father struggled during his journey, I can relate to his story to my struggles with balancing school and work. Although I am trying harder I still struggle to maintain a balance between work and school. My fathers near encounters with death have changed me; I now view hard work and education as priorities that will help shape my future, so I try my best every day by pushing myself to the limit. My goals after high school are to attend college, making me the first generation to do so. My ambitions do not end with college; I plan on being a registered nurse. I would then be able to help people just as the fishermen helped my father. Today, I relate myself to my younger father; we both grew up as the oldest child and strive to do better in life. My father is a true inspiration and role model to me. Without him, I would have never learned so fully the importance of doing my best so that my goals may be achieved.</p>
I know it is too late to give out advice about your essay, however, when college admissions read it, it will help put your gpa in perspective. It will be clear that you can think and write. You show that your family is important to you, that you are sacrificing your “free” time to help your family succeed - you aren’t afraid to work very hard. When other teenagers are busy partying, you are working. You have worked to become fluent in English ( I am guessing from you essay that your parents spoke their native language to you while you were growing up until you went to school). That you worked hard to learn physics. You talk about balance… when you get to college you need to treat it like a full time job. I think that if you shift more of your time to studying (yes, that means you will have to focus a bit more on yourself) when you go to college that you will do well in your courses. </p>